Get Naked: Strength, Vulnerability, and Resilience with William Branum

[00:00:00] Hector: Fellas, what's going on? I hope this episode finds you well, and I hope this episode leaves you better than when it found you. And today's episode is with William Branham. And the last few episodes have been, a little more on the, let's call it like the integrated masculine side, right? , not necessarily the feminine side of it, but more of an integrated, more of a compassionate and empathetic, sort of.

[00:00:56] Hector: conversation. Both of those guys were, I mean, amazing individuals, but I think they represent a different side of the, the yin and the yang. And today is the, the yin to that yang or the yang to that yin. Because we talked about, being, Resilient being hard. And William is one of the, one of the hardest guys I know.

[00:01:18] Hector: And he, willingly puts himself in challenging and hard situations. And we talk about why that's also important for men and how that equally is, a, a necessary part to the other side of the compassion and empathetic side, which we've kind of focused on over the last couple of weeks. So it's a great conversation for today.

[00:01:38] Hector: Let's get into it with Mr. William Branham.

[00:01:41] Hector: William, welcome to the modern masculinity podcast, man. Thanks for being here.

[00:01:44] William: Thanks for having me on here. I'm stoked to be here.

[00:01:46] Hector: think it's only fitting for us to have some challenges as we get started today, because it seems like that's what, you're kind of all about is, experiencing challenges, overcoming them and then riding on instead , your whole thing is,get naked and I just I love the mantra behind it. I'm curious how that's showing up for you today. one thing that we realized here on the show is that as much experience and success and accolades that our guests have that they're still doing the work, on a daily basis and that, things are still, you There's still challenges that they're going through.

[00:02:18] Hector: What does that look like for you? What, sort of things are you still, in the muck of, or, or still toiling through at this stage in your life?

[00:02:28] William: there's so many things I'm still struggling with. I think one of the most valuable things that I could have done is really that get naked thing that, That you just sort of mentioned. And that's really about taking that armor off that ego, that mask that you're hiding behind off, take that off so you can become vulnerable.

[00:02:45] William: So you can find the healing that you need. And some of that is just being brave enough to ask for help. And I think that's us as masculine men. And, I've spent my entire adult life , in the SEAL teams surrounded by A type masculine personalities. It was very difficult for me to ever ask for help or, yeah, ask for help because I always thought that was a sign of weakness.

[00:03:11] William: And what I later figured out In life is being brave enough to ask for help is actually a sign of strength. And, I remember, back 2020 ish. I don't know if you remember that app called clubhouse where it was like, uh, kind of, faceless social media, just a bunch of chat rooms where people got on there, like live podcasts, whatever.

[00:03:31] William: And I'm trying to practice this idea of, being vulnerable and getting naked. And I was talking to the, psychologist, psychiatrist, a shrink, I don't remember. And, and I told her like, I have a really hard time asking for help. And she was like, okay, check. I understand. so tell me how you feel when other people ask you for help and you help them.

[00:03:50] William: And I said, dude, I feel awesome. I feel amazing. Like it's like one of the greatest feelings ever. And she said, well, so tell me, why are you robbing someone else of that joy? And so I told her that I can't talk to her anymore because she hurt my feelings and I had to take, but I also had to take that advice on board.

[00:04:06] William: Why am I so prideful that I'm not willing to ask someone else to help me? Why am I not giving someone the joy to like, help me like become a better person, a better man? And so I think my ability to now go out and ask for help or at least look for help where I find holes in my life or in business or in the things that I'm struggling with is extremely valuable.

[00:04:33] Hector: Yeah, I get stuck trying to figure out whether it's valuable to look backwards and kind of do the healing or to look forwards and just focus on growth. Cause I think that there's a lot of, you know, gurus out there and,experts or whatever saying that you got to do all the healing.

[00:04:49] Hector: You got to do all this work. You've got to do all this, you know, go looking backwards. And then there's also a lot of people on the other side that say that, like all that's bullshit. You just got to focus on, what's in front of you and, , goals and achievement and, and like that sort of thing.

[00:05:04] Hector: I'm curious where you land on that spectrum. Cause it seems like you've had, exposure to a little bit of both. , so what are your thoughts on something like that?

[00:05:12] William: I think you have to look backwards. I mean, in the SEAL teams, it's been 26 years over there. We have what we call after action reviews. After every single mission, it doesn't matter if it's a training mission or it's actual combat. We come back, we do a debrief. What went right? What went wrong?

[00:05:29] William: What can we make better? You should be doing that in your life. You do something awesome. Okay. , what about that went awesome? What went right? What went wrong? Like not everything went perfectly. What can I make better? How can I continue to improve? So if you're never looking backwards, then you're, Robbing yourself of an opportunity to get better. So you have to look backwards. It doesn't mean you continue to look backwards. It's kind of like driving a car. the windshield is the big thing that you're looking through. The rear view mirror is a small thing. The small window that you're looking through, you still got to look back.

