You Are the Work: Why Fatherhood Is the Mission, Not the Distraction with Mitch Osmond

[00:00:00] Hector: Fellas, what's going on? I hope this episode finds you well and this episode, you better when it found you, Mitch Omond. Coach, he has, uh, some courses and a community and also, uh, his own podcast focused on helping dads not only have success, well, most importantly, dads have success at home, works with a lot of people who they've seen that success in their business, in their career, and now.

[00:01:01] Hector: They want that same thing with their kids or with their family. And so we go all over the place, talking about all the things that we do here. And, uh, I think a, a really the word that's coming is righteous conversation for you. So enough of me. Let's get into today's episode with Mitch Osmond.

[00:01:17] Hector: We are here, Mitchell. Welcome to the Modern Masculinity Podcast. Thanks for being here, my man.

[00:01:22] Mitch: Thank you for having me on the show today, brother. I'm looking forward to having the conversation.

[00:01:26] Hector: Take us into your world. you are a man's man. You're, you know, a dad, a partner, a business owner. You know, you have your own platform and, , I just find that there's all these things that we're juggling. So what, sort of loads or challenges or, you know, things are you as a man working through like today, this week, this month?

[00:01:44] Mitch: I love that question, man. It's real right now, bro. , So. Yeah, right now, current challenges. , So my Instagram recently got hacked, which has been lame. , That's been like my biggest source of. I would say lead flow, you know, lead generation in the business. And so, , if your listeners are tuning in today, I would encourage you do not build your business on rented land.

[00:02:07] Mitch: , So, currently pivoting everything over to fired up a YouTube channel and kind of fire and getting that up and building, , some other things. But that's been the current, , kind of challenge for sure. My son is teething. That's n ot been fun. Lots of screaming, lots of not sleeping.

[00:02:22] Mitch: , But yeah, man, just kind of grinding that out, just sort of having to start over on the business side, you know, with, , a totally new platform and all that. But other than that, things are going pretty good, man. .

[00:02:34] Hector: You speak to one of the challenges, Mitchell, that a lot of guys have, which is separating work from home. And I, think that it was always a challenge. It's always been a challenge.

[00:02:43] Hector: And today it seems like you, you know, you work from home. I myself work from home. And that separation becomes really hard. You were mentioning, you know, in our little break here that you know, sometimes the kids are literally banging through the walls. Right. And, you know, there are times where, had to move into the garage.

[00:03:01] Hector: To insulate myself because although I get some of the outside noise when we're recording, otherwise, the screaming and the yelling and the Disney plus and all that sort of stuff kind of is insulated for me here in the garage. And, it is a challenge when, I get a, a couple of emails and then I've gotta go drop my daughter off or pick her up or, and this, switching modes of being a high performing, you know, business leader, CEO, whatever, you know, pick your sort of title.

[00:03:28] Hector: And then also what I think a lot of guys who, who listen to our stuff is like, we also want to be like great dads and present dads and, you know, have a, connection with our kids and those s eemingly can be at odds or they could be mutually exclusive if not done in sort of a, delicate or, you know, intentional sort of way.

[00:03:47] Mitch: I agree a hundred percent. I think that landsccape of what, you know, masculinity looks like or what it means to be a father or a husband has changed drastically over the last few decades, especially over the last five years. And so, , it's certainly a pendulum, you know, that we exist in. And I think, you know, a lot of people talk about this idea of work life balance, As if there is work and then there is life that's separate. , I believe in work life integration. it's not an either or, it's a both. And, , and in today's world, you do have to come home from a board meeting and emotionally support your wife. Whereas, and if they were having a conversation in the 1950s, it wouldn't be your job to do that.

[00:04:32] Mitch: That's one of her girlfriends, you know, I make the money, I come home and that's it. I'm open to beer, kick back the recliner. That was just, that was just the way it was back in those days, you know? And now there is, you know, you're in the middle of a recording and your kid comes in the room.

[00:04:47] Mitch: , And you can see that as an inconvenience. , And I think a lot of people do. I see it as a bit of a blessing, , that we can coexist in both arenas Of course, with that freedom and with that blessing comes, , new challenges, nuance, right? And new boundaries, new conversations about how to live, you know, in that balance.

