Parenting: Why Raising Kids Today is Different Than Ever Before with Karl Schmieder

[00:00:30] Hector: Fellas, what's going on? I hope this episode finds you well, and I hope that this episode leaves you better than when it found you. And as always, I'm so honored and humbled to be a part of your journey and grateful that you would allow me to be a small part of yours. And today's episode is with, A good friend, Carl Schmider, and Carl is a, he's a friend.

[00:00:53] Hector: He's a client. He's podcast host. He's a writer. He's a dad. He's a husband. He's a business owner and. This episode covers all of it. we get into all of it from some of the nerdy stuff that he's into at work to some of the stuff that he's dealing with at home, moving into an empty nesting stage.

[00:01:14] Hector: And it's just a really great, real, authentic conversation that if you are, if you're going through changes. In life, right? Things are changing or things are different than where they were. Or maybe they're the same, but they're not what you want them to be. And I think this episode is going to really resonate with you.

[00:01:36] Hector: So enough for me, y'all. Let me get out of the way. This is Carl Schmider.

[00:01:41] Hector: Carl, welcome to the Modern Masculinity podcast. How are you, my man?

[00:01:46] Karl: Sector. Thanks for having me. I feel like this is a huge honor. You're doing something incredible. I've listened to a number of your podcasts and I think that, conversation is smart. They're thoughtful. They're insightful. And I think they're actually really important. So I feel honored to, to be on here.

[00:02:05] Hector: I appreciate that. And I received that. I've said it to the guys a number of times that this was, the show was really born out of my own need for answers and my own grasping for the word that's coming to mind is salvation. Cause I feel like I needed to be saved, but What's interesting is that as I've had them, I've had more guys reach out to me over the first 40, more people reach out to me over the first 45 episodes or so of the show than I have over the close to 200 episodes that I've done on the other shows combined.

[00:02:37] Hector: And I think it is just really speaking to the fact that a it's a more of a broader, it appeals to a broader audience, but I think it's, it is more prescient and it is more necessary. ever. And so take me into your world. you've got three boys, you've got a, a wife, a partner at home, you've got a business, you've got employees.

[00:02:55] Hector: all these things that we have on our plate,What's a challenge that you're going through right

[00:03:00] Karl: Oh man, challenges. I was hoping we were going to save challenges to the end.

[00:03:04] Hector: We always, we dive right in the deep end. I'm the guy that jumps in the pool.

[00:03:08] Karl: okay. It's funny, you told me we were going to talk about challenges, so I pulled my sons, I pulled my team, I didn't ask my wife, which is interesting because we, are pretty close to each other, we just celebrated 30 years of being married and actually took a trip France to celebrate, which we had not done, in many years.

[00:03:28] Karl: we take weekends, but to go away, internationally for, More than a week was very unusual, but so my sons are funny because they're like, your biggest challenge is my youngest and your biggest challenge is losing weight because he's the last one in the house. And, he's in the gym all the time.

[00:03:45] Karl: He's pretty buff for a 17 year old. And, I think I'm in pretty good shape. I'm definitely never going to be as buff as he is, but, he constantly reminds me to watch what I'm eating. And so I'm aware of that. My,

[00:03:58] Karl: My, my,

[00:04:00] Hector: feel like,I've heard other men say that other guys say that they like work out so that they can still keep their sons in check. Like that's a something that's on their mind is that they still need to be able to let their kid know that yeah.

[00:04:11] Hector: They're the dad, so does that ever cross your mind? Or do you see that battle kind of playing out at all?

[00:04:19] Karl: no, I've never thought about it that way. I've always been one to think that my sons are going to surpass me for sure. Physically. there's no way, like being my age and having kids who are in their late teens and early twenties, they're always physically going to kick your ass, you might.

[00:04:35] Karl: Be able to fight dirty because of the age difference, but physically they're gonna win. So I've never felt that way for me. Working out is I work out so I can eat. I like eating a lot of food. And so as long as I'm in the gym, I know I can eat. The way I want to. And then the other thing I do a lot of is I fast. So between those two things, I keep my weight pretty steady. But Felix, my youngest, he sees me put, talkie or some bad thing in my mouth. He's going to give me a hard time. And I deserve it.

[00:05:06] Hector: you think that's Shane? Cause I always, I feel like a lot more men are waking up to the fact that they, I hear more guys say you need to be fit so you can be a dad. You need to be fit so you can run a business. You need to be like, you're not just being fit for the sake of being fit necessarily.

[00:05:22] Hector: and I'm wondering if that's a new paradigm, perhaps, men of previous generations, they were out working and, doing more laborious jobs than you and I, who I sit at a computer most of the day. And so it's not as physically intensive. But I don't remember, hearing my dad or my grandpa ever making it a point to be fit just to be fit.

[00:05:45] Hector: And then maybe it's just a changing of the times. But is that something that you've recognized as well? Or is how does that play out for you?

[00:05:51] Karl: Yeah, it's interesting. So my dad is a healthy 91 year old, which is insane. He's very physically active, but he's I hate exercise for him. Being physically active means doing stuff in the garden, doing things around the house. He would never consider going to the gym once I bought him like, go try out this yoga teacher just to learn how to stretch out a little bit.

