The Role of Men in Today's Families: Tradition vs. Modernity with Tiziano Sguerso

[00:00:00] Hector: Fellas, what's going on? I hope this episode finds you well, and I hope this episode leaves you better than when it found you. Today's episode is with Tiziano Seguerso, and I think that's how you say his last name. he is absolutely one of the most beautiful men on the planet, both inside and outside.

[00:00:48] Hector: And those of you guys know, I'm very heterosexual, and I'm very into, you know, You know, women. But if there was ever a man that I was like, just looked at and said, God, that guy is a good looking guy. this is, him. You know, there's a few out there, right? Tom Brady is probably like the easy example, but, he's a beautiful man inside and out.

[00:01:08] Hector: And we talk about. On today's episode, the impact that our family has on, on who we are today and the relationships that we are getting into and involved with today and how some of those same sort of narratives or, or really not even necessarily the same narratives, but how the narratives are continuing to play out, right?

[00:01:26] Hector: It's not the same ones, but how those narratives are, are evolving and how you're seeing the, the second and the third act , from what had happened before. And, the responses and, and reflections and rebounds and, and all these sorts of ways that things sort of, sort of move throughout family and, and how, maybe how generational trauma, you know, actually shows up in, in real life and what that looks like.

[00:01:50] Hector: And so it's a, it's a really fascinating conversation. He is a wonderful person and, once again, honored to bring you another one , of my favorite people. Mr. Tiziano. sso.

[00:02:01] Hector: Welcome to the modern masculinity podcast. Thanks for being here, brother.

[00:02:05] Tiziano: Thank you, Hector. It's a pleasure to share this space with you.

[00:02:09] Hector: I say that, intentionally too, because I feel like we are on similar paths, perhaps you are a couple of steps down the path further than I am, but you seem to, you know, understand and care about some of the same things that, that we do. And so I do see you and brother in that. In that regard, I'm, I'm curious, I'd love for you to take the listeners into your world.

[00:02:30] Hector: you're speaking to people all over the world. You have, you know, thousands of people following your seminars and workshops and you're helping and impacting so many people. But I'd imagine that there are still challenges and struggles and things that you are going through, you know, individually.

[00:02:44] Hector: So what sort of things does Tiziano still wake up and what sort of load are you kind of still carrying as a man these days?

[00:02:52] Tiziano: Since Hector 2019, my life has shifted completely. I was a professional kickboxer at the time and I became an observer family constellation. I do family constellation systemic therapy. still these days, obviously I experience,the limited free will that human have over this experience. So there's a lot of challenge in me because, I'm part of a family.

[00:03:15] Tiziano: I'm part of a system. So obviously I embrace the challenge of my family and of my system and I carry on, but I don't want to call them challenges actor because I learned that those are. way for me to evolve, to empower. So when a challenge comes about, Hector, I don't face it like, Oh, life turn its back on me.

[00:03:37] Tiziano: Actually, I face it as life allows me to upgrade. And this is the major, the major gift that I got from embracing the path in Family Constellation. Every time there is a challenge in relationship, in financial situation, not these days anymore, but other dynamic, perhaps relationship, I would say for myself personally, I say, well, I bring to the surface an unresolved of my family for me to resolve it, for me to evolve, for me to step forward and do something good about that.

[00:04:07] Hector: One of our first guests on the show, Dr Ted Ransaw. He was talking about how they in scientific kind of studies, they can essentially see proof of generational trauma where they can trace something like diabetes back generations. And what's interesting about your work is that you are kind of undoing some of that stuff.

[00:04:27] Hector: but perhaps when people think of generational trauma, they think it's some of it. Mystical like it's not a real thing. But in your mind, how do you look at that? And is any of the work that you're doing helping to undo some of whatever that is?

[00:04:43] Tiziano: My work is all about that actor. I obviously work on a soul level. If you want to go a little bit more scientific, which I like, I would like to acknowledge quantum physics. Quantum physics acknowledges that we live in a field of information, what they call morphogenetic field. This field is an informed field.