[00:05:10] Hector: Yeah. And it is a, journey. I'm, my kids are six and seven now, and I remember thinking back to when they were like. Maybe two or three. 'cause I've, worked from home their entire life, so they don't know, dad having to go to work. They actually know mom, you know, she, she would travel for work and so they, that, it was just an interesting thing where dad was always home working.

[00:05:30] Hector: And early on it was this interesting thing because I remember my, son telling somebody we were talking about work and somehow my son was like, oh yeah, he just watches YouTube all day. And I'm like. This is not what I do for work. You know, like, and also he comes in and he sees my screen and he sees a video or he sees a, you know, and he goes, oh, that's, dad's just watching.

[00:05:51] Hector: He's just in that garage or in his office just watching YouTube all day. And so there was that sort of conversation, That was its own journey, but then him having to realize that like, know, that there were some boundaries and I, I remember early on getting like upset and frustrated that they would come and interrupt and, it was a journey getting to that place, seeing it as a blessing.

[00:06:14] Hector: You know, I remember viscerally the moment, like I could still feel it, of like, oh, I just told you. you know, if the door's closed and then there was even this moment where he learned how to like, pick the little, like locks that they have, you know, in bedrooms or whatever where you just use a coin.

[00:06:29] Hector: He would just go grab a thing. He is like, oh, easy. I just get in that way. And, , it was, a really a journey for me to let go of like, this is the way it has to be and you have to respect my boundaries and all that sort of stuff, which is just this, I realized there was a lot of other people's programming and a lot of me putting other people's expectations on how I should live or work instead of just, you know, honoring who I and our family were.

[00:06:54] Mitch: With my clients, I talk a lot about beginning with the end in mind, , Stephen Covey in his book, seven Habits of Highly Effective People, chapter two. All begin with the end in mind. Napoleon Hill, one of the greatest thought leaders of our time, talked about that all the time, you know, and my transformation, my turning point if we get into a little later, came at a funeral, which was me being forced with the beginning, , or the end in mind.

[00:07:15] Mitch: And, you know, a lot of times, so I had this conversation with a client of mine, , just about a month ago. He, same situation, working in his office, working from home. Successful entrepreneur runs three different companies and his son kept coming in and he was like, man, he's just, he's distracting me from my work and it's so frustrating, this was 6:00 PM you know, six o'clock, seven o'clock at night, they eat dinner. He goes back down to the office to work. I said, man, have you ever considered that maybe at that time of the day, your son is the work and maybe the work is the distraction. , Because you will come to a point in your life when you're 85, when you're 75, that you would give every dollar you have to have him try and walk back into the office again to say, Hey, daddy, can we go throw the ball? You know? And it's this idea of like, man, one day I'm gonna give everything to have my son want to pick the lock to get into my office, you know? , And it's this idea that when we really think about the future, when we really think about, you know, some of those last breaths that we take, what will really matter at the end, it won't be the business we're working on.

[00:08:26] Mitch: It won't be the revenue projections. It will be those moments, you know, and so, and it's really, you know, nice to talk about and it's hard to live out of. But if we could only live with that kind of intentionality in our lives, I think it'd be real powerful, you know?

[00:08:43] Hector: Yeah. you mentioned living from the, end in mind. I think that that is, challenging for a lot of guys too, who, don't even have, not even the role models in their lives to be able to model, but just the models you know, you and I are, are in this realm of dads.

[00:09:01] Hector: Where we're these p ioneers, essentially changing the way that dads are, being fathers. And also we don't have a ton of examples to say, this is how it's done, or this is the right way, or, and perhaps we have c ounter examples, you know. I've talked a lot about the show here. My, you know, listeners are getting their bingo card, but you know, the classic Homer Simpsons and the, Al Bundys and the Tim the Toman Taylors.

[00:09:27] Hector: It's like, you know, the Ray Romanos. I mean, the LISC literally goes on and on of all these Ofie doofus dads hot wives. Amazing hot wives, they don't talk about that. Right. and so I know for me, subconsciously I realized that, I was like, oh, I'm thinking that like the way to happiness is living according to Jim And I would imagine that most guys who aren't do as much, you know, work on in terms of self-awareness and, and trying to, you know, examine their beliefs and why they're like, they're just going there running off of this programming, running off of these sort of beliefs and perspectives. And it's, I know it fucked up my marriage.