[00:06:13] Karl: And he was like, yeah, that guy's really good, but I would never do that. He does know how to stretch and he does do that. But I do agree. I think it might be a generational thing. And I joke around that, I work out so that I can eat, but I also know it's good for our health. it's good for our brains. And so given the fact that we spend most of our time sitting in front of a screen, Being physically challenged, I think, is essential,for us, for our well being, for our longevity, and then also to just get the blood flowing to your brain. you don't get that if you don't work out. And, I'm not like someone who does like hugely challenging physical, things. I like hiking, cycling, but I, Try to make sure I'm in the gym, three or four times a week when I can do it. And it tends to be a very quick intense, weights and a little bit of cardio.

[00:07:04] Karl: But Yeah.

[00:07:04] Karl: I don't, I think it's a generational thing and I think it's for the best.

[00:07:07] Karl: I think it's better for us,

[00:07:09] Hector: of working out that's been what's kept me. And that's really why I work out. Of course, I got into it because of the aesthetics. And I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, the dad bod does not look good on you. I was, I didn't rock it like Leo DiCaprio did.

[00:07:22] Hector: And so that was a big impetus. And I got serious about it right around like, things got shut down and everybody was in lockdown. So I was like,_ I_ might as well start working out. And I started it for the physical side of it. And, lost a lot of weight and body fat and all that stuff.

[00:07:36] Hector: But now that when I don't work out, I noticed it most In my ability to manage my stress. I know it to sit in my focus. I'm reaching for my phone more. I am short like physically, but I'm shorter with my temper. all these things start to happen and I remember there was one time where it was like, why are you such an asshole right now?

[00:07:54] Hector: And it was like, Oh, you haven't worked out in a few days.one time I got sick I went down for about four or five days and didn't work out. And by the end of that, I was just like an asshole. And I'm like, what is going on? I worked out a little bit and it was like, Oh, I feel better.

[00:08:08] Hector: that, that feels more normal.

[00:08:09] Karl: Yeah. I definitely am like, I hate to say it, but every one of us who has a workout schedule, there's a days when you don't want to do it. And I've definitely become that guy. Who's if you don't want to do it. You really need to do it. if you don't do it, then you're going to turn into the asshole you're describing.

[00:08:27] Hector: Yeah. Yeah. and I think that the ability to make those commitments and those decisions are so important. bigger than just that decision, right? Because you start to turn into a different kind of person. And I like that mentality.

[00:08:39] Hector: I heard that somewhere. Someone else say that to that on the days that they don't want to, that they have to, when they want to go, they go when they don't want to go. they have to go. creates a different paradigm. for guys out there, what I don't think is, as parent for guys is that yes, there's a physical aspects of it.

[00:08:57] Hector: Yes, there's the mental health and the emotional aspects of it. But I think also there's the self confidence part of it. That's more than the way that you look in the mirror. There's the part of sticking to your word and committing to something and following through, which is, I think, at least for me, a big area of growth where I saw that, Oh, that's actually a whole, that's a chink in my armor, if you will, that's leading to some of these other things, an opening, if you will, that's allowing for some of these other things to bubble up.

[00:09:24] Hector: And so it's something that I've been trying To get better at not perfect. I'm good at it yet.

[00:09:28] Karl: Yeah. No. And I think you bring up something. What it reminds me of Hector is it's a really good point because if you go to a gym after you go to the gym for a while, you get into this routine, you see the same people. And if you go to the same gym, like I have for years, you see these kind of spikes, in terms of Oh, it's more crowded now.

[00:09:46] Karl: that spike usually happens around Christmas after new year's people make these resolutions, they're going to go work out, lose weight, whatever it's going to take. And so you start to see a lot of new faces. But unfortunately, what happens is many of those people can't commit, so they trickle off.

[00:10:01] Karl: So you know, as a regular Jim Gurr, that you're going to see this crowd in there for two months, and then they're going to go. And I used to find that, a little aggravating, and I would sometimes feel sorry for people, but then I'd go, at least they tried. and they made the effort.

[00:10:16] Karl: Maybe they don't have it in them to commit like the way you and I are talking about, and they don't understand that simple commitment translates into a lot of other things. Just a lot of things that we commit to doing translate into bigger commitments. And it's definitely something that I have grown used to seeing. And, I don't know if you've experienced that yet, but I definitely noticed that spike in traffic, after the holidays.

[00:10:38] Hector: I cannot work out at gyms. I can't do it. Part of it is the getting there because I'm like, I could finish my workout in the times that it would take to drive there,

[00:10:49] Karl: right. Yeah, you're in California. My gym is five minutes away from me. It's

[00:10:52] Hector: even ours can be close, but there's the that and the getting in and getting out. I alsoI, I'm so distractible, that

[00:10:59] Hector: there's all these people and different things.

[00:11:01] Hector: AndI spent half the time looking around for what, machine I'm going to useI love my kettlebells. I'm looking at him right now in my office. I've got six kettlebells. a couple of them are the same weights and it's like, that's all I need.