[00:05:05] Tiziano: What does it mean when something is informed? It means that the individual that they live in within, they are informing this field and this field is informed since the earth exists. So we live in a loop of memory. If I want to bring my experience to a morphogenetic level, soul level, to the, Physical level, as you mentioned at the start, I go into what the epigenetics acknowledge as the University of Queensland, not far behind, but less than six months from now, they acknowledge us that we carry the memory of our ancestor in our cell, in our bone, in our body.

[00:05:42] Tiziano: So, of course, when you mentioned the doctor at the start, the doctor tells you, well, inside our body, yes, we carry the memory, we carry this, the illnesses, but what we really carry, Hector, is the conflict. What does that mean? Through family constellation, we are knowledge that if there is a conflict in the family, perhaps a separation and our body has learned to deal with that separation out of a dermatitis, for example, of course, the generation that coming after that, they will deal with the same separation.

[00:06:17] Tiziano: How? In the same way that our ancestors did, because we belong, because we are part of a pack. So how the pack is kept in safety is by bringing forward, carry forward the memory of what we dealt in the past. So we're not coming into this existence after that we don't know. We are, an individual out of a million and million of people.

[00:06:39] Tiziano: Bloody no. We are actually part of a tree, part of thousands and thousands of people that they died and suffered behind us for us to be here.

[00:06:48] Hector: Yeah, it's a really interesting thing that I think more and more people are waking up to. And if not, life seems to present these things. When I was first dart dating the, the mother and my kids, when she would spend the night for a few hours and she would wake up really early in the morning and I remember she would leave in the middle of night and I would just start bawling.

[00:07:06] Hector: I would have this incontrollable just, I don't know, like I, I'm sitting there telling her, I don't know why I'm crying. But this is so emotionally riveting right now. The thought of you leaving, you're just you're going, I'm gonna see you tomorrow. But the thought anytime she left my body, my nervous system would just get cast into this, into this, you know, terror is what it felt like.

[00:07:28] Hector: And it was only when I started to do some inner child work and started looking back and what was causing that, that some of that stuff start to make sense. How do people start? I guess my question is if there is one like what what is what wakes people up to these things or what what finally allows them to open to the possibility that some of these energies and dynamics are going on under the surface.

[00:07:51] Tiziano: After the best medicine for an individual to Upgrade their life, awaken is desperation. I repeated desperation. When people are desperate enough, they are in the best place to change their life forever. In fact, sometimes when I do therapy and I see perhaps the woman that tried to save her son, which is her partner, her husband, I always say to them, Let them die in desperation, die obviously in brackets, because when they are desperate enough, they can do of that desperation something good.

[00:08:26] Tiziano: So they can change their belief. They can change their brain pattern. They can change the way they see the world. They are willing to upgrade. Why? Because they don't want to live in that desperation any longer. But I wish to do a little note on what you said at the start about your, partner leaving. My first question to you, brother, would be what happened to your grandmother? I tell you why. The love that we seek as an adult man, actor, is the mother of our father. I repeat it, the mother of our father, we unconsciously seek for a representative of the mother of our father to bring to reunion something that was separated. So if you tell me that there was some sort of abandonment wound from your partner, the mother of your children, I would say, what happened to your grandmother?

[00:09:16] Tiziano: What happened between your grandmother and your grandfather? And I'm sure that if we dive into that, we find the reason why you have that sort of abandonment wound. Does it make sense what I'm saying?

[00:09:27] Hector: Yes. and I'm, curious. it's interesting. My, my grandma, my dad's mom, they were, they immigrated from Mexico and that was a rather interesting journey, which I don't know the full details, but it was a very traumatic experience getting to the United States. And then she was very sick when my dad was born.

[00:09:43] Hector: So she was, essentially incapable of being a mom. Really? She was very sick, through his whole childhood. So it's just interesting how those things, I mean, we would never at surface think that, Oh, the reason I'm reacting right now, or perhaps even the challenges that I'm having in my relationship right now stems from two generations before.

[00:10:04] Tiziano: I call this imprinting. We have a morphogenetic imprinting. A morphogenetic. Let, lemme give you a very, very quick example. Morphogenetic field is what science is, what a religion called. God is what? Spirituality called love. So we are imprinting in something. There are a stamp on us. So we are part of something, of course that is printing, that imprinting is running through us.

