How Men Heal: Frustration, Fatherhood & Finding Meaning with Andrew Anderson

[00:00:00] Hector: What's going on? I hope this episode finds you well, and I hope this episode leaves you better than when it found you. Today's episode is with Andrew Anderson, and he is a, he's become a friend. He's someone who is a coach and helps really successful people find their path in life after they sort of lost it.

[00:00:50] Hector: And, on this episode, we, talk about that, but we get into. Things that are so much, I think more raw and perhaps relatable. He's a father and, and how he became a father and who he's a father to is just a, an interest, interesting is a, an understatement. but man, the depth that this guy has, the, the compassion that he, he carries It's inspiring and, I think that you will glean a lot from today's episode. So before we get to the episode, I wanna mention that, uh, as of just a few weeks ago, we are officially on YouTube. So if you are not subscribed to the Modern Masculinity YouTube channel, go and do that now. And, uh. We always appreciate you being part of the tribe.

[00:01:45] Hector: Without further ado, let's get into today's episode with Andrew Anderson.

[00:01:50] Hector: Andrew, welcome to the Modern Masculinity Podcast. Thanks for being here, my man.

[00:01:54] Raz: It's good to be with a masculine man.

[00:01:58] Hector: I'm glad you say that. You know, I had someone the other day, or maybe it was a few weeks ago now, they're like, you know, they referenced me as like a man's man and it was like, oh, I guess the show worked, I guess like, , you know, , it was successful. 'cause if you were to, I don't know that people would have characterized me as that.

[00:02:16] Hector: . You know, several years ago, and, , I'm really grateful. Obviously it was a painful journey, but, , you know, grateful for that. appreciate. And that, , I'm curious for you, you have. Almost nothing going on in your life. you've got kids, you've got a business, you've got a marriage, you've got, you know, your own sort of spirituality.

[00:02:33] Hector: So you're juggling all these things. And, and as a man, I feel that there's these, these weights that we, you know, crosses that we bear, if you will. what are you carrying today? What loads are, are you sort of. Journeying through, or what challenges do you feel that, , you're being tested with a man?

[00:02:51] Raz: , Last night I spent 40 minutes having a second phone call with a friend who has been in jail for four months. I didn't know had been in jail for three of those four months. And we have another friend who lives in our neighborhood who is in jail, and we have two of his kids living with us. That are five and nine years old and they don't have a mom and dad's in jail.

[00:03:11] Raz: And so my wife gets to be their mother. , that's what's present. That's what I'm carrying in the last 24 hours.

[00:03:19] Hector: Yeah, no, no small, , , weight there. , was that an easy thing for you? Was that a no brainer thing or like take me through how that

[00:03:26] Raz: I'm so grateful for my wife and when opportunities come to serve and it's the right thing to do, or when my buddy, who I've known for 20, how old am I? 40. I've known him since I was 21, so almost 20 years when I found out that he was in jail, it's not even, is he guilty or innocent?

[00:03:46] Raz: It's just. If I were guilty or innocent, would I want him to do? I don't want him to get on a call with me as often as I possibly could and just be there. And so for me it was like, no brainer. I don't whether he is guilty or innocent, I'm gonna be there for him. And then again, with this neighbor of ours, whether guilty or innocent, these kids, like it's a no brainer.

[00:04:08] Raz: And if we can serve, if we can help. Absolutely. And I mean, really it's my wife. Like I'm, coming to work every day. I just made breakfast and took 'em to the splash pad. And I think it is only hard if, when these moments come, we aren't prepared for how we're gonna show up, but there's certain decisions you only have to make once.

[00:04:31] Raz: I'm never gonna do heroin. I'm never gonna do meth. I've never tasted alcohol. Why? 'cause I made a decision as a younger kid that I just never wanted to touch any of it. when the moment came, I was ready. And so when, when the moment comes and you're like, we're gonna love on people and serve, and hell, like, then we've already made up our mind, the answer's already been decided. that makes it easy for me.