[00:11:12] Hector: And I'm not going to turn to Arnold. I've given up on the fact that I'm not going to be this huge bodybuilder look, but I feel great. I'm flexible. people say that I'm actually stronger than I look, when I'm training jujitsu and all these sorts of things. And so for me,

[00:11:25] Hector: I get in, I do my high intensity interval workout, I'm like in and out in 20 minutes, sweat dripping on the floor and I can move on and me too. I do it now so that I can feel okay eating whatever I want to eat,

[00:11:38] Karl: Yeah. No, I hear you too, because I've got in, you're looking at kettlebells in your studio. I've got them in my TV room. and I'm if I'm going to watch TV, I'm going to be, working the kettlebells, even if I've been to the gym. So they are essential tool I love it, but I

[00:11:53] Karl: get

[00:11:53] Hector: those who don't know, I would love to just educate guys. it's, there's the normal dumbbell, which is great and what you guys all know. And then some of you guys might know what a kettlebell is. Most of you do, but for those of you don't, it's this, it's a weight, it's a kettlebell. All the weighted iron ball with kind of a handle on the top, and it really allows for these kind of different functional kinds of movements.

[00:12:12] Hector: And,it was really big in Russia or, there's some other things that kind of popularized it, but it's become really popular in the functional movement space because you can swing it, you can lift it, you can pull it, you can do all sorts of things. And for a long time I had one kettlebell and I did all my workouts with just like 130 some pound kettlebell.

[00:12:29] Hector: that's since moved on, and I've grown since then, but, You don't need a lot, which is also the other part of it.

[00:12:34] Karl: yeah, I think they're incredible. I've got two and I'm always like, when my son say, what do you want for Christmas? I'm like a heavier one.

[00:12:42] Hector: Yes.

[00:12:43] Karl: the next one up.

[00:12:44] Hector: I want to start playing around. I haven't gotten one yet. I have some friends and I've trained with them. They're like, the clubs and the steel maces. Have

[00:12:50] Karl: Oh yeah. Those have showed up in my feeds, the clubs,

[00:12:54] Karl: but I think you need a little bit more space for those.

[00:12:57] Hector: I do less kids and dogs too. Oh, I've got like a two foot radius around my space when I'm working out. but also I, I also like to work out at home because my kids see that. they're not working out with me as much now. Sometimes they get in the way and to do their squats and they've got a five pound kettlebell too.

[00:13:14] Hector: So they pick it up from time to time, but I at least want them to see oh yeah, dad was regularly working out. Dad was exercising because I want that, that's not normal these days, unfortunately.

[00:13:25] Karl: Yeah, no. And I think that's a really good point. this is, one of the things I wanted to talk about is, being an example, you got to be the example. And if you want your kids to be fit and to take care of themselves, you've got to be the example. And like in my house, we eat super healthy.

[00:13:42] Karl: We've always eaten super healthy. That's mostly on my wife. I, yeah, I will joke with her that, if I wasn't married to her, I'd probably be like 30 pounds overweight because I might not take care of myself the same way I do. And she comes from a family that is, pretty fit. My family is pretty physically active, without going to the gym. And so my sons have all seen that. And, each one of them, maybe didn't start going. They would start going to the gym later, but each one of them has a routine. And I'd like to think that's going to be for the rest of their lives.

[00:14:13] Hector: Yeah, the other thing that you mentioned, which I want to circle back on is the fasting part of it. Because that's a big, been a big part of my, people always ask me, what, how are you I don't like the word skinny, but that's the word they use. Yeah, I've pushed back against that a little bit, but how are you so skinny?

[00:14:26] Hector: It's I don't eat. As much as I used to, I, it's just a literal, I'm not eating as much, but what is your fasting routine look like? or what's that journey been like, maybe give us how it started and how it's maybe evolved since then.

[00:14:39] Karl: I can't remember who the first person was that, I learned about fasting from because I feel like I've been doing it for a while. And at first when I was talking about it, my wife was yeah, that sounds bs. But then she started doing it. And now she's, she went through menopause and she's I believe that fasting really helped me with going through menopause.

[00:15:00] Karl: she's basically like a one meal a day person, not every day, but most days, probably five out of seven days. And for me, it's, I usually don't eat anything before noon. Oftentimes it's one meal, or I'll do a very short window of, five to eight will be when I eat. And, usually I eat whatever the hell I want, as long as I'm doing it in that little window. and then really probably like in the last three or four years, I've. Basically, cut way down on the alcohol that we did travel to France and we were doing about two bottles a day, which is very unusual

[00:15:32] Hector: when in France.

[00:15:34] Karl: exactly, but yeah, I can't remember when I started doing it, but, it's one of those things you just, after a while, you just get used to not eating and you don't think about it.

[00:15:43] Karl: And I have to say that the days when you've Just do one meal and you wait till the, six, like I often am buzzed, am high from, not having all the blood in my body go to my stomach to process food and to fall asleep in the mid afternoon. So

[00:16:00] Karl: the benefits are clear.

[00:16:01] Hector: that was it for me. the context, I try and provide a lot of context on the show, but I remember, growing up, we would stop at the donut store, the donut shop on the way to school, I'd get my favorite, a ham and cheese croissant,

[00:16:12] Hector: a big nest quick and, I was on my way and I was feeling good for 15 minutes and then by 9 39, I was just, my head was down.