[00:10:05] Hector: I think I was fortunate enough to catch it before it damaged my relationship with my kids, , very much. But I have a feeling that guys are gonna look up, you know, millennial dads are gonna look up in their forties, early fifties and go like, I thought I knew it, but I missed it. And hopefully these conversations will kind of wake guys up to some of that stuff.

[00:10:25] Mitch: Yeah, that's exactly why I do what I do, man. , And I know that's probably why you do what you do. I'm a product of a generational curse. You know, my father was an alcoholic, his father was an alcoholic. I was on the path of becoming an alcoholic. I was torpedoing my marriage. I was 60 pounds overweight. I was a hundred grand in debt on the verge of divorce.

[00:10:45] Mitch: It was absolute chaos, and I was simply just repeating everything that came before me, whether I liked it or not. I was a product of my environment and so I had to take ownership. I could have looked and said, well, my past was this, and so therefore this is just all that's gonna happen and, and, and allow life to just happen to me.

[00:11:06] Mitch: Or I could say, no, no, no, this life has happened for me. You know, what can I take from this? how can this past serve my future? And how can I bring that past into an alignment with my purpose and where I'm moving, , so that, that I can go somewhere different than my father was, and his father was.

[00:11:25] Mitch: And I think you're right. We don't have a lot of great examples, but , at the end of the day, you know, we have to take ownership and define what that looks like for us. 'cause I think that's another trapman fall into. They look to the neighbor or their boss or their brother-in-law, or you fill in the blank with whoever you compare yourself to and say, well, that is success, or I wanna be like that.

[00:11:50] Mitch: And we get caught in this trap of comparison, constantly striving to be some thing that's doesn't even make sense or apply to us, versus defining what success looks like for me and my home, for me, and my marriage, for me and my kids, and looking inward instead of outward I think is a big first step to say, what does it look like for me to show up powerfully as a man in my home today, right now?

[00:12:17] Mitch: Right? Versus what everyone else is doing, or what other people have done in the past or what Hollywood says it should do, or you name it right.

[00:12:25] Hector: Yeah. Yeah. There's definitely two parts to that conversation, and the first is, is identifying what that is. I remember early on we're now, I think we're now in episode a hundred, you know, or like in the hundred and 10, something like that is probably what we're at, up and over those first a hundred episodes, o ne of the recurring themes that I really got frustrated at early on was modern masculinity is whatever you want it to be. And I'm like, that's such a fucking cop out that sounds like bullshit. That sounds like bad advice. But then we got to like episode 60 and everybody kept saying it, and I was like, fuck.

[00:12:58] Hector: what is here? okay, if that is the message that continues to come through, what, does that mean? also I had done what you had said, and I had put someone else's label or model of masculinity, or I had put their ideal of whatever marriage, relationship, parenting, whatever it is, and I had adopted that as my own.

[00:13:22] Hector: And there is, bound to be some, disintegrity between those because it's not actually what I wanted. It was what my family, what I thought my family said that I wanted or what society or the cath, you know, my Catholic school. Like you could pick all these things and I'm, I'm there this young kid just going, oh, that's that's what you want me to do.

[00:13:41] Hector: Okay. I'll jump. You know? and it was only, it took a d ivorce. It took me like hitting bottom after bottom. It's like that, cartoon where Wiley Coyote like falls off the cliff and then he hits another one and then like he hits another one. And like, that's what it kept feeling like. It's like there's a new bottom and a new bottom and, and it took those for me to finally look at myself and go, what do, like, Hector, what do you want?

[00:14:02] Hector: and the other part of that, equation though, is that once there was an awareness, I had to develop a sense of like, I had to develop my own courage to actually act in that and stay in that and live in that like, I don't mind being weird or being out of the, like, ordinary.

[00:14:17] Hector: Like before I would do everything to sort of fit in or go with the flow. And now I'm not like ecclesiastic or whatever that word is, just for the sake of being contrarian. But it's like I'm, also not willing to not do something because I'm afraid of what other people might say.

[00:14:36] Hector: Like, for too long I did that and live my life that way, thinking that it would work out and you know, just ended up in misery and divorce and all the sorts of things that, you know, guys, I imagine don't want.

[00:14:49] Mitch: And I think you hit on a key word. there's this idea that it's not, authentic, you know, because we're trying to apply something someone else made or someone else's r ules for life for someone else's system to our life, which is not how we're designed to live. , You know, we see this all the time in the fitness industry.