[00:04:52] Hector: has there been moments of, and I don't know if doubt is necessarily what it would be, but moments of frustration or moments of questioning or moments of, or has that initial decision sort of removed a lot of those.

[00:05:05] Raz: When it comes to drugs and alcohol, that's always been easy. , When it comes to serving people like the. that's been, I certainly have had hard decisions to make in my life but these ones have been, have been easy.

[00:05:17] Hector: It's interesting that you bring that up. I joke, and I have to catch myself. About the things that I joke about. You know, for me, I used to be very self-deprecating and I used to joke about, you know, those things. And I, I do that less because I see the impact that it has and I also see what I was sort of doing.

[00:05:32] Hector: and one of the things that I have been joking about that I've been sort of reflecting on whether or not, or why I believe it. Feel that way is that I joke that I'm like, thankfully these are my kids. You I've said it a number of times.

[00:05:44] Hector: I'm like, 'cause if they weren't my kids, you know, like, I don't know that I would be able to essentially love the way that I love. and, I see it with other kids and I, and I haven't been forced across that bridge like you have. And it's something that, you know, If I had to go through it, I, I don't know. fortunately I haven't been put in that position, but, . I guess think of the closest thing that I could think of is, our dog. my ex and I sort of share two dogs, but one of them is more hers. And I remember early on like not giving that dog like the same kind of loves I give my other dog.

[00:06:17] Hector: Right? And I remember being like, it felt out of integrity. It felt like this has nothing to do with this dog. This dog is a sweet, loving. Playful joy-filled, you know, like is an amazing, that has nothing. And I'm sort of taking out my, , whatever, right? the relationship that I have with, you know, my kid's mom is, is all of a sudden impacting.

[00:06:38] Hector: this dog. And I, I did a good job of not letting that happen with the kids, but it was an interesting phenomenon to see that sort of happen and, and come around. And now, she took the dog, , for a couple of days when she went up north and I'm like sad that the dog's not like around. So it's, you know, I've kind of come around.

[00:06:53] Hector: But, , that's the closest thing that I've sort of had to, deal with when it comes to extending that love, you know, outside of. Our own blood or our own whatever.

[00:07:05] Raz: Well, I think you'll be surprised 'cause there's a good chance, Hector, that you'll have step kids someday and. I have two, I've never called them my step kids. They call me dad. I say, this is my son, this is my daughter. I've been in their life for 10 years as the primary father figure. And, , they're now 15 and 12.

[00:07:24] Raz: But I was there when they were five and two. , so I think as we bring in these neighbor kids, I literally said to my wife, I'm like, Shari, this is, it's like having step kids. love them. we'll keep 'em here as long as we need to. , I think it's easier maybe to take things out on a, a dog 'cause they're so forgiving than a child.

[00:07:42] Raz: And children are forgiving as well, but the repercussions aren't as, lasting. 'cause dogs just forget.

[00:07:48] Hector: What was that like? did you have kids of your own at the time

[00:07:52] Raz: it was actually pretty redemptive because I had three daughters and when we divorced they were five and three and just a newborn. I wasn't able to be with them every day or even half the time that I, you know, I, it wasn't a 50 50 situation even. it was very redemptive.

[00:08:11] Raz: It was like God said, here these two kids have a dad that's in prison. as you can tell, I attract a lot of friends and men that deal with being in jail or prison, but the, yeah, their dad was struggling with things and, I just got to, be their dad. it was redemptive and it was like incredible stewardship to, be able to have, very grateful.

[00:08:29] Raz: I love them dearly

[00:08:30] Hector: the analogy that we've sort of created on this show is like a ladder of responsibilities. And it seems that, you know, as men and women go through their own sort of, you know, journey, but, you know, there's the move out live on your own sort of thing, which is one, you know, stage of responsibility.

[00:08:45] Hector: And then, you know, a lot of guys will get a pet and then, it's being able to provide for a partner and then a kid and then, you know, whatever, and so on and so forth. but it seems like this, like having kids and, and there are other experiences starting a business or, you know, whatever it is that really seem to be a turning point for a lot of men and be this opportunity to take a new direction or perhaps even assume a new identity.