[00:06:01] William: It's important to look back and see what's behind you. That's going to affect what's happening in front of you. And so as long as you know what, what's back there, you need to know what's back there, but it's more important to focus on what's in front of you, but you can't, you can't. Neglect what's happening behind you.

[00:06:18] Hector: Yeah. And I think for too long. Especially guys, and I'm curious how this plays out in an environment like the SEAL teams, but, but too many guys, at least a lot of our listeners, 30 something, 40 something year olds, came up where it's the boys don't cry and toughen up and, feelings are a girl thing.

[00:06:38] Hector: it's, if you have feelings, that's, that's girly and those same guys are now 30 something year old, men having kids, partners and pets and all these sorts of things, trying to cope with,to cope with, with the fallout of that. So I'm curious how that plays out in a, a hyper masculine environment,the SEAL teams.

[00:06:58] William: I didn't think about it very much in the SEAL teams. I will tell you that I've had two failed marriages, probably because I was doing masculinity wrong. The first marriage, I don't know that I was necessarily doing it wrong. I, there was a, I, maybe I picked the wrong partner. I'm not casting blame on anyone.

[00:07:18] William: I can only. take responsibility for my own actions. Second marriage. I definitely was a poor communicator. So a lot of the things I've learned from my experiences from, being in the SEAL teams, being married twice, having great relationships, having terrible relationships, having very successful relationships is there's no right or wrong answer. There's no black or white , in masculinity. one of the things that I learned is communication is absolutely key in relationships. I'm going to say this tongue in cheek. You can't over communicate, but you can't say too much. That doesn't make a lot of sense.

[00:07:52] William: And I've, I've, I posted a couple of things on Instagram lately. And I actually just got off the phone with someone having a very similar conversation about, we as men, our masculine energy, and I've kind of done a little bit of a deep dive of late. Our masculine energy is about being strong protector.

[00:08:12] William: And I used to think that being a strong protector was only on the physical side of it. And I'm also a part of some men's personal development programs. So I'm learning things from, from a lot of different angles now. especially on the masculinity side. it is about being physically capable of protecting your people.

[00:08:29] William: that's first and foremost, what's a very close second to that is having the ability to protect your female counterpart.and I'm going to, I'm going to struggle with how to say this, but to be a container for her to express herself. What that means is just giving her the space to say whatever the fuck she needs to say, women have a lot more words than men. There are some men out there that have as many words as women, but for the most part, women have more words than men and they need to express it. And they need to express it to, sometimes they need to express it to the girlfriends. You as a man, you are not their girlfriend. You are their provider, their protector, their whatever, their masculine counterpart. And so sometimes when they come to you and they are expressing themselves, it could sound like you're an emotional punching bag for them, and you're not, you're just giving them a place to vent, and it's not a personal attack on you, it's not a personal attack, they just need a different way to express themselves, but it's very easy for us to get sucked into feel like you were an emotional punching bag. And really, it's not a personal thing against you. It's just, they need to express themselves and then they'll come back and they'll say, well, I want you to express to me the same way that I'm expressing to you.

[00:09:55] William: Do not fall into that fucking trap. \ That is a dangerous place to be because if you fall into that trap, you're going to start letting out your feminine energy in the form of, I'm going to say whining.That's not exactly what I mean, but if you start being overly vulnerable to, to your female partner, she will start to lose respect for you.

[00:10:14] William: Even though she wants you to be vulnerable. It's a weird dance and you can be vulnerable to a point, but she does not want all of your vulnerability. If I express all of my vulnerability to my female counterpart, she's going to lose respect for me. I, she could, I could scare the fuck out of her.

[00:10:30] William: All the shit that's in my head, , 100 women can't fucking handle it. And I don't mean that in a, in a, like a negative, macho, misogynist way. I mean, my job as a man is to be the protector and the provider. Physically, emotionally, whatever. If I give. Her, my shit, she will not be able to handle it because , now she's worried about me.

[00:10:52] William: She's worried about like, can he handle my other shit? All the shit that she wants to put on me. She wants to give me and let me hold for her. It will be overwhelming. So I kind of think of it like a, an iceberg. \ women think they want the whole thing. They don't want the whole thing.

[00:11:08] William: They just want the tip. Just give me the tip. And, pun intended for sure. But,didn't think that an iceberg would sink the Titanic. Well, it fucking sunk the Titanic. It will be the same thing in your relationships. If you give them more than the tip, then it will fucking sink your relationship.

[00:11:24] William: And I have lost relationships because I gave more than just a tip.

[00:11:28] Hector: Hear, hear brother,it's important for guys to hear it. Andpart of me is I wish I would have known this. I don't know. X amount of time, but also I don't know that it would have made any difference either though, because I think that things have to happen and we all have to go through the challenges that we're supposed to go through in order to kind of learn the lessons that we're supposed to learn.