[00:15:08] Mitch: You know, like the three things that I focus on with my, you know, clients and, and the communities that I've built is: I help high performing men reclaim their home, their health and their happiness. And so that's the home is key, relationships, you know, partner children, their health is their fitness and their happiness is all about their mindset and psychology.

[00:15:26] Mitch: But the fitness piece. I mean, we see this played out all the time. It's like, oh, what's the new fad? It's well, 75 her. Okay, well I'm gonna do that because that, that's what's gonna help me lose weight. Oh no. Okay, now it's carnivore. Okay, well I'm gonna do carnivore or, okay, now we're gonna switch that. I'm gonna go to keto.

[00:15:41] Mitch: You know, we're jumping from shiny object to shiny

[00:15:44] Mitch: object. And none of them, We don't even stop to think, is this sustainable for me? Does this make sense for me? Can I keep doing this for the rest of my life? Or is this just a fad? And we do the exact same thing for rules around our marriage or our relationships or rules around our parenting or rules around how we show up as an entrepreneur or whatever.

[00:16:03] Mitch: And it's like, well, this worked for them, so therefore it should work for me. And I'm like, well, no.

[00:16:08] Hector: One part of that equation though is that I'm, I'm learning and giving myself the grace One point I, I got, oh, 75 hard. I never completed it. , I only got to like 37, or I think, you know, 40 I didn't get all the way there and I continually saw that experience as like a failure.

[00:16:25] Hector: You know, same thing with like, I, I tried vegan for a while and I made that like three or four months or like, I tried all these things. And what's interesting now though is as I look back on it, it was like. Oh, I just took a little bit of that, like, you know, out of the 75 hard thing. Now the idea and the concept of sticking to like, one thing I use from that is the, diet or plant what, whatever it is, or working out outside.

[00:16:45] Hector: Like, yeah, I pulled some of these little things and now I've been able to make my own sort of stew of things that work for me. it took me falling, you know, and failing through some of these things to be able to get me there. Maybe I could have skipped through some of those, but I also think that if guys can like also adapt that approach where, maybe some of it you can take and utilize and leverage.

[00:17:07] Mitch: Yeah, and I think that's great. As long as you're going into with the expectation that this is not something that's gonna be a savior for you and that you're gonna learn some things, you're gonna evolve. But I think

[00:17:15] Mitch: the trap we fall into, you know, is that trap of comparison. So if you can do all these different things and be like, yeah, I'm gonna take this, this, this, and this, and make 'em, I don't think great, but I think a lot of guys, , fall victim to put rap in their identity, rap in their hopes into this thing, this new thing or whatever.

[00:17:32] Mitch: And then all of a sudden then, they're. Pissed off at themselves and they get frustrated and they quit the thing is with self-confidence as a man, you know, and you've probably heard this, but. if we wanna become self-confident, to grow in our confidence, to grow in our self respect, we have to make promises and keep them.

[00:17:51] Mitch: And when we break the promises we've made to ourselves, just like if I was to make promises to you multiple times and keep breaking them, it wouldn't take very long before you're like, Mitch, I don't have confidence in you. And in this, friendship, the same thing happens to us. And so. Over time, we begin to say things like, why would anyone else trust you if you can't trust yourself, that you're gonna follow through?

[00:18:13] Mitch: And so we become insecure we lack our own like respect for ourselves. And so the reason why that's key is because when we keep putting our hope in this new system or this new toy or this new thing, and then it wasn't ours to begin with, and then we fail. As we define it, fail. , that's another thing that didn't work, and that reinforces that negative self-belief that you just don't do the right things and nothing works for you, and you're never gonna be in shape or you're never gonna be a good husband or you're never gonna be a good father.

[00:18:45] Mitch: So that's why we gotta be careful with like, how we look at some of these things, because if we do take it like you do and say, what can I learn from this? Great. But if we're gonna put our hope and energy into it and be like, this is gonna be the thing, you know, and then it doesn't work, then that actually sets us back.

[00:19:00] Mitch: It's like one step forward, two steps back. You know what I mean?