[00:09:11] Hector: it was a lot of moving parts. And so I'm curious what that like journey was for you as you were becoming, a dad, a partner that kind of dissolving now you're, you know, a father of new, it's just, it's a lot of internal upheaval. I would imagine it.

[00:09:28] Raz: Yeah, absolutely. Lots of internal upheaval. And, and we're, constantly in that state. Like when I say we, I mean like you've been through your stuff, so I'm not lumping you in, but for me, I, I was constantly trying to recreate, reinvent, kind of find myself, , and I turned 40 last month. And I have told a lot of people like, this is gonna be my best decade ever, because I'm not trying to do any of that anymore. I'm not trying to prove anything or find myself or read events. It's just like, no. Like I know who I am and yes, I'm learning and growing and it's subtle and it's slow and it's ongoing for the rest of my life rather than big, massive, huge.

[00:10:10] Raz: Transformative life shaking, career altering experiences.

[00:10:17] Hector: Yeah. And perhaps guys, they do need to go through that. I, hesitate to say the word need, but seems like that is part of the process, is to go out and chase or look for these things. I know I, I did that and, and sort of climb that mountain, realize that that it was an empty sort of process and then You go, okay, well maybe family's the route and let me go out and start a family. And that becomes its own mountain. And I think that, , unfortunately if, unless guys are sort of given these situations, it seems like a lot of them go the other way. Right? You know, like they turn to vices or drugs or they turn to, you know, these other things in the absence of like purpose, right?

[00:10:57] Hector: and so. I don't know if if a guy needs to do that, but perhaps it's beneficial for them to put themselves in those positions or, or to kind of create those situations where they are essentially forced, you know, to grow into a bigger version of themselves. Mm-hmm.

[00:11:12] Raz: Ass Well said. I, I think of, , Vitor Frankl. Man's Search For Meaning is the book that he wrote that's most well known. He spent three years in and out of different concentration camps as a victim of, his religion and faith and, you know, being who he was.

[00:11:28] Raz: And He wrote that book, man's Search for Meaning, and he wrote it while in, in the concentration camps in his mind and on scraps of paper, and he then put it into the book form in nine days after getting out. Like that's how well written it was in his mind and heart and this concept of always searching for meaning. Right. And I, I think as we are going through our suffering or creating new suffering, it's always for this place of purpose, like, what is my purpose? What meaning am I bringing to this world? Rather than, you know, what does everything mean? we're searching for meaning. But the the reality is, is we bring that meaning to the world.

[00:12:07] Raz: Like we create it, we are meaning making machines. And when we realize that we have that. Ability and responsibility, like to create the purpose and meaning that we bring to this world. Then we don't have to. As you know, you two sings in their song, like still haven't found what I'm looking for. Like it's here.

[00:12:28] Raz: It's always been here. It's you and you get to choose. You get to decide what that purpose and meaning is that you bring.

[00:12:34] Hector: That's a good point, and I think that we're coming to this place where more and more people are waking up to. The reality that we were sort of sold this. Idea of what the meaning of our life should be. It should be about how much money you make, or how hot your wife is, or how big your exit is, or like we have all these, external markers of quote unquote, that we're supposed to assign to meaning.

[00:13:06] Hector: And thus, if you have a big exit, you're a great person. Or if you have a hot wife, you're a certain type of. person or you have, you know, X amount in your bank account, then it means something. and going back to what I, I realized, you know, thankfully early on is that I had more money than most 25 year olds, would ever know what to do with.

[00:13:26] Hector: that's all I was doing was just looking for meaning. and trying to, buy it in every sort of way that I thought possible. And I would go to one thing and go, Hmm, that was fun for a night. And then, you feel meaningless, right? It's like that classic wake up the next morning after a long night of drinking and you're like, what, what was doing?