[00:11:50] Hector: It's just, it's very poignant. because I made all of those mistakes, right? You, you hear the things where it's that you need to be vulnerable and you need to be, whatever the words were, I don't know. And it seems that has kind of gone out of phase a little bit. I don't hear as many people talking about that anymore because they've probably seen the fallout of all of the shit that's happened where it's exactly what you're saying, where.

[00:12:10] Hector: what they say they want and what they actually need or what they actually want are often different. And if we just go around giving them what they say they want, in my experience, it doesn't always end well.

[00:12:24] William: I posted stuff on social media recently about this and here I'll just read a post that I wrote saying a lot of the same things I just said, but , it said something like, Yeah, man, read this because the ladies are confirming that this is true. And I'm telling you, I've had so many women reach out to me on social media, both in the comments and in DMS.

[00:12:43] William: And they're like, when I posted this, I could probably get laid like 10 times over because I put something like this out and women are like, fuck. Yeah, that right there. And so I said, okay, man, you're not an emotional punching bag. You are strong, masculine motherfuckers act like it. You are not a victims.

[00:13:02] William: She's not trying to attack you. She isn't challenging your manhood. She sees your strength and she trusts you to create that safe space so she can express herself without judgment. She may push against you, to test your strength just to make sure that you're still strong enough to hold her. Give her that space and be brave enough and strong enough to hold all of her energy.

[00:13:27] William: It's not going to be easy. Nothing great is ever easy. Here's the other thing. You are not her girlfriend. She wants you to share, but she can, but it's a slippery slope. be like an iceberg. Just give her the tip. She doesn't really want the whole thing. cause it can be overwhelming, blah, blah, blah, all that other good stuff.

[00:13:45] William: So anyway, it's, it's a dance. And, I, had I known all of that before, maybe I would have made better decisions. I don't know, maybe not, but I send I tend to learn most things through failure. I, you can give me the answer to the test. I'm going to still get it wrong and fuck it up and try my own thing.

[00:14:04] William: And oh, that didn't work. Well, all right. Okay. Now I'll answer the questions the way that you're giving me the answers. But I've, I've certainly failed a lot of tests because I didn't, trust the answers that I was given. I've got to go find out myself.

[00:14:17] Hector: Well, this after action report, It's so valuable for a couple of reasons. I mean, I think that the first is that you talked about looking backwards, but I think that it also allows you to, to approach things with a, with an objective sort of view. you can kind of remove the emotion from it and really take the lessons or learnings that are there.

[00:14:35] Hector: And, and at least for me, I'm like, well, that seems easier than, than going through and judging and critiquing and figuring out, where I fucked up, which I think is a part of it, but in my experience, so much of the, work is a willingness to go into those moments and experiences that were so painful for us that for whatever reason, we just tried to immediately distract numb or, forget about only to realize that one, five, 10, 15, 20, you know, 25 years later, those things are still lurking around in there.

[00:15:09] Hector: fucking shit up. and it requires, whether it's a breathwork or an ice plunge or whatever sort of kind of mechanism to go in there and, and like on unstick all that shit that's been compacted in there for years.

[00:15:24] William: Yeah, I think it's a lot of self reflection. And looking back, I'm like, what did I do right? A lot of times, I've done things really well, but I did it well on accident. So when I get on stage and I speak, sometimes I talk about,I was a sniper, I was a sniper instructor, and I remember my third stalk.

[00:15:46] William: So a stalk is where you crawl around, you're wearing a ghillie suit, you crawl around in the bushes and you try to sneak up on the instructors and set up a finer fight, final firing position. And then there's a whole grading criteria. If you watch any kind of like movie that's about snipers, you'll see something about that in there.

[00:16:02] William: and I remember the third stock that I ever did, I failed the first two. And then the third one, I. crawled up into a position. I set up my final fire position. I put, vegetation all over the place. And then I took my shot, which is just with a blank. And then an instructor came over.

[00:16:20] William: He's like, who shot? I said, I shot over here. He came up and he was like, Holy crap, hold on. And he made me sit there for like, I don't know, a long ass time till he went and found a camera to come back and take pictures of me because I did such a. Great job building that final fire firing position. It's in my presentation.

[00:16:38] William: I think I have some pictures like an on instagram Also of it but from a couple years ago And it's went on the board like the pictures of me went on the board of this is how you do it But I wasn't that good Back then when I like the third stock, I did it really, really, really well accidentally. And I think the trap that we fall into as men or as people, it doesn't matter if it's in masculinity or business or anything else. Sometimes we do something really, really well, like almost perfect. By accident and we can't repeat it because we don't know what we actually did right And what we actually did wrong.

[00:17:17] William: We just know that we did a great job. We crushed it. Hell. Yeah I should be able to crush it every time. Well, I don't actually know what I did, right? So I had to go back and learn and the next stock I failed and I was devastated I was like what but I got a 10 on that one. How did I get a 7 on this one?