[00:10:28] Tiziano: Those emotions that they have been left hidden. Or people they didn't deal with in the past, of course, somebody else will have to deal with that. Perhaps the next generation, two generation after. You said another very powerful things, brother. You know, sorry if I take my work a lot into this, but when you said your mother was incapable to be a mother, this perhaps could cause something in your father.

[00:10:53] Tiziano: Generally speaking, the mother represents our trust in life. So if we trust our mother, we trust the life. When we don't trust our mother, perhaps we have a little, if no trust in life. Life has not my back. This person tried to steal something from me. This boss tried to,sneak me around. So we are distrustful towards life.

[00:11:17] Tiziano: Why? Because. The mother represents life itself. So people that they experience an interrupted movement with her, they have a little if no trust in life. And guess what? They have issue in relationships. Our mother represent our relationship. When we get out of the womb, but the first person we relate to is our mother.

[00:11:41] Tiziano: So the imprinting of our relationship looks to the love we experience with our mother.

[00:11:47] Hector: and what I would imagine is that this dynamic plays out into our current relationships. And so when people there's a lot of people who, you know, talk about not not doing the work or suppressing emotions or or whatever it is, what I guess they don't realize is that that's actually imprinting onto future generations onto kids and that those dynamics will have to be dealt with eventually, it seems.

[00:12:10] Hector: I

[00:12:11] Tiziano: Oh, 100%. If, for example, I'll give you an example. If the love of my mother is on and off, perhaps she gives me two hour love, then for five hours is absent, another two hour love, and then five hours is absent. Which kind of love will I seek after? The love, the imprinting of love, which is in me, perhaps I find a person who is emotionally not available.

[00:12:34] Tiziano: Perhaps they give me two hours of availability and five hours of disappearance, like a light, you know, the light is on, the light is off. So the love, the imprinting of the love that we experience is the one of our mother. And people who have experienced an interrupted movement with her, they experience those interrupted movements on and on and on in their relationship.

[00:12:54] Tiziano: Why? It's basic because it's their love imprinting. And guess what, brother? When somebody comes to them and they try to give them more love and more affection and more emotions, they run away. Why? Because their tank of love is this big. So if somebody tried to give them this much love, they run away. Cause they don't know what this love is.

[00:13:18] Tiziano: They, they never experienced it. They aren't aware of it, and they don't have enough tank, enough, container to get, to hold that love.

[00:13:26] Hector: would love for you to expand because I feel like so many guys right now are sitting in that sort of situation where we think that the things that we're into are attracted to is just. That's just what we're into, you know, and I think that a lot of, a lot of people think of the, the Sigmund Freud sort of, you know, you love your mom, you sicko like that.

[00:13:49] Hector: They have this weird distorted view of that sort of dynamic. And so it kind of gets pushed to the side and saying, Oh, that's just woo woo. Or that's just Freud being, you know, crazy or whatever. But, but what you're actually saying is that the, the people that we seek are oftentimes the, that same impression or that the people, you know, They resemble that imprint that were left on us from our parents.

[00:14:11] Tiziano: Big time. The problem in the, what we would call the modern masculinity in terms of the relationship is that men, they don't leave their mother's sphere of influence. What does that mean? They don't leave their mother. Perhaps they are there. Eden has partners of their mother, so they don't, they're not actually her son, but they actually her partner.

[00:14:35] Tiziano: So they never leave their mother in full and they step into the new relationship half away. The left hand is holding to their mother and the right hand is holding to their wife, but they never fully leave the left hand. So their right hand, their wife gets angry. Why? Because they don't step up in manhood.