[00:13:46] Hector: Right? And, and that sort of same experience happens over and over and over again and all of these sort of things because at least for me, I was like, oh, let me do what this person says and let me do what that person says. Let me do what my parents wanted me to do, or like teachers or, and it was only when I.

[00:14:00] Hector: Had enough courage to actually sit with myself to go, well, what do I wanna do? And then have an even more courage perhaps to actually act on that. did things start, you know, to fall into place? I think more guys are waking up to that, but I don't know that that's the main ethos that's out there of like, I think it's George Bernard Shaw, something to the effect of like, I'm butchering the quote, but it's something to the effect of like, you don't, create it yourself, like you discover it. And I think that that's sort of a process that a lot of guys probably aren't giving enough, credence to in terms of the discovery of who they actually are and not who everybody else told 'em to be.

[00:14:38] Raz: Yeah, absolutely. it's identity crisis is what it is. And when I do deep work with individuals as a coach, it's how do we discover what your real identity is, whether you believe that from God or. you know, universal, DNA, like we are never who we, think we are until we're safely dead, I guess.

[00:14:58] Raz: And then we really know. But we have so much conditioning and it's so deeply rooted in our unconscious mind. And when people are self-sabotaging now or they're struggling and they don't know why. usually because of these deeply rooted unconscious decisions that they made about who they are or how they're supposed to show up in this world, and they didn't consciously choose them.

[00:15:21] Raz: So it doesn't make sense. And once we can identify like where did that come from and, and why did your unconscious mind believe that that was necessary for you to get what you felt like you needed at the time, then we now have permission to, turn that. channel off, like you don't have to do that anymore.

[00:15:38] Raz: We can literally just use some simple tools and neuroscience and you can turn that off and you can go create some new neural pathways to wire and fire together so you can believe some things and get some chemicals and hormones flowing and you that you haven't had in a long time. And then you're going to start doing things that you've never done before and stop doing the things you don't wanna do anymore. that's the deep work that I started to out on, on a day-to-day basis with those, I get to help.

[00:16:03] Hector: Do you think that process is more like a staircase where everyone starts at this level and then we've gotta, do the, prerequisites before we get to the intermediate and then we get to the advanced level classes and then, you know, it's sort of like that? Or is it, A forest where there's so many routes that you can get through a forest that, whether it's between this tree or this tree or this path or that path, there's no one size fits all sort of method.

[00:16:27] Hector: How do you see that, transformation,

[00:16:32] Raz: analogy for sure. And I have a path that I know that I can take people down and if they veer it's okay. But I've got a couple paths that, that I can see pretty clearly that seem to get people out, you know, through on the other side and, . And it's okay.

[00:16:49] Raz: 'cause we're all at a different place in that journey through that forest. And when we allow people to be where they're at and say, I'm right over here when you're ready, it's a good path. I think that's a great analogy for sure.

[00:17:03] Hector: is it a skill block? Is it an awareness block? ,. Do you find that one is more, , like a bigger impediment to guys when they're going through this sort of development?

[00:17:16] Raz: , I don't know if I'm gonna answer your question, but maybe I'll answer the question I thought you should have asked, which I I'm just sharing What's coming to me is I think the biggest impediment. Is when we are out of alignment between our head and our heart, meaning our beliefs, our thoughts, and our emotions.

[00:17:33] Raz: you know, neuroscience is sharing a lot about the cognitive functions of the heart right now. And then a lot of the energy traditions of the world, like the eastern energy traditions, like talk about the sacral, right? Which is, it's not even your heart, it's actually, it's your gut. So the combination of.

[00:17:51] Raz: Your mind and your heart, and, and honestly, they're all connected, when the hairs on the back of your arms or your head stand up, like it's all connected. And so what I find that the greatest impediment is just not being in integrity, not having alignment with your head and your heart and your gut.

[00:18:09] Raz: And just because we haven't learned. We don't teach emotional intelligence. And I'm not talking eq like, you know, in the, the world of like, emotional quotient, but like, we just we're not taught, especially as men, we're not taught what our emotions actually mean and how to work with them and rather than fight them.