[00:19:03] Hector: That's a great point, I've been, not literally catfish, 'cause I don't want to be like, I, that's a different term. But I've been hoodwinked and, you know, snake oiled so many times and I come from the sales world. So I know that part of it is people being disingenuous and part of it is just enthusiasm and exaggerate like, there's all of that mixed up And so it's a really good point that guys don't come in thinking that one is the end all be all. But for me it's like, think tools in a tool belt or you know, something in your, shed that you can leverage. And even the practices like I've early on in my kind of personal development journey,

[00:19:44] Hector: I was a really big believer in like the Miracle Morning, right? , Hal l Rob wrote a book called Miracle Morning. He was actually my coach, like college. He's impacted millions of people, and I thought, I've gotta wake up an hour early, I've got five, I've gotta meditate, I've gotta read my affirmations, I've gotta write, I've gotta jump up and down for 10 minutes.

[00:20:00] Hector: Like, it was a very rigid thing. And I did that and I was it that rigidity and that structure sort of helped, but. As I've grown and evolved, I've realized that my natural authenticity sort of. That's not how my mornings are anymore. Now it's, I might do one of those and really go deep in a meditation or really go deep into breath work or really, you know what?

[00:20:25] Hector: Like instead of hitting all of them really quickly, , I found my own sort of mix and mode. but again, that took courage and to your point, , I think guys have to be aware of it and then they have to be willing to, actually make that decision over and over and over and over again.

[00:20:41] Hector: while life is happening too, you know? 'cause it's like, it would be great to, like, I think getting in shape it's easy. Or excuse me, it's simple. But when you also have to get in shape and you have to run a business and you have to take care of the kids and you have to clean the house and you have to like, that's where life gets sort of complicated is like managing all of them at the same time.

[00:21:02] Mitch: Well, yeah, and because of the fact that we're masculine, masculine essence in itself is like very much driven by mission, by accomplishments, by excellence, you know, all those. different Things. And so we wanna make missions out of everything. And it's always like, we pass, we fail, you know, we killed it, we sucked, you know, whatever.

[00:21:18] Mitch: we don't really operate in the gray that well because it's not, tangible, it's not practical it's not tactical, you know? And so we can't necessarily quantify it. It's why it's so easy to define if we're successful at work because we get performance bonuses, you know, revenues up in the last quarter versus how do you know you're being successful as a father?

[00:21:36] Mitch: your six year old's not gonna come up and be like, Hey daddy, here's six strategic reasons why you are the best dad. You know what I mean? It's, it's not gonna happen, right, But how do you measure, like I am, ahead of where I was in I an emotional health than I was three months ago. And so what happens is we get stuck in that, gray area, and we don't necessarily, I. No. And so we start reaching out to everything else and, and looking for systems and things that other people, you know, apply.

[00:22:04] Mitch: But at the end of the day, you're right, we need to find what works for us. And the best plan, I think, is the one that sticks. you know, I said this on a podcast a little while ago. I got in trouble for it. I said, if your goals are too big, lower them. Lower them until you can meet them, what's the point in a goal that you can't consistently meet?

[00:22:26] Mitch: 'cause you're just doing more psychological damage 'cause you're, and not failing again, failing again, driving yourself deeper in that hole. So it's like, find something that works for you, find a coach that works for you, find a system or, or a community or whatever, and just be patient with yourself in the process.

[00:22:42] Mitch: Because you're right, it looks different for everybody. I have a framework that I use with my clients. It's just called the Life Report card. , Because part of the reason, you know, with our masculinity, but then also, because of the fact that we're really driven, but we're raising school, like a school system that it's like we're constantly grading ourselves.

[00:22:57] Mitch: Right. What's the goal is to get a plus and everything, get straight A's, right. That's the goal. And so you grow up from kindergarten to grade 12 and going to college and it's always like you gotta be an A in everything. That's always the thing. But then all of a sudden you get a business or you get married, you get a mortgage, you got kids, and we're still trying to be an A plus in everything.

[00:23:17] Mitch: And then we stress ourselves out because we drop the ball in a couple areas. But we're conditioned to think we need to be amazing at everything. And then we also, I mean the Instagram highlight reels, you know the, you're looking at the highlight reels of everyone else's life. You say, well, they got a perfect, this marriage is great.

[00:23:34] Mitch: This guy has got this boat, or this guy's got this job. And so you got this combination of us being raised in an environment to say, you have to be great in every area. And then all we see is highlights from everyone else, and it makes for this. Concoction of like comparison, is really difficult.