[00:16:21] Hector: I couldn't make it through class, I remember, seeing that, recognizing that then, and just thinking that I was, tired, maybe I need to sleep more or whatever. And as I got older, saw that play out, and I think one of the problems is you hear this bodybuilding, losing weight Suggestion that you should be eating, 6 to 7 times a day or like these little tiny meals all throughout the day I tried doing that and was just always tired.

[00:16:45] Hector: I was always asleep and I had this brain fog went to a conference. It was years ago, actually, with one of my mentors, Hal Elrod, and it was the first time I heard about bulletproof coffee. Are you familiar

[00:16:55] Karl: yeah,

[00:16:56] Hector: So I started drinking bulletproof coffee and got on the ketosis kind of path.

[00:16:59] Hector: I was never really a strict, ketosis person, generally in the day I was probably in ketosis and at night I'd carve out. But I started doing that and I realized that brain fog and that, food coma it went away, like I was able to get through the day, without crashing.

[00:17:15] Karl: yeah. No, it's amazing. And like the studies continue to just show that, when you're fasted, you've got all sorts of cellular repair and hormonal stuff going on that is good for you. And these things don't start to happen until you've been fasted for 18 hours. And then really amazing.

[00:17:33] Karl: Things start to happen after 24 or 48 hours of fasting. I try to do like a, quarterly 24 hour. I'd like to do the 48. I think I've done one or two, but I feel the health benefits are out there. And since I'm a science nerd, I pay attention to what's all the stuff that's going on in your body, but it clears out a lot of really bad stuff that, just accumulates and the brain fog

[00:17:55] Karl: Is probably the symptom that most people experience without realizing it, or that, that afternoon crash, you blame it on coffee. but it is, the combination of your caffeine intake has gone down. And then all of a sudden you put food in your stomach, probably for the second time in the day, all the blood goes to your stomach to, help you digest your food. And, you just start to get foggy and tired. yeah,

[00:18:21] Hector: incapacitated, Carl.

[00:18:23] Karl: Ear incapacitated.

[00:18:24] Hector: Yeah. People always get, they get upset because we'll go out to if I have a lunch or, someone's like a graduation or something like that, we've got to go to lunch. like an olive garden at noon, is the worst thing.

[00:18:34] Karl: the worst.

[00:18:35] Hector: And people are like, I'm like, and I don't eat right now and they get offended, but I'm like, if I eat now, I will be asleep in 45 minutes and there'll be no recourse for that.

[00:18:44] Karl: Yeah. In my office, they would always joke around. They'd be like, are you on Ramadan today? And I'd be like, it's Ramadan for me every day, dude. it's gotta be.it's just part of those things that I like to do. I definitely make exceptions. Iram comes in the office, my partner, she wants to go have food.

[00:19:00] Karl: I'll go have food. But generally it's a long fast.

[00:19:03] Hector: What's the longest they've done?

[00:19:05] Karl: I think I've gone 36 hours. I may have done 48 without really remembering, but for sure, 36 and it's not that hard.

[00:19:13] Hector: No, I found that like right now I'm recording it and it's only 10 o'clock. So I thought it was much later, but I probably won't eat till two or three, but I will drink. A couple cups of coffee. I'll drink some tea, a lot of water, some, shout out to Nate Palmer, former, guest of the show.

[00:19:28] Hector: He's always been a guest of the show, but friend of the show. He has a new kind of supplement called fast aid, which is basically like BCAAs and some aminos. And it keeps you in that fasted state, but, settles your body down a little bit and keeps it from freaking out completely.

[00:19:44] Hector: cause the other side of it is that if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not drinking water, if you're not hydrating or, even whatever sort of supplements might help, then you start to go the other way. And I've done that too, where the day after Halloween, we didn't have any, I was out of protein.

[00:19:58] Hector: I didn't like, we hadn't gone to the grocery store, so there wasn't a lot of, Like meats in the house, and I was just binging on candy. I was just going so hard on the candy. And, so that's also, can be a problem too.

[00:20:09] Karl: Yeah. and just to close this kind of thought out. I think one of the biggest things that I've come to realize. about fasting. I'm going to say two things. The two biggest thing I've come to realize is one people. When you tell them you fast, they find it incredibly challenging.

[00:20:24] Karl: They're like, how can you do that? I would never be able to do that. I need my morning, whatever they eat in the morning. then you start to realize that food is really in many cases, it's a habit, you're eating because it's a habit. It's what society has told you to do, and it's just not as necessary as we think.

[00:20:40] Karl: And you're actually healthier eating less, which, clearly we have a food problem in this country and in the world because obesity rates are so high and it's just so easy to eat all the time.

[00:20:51] Hector: Is that you're in that kind of world that like the biotech world, and I don't know how much it gets, how much you're in the food or the, human consumable space. But I'm wondering if that is popping up on your radar, or if there's anything worth discussing for guys who may not, like what we put into our body.

[00:21:08] Hector: that concept that you are what you eat, people always said that, but then, no, actually, that is, your body is made out of the Twizzlers, I was, Garfing down on Tuesday, right? that's actually true. so is that something you think about, or does that kind of play into your decisions about, your health and nutrition choices?

[00:21:23] Karl: Yeah, I think that there's no question, what you put in,how you feed yourself has a huge impact on your health. it's the same thing with like content you consume. It has a huge impact on your mental state. And, yeah, the science. just for the background, I'm trained as a molecular biologist, but also a creative writer.