[00:18:28] Raz: I had a big breakthrough, Hector, that just in the last few months working with a dear friend of mine who's also a coach, we coach each other. I have been fighting as enemies, frustration, anger, annoyance, impatience. Those are like my, four demons of the, you know, the apocalypse for me, like frustration, anger, annoyance, and impatience.

[00:18:51] Raz: Like, I hated those things in biblical terms. We got like, Paul, who said that he had this thorn in his side most of the time, like that never kind of went away. Like those were my four. I hated that about myself, like. Why do I still get impatient with my mom? Why do I still get so frustrated or and lose my temper with my kids?

[00:19:09] Raz: Like, And I was fighting, fighting those like for 40 years, you know? And as I was working with him, I realized that these are not my enemies, they're my allies and they're helping me return to love. ' cause every time I'm getting frustrated and thinking something. About another person or myself, that's not true.

[00:19:30] Raz: And that frustration is like a fire alarm, bringing my awareness to where I'm at and inviting me to get outta the house, or it's gonna burn, you know, or put out the fire. And so I now view these emotions as not parts of myself that I have to push away or overcome. It's, they're my friends, they're my allies.

[00:19:51] Raz: They are there to protect me and those I care about most. And to return. To a state of love and see them as I believe God sees them and see myself and treat ourselves in a way that humanity needs to be treated. And like that alone, for me has been a game changer. But we don't teach our kids or our young men or new fathers, or we don't teach that.

[00:20:14] Raz: We don't teach what your emotions are really doing for you and why you have them. We identify with them. I am angry, I am anxious, I am bipolar. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We identify with rather than seeing them as tools and allies and there to help us.

[00:20:29] Hector: I gotta tell the listeners, get your bingo cards ready. 'cause Hector's about to go off the woo scale. Here we go. what I've sort of noticed is that a, you mentioned being aware of your own sort of energies and, I wanna get into that, but I've also started to realize when I'm a very perceptive person, .

[00:20:47] Hector: When I am absorbing the energy of what's around me or what I'm taking in, what I'm being exposed to. And I remember we were start, we were about to start and I'm feeling good and fine and, all of a sudden this rush of anxiety at I'm like, whoa, this is weird. I was like, where is this coming from?

[00:21:05] Hector: And then I, I sort of, kind of take a step back and I'm like, oh yeah, everybody else here is nervous as shit. And so. You know, I went into my, breathing and I sort of, you know, realized that that wasn't me and that sort of a little bit of separation, , you know, really allowed me to, to not get caught up in that and go, you know, oh my goodness, why, you know, and get lost and ruminate in that anxiousness, which is what I would used to do I think important point for guys to sort of understand is their head, their heart, and their gut, and.

[00:21:34] Hector: You've heard like trust your gut, but then you've also heard like, you know, sleep on it and follow your heart and it's like there's all these things and I think they're right. Right. All of them are right. And you made a great point about it being in alignment. So when your, your head, your heart, your gut, and there's a few more centers in there I would add for guys.

[00:21:53] Hector: And your dick is like also like In unison when they're all pulling on the same thing, then that's when I've found to be in most flow or most productive or things, I really start to get traction, but when my brain is not right or my heart's out of order or, you know, I've started studying, you know, Daoism and, , Qigong and Tai Chi and all these sorts of things because I'm like.

[00:22:18] Hector: Why can't I just get my, like dick energy under control? Like, why do I wanna start scrolling Tinder? Or like, I've done pretty well getting off of porn, but like, I remember early on in that journey, I'm like, this is such weird, , energy that comes up that if I don't, like, deal with this, then it's gonna be destructive.

[00:22:36] Hector: And so, you know, a lot of these practices, you know, and now it's like you, I don't even think about those things because a lot of these practices have sort of come into play.

[00:22:44] Raz: Yeah. and being able to be attuned. And have that awareness and listening and trusting, in yoga and the ancient, you know, Indian traditions, there's seven, chakras, right? And they're all, telling us like, Hey, there's something here that needs to be aligned, that needs healing, that needs some love.