[00:17:30] William: What the fuck happened? And but then I had to be honest with myself Well, I didn't actually know what I was doing. I just got lucky. Let me try to do exactly the same thing I did on that one stock where I crushed it on the next one. And then I did, much better. And then I did better.

[00:17:44] William: And I eventually learned the right way to do it, but I did it. I felt I did fall into that trap of doing it. Perfectly once, but not really knowing what the hell I was doing.

[00:17:56] Hector: is that, is that decision to accept that it was luck? Initially I was like, damn, that's, that seems like a damning or a defeating or a, almost even like a, maybe it seems like it's negating your efforts kind of right. But then I also, I'm, I'm wondering if it's, if it's also freeing in a, in its own way as well, to realize that something was luck and that you, you can get there, but you need, you've kind of gotten that taste and like now, now it shows you like where and how much you need to work to get there.

[00:18:31] William: To be excellent at anything or master anything, you have to be able to repeat it over and over. And if you don't understand what you did right and what you did wrong, you can't repeat the same thing. You can't repeat the. The good stuff, the right things, you may start repeating the wrong things, thinking that those were the right things.

[00:18:49] William: So it's understanding the difference between the right thing that you're doing and the wrong thing. So failures where those lessons come in and recognizing like I did awesome. Like I, it's happened to me in business where I've like,hit a grand slam in, something on the business side.

[00:19:03] William: And I'm like, I fucking know everything about that. I need to know about business and how to be successful. I really don't at the time because I got lucky. I did some things, right? I did some other things, right? Accidentally. I did some things right on purpose. I did other things right on accident, and I happened to not do other things wrong.

[00:19:25] William: And then when I went back to try to repeat that, the things I did right accidentally, Didn't work out because they weren't done purposefully. And so I wasn't able to repeat all the right things. So I had to go figure out what the right things are and continue to repeat those. And then when I practiced the wrong things, well, I, it's pretty good feedback.

[00:19:43] William: I, I, I like to say that I hate failing, but I love failure. I hate failing, but I love failure. No one likes to fail. Our ego gets in the way my ego is fucking gigantic. And so when I fail at something, it hurts my ego. But if I can accept the fact that I failed for a reason, for a good reason. And I own that.

[00:20:09] William: Okay. Well, I know how not to do that. I mean, Thomas Edison, he learned more than 10, 000 ways to not create the incandescent light bulb. How many times have we failed at something? And then we just gave up on it. didn't go 10 times. Probably didn't go 1000 times. Certainly not 10, 000 times. So when we can, Learn to accept that failure.

[00:20:28] William: Figure out what that failure is. What is the thing that's not working? Okay. And then we can eliminate that. What else is not working? Okay. Eliminate that everything else at the end of the day, pretty soon. We're going to find out what actually works. Okay. This works. Let's set this over here.

[00:20:41] William: , what else does this work or not work? Okay. That doesn't work. Get rid of that. And it's a process of elimination. And sometimes hiring a coach is the right thing to do because they've already learned what works and what doesn't work. And that's, a lot of my success is I've hired coaches to help me, Collapse time and move the ball forward to get where I needed to go.

[00:20:59] Hector: that's the point. I'm glad you brought that up because that's what I find is the, I don't know if it's the seeker or the magic, to let's call it catalyzing or alchemizing these, failures, right? Is how quickly can you get back on the horse? How quickly can you get back in the battery box?

[00:21:14] Hector: Yeah, you struck out, but You know, in life, we get, we get to hop back into the batter's box as soon as we are willing to get in there. But in the times where, , I've been depressed or I've, been, , at my lowest, it's when I was sitting on the bench, just wanting to get in the batter's box and being so sad and upset.

[00:21:33] Hector: At myself, either for striking out the last time or worrying about the next time, instead of just like getting in the box and then going from there, which I think was a, it's a daily thing that I'm, that I'm still trying to kind of, realize

[00:21:49] William: Yeah, I think, and that's, just a shift in mindset is if you can wake up in the morning and you can say, I can't wait to fail today. What can I go out there and fall on my face? We all want to get up in the morning and say, where am I gonna crush the day? Let's, I'm just gonna crush everything.

[00:22:06] William: Everything's gonna be awesome. If you can wake up and you can say, where can I, where do I get to fail? Where do I get to fall on my face? Where do I get to suffer? Do I get to suffer? Yeah. I get to suffer. Maybe it's taking an ice bath. Maybe I, get to go work out. I get to go out, I get to go fail.

[00:22:20] William: Matter of fact, I have something, we were talking business earlier. I'm actually being sued right now. By another company for trademark infringement. That's what they're claiming. because I use the word naked in my, as the name of my CBD company, naked warrior recovery. And so they claim that they own all trademarks that have the word naked in them.