[00:21:41] Karl: And I run an agency and a that focuses on biotechnology and really exposing people to what is happening in the biotech world that people would really. typically have no idea about so because I'm, into fitness and health, I do pay a fair amount of attention to what's going on in the science side. And there is no question that, what you consume has a huge impact on. your health and your well being and your mental state. And, I always find it a little funny and I'm not one of those people who's like super dogmatic. when I hear people say, oh, it doesn't really matter.

[00:22:16] Karl: Or, I can never do that. Or, oh, you're a health nut or whatever. And I'm like, you know what, that's me, to each his own. But I will say, going back to the house, I think it's, there's a point at which, our sons have said each individually, they've been visiting someone or they ask for a vegetable or, they'll usually when they ask for a vegetable, they'll be like, I haven't had a vegetable.

[00:22:40] Karl: We know we want. Like they've been indoctrinated to understand how food is so important and how healthy food makes a difference,

[00:22:48] Hector: Yeah. That example part it's so big for guys, if we just leave it to society to decide what programming or what model or what to give our kids, right? if society is deciding what our kids are going to eat or if society is deciding what they're going to watch, or if society is deciding what they're going to consume.

[00:23:06] Hector: then who knows where the fuck that lands,

[00:23:09] Karl: right?

[00:23:10] Hector: like who, who knows what that could turn it. here we are, in terms of just,craziness and chaos or, we could go through the statistics, obesity or mental health and suicide, depression. I don't want to say it like that because that I don't want to minimize it, but how are we not.

[00:23:23] Hector: Yeah. Privy to the fact that these actions are leading to these consequences. There seems to be disconnect, but bringing it back to like,God, we, as the men, we, as the guys in a household have the ability to set that direction and say like, know what goes on out there, but in this house, this is what we do.

[00:23:38] Hector: Like whatever, out there, I can't control, but in here, here's what we do. And I think that's what you're talking about is like setting that example and saying whether it's explicitly or implicitly, but really defining those values for, your family,

[00:23:53] Karl: Yeah, absolutely. think part of that comes to from this idea that, Not everybody, but let's like you and I, or like people you've had on this podcast, we're all looking to self actualized to become better to self improve. And I, someone in early mentor said to me, look, you're running a business, , you know, running a business or being an entrepreneur.

[00:24:13] Karl: That's a personal development, goal. The more you develop yourself personally, the more successful you can be as an entrepreneur. And I think, This guy who I follow on social, Dan Coe, he's making money is a spiritual endeavor. And I had another friend who passed away very sadly at a young age.

[00:24:29] Karl: He said, yeah, making money is just a spiritual thing. And when you start to understand that, and I'm not sure that I do, then that will help you. But I do really believe that, personal development is a big part of running your own business. And I just think that the way that society is set up, if we want to talk, large. the way society is currently set up, it's go to school, get a job, school is setting you up for nine to five, you go get a job and you never really questioned what's going on, and I don't come from that tradition, I was like a punk rocker and for me, punk rock was really about questioning norms and having deep intellectual curiosity. I was lucky, my family is Panamanian. I grew up bilingual. My kids are all bilingual. I spoke Spanish to them growing up. I felt like that kind of ability would open up their worldview. And I do feel like if you're going to have kids who are going to change the world, which we need the world, we need people to help change the world. You have to be willing to step outside of what society is prescribing to you. And part of that is what we're talking about here is like becoming. Your whole self.

[00:25:41] Hector: becoming your whole self. And then I think that allows you to release some of the expectations or The constraints or the judgments we put on kids, I've talked about a lot on the show and I love my parents. They did. They did great and they're fantastic parents, did everything they could, but they also had a very clear idea of what they wanted me to do.

[00:26:04] Hector: They had a very, there was a very,

[00:26:06] Karl: Become a lawyer.

[00:26:07] Hector: yeah, I can't tell you how many times I heard that, but there was a box that I could grab from and then anything outside of that box Was essentially off limits and I never had the gall to push past that.

[00:26:18] Hector: Right. my fears of abandonment. so I knew that, if I pick outside of this box, then I'm going to be. metaphorically or whatever, abandoned by the family. And so I did everything to stay in that box, to build up the box, to make the box look better.

[00:26:30] Hector: And then. I get out into the real world and all of a sudden realize that that box was so subjective. There's no, there's, it's such a subjective box and it's such a finite narrow perspective that I thought was universal truth.

[00:26:45] Hector: And now all of a sudden I'm 32 years old. waking up and realizing, did I actually want to do that? Did I want to do this? I'm asking these questions now, because I wasn't asking those questions before.

[00:26:56] Karl: there's saying I can't remember exactly what it is. But, it's something along the lines that if you want to have, , big success, you have to become. An abnormal person, meaning, the median or the average is never going to make you successful.

[00:27:11] Karl: You have to be willing to push. And, that means pushing yourself. And so that's why I think that this idea of, entrepreneurship. Is as much about the business as it is about personal development is really important. You're not going to, I think it'd be really interesting and I don't know what this looks like to look at some of the people who have had these, big successes.