[00:23:06] Raz: And some TLC, it's like the dog or the kid. You give it the attention and then it gets quiet. It stops. Barking and yelling at you like it just needs attention. But usually we try to ignore it. This is what Eckhart teaches, and I love his teachings. He says, we either try to ignore it, we try to suppress it, or we try to express it. I have never done the drug and alcohol thing. I, I'm sure you have, right? Or I've never like gone crazy sexually, but , I've struggled with pornography myself. Like when I try to express that stuff, it doesn't help it. If I try to ignore it, it doesn't help it. And if I try to suppress it with something else, it doesn't help.

[00:23:43] Raz: When those shocker centers, when those things are lighting up, like my frustrations, my annoyance, when those things, it's saying there's something here in you. And this other person that needs love and you don't have to hate this part of you, like there's just an acceptance and an allowance and love. And as soon as you bring that love to it, like that dog or that little kid or that your dick, like whatever you wanted to compare it to, then it's like, oh, okay, we can breathe, we can relax. We turn that fire alarm off.

[00:24:12] Hector: I'm so grateful now that we live in a time where a, we can have conversations like these but more importantly that the answers are out there, know, and I think that a lot of guys get so caught up in the day-to-day or the work, and they, they sort of aren't, seeing how all the pieces are connected.

[00:24:30] Hector: They're not seeing how their health and their relationships and their job There's some sort of thread that connects those things. And I think that that's what we try and bring to the show is like if you can find that thread work on that thread, which is usually, you know, self identity or your self worth or your self value, these sort of things, like everything else starts to improve.

[00:24:50] Hector: You start to get in better shape your relationships improve, you know, your finances, improve, work, career, like all those sorts of things start to fall in line. , If we can sort of rise above the muck. when you're working with, guys, like how do you help them to create that space? Or what do you find allows them to sort of step outside of themselves or have a different perspective?

[00:25:09] Raz: what's coming to me in this moment is I just hold space for them. I hold space for them, maybe in a way that no one else, no brother, friend, father, teacher, coach. Right. You know, church leader, Cub Scout, this, that boss, like I, hold space for them. And when I sit down with an individual, whether it's a friend that's videoing with me over chat in jail, you know, prospective client that I'm gonna coach, when I sit down with someone, I have three core beliefs about that human, and I don't say this to them, it's just just how I show up energetically.

[00:25:43] Raz: I believe that they are creative. I don't have to create anything for them. I don't own their outcomes. Like they are creative. They have everything within them. They are creative and resourceful. are gonna get what they need to find solutions and answers and, outcomes that they desire in their life.

[00:26:02] Raz: They are creative, they are resourceful. And the third thing is they're whole, most people don't believe that about themselves. They don't believe that they're whole. They believe they're broken. That they are messy, that they're, you know, like people believe that they need to be healed. And so when I, bring that, that attitude of whether they know it or not, in my mind, that you're creative, your resourceful whole, and I'm just here to help bring all that together for you, then they don't have to go somewhere outside of themselves.

[00:26:30] Raz: 'cause it's all in here. It's in your DNA your human design. Like it's all there and it's been there the entirety of your life. And when we can connect with that and hold that space for you to go through that journey, it happens fast and it's super revealing and it changes everything. Like you said, we are systemic.

[00:26:49] Raz: you touch one part of the system and everything else moves as well. Like when you pull on that thread.

[00:26:55] Hector: One thing I really enjoy about that is that you that there wasn't a prescription. And that's kind of what I, teed up the question for. And another sort of lesson that I've learned in this, journey is that. Not all advice is for everybody and that, what works for me or the way in which I work is not the way, it's usually not the way in which most people work, and that if we try and fit ourselves into a box, or it's like that classic.

[00:27:24] Hector: Example of, comparing a fish, and judging 'em based on how well a fish climbs up a tree.

[00:27:29] Hector: tried the other route. Why not actually do and go after what you want? did things start to change? But I gotta imagine that, you know, so many guys, 'cause I was one of 'em, are like that fish staring up at the tree going, why the fuck can't I climb it?