[00:22:41] William: They don't, but they're suing me. And so my first thought was like, God, I don't want to deal with this. I got to, I don't want to deal with the money. I don't want to deal with having to change the name of my company. I don't want to deal with any of this other stuff. And then my second thought was. I get to be sued. I get to be sued. How many people get to be sued? How many people get to go and suffer and struggle through this and come out however I come out on the other side of it? I don't know anyone that gets to be sued except for me. I get to be sued. I'm stoked about it. I'm looking forward to the process. I could lose at the end of the day and have to change a bunch of stuff. So what? I'm going to win the war at the end. I might lose the battle, but I'm going to win the war. And so I just changed the way that I view the world is I get to be sued, I get to fail, I get to get out there and suffer and screw something up and learn a lesson from it.

[00:23:46] William: And because I can do that, because I can go out and think about things differently than everyone else, I will never be a victim. To anything or anyone ever, I get to control my destiny. I get to control my happiness and I live in other people's brains rent free.

[00:24:03] Hector: It seems like , it relates to this, thing that I, I know a lot of our listeners deal with. Cause I, I am still trying to put it down, but that's this, fear of what other people think. Right. Fear of doing things because of what their parents think or society thinks or their partner thinks or, or whatever, right?

[00:24:22] Hector: We have all these voices in our head that if I do this, Oh, they're going to think this, or they're going to think that. And I think that so much of my life was dictated upon that. And then also being worried about making the wrong decision. Right? Those two kinds of things, when you pair them together, all of a sudden you're stuck and you're not doing shit and, you stay in that place.

[00:24:42] Hector: Whereas the mindset you're talking about is kind of leaning into all of those. Challenges or leaning into all of , those struggles , or looking forward to failure as opposed to going, Oh, I might fail. It's like, well, if you lean into it, all of a sudden it becomes a lot quicker to go through that process that you talked about.

[00:25:01] William: Still struggle with it sometimes, but I do a much better job now of some of the same things that you are thinking about, or you were just mentioning, what people will think of me, what if I do fail, What will people think? And do you know who Tim Grover is?

[00:25:16] Hector: He's a coping. Oh, he's coming.

[00:25:18] William: Yeah, Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant's coach. So he wrote a couple of books, one called relentless and one called winning fantastic books. I recommend them to everyone. in one of those books, I don't remember which one he talks about flexing your IDGAF muscle and IDGAF stands for it's an acronym.

[00:25:34] William: It's, it stands for, I don't give a fuck when you can. Start thinking about the world like that when you can think I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about me or thinks of my actions as long as you're proud of your actions. Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's a hard place to get. But I find it's easier to say it out loud with no one else in the room practice saying it out loud.

[00:26:00] William: It's easy to stay inside your head, but it's not that easy to practice. But when you can take it out of your head and say it out loud or write it down. Yeah. And then start saying it in front of other people, it starts to stick and it starts to be more effective and it starts to be something that you can actually do.

[00:26:17] William: So I like to practice, flexing my IDGAF muscle and I think if more people did that, they would care less about what other people thought and they just wanted to be proud of their actions.

[00:26:26] Hector: Yeah, I love that, mindset, really, when it comes to, mindsets, I think are, they're kind of the operating system, if you will. And then on top of that, we've got these, let's call them apps. It would be the next way to expand the bad analogy. But for you, do you have modalities or things that you.

[00:26:46] Hector: Lean on to, to stay in that place, whether it's, I don't know, breathwork or sauna, or you mentioned cold plunger, like things like, but things that you lean on to, stay in that sort of mindset.

[00:26:59] William: I think working out, I, I used to have access to a sauna, but you know, going through a divorce, I lost that in the divorce. cold plunge also. It is what it is, but you know, just working out, just going out and doing really hard things, pushing your body to a limit, and we can always push further than we think we can. I learned this in SEAL training. I was like, I'm super tired. I don't know. I don't want to go any farther. Well, guess what? You have to keep going. So I just kept going. I was like, Oh, I didn't think I could go this far. I don't, didn't think I could push this far. this last year I hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim to rim twice.

[00:27:33] William: The first time we saved a kid's life, it was a group of 13 of us. We didn't make it to the North rim. Because it was eight feet of snow on the ground and I, like coming out of the Grand Canyon was one of the five top five hardest things I've ever done in my life. But because I trained for it, I realized I didn't train enough.

[00:27:51] William: But as I was climbing out of the Grand Canyon and I was going into these really dark places in my mind, like feeling sorry for myself, being pissed off with everyone in the world and fuck this canyon and all this other stuff. At some point, I stopped looking around and comparing What was going on around me or, the guys that were in front of me or the guys that were behind me, like catching up to me and I just put my head down and I looked at the ground and it was dark.

[00:28:16] William: It was probably like 24 hours in, to that hike. It was snow and ice, like climbing out of the grand Canyon. And I looked down and my headlamp was, dying and the guy with batteries was, I don't know, way ahead of me. So I'm like, all right, I just got to work my way out of here. And I looked at the ground and all I looked at was this, the circle of light on the ground.