[00:23:53] Mitch: And so what we do man, is we just say, alright, let's take a look at our life and say in this season, what do we need to be an A in? And then What can we be a B in? Are we okay with being a B minus in this area? And maybe, you know what? Believe it or not, there's gonna be things in your life that you might have to be an F in for a season.

[00:24:14] Mitch: that's actually a good thing, you know? , And so giving yourself permission and having the grace to say, like, for me, when I, before I had a kid, I was like, yeah, it's totally sustainable for me to be at the gym six days a week, two hours a day. You know, I didn't have any kids. I didn't have any.

[00:24:28] Mitch: Now I'm like, no, I can't be an A plus in that. I gotta figure something out. Maybe I'm a B plus. And so that process of looking through your life and saying, what does it look like for me today to show up powerfully? And that's different every time you look at it, but I think that's part of the reason why we struggle, you know, as men.

[00:24:46] Hector: Yeah, the seasons thing is huge. Having a longer timeline and then. I did 16 years of Catholic school and I think I'm still undoing a lot of that, trauma. but one of the things is exactly what you talked about in terms of the, hyper self-judgment or being hypercritical of, of a number like that.

[00:25:07] Hector: And for me, I wish. And, I'm trying to, to do it as a parent. Like both of my kids, they had, their teacher reports, and both of them said one of 'em, the, their math was not where it should be. And the other one is reading was where it should be.

[00:25:23] Hector: And I remember that my parents would've reacted. Like angry, upset, or it would've been some sort of, there would've been a judgment made about that And for me it was like, okay, this is just an indicator. it's simply an indicator. And so since then, you know, with my son, we got a reading app and we started reading books and he's doing book reports and it's like, we just started getting better at it with my daughter.

[00:25:46] Hector: Same thing. We're playing math games and it's, and I think that if guys can use those sorts of things as simply indicators, right? They're just bumpers or grails and guards. , And if we could do it proactively and we don't need Something like that to sort of wake us up then I think we have a lot more intentionality.

[00:26:02] Hector: , I have like a weekly spreadsheet that's, , way more neurotic than it needs to be for most people, but I call it My Gardens of Life, and it's got, 15 to 20 different areas of my life that I quickly just give myself a rating one through 10, and I don't, think it takes me.

[00:26:18] Hector: 45 seconds to get through all of 'em and just a quick check-in. And then I'll feed that to AI and I'll be like, what do you see? What are some, you know, what are some trends and stuff? And what's interesting is just that habit and that process of getting it out there has really started to allow me to notice things that you mentioned and, and be okay with.

[00:26:34] Hector: Like, oh yeah, you know, there were certain times where my. exercise wasn't an a in your regard, you know how you said it. And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. Shit was crazy last week. I'm gonna have some grace for myself and, and also let me. Let me get my steps up this week.

[00:26:47] Hector: Let me adjust, let me course correct so that I don't look up in three or four weeks and go, damn my health really run to shit because, you know, so and so came up. Right. I think that's what what I've done too many times in the past is life happens and then everything else, all the plates start to drop because I don't have any, any way to keep them going while I'm trying to, attend to one.

[00:27:10] Mitch: Well, yeah, and, and it's because of this all or nothing mindset and again, in a fitness context as well. I ate like crap for dinner tonight. I may as well blow it this weekend because Friday's a write off, so screw it. I'll pick it back up on Monday. Right. It's like what you just did three times the damage cause of what your attitude.

[00:27:28] Mitch: 'cause if you made one mistake. So when we talk about consistency, that's actually what Consistency looks like. Being like, yeah, I missed a couple workouts last week. Okay, I'll pick it up this week and we'll figure it out. You win some, you lose some, but you gotta zoom out at the macro and see, yeah, there were some weeks that were not great, but you, the vast majority of the time you killed it.

[00:27:49] Mitch: And so we just get so hyper-focused on the nitty gritty. It's like. If I don't work out this many times a week, or if I don't do this with my kids this way all the time, then I'm a mess up. Or like, I'm a bad dad, or I'm blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, no, again, have grace for yourself.

[00:28:06] Mitch: Right. Zoom out. what's the overall climate here of, of your decision making? Well, yeah, the most part. you're making great decisions, so. I think that's huge because that "all or nothing" mindset gets us in trouble. But especially men, we, we love it, right? Because again, it's very black and white, I mean, maybe that's easier when you're single, you don't have kids, you know, and you're like, early twenties just doesn't work like that when you get older.