[00:27:43] Hector: And then judging themselves harshly for it,

[00:27:45] Hector: And then you have these other guys who I would imagine. You know, when they're in jail or in prison or, you know, going through this journey, that enough of 'em start to, question or have those same sorts of things. Like, what am I, you know, what is the meaning or, or what meaning am I giving to myself? So I'm curious, is there anything common between, you know, those ends of the spectrum?

[00:28:04] Hector: or are they completely distinct in, you know, how someone might go over overcoming those situations?

[00:28:10] Raz: Yeah, the commonality between whether someone thinks they're at the top of the mountain and they realize they're not, or someone who is at the lowest lows of the valleys. Or man, woman, right? Because I coach both like I've coached full-time now for 10 years. I've worked with 800 individuals.

[00:28:32] Raz: The commonality that I see between every single one of them comes back to identity. It's this idea that I think, or thought I was blank. And I realize that I'm not, or I am like, I thought I was a good father and I'm not. I thought I was. And then all of that comes back to worth can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase not good enough, not smart enough, not just that enoughness like, you're worth your value.

[00:29:02] Raz: And the reason is because 95 to 99% of your. Mental programming happened from the ages of zero to seven when you were in high theta brainwave patterns, which is the same as dream sleep and hypnosis, and your unconscious mind was holding onto stuff from a place of survival, not a place of thriving and contributing and creating. And so here we are going through our teenage years and young adult years, and we're doing adult things with childlike programming, and we wonder why we keep showing up, like doing stupid kid stuff. Or you get an argument, you're like, you're acting so childish. It's like, yeah, we both are. And to bring conscious awareness to unconscious decisions that were made and having the power to recreate those.

[00:29:49] Raz: Watching everything in your DNA, like literally, your cells change because of this concept called epigenetics, which is that we actually control our DNA and our cells rather than them controlling us. Once you realize that you have that power and you get to create that identity, you don't have to have any of those voices, as you said, right from your family judging others or yourself, then you're truly a hundred percent free. You're free, create whatever you want.

[00:30:20] Hector: , I'm reminded of, I think it was episode three, we interviewed, , this professor who essentially studied kind of the epigenetics and studied sort of. the impact that generations had on, their offspring or like, you know, , the impact that previous generations had on, current generations.

[00:30:36] Hector: And what they found was that you could essentially trace diabetes to generations previous diabetes sort of started. From your grandpa, and obviously there were things that happened along the way, but they could find those things. And so when we think that our decisions, if we limit the impact that we think our decisions have, , we don't realize the, true scope of, the ripples that we're making.

[00:31:06] Hector: I think that's where we can start to, question, right? We can start to lose meaning, but all of a sudden, if we start to realize that how we eat today, how we act today, how we parent, how we like the things that we do today do matter. All of a sudden that meaning question, , becomes a little easier to answer.

[00:31:22] Raz: Absolutely. We have a responsibility for all generations that come after us as well as. And there's so much that we don't know that science will unfold and we'll be like, oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. All those people that we thought were woo woo, like they had it all figured out. Like not just in family lines, but energetically like what you and I, the impact we are having on each other right now in this conversation and what the listeners experiencing it is altering and changing our cells and our DNA every thought.

[00:31:57] Raz: This is biology belief. Dr. Bruce Lipton. Every thought that we have carries an electric charge. And those electrons that are, going, you know, through and to and from our cells and our body, it's altering everything. we truly are co-creators of not just our bodies, but of everything that we experience.

[00:32:20] Hector: , are there practical things that you have found that help with that sort of, you know, energy aspect?

[00:32:25] Raz: let me give two , two simple things. I have been listening to a book on Audible called Wild and the author is Cheryl Stray, and she is telling the story of her as a 26-year-old going on the Pacific Crest Trail, A PCT. And it's this trail that goes from Mexico all the way up to Canada, across the western United States.