[00:28:38] William: It was about a two foot circle of light. And my mission in life was to get to the end of that circle. My steps weren't even as big as the length of my foot. Like my steps were probably half the length of my foot and I wear a size 11. And so I don't know how long I just went into that mode of just put my head down and go.

[00:28:58] William: First I heard like some people in front of me and I was like, who the hell is in front of me? who did I catch up to? Well, it turns out when I did that, I stopped looking around. I stopped comparing. I stopped like.

[00:29:07] William: feeling sorry for myself and just became one with myself and what I was doing. I caught seven of the 10 guys that were in front of me or nine guys that were in front of me and passed them. but it was just because I stopped, comparing and I went into a different place in my mind, but I wouldn't have been able to get to that place had I not done a bunch of work.

[00:29:28] William: To get there. I hadn't gone and run up the, bunches of miles training for this.

[00:29:34] Hector: Could you have gotten there without all of the anguish and angst , and was, was all of that. Do you think is it is it necessary?

[00:29:42] William: I think for me at that time, it was necessary. I think I had to go through it. I had to get past my ego. Cause I know my ego was a big part of that. It was a big part of feeling sorry for myself. yeah, being pissed off. What was me? Oh my God, I can't believe they left me all this stupid shit that was going through my brain.

[00:30:02] William: And at the end of the day, I'm the only person that's in charge of how I think. It is not anyone else's responsibility to determine how I think or what I think about. It's a hundred percent mine. I have to own that. And if I don't own it, no one else is going to. it was interesting. Like I was thinking of some guys that were on that trip that were studs. Like they, they run Ironman triathlons and all this other stuff.

[00:30:23] William: And I'm like, Oh, they're so and so is going to come back down and he's going to grab my pack. And it's going to make it easier for me to get out. Well, the next day when we were talking, he was like, yeah, there was no way I was going back down in that Canyon to help any one of you guys. Like I barely made it out myself.

[00:30:37] William: So at that point, , I realized like no one else is coming to help you. I've known this for my entire life and I preach it also. But at some point I was like, someone's going to come and help me. No one's coming to help you. You got to help yourself. And so you have to build those tools yourself. and then, also the next day we had a guy, he wrote a book called the comfort crisis and I forgot his name, but he said something that was really interesting to me.

[00:31:03] William: And, I think we all, took something from this. And he said, , fatigue is an emotion. You feel tired, but it goes back to, you can go a lot farther than you think you can. You can go a lot farther than you feel like you can. You feel tired. You're that's fatigue. You feel love. That's an emotion.

[00:31:23] William: You feel tired. That's an emotion. , it means that you're like running out of energy, but you still have more energy than you think you do.you feel anger. That's an emotion. You feel happiness. That's an emotion. You feel fatigue. That's an emotion. So if you recognize how you feel, then you can do something about it.

[00:31:41] William: You can recognize, oh, that's just an emotion. How do I handle my emotions? Can you be in control of your emotions? And I think that's a really important part of learning how to really truly master your emotions, because I don't think that's an easy thing to do for any of us.

[00:31:56] Hector: I remember reading some of theseseduction or pickup books when I was I don't know early 20s or whatever and they talked about this outer game in the inner game Right and the the outer game is whatever, higher Room looks or what you wear or whatever that is and the inner game was just like it was really like They were like it was just confidence.

[00:32:16] Hector: It was like one chapter sort of thing and I was like, oh, that's that's simple That's easy. I've got that and as i'm Progressing later on in life. It feels like I don't want to say mastering, but mastering the inner game has seemed to get a little more complex or, or more levels have been unlocked or, or there's more, there's more buttons or the, the villains are harder.

[00:32:37] Hector: I don't know, but it seems like that whole world didn't come online maybe, until,years later.

[00:32:44] William: I think you're absolutely right. Anybody can do the outer game. That's easy. The inner game, I say it's a dance and I have two left feet. I can't dance. I'm terrible at dancing. But I'm trying. I'm working on it. I'm getting better. I'm taking classes.

[00:33:02] William: I'm, , practicing when no one else is looking. But I think , there's a lot of layers to that also. And it depends on who your partner is to how deep of those layers you need to go. Some partners they don't care about going that deep in, in the inner game. Some partners need you to go super deep in that, you know, lots of layers.

[00:33:18] William: In that inner game. So it depends on your partner and it depends on how deep you're willing to go. How much work are you willing to put into it? How much do you value this relationship will determine kind of how deep you need to go. And I think you should always go at least one more layer deeper than where your partner needs you to go, because you don't know what kind of work they're doing.

[00:33:37] William: They could be doing a bunch of work where they start going deeper. So you should always, as a masculine man should always be ahead of them so that you can always contain them. You can always be that. Provider protector that they need because that's what we are as men. That is our role from the beginning.

[00:33:54] William: Be the provider, be the protector. We're the same. We're equal. We're not equal. We're not the same. There's nothing about us. That is the same other than we are humans. One is masculine and one is feminine. And that's also not a, biological trait.