[00:28:30] Mitch: There's just too many things grabbing for your time and attention, right? It's not a sustainable way of living.

[00:28:35] Hector: Yeah,

[00:28:36] Hector: , .. i've got, , a couple more questions for you. But I'm curious, , in regards to, we've kind of gone all over the place today, but bringing it back, is there anything that we didn't touch on today or anything that you wanted to make sure to get to the listeners that we haven't really hit on?

[00:28:52] Mitch: always wanna encourage men, you know, with the fact that what they do matters. I'm read a couple things down here because I tend , to speak faster than I can write or think. But, a lot of guys get discouraged, right?

[00:29:05] Mitch: Because they are comparing themselves maybe they're in a marriage where they're having a hard time or maybe they feel like a failure as a dad. Maybe they feel like what they're doing doesn't matter or how they're showing up, you know? , And I would say you cannot understate your importance.

[00:29:21] Mitch: You know, we know that today one in four kids in the United States are gonna grow up without a father in the home. Right. Which is significant. . There's some statistics settled that should probably make you think. , Number one is 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless home. kids with no men in their life, , 90% of homeless and runaway children come from fatherless homes.

[00:29:44] Mitch: 85% of kids with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. 71% of high school dropouts come from kids who have no relationship with their father. And so what does it tell us? It tells us that our kids need us. You know, this world needs us. That what we do has a significant impact. And so what have we not talked about?

[00:30:07] Mitch: , I don't, I think we've covered the bases, but if, if there was anything that I would wanna do is to just encourage your listeners, , with just that fact that whether you feel like it or not, your family needs you. Your kids need you. And, and what you do is significant.

[00:30:20] Hector: Yeah, I think for too long guys were told that they don't matter. That they weren't needed and I think a lot of 'em internalized it. And the truth is they need themselves, their family needs them, their future family, their community, their neighborhood, like they are needed. and to see themselves, , any other way, , does a disservice to perhaps most importantly them.

[00:30:45] Hector: I mean, for sure it does a disservice to everybody else, but I think it does the most disservice to them because they're living a life. , that I think it's Emerson quote, right? Of, you know, quiet despair. There's so many that are, there and have the opportunity to pull themselves out.

[00:31:00] Hector: , This has been great. , If people wanna get connected with you, I know you mentioned, , some frameworks and some resources that guys can, , go and get, where's the best place for them to go and, and find all that stuff.

[00:31:10] Mitch: Yeah, man. You could just hit up the website has everything. dadnationco.com. , You can check out the Dad Nation Podcast. You know, I, tell people all the time, I do three things, keep it real simple. I do content courses and coaching. So the content is the podcast. the courses, I have something called a High Performance Husband, which is essentially everything I teach my one-on-one clients and a self-guided program.

[00:31:31] Mitch: And then of course the coaching that I do as well. So, , yeah, but honestly, you could just Google the dad nation, you'll, find me. , would love to connect and whatever that looks like. I mean, I'm on a mission to help 500,000 men restore their marriages and their relationships with their kids, and so through media and mentorship.

[00:31:47] Mitch: So that's exactly what I'm doing, man. The podcast, you know, having conversations like men who have great movements like yourself. Then mentorship, right through the communities and the coaching. So yeah, man, check it all out. it's all good stuff.

[00:31:59] Hector: Amazing. We'll link up that, , dadnationco.com in the show notes as always, for you listeners. And, , my last question here, Mitch is, , in your opinion, what is the definition of modern masculinity?

[00:32:11] Mitch: I think modern masculinity is, is. Is being able to sit in that balance. You know, it's not the dated framework from the fifties and the forties, you know, but it's not this hyperfeministic ultra progressive, masculinity as toxic mentality.

[00:32:28] Mitch: It's, can you show up powerfully? Can you be what I, I love the phrase, easy to love, hard to kill. can you protect, provide preside for your family? , You know, give them a strong sense of mission and serve them while also holding space for your partner, holding space for your children, being able to sit with them in their emotions and being able to own your own and process that in a healthy way.

[00:32:54] Mitch: And I think that's kind of sitting in the middle of that pendulum. So I think that's, for me, what it looks like.