[00:32:47] Raz: And she had been recently divorced. She'd had several affairs during that marriage. she went on a six month heroin thing with this guy in Portland and she'd been from Minnesota and her life was a mess. She had didn't have a father figure, her mom had just died, like there was so much going on.

[00:33:05] Raz: And she said that she expected. On these 15 to 20 mile treks each day. She expected to be spending a lot of time thinking about and working through all of the trauma and pain and suffering that she'd been through, and she was shocked that she didn't ever, and sometimes it helps to go outside when we wanna heal what's inside. And for me, being in nature, I love mountain biking. I love backpacking. I love snow skiing. I love being in nature because nature heals without having to go and do all the things that traditional counselors and therapists do, which is unpack all your stuff. It's just, it's healing. that's my first practical something.

[00:33:50] Raz: Spend as much time in nature as you can. The second is. I have published alongside my, my book. The book is Strength of the Oak, strength of the Willow. I have a gratitude journal and I create it because I have to date from the last 11 years, 728 typed pages on a document on my computer of daily gratitude.

[00:34:12] Raz: If you could just wake up every day, and whether it's through meditation or prayer or journaling, like I write out five things I'm grateful for. And it helps me see the good from yesterday, and it just creates a space to, , energetically attract and put myself in a place where I, I'm expecting and looking for the good today.

[00:34:30] Raz: So, get into nature and write down some gratitudes every single day.

[00:34:34] Hector: This has been fun, and I appreciate you, , you know, , indulging me in all the, the weird places that we like to go on this show. Is there anything else, , whether it's related to what we talked about or not, , that you wanted to get out today before we, we start to wind down?

[00:34:49] Raz: well, yes. I mean, something just came to me. , I wouldn't say these are like the top three things I ever recommend to my clients or my, even myself, but it just, it just came to me. And so it needs to be said yes. Get out in nature. Yes. Write down your gratitudes and. One of Jesus's great teachings was, you know, whoever loses themselves for my sake, will find themselves.

[00:35:09] Raz: And whether you're doing it for Jesus or not, go serve some, forget yourself for a minute, and you don't have to take in a child from your neighborhood and have 'em live at your house like we did. But, , I was riding my bike through the park to work the other day here in my office, and it was early in the morning and I had an appointment I was trying to make and get prepared for, and there was.

[00:35:28] Raz: Probably a 20-year-old kid in Boise, this is not common. We don't have a lot of homeless people and I live in like a really nice neighborhood. So there was this 20-year-old kid laying on the ground and he had obviously spent the night there. And as I went by, I was like, I should stop and talk to him.

[00:35:43] Raz: And I didn't. I just kept going 'cause I had an appointment, right? And then at four 30 I was going home. And guess what? He was still there. I had to get home 'cause my wi, my wife and kids were expecting me and I went back the next day hoping to find him and he wasn't there. And I don't shame myself or hold regrets, but I will stop next time, guaranteed. And whether for him or for me, it doesn't matter. But. if we can forget ourselves and serve others and give them whatever we have, whether it's a smile or if I just stopped and if he just knew that one person stopped, like maybe nobody stopped that whole day, he could be dead for all I know, and I'm not gonna hold that against myself.

[00:36:25] Raz: But if you can just get outside yourself, whether in nature or in service, Again, it's the crux of what Christ taught. Just that's how you find yourself. You forget yourself.

[00:36:36] Hector: Two questions for you. The first one's easy one. , If people want to go deeper in your world, get more connected with you, find out about, , your coaching, where's the best place for people to go?

[00:36:44] Raz: Connect with me on LinkedIn or just send me an email to my personal email. I answer them personally, , andrew@andrewlanderson.com or go find me on LinkedIn, Andrew L. Anderson. That's the best way.

[00:36:56] Hector: We'll link all that up and, and hopefully the AI bots , don't come for your inbox. . Question. Andrew, in your opinion, , what is the definition of modern masculinity?

[00:37:05] Raz: I think the definition of modern masculinity is. Knowing yourself, creating that, purpose and meaning that's always been inside and living authentically with that purpose.