[00:34:05] William: Like I know men who have a lot of feminine that carry a lot of feminine energy. And I'll tell you that I have shown feminine energy a lot more lately than I ever have In the past, especially when I'm hurt, like when I'm hurt and like the, like in my heart, it's very easy to have that vulnerable sort of feminine energy, but do not give that feminine energy to women. Find good fucking men that you trust. I have a network of men and I don't think maybe two of them are seals. The rest are not seals. that I trust that I could go right now. I could call right now that, fucking 3am phone call, if I needed to make it, I can make it to a handful of men.

[00:34:49] William: They would be that container for me to pour my heart out and be In my feminine, which I'm not proud to do, but sometimes you just got to do it. Sometimes you just fucking hurt and you have to share and you have to have people that you trust And that's the same thing for women. They have to be able to trust you to share their feminine energy.

[00:35:08] Hector: Yeah. That was a big thing for me. It was not, unloading stuff. in my relationship and having an outlet for those sorts of things. And there's all these reasons, right? But I think that like guys have to step out of outside of the reasons or the excuses of the circumstances and realize that like at the end of the day, like that shit doesn't matter.

[00:35:28] Hector: And, we were coming out of just had kids then right into the pandemic. And so, naturally we're, everyone was kind of isolated. though I didn't have those people, guys that I could call. the only person that I was talking to that I could talk to was my wife at the time.

[00:35:42] Hector: and that didn't work, there needs to be some sort of separate outlet. found myself saying, well, I do this for you, but you don't do that for me. that sort of thing. when , it's not like a two way street, it's not fair.

[00:35:55] Hector: and I grew up. I don't want to say program, but thinking okay, well, 50, 50, you want to do that, I don't want to say brainwash, but thinking okay, well, if that's what you want, then this is what you'll get. Sort of like, we'll give you like, here you go. And then. and then, you lose polarity in the relationship and then there's all sorts of other sorts of just issues that come when men, myself, who's what I'm talking about, don't step into their role as what you're talking about in the providers as providers and protectors.

[00:36:26] William: Yeah, I like the way you said that that an outlet we as men need And it's hard to find someone you trust to do that. And it's funny, like the, the men that I have in my life that I can use as that outlet are men that you would never think, if you saw their presence on social media, you'd be like, yeah, I wouldn't share anything with him.

[00:36:47] William: I wouldn't be vulnerable with him at all. But when you get to know them, the nicest, most caring, like Men that you'll ever meet. But if you see like the persona that they project because they care, they project a certain persona because they give a shit, they give a shit about society. They give a shit about people. They help fitness, wealth, whatever they care. And they come across very hardcore, but I've worked with these men and it was very easy to be vulnerable and share things that I don't share with most people.

[00:37:19] William: And I was like, holy shit, that was weird. And they give good, positive, helpful feedback. And I was like, , I'm uncomfortable right now, but very comfortable sharing with you. I don't like sharing. I don't like to put my shit out there in the world. And I put a lot of shit out there in the world.

[00:37:34] William: A lot of vulnerability. But like the deep stuff, I was not prepared to be comfortable doing that. And a matter of fact I was texting one of them the other the other day I was like, bro, he was asking me some stuff and I was like, bro I just want to let you know like I appreciate you and I almost reached out to you because I was fucking suffering in this way that way and something else and But I didn't have to I got my shit together and he was like he was like I was honored that you like I'm So glad that you shared that with me just next time just call And we'll fucking work it out together. That gave me more, trust in him to trust him to , if I am suffering, I do have someone that I can go and rely on. I don't have to, and I would do the same for him. And I've told him that I'm like, bro, he was like, cause he messaged me like, weeks before he's this was the hardest fucking week of my life.

[00:38:20] William: This and that I'm like, just fucking let me know. And I will be there and we can fucking talk about it and get you over the hump. You have to suffer in silence. Stop being a little bitch. And of course he turns around and says the exact same thing back to me.

[00:38:31] Hector: Right. Well, I

[00:38:33] Hector: think there's

[00:38:33] William: to have those, those people in your life, especially as men, it's very hard to find those men, but once you find them fucking nurture that relationship,

[00:38:41] Hector: Yeah. Great advice. just trying to be reflective, I think that there's this fear that if we are emotional or vulnerable in a moment that that's who we are, and we're By, by allowing us to be that, then that is our identity and that, we don't show emotion.

[00:38:57] Hector: We don't let stuff leak out, not realizing that the world is much more balanced and that the vulnerability actually allows the. I don't know, whatever's on the other side, which is in order to be a badass , in its fullest, , there's a level of, vulnerability and authentic, like there's a balance.

[00:39:14] Hector: It's that ninja in the garden or the warrior in the garden, sort of thing. I'm also recently, it came up. Saw this, it's a video that went viral talking about how a lot of, and they were talking about martial arts, people who train martial arts or jujitsu, that the, the ones who at the highest levels, they also have this intense aggressiveness and ferocity, but they're also able to be intensely kind and intensely compassionate and caring.