[00:27:30] Karl: Like I'm thinking of Bill Gates or Steve jobs, what they were doing on the personal, development side. I know that, Steve jobs was a. Buddhist, or practicing Buddhist and meditated a lot, but what else was he doing for his personal development? And I'd like to know what that's, what's that like for, like an Elon Musk or a Sam Altman who's in the news a lot, like right now, or some of the women who've had these outside successes, just to know what else they're doing, from the personal development side.

[00:27:57] Hector: Yeah. I would imagine that one of the biggest things is range, right? And the ability to. Basically just handle more and deal with more. I think that's something that has that I've noticed is limited. My growth is my willingness get outside of the box and deal with challenges and problems that I am uncertain about.

[00:28:16] Hector: so drawn to certainty that I will, wallow in that certainty, even if it means, less success, right? Because the idea of being uncertain outside of that box is terrifying, right? Or, Flares up the nervous system. And so it's been being, it's been a big, wake up call to recognize that.

[00:28:33] Karl: Yeah. There was another, like one of my early mentors had said to me, look,

[00:28:37] Karl: You can have security or independence, but you can't have both. So if you want to be independent, you have to be willing to embrace insecurity or uncertainty. So I think that's what you're talking about. And I think that's definitely true when it comes to, entrepreneurship or, working on personal development because you don't know necessarily where you're going to go. You have to be prepared for some failure. and you just got to work through it.

[00:29:00] Karl: it's a huge challenge.

[00:29:02] Hector: Yeah. another theme that's come up on this, the show are these this ladders of manhood that happens, right? And the easy ones are, you move out and then you get a partner or maybe you get married and then you have a kid, you moving up these Rungs on the ladder and with each rung becomes some more responsibility.

[00:29:21] Hector: And it's not that you all of a sudden forget what was, or you stop having to do what was on the first one. it's about doing both and having one kid, it was like playing a video game on like normal mode and having two kids is like playing on hardcore.

[00:29:34] Hector: it's a geometric, right? It's an exponential Acceleration in challenges. And I think that a lot of guys are not, I don't know if they're not ready for it or they're definitely not prepared, but I think they're not expecting it. They're thinking that whatever I did before all the things that I did before who I was before can carry me through this next stage of life.

[00:29:54] Hector: and that's been the furthest thing from the truth.

[00:29:56] Karl: you had a podcast where you had Steven Arms talk about rites of passage. And I feel like that is one of the things in our society there that completely fails us and fails men. And the things that you're talking about exactly are. maybe there's a book, but we don't talk about it to each other. for example, I'm about to become an empty nester. My youngest is leaving and I know I had been in therapy as, Alejandro, my oldest was maybe becoming a senior and my biggest breakdowns and breakthroughs in therapy were talking about, what's it like for my kids to leave the house. No one had ever talked to me about what that was going to be like. And I've said it to my wife, this is one of those times when probably going into counseling would be a good idea just to get some shit out on the floor and to figure out how we're going to deal with it when we're back to just being the two of us, I love you to death.

[00:30:55] Karl: We're really good for each other. We had a nice long. Forkship and relationship before we had kids, but now we got to go back to that. What's that going to be like? and the same thing happens when, kids graduate or they turn 18 or like they graduate from college. Yeah. We celebrate those things, but I just don't feel like the right of passage is really well defined in a way that helps those things go forward easier. if that's really what we're looking for, or even just to define what that looks like.

[00:31:25] Hector: yeah, the awareness of these stages maybe is helpful. One of the things that's been prescient for me, and it's like that reticulary the thing in your head that makes you see the same car that you bought, right?

[00:31:36] Hector: you buy a car and all of a sudden you start seeing it all over the place. for me, that's going off because our kind of marriage and relationship, we're at that place where, Similarly, we're heading into whatever the next phase is, right? whatever the next phase and the challenging part of it is that's required us to let go and put down almost everything what was.

[00:31:57] Hector: In that previous stage, We're almost rebuilding from the ground up essentially. And that is challenging. it can be jarring, but that doesn't seem to convey, it can be really, debilitating for people who aren't expecting that.

[00:32:11] Hector: And they think that, Oh, all of a sudden things get harder. Things start to change. And it means that we're not right, or this is not right. Or, in a business, you're come up a time where you've got to pivot or make a change. And, Do something different. it's not that you're not good or it's not that it wasn't right.

[00:32:27] Hector: it's a new stage. it's a new part of the journey. I think that those if you approach it that way, then all of a sudden you can have the right expectations. You can go in with the right mindset intentions as opposed to being blindsided by the fact that things are different than they were before.

[00:32:42] Karl: Yeah. I think what you're saying is super important because what it reminds me or what it makes me want to say is, we're, we all have like goals or we all have these expectations of the way life is going to unfold. And because in many cases, especially as parents, we're not really prepared for, Oh, they're going to go in school and how's that going to change?

[00:33:03] Karl: Or now they're going to get out of school and now we're going to be alone again. Because we don't really know that you have to embrace the process as you're in it, which is hard to do. And then the other part of it is it's easy for me to say, Oh, Hector, your kids are young. make sure you spend enough time with them because that's going to go by fast because it does go by super fast and like I've got friends who are, mid thirties having their first kid and I love being around them and I'm like, I hate to tell you, but it's this phase is going to be over like tomorrow. And,it's like some of it happens so fast and especially we've got two kids or three kids in the house. You're so involved with the day to day of it that you don't even realize these things are happening and you have to have this space or allow yourself to have the space to process these things, which again is not an easy thing to have or to create.