[00:14:56] Tiziano: They don't fully live their mother's sphere of influence, the prince's psychology, and they don't step in kinghood in their father. They don't fully trust their father. Why? Because most of mother, they don't give them permission. A lot of mothers spoke unpleasantly about their father, or they don't allow them to fully go to their father, so they remain attached to their mother out of guilt. Mom, I know you cannot deal with your life by yourself, so I remain as your partner because my father is not man enough, perhaps. So they don't trust their father in full and they don't fully step in manhood. Guess what happen after? Women, they are forced to To retain a bit of their masculinity, they don't fully enter their femininity because they don't fully trust their partner. So this cause women to get angry. Consciously they might say, Oh, you know what, brother, I'm, I'm angry because my husband this and that red and yellow. But what happens to a soul level is they are angry because they not fully, they are not able to fully enter womanhood. They are not able because they don't fully trust their partner because their partner doesn't step up in full as a man, as a provider, as a protector, in leadership, they don't fully guide their family and they don't fully serve their family because The man leads the family and the woman follow the man, but the man put himself in full in service to the family, in service to his woman. That's how it works best.

[00:16:40] Hector: Yeah. I, and it seems like I'm curious to know how your thoughts on, you know, this modern feminist movement and kind of the, the modern, you know, male men's work sort of movement. But going back on what you said, I remember watching one of your videos where you talk about that. And I said, Oh, that's me.

[00:16:59] Hector: I haven't let go of my mom's hand. that was me and that caused, I mean, so much of the challenges in my, so much of what you said was like, that's me.

[00:17:08] Tiziano: Actor is extremely common, particularly in this era, and, I feel to guide a bit in that, also to give to your audience a very powerful tool. The more we are able to acknowledge our father's gift, what he has given us, Consciously and subconsciously, even what we didn't see, the more we are able to trust our manhood, trust our father and become their son in full, the more we subdue, let's say, under their lead in terms of what they've given us.

[00:17:41] Tiziano: Even if they have abandoned us out of a church, and I will go into that, what their behavior has caused into us, how it's caused us to behave and to learn is what is our manhood, our adult man, so we can fully detach from our mother's sphere of influence, which is more what psychological narcissism And we step in manhood and the woman we have on our side, of course, she feel trustful towards us.

[00:18:13] Tiziano: She knows that we are in leadership. She knows , we can provide, knows that we can lead the family. In a certain direction, the man, actor has one foot inside the household and one foot outside the household. And that means that one foot is in service to the family and the other foot is in service to the world, to the destiny, to its purpose.

[00:18:37] Tiziano: How we serve the world. When a woman sees a man who serves the world with, obviously what we could call his job, But his mission and he's, he's driven into that. She feels wow, this is a man in service to the world, in service to me. So that we feel empowered to serve them and to serve the world.

[00:18:58] Tiziano: And of course, And then the rewards come with, a woman that trusts us, a woman that is the pillar of the family. And, she can hold us into us serving the world.

[00:19:09] Hector: Yeah, Tiziano, I wish, I wish I would have found your work a few years ago because it may have, it may have saved our relationship, but also I don't, like you said, desperation creates these, these moments where we look and yearn for the answers. And what was really interesting is that I think a lot of guys, in my generation, millennial sort of thing.

[00:19:28] Hector: they lived in a household where the woman wore the pants where the woman was the leader and my mom, you know, very much to the same thing. She she wore the pants and and similarly, I heard you say something that a lot of times it's it's unconscious or it's not intentional, but she clouded my vision of my dad.

[00:19:46] Hector: She didn't allow me to see what you're talking about. The gifts that he was bringing and she was just constantly complaining and nagging and all that sort of stuff. And so that's what I heard. And that's what I thought of him. And just recently, like two, three weeks ago, I sat down on the couch next to my dad and I was like, I was shedding some tears.

[00:20:02] Hector: And I was like, dad, I have to tell you, I've, I never thanked you for all you did. I was just looking and focusing on all of the things, all of the places where maybe you came up short, or maybe not, maybe just what, what my mom was. Complaining about, and I never acknowledged him for, for what he did provide, because I also saw what you were saying, that it was preventing me from being in my own manhood, that, that not respecting and honoring him for, for what he did.

[00:20:28] Hector: I was like, this, this shit's hard. You know, and in that honoring, it actually, there was a, you know, it felt lighter or it felt, you know, something, something happened in that sort of just me acknowledging him.