[00:39:41] Hector: And it's kind of what you're talking about, right, where the extremes, they almost require each other to sustain itself, or if you're only on one end of that spectrum that that can burn out really quickly, whether it's, hyper aggressive or hyper emotional or sensitive or whatever it is, but that that in order to, to maintain some sort of, let's call it balance or like harmony is probably a better word that you need both

[00:40:04] William: I'll say that I think on, on this call, I'm, I'm a little more understated, but I have been told that I can be kind of intense and you mentioned, crying and vulnerability and, and stuff like that, I'm a 50 year old man, I get on stages and I speak around the world. And I will tell you that I probably cry on stage 70 percent of the time I certainly break down a little bit, depending on what I'm talking about, whether I talk about, Naked Warrior Recovery is a CBD company.

[00:40:35] William: our mission is 22 to zero eliminating veteran suicide. And my dad is one of those 22. Sometimes I get a little choked up there, or I talk about, towards the end of my presentation, I do a, a, a version of the man in the arena, a long version of the man in the arena by Teddy Roosevelt, and my daughter knows, That speech or that quote as well as I do.

[00:40:55] William: And I tell them that, one day, I'm going to be on a stage, a minimum of 2000 people, this is the deal I made with my daughter and, I'm, I could get emotional just talking about talking about it right now. And I say, and at the point where I this part of the presentation where I do the man in the arena one day, I'm going to call my daughter up onto the stage minimum again 2000 people plus and we'll say it together and I'll say a line or two and she'll say a line or two and , we'll just go back and forth and back and forth and say the whole thing.

[00:41:24] William: And I'm like, I don't even know if I can say it with a dry eye, say it without bawling and have big snot bubbles coming out of my face and all that other stuff, but I for sure I get emotional. But what I found in sort of that polarity of it is when I do when I am emotional. I have a much bigger positive response from the crowd. I've never lost it, but I've been like, hold on just a second. I got to gather myself and take some deep breaths and maybe turn around and turn my back to the crowd and then they just start cheering and they're like, come on, you got this and. And then I'm like, okay, well that just like fuels my, like my, I'm like, Oh my God, I'm more emotional.

[00:42:04] William: stop clapping for me right now because I need to get my act together and get back into business mode and stop being in emotional mode. But people want that people are craving that it's like real energy, real vulnerability, real, a real fucking person. I'm a pretty masculine man. I don't think there's a lot of femininity about me.

[00:42:23] William: And when I show like that vulnerability, it really impacts a lot of people, but I don't show too much. I show just enough,

[00:42:29] Hector: just the tip. That's the, That's the lesson for today. well, this has been a fantastic conversation and I think that you were perfectly stated. I don't know if you were understated. You were well stated. This is a refreshing conversation. And at least for me and what I'm going through. And, , a lot of the listeners know that this show was born out of my own kind of trials and tribulations.

[00:42:50] Hector: But I know if I'm going , through things that , there's guys who are going to come behind me That are going through similar stuff to, so I, I appreciate everything that you've said. I've got one more question for you, but before we do that, where can people go and, and get more connected with you or find out more about what you're up to?

[00:43:06] William: So what I'd like to do is I'd like to share my presentation. I'd like to show, share with people what get naked is all about. So if you go to the website, the number five, five seal secrets. com. Navy seal five S C A L secrets. com. just put your name and email and phone number in there. I'm not going to call you, but we just asked for it.

[00:43:23] William: and I'll send you a PDF of what naked stands for. It's an acronym. And, and if you, I have a CBD company called naked word recovery. I'm, currently being sued. So any support there would be super, super helpful. And you can follow me on Instagram, William. art at Branham or any other social media platform out there.

[00:43:41] William: I appreciate that. I appreciate the shout out.

[00:43:43] Hector: Cool. And we'll link all that up in the show notes, Chelsea. You can find it there. William, last question here in, in your mind, what does modern masculinity mean to you?

[00:43:52] William: Mmm. That's a great question. So modern masculinity is to me, and if you had asked me this question two months ago, I would have had a different answer, but it's being that safe container for the feminine. And sometimes the feminine isn't always a female. Sometimes that feminine is like your brother, your bro, your second best friend needs to like vent.

[00:44:16] William: Being that safe container for them to you. Be as vulnerable as they need to do without judgment, without trying to fix their shit. Just be there and be that protector of emotion, of whatever it is that they need at the time. And I think that's what modern masculinity truly is. It's not bravado. It's just being a strong, caring person.

[00:44:40] Hector: Well stated. Fellas, I want to thank you for sticking with us today and being here. We would be forever grateful for a rating or review wherever you get your podcasts. And if you know someone, a guy, gal, someone who needs to hear this, hit that share button, send them a message, let them know that you were thinking about them.

[00:44:56] Hector: And as always, we appreciate you being part of the tribe. We'll see on the next one. Later fellas.