[00:33:51] Karl: Yeah,

[00:33:54] Hector: different everything's. they come out of the womb with just totally, they're just totally different. My, my son is, he's much softer and he's much more are, he's much softer. And my daughter comes out and she is not just this morning they were playing and he did something to her.

[00:34:12] Hector: He got in her space and she just whacked him right in the face. She just

[00:34:16] Karl: holy cow.

[00:34:17] Hector: but that he, she came out like that, She's been doing that since she was, she's been so fiery. she was three months old and we're like, where did the SAS, you could just see it.

[00:34:26] Hector: and I'd imagine that continues to play out, as the kids get older and older and older and, I know that's been a journey for you with three kids and still, going back to what we talked about before, not having your own insecurities or expectations or your own judgments about, your own shit to actually allow them to be who they want to be, I that's been a big challenge for me I'm trying to clear up all my shit, so I don't fuck them up.

[00:34:51] Karl: Yeah. it's hard, especially when you're running a business while you're raising your kids. I've been very fortunate. My wife has been, I've gone in and out of businesses, but have run my own for a while. And have always been lucky that my wife is a school teacher.

[00:35:07] Karl: She teaches art, has always had that job. there's that stability that has helped with the instability of being an entrepreneur. And, that I feel has been super beneficial to my kids because for example, I think that. the most important skills of this century, this, 20 years into this are listening and collaboration and being creative. And so to be creative, you need to have space, you have to embrace boredom, you need to maybe have the tools for, creativity and, maybe have. Some of that in your house. And I think we had it as a kid. my boys always had, we had an art table. There was always art supplies all over the place.

[00:35:49] Karl: Things you could just throw into the box at the end of the night. in the summers, when, when they were younger, there was all this art time, so that they would, we would draw and just even I would do it. Draw terrible, but doing that or make collage or whatever. But that way there was always like this time for creativity and this space for it.

[00:36:07] Karl: So also just having space available, Sundays, no devices, we're going to go on a hike. We're going to go on a walk. We're doing something as a family. And, I think that kind of stuff helps with these processes and also helps you digest it. And also, as you're saying, helps you work through your own shit so that you're not passing it on to them.

[00:36:27] Karl: You're passing something else on.

[00:36:29] Hector: Yeah. One of, another friend of the show, Michael Diamond, in his group, they say that, it ran in his bloodline. Basically, it ran in his family until it ran into him.

[00:36:38] Karl: Wow.

[00:36:38] Hector: we are undoing these things That are, fathers, grandfathers, I'm sure they were challenged with it too.

[00:36:46] Hector: but still to that end, whether it's yelling in the house, a lot of people have gotten the kind of the violence out of the house, but like all these things that were removing and on the other side of it, as I'm saying that what I think is next is, okay, but I don't know that we've subtracted, but I don't know that we've added yet.

[00:37:01] Hector: I don't know that we've instilled, okay, we're going to not Yell in the house, but we are gonna have some emotional intelligence. We're not going to, be violent, but we are going to have bound like there's the other side to the coin that I think we now have opportunity to give to our sons who hopefully and obviously, will create a better future.

[00:37:23] Hector: Although things are crazy. So who knows?

[00:37:26] Karl: Yeah, I think they're crazy because, we live in a world where things are changing so quickly. And I live on the front lines of it. it's exponential change. and I do believe that it is for the better, but it is coming up against, what we've done to the climate and, I think that there is part of the reason why things are so crazy is because the amount of change is so crazy. And so people want to turn things back. They want to rewind to a simpler time without realizing that simpler time meant a lot of, downsides, women couldn't vote. the whole LGBT thing was in the closet, all these kinds of things that are being brought up again right now.

[00:38:04] Karl: It's because I think that there's all these people who just can't deal with the change. And this is one of those things where I just think, the public or society doesn't prepare us for that kind of change and the changes that we're about to live through in the next five, 10, 20 years are the kinds of things that if we make it.

[00:38:23] Karl: In two or 300 years, people are going to be like, wow, the 2020s, 2030s. That was a crazy time. I wish I could have lived through that.

[00:38:31] Hector: Yeah, just watch you sit on the sidelines and a, floating ball and just watch us, Is there anything that when you look at but some of the stuff that, in your work in your industry, are there some things that like you look and you're like, wow, that's really cool that gives me hope maybe or that you look at that and it's maybe even it's so far from where we're at now that you

[00:38:52] Hector: help the guys see a little into the future and perhaps maybe if there's some hope in there, like, what might they look forward to?

[00:38:59] Karl: Yeah. I mean, I'll keep it very simple. cancer treatment. if you think about. With the way cancer was treated, if it's a solid tumor, you'd pull it out. You need to have some kind of surgery. If you didn't do that, you would do chemo or radiotherapy. and all of those would just wreak havoc on the body.

[00:39:20] Karl: People lose their hair. that's like the thing that most people know about. and In those cases, you were doing, basically a shotgun approach to kill something in your body. And, it kind of worked, but what we're seeing through biotech, is the development of very personal, very targeted.

[00:39:43] Karl: Cancer therapeutics that are completely changing the game. We've got cancer therapeutics where what they're doing and what they're going to do is you've got cancer. We're going to find the cancer cells. Maybe we're going to pull them out and reprogram them. And we're going to use your own immune system to fight the cancer.

[00:39:59] Karl: Yeah, you're probably not going to lose your hair. you're not going to do this like shotgun approach. It's going to be much more laser focused. And that is something that is taking off, there's probably hundreds, if not thousands of clinical trials ongoing right now to make that a reality. the way that cancer will be treated in, 5, 10 years, we're, in a generation, we will look back at radiography and chemotherapy as like savage. what was wrong with you people? But it was the best technology we had at the time,

[00:40:32] Hector: Yeah, they'd look at it like, look at amputating, limbs and such.

[00:40:36] Karl: Yeah, that's a different story. It's going to depend on what was the cause of that. I think about it when you think about life in the 1700s, 1800s, where, you froze your legs. Now we got to chop it off. We got to slide away.

[00:40:48] Hector: And now we, I guess there's always evolutions and levels. you have the grow everything podcast, which is quickly becoming the, as quickly became the number one biotech podcast and, you guys just surpassed 10, 000 downloads, 50 episodes. are there favorites or things that you think about, for guys who are, into this?

[00:41:08] Hector: I'm a nerd, so I don't say it kind of thing, but we're kind of into this nerdy kind of, science stuff that they might want to go down a rabbit hole, a

[00:41:14] Karl: There's so much. that's why we started the podcast because we see people, coming to us all the time and we see technology that it's just mind blowing. here's one that is, topical to any guy who's into tech is storing media on DNA. And we haven't had anybody on the podcast to talk about that, but it's known in the world of it.

[00:41:36] Karl: Archive archivists that we're not producing enough media to store the amount of data that we're producing as a society. there's, we're on this crazy exponential curve. If you just think about everyone's a creator, everyone's taking pictures, everyone's not everyone's doing a podcast, but many of us, so the people who have to archive. They don't have enough magnetic tape, they don't have enough hard drives. And so people are starting to look at DNA as a storage device. And it's actually becoming feasible. You've got companies like Microsoft investing in this. And yeah, you could probably go and buy like a very simple like 128k DNA drive right now. But it's going to become one of the ways that we store media. Probably pretty soon. So that's something that if you really want to go down a crazy rabbit hole, that's one the other kind of crazy rabbit hole that I'm super interested in is, adaptive materials. you're just thinking about what you wear and howlike the most advanced materials you wear.

[00:42:38] Karl: probably. take the sweat off your body and move it, through a material, but it doesn't really do you any good. For example, like I'm in New York city, the summer is super hot. I drive up North a couple of, hours, it's rainy, like crazy. I have to have a completely different change of clothes. What's it going to look like when the material that you're wearing adapts to the environment? And that's really going to be key as we start to live through climate change. And there's people who are working on that. We haven't had any of those on our podcast, but those are the kinds of stuff that get me, really excited. If you want to get into, stuff we've had on the podcast, we talk about food, a lot, people who are working at the cutting edge of developing different kinds of foods. meat without the animals is a big topic. Stuff that has to do with the microbiome, which is all the cells, all the non human cells that live in and on your body. that's a huge area of medicine that is being explored. We've had a number of people talk about that. And then something that we're going to start getting more into is people who are using biotech and applying it to construction materials, which is just like a wild. Wild world. So those are a few of the things

[00:43:52] Hector: lot of rabbit holes to go down and some great episodes that, you and I have both had a chance to work on. I want to thank you for all of this. I'm curious. One of the questions I like to wrap up with is in your opinion, what does modern masculinity mean to you?

[00:44:07] Karl: I think it means acknowledging what we got from our fathers, but also acknowledging that we live in a changing world. And to acknowledge that we live in a changing world requires. A fair amount of flexibility. you ha you can't be someone who's a rigid. I think being rigid is going to get you stuck. what it reminds me of is early on. I've practiced yoga for a couple of decades. One of my yoga teachers said the reason you, whether, people say you practice yoga. To prepare your body for meditation, which is true, but you also practice yoga to keep your spine supple and flexible because that's the other part of your brain is your is it's a trunk line of wiring from your brain to your body. And you want to keep flexible. And I think when I think about modern masculinity, it's yeah, acknowledge where we come from, take what worked for you, but you have to acknowledge where we're going. and where we're going is a place that is much more inclusive. is going to be a place where, a lot of different people need to have a voice. And I say, right now we're in a place where we need every solution everywhere, all at once. And the only way you're going to get that is by listening. and being flexible.

[00:45:19] Hector: Great stuff here.

[00:45:20] Hector: I appreciate the wisdom, the insights and fellas, if you, if you made it this far and you stuck around, we would love and appreciate a rating or review wherever you get your podcasts. And if you know a guy who is into this, who could benefit from hearing some of the things that we talked about today, send this episode I always say it on the show, but they're probably not asking for it.

[00:45:37] Hector: So don't wait for the guy ask you for help. Just check in with them and see if he's good. that goes a long way. And as always, we appreciate you being part of the tribe. We'll see on the next one later. Y'all.

[00:45:47] Karl: Thanks Hector.