[00:20:39] Tiziano: A woman actor wears the pants when she doesn't feel safe enough to let go of those pants. And this happens because the generation prior A's brother was of absent father. So when there are absent father, there are compensation mechanism in the system. So the woman needs to become the father too. So she wear the pants as well as she's the pillar.

[00:21:04] Tiziano: In the family, but the life of a woman brother is much more complicated than the life of a man because of her capability to give birth and this is why many relationship breaks because the woman becomes angry to a soul level, she needs to wear the pants and also she needs to give birth. So it doesn't work.

[00:21:23] Tiziano: The feminist movement, which movement is that actor? People think that the feminist movement is in service to the woman. Not really. Because the feminine movement is a masculine movement. It's in service to their father. A feminine woman, she's a woman devoted to her father. Why? She becomes as authoritarian as who she's excluding.

[00:21:49] Tiziano: She's excluding her father. She goes against men. So she becomes what she excludes. Because in this field of existence, people think that there are no laws, but there are laws of existence. And one of them is, love, the order of love doesn't accept exclusion. So what you exclude, you become. If you exclude the judgmental person, you are the judgmental person.

[00:22:19] Tiziano: If you exclude the man, you are the man you become. So you embody what you are excluding to bring to the surface the love that you hide, the love that you cannot accept, and love cannot be separated. Love seek reunion. And this is why so many women, they come across like the feminist movement and this and that, but you can see that they are very authoritarian.

[00:22:43] Tiziano: They acknowledge their father and not their mother.

[00:22:46] Hector: Yeah, I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about what it means to be a man. , In the context of, my daughter, I was saying, you know, we were talking about what it means for my son to be a man. And then in the context of my daughter, I said, well, given what society is saying, what does it mean to be a woman today?

[00:23:03] Hector: what, does that mean today? And she didn't have an answer, you know, because she came from this very, you know, like you said, authoritarian, independent, I'm going to do it myself. I don't need anybody else. I don't need a man sort of thing. That's okay. If that's the case, then what role does the woman provide?

[00:23:21] Hector: And and we didn't have an answer for that. And I think there needs to be some sort of, reconciliation between those things.

[00:23:28] Tiziano: The project of life for a woman is to become a mother. Because the woman has the capability to be as close to God and as close to death as no other living being can. We cannot be as close to God and as close to death as a woman. So the, what life seek from a woman is to carry life forward. That's why in the family, the man step forward into leading the family, into serving the woman.

[00:24:03] Tiziano: Why? Because the woman serve the life the most. She's the one keeping the family all together. Inside the house, the woman command. As a son, we cannot go to our father if our mother doesn't give us permission to a soul level. It is our mother who give us permission to go to our father. Our mother is the closest expression to God.

[00:24:28] Tiziano: She give birth. That's why also many women actor that they are unable to give birth, they become extremely, They go into a lot of giving. They experience charity. They do a lot of charity, a lot of giving to the community because they feel they missing a service to life. As well as us men, when we don't carry forward the destiny of the world, for us is to carry forward the big movement of the world.

[00:24:56] Tiziano: Wars,businesses, we change the shape of the world to our purpose. They, Carry life forward. So we serve them in to carry life forward. And of course, they are the pillar in the family. They keep everything together. We step into our purpose when we have a solid woman who can hold us back, can allow us to fully surrender at home, and she can fully embrace us with her love, which is, at the end, the love of a mother.

[00:25:31] Tiziano: A lot of a spouse, a lot of a, the wisdom of a woman, okay? The wisdom of a mother, the wisdom, of someone who is the closest to God.

[00:25:42] Hector: What you're saying makes a lot of sense. And I'm I'm here with it. I'm curious how you how do you deal or how do you I don't even know what the word is. Compute What you're saying, which I would imagine you believe it is to be some sort of truth alongside all of this, change going on.

[00:26:02] Hector: Right. And, and what you're saying seems to be a little more, let's call it traditional. is there room for both to coexist or, or how do you kind of marry those two ideologies? How

[00:26:14] Tiziano: There is room for everything, and I tell you why. In this field of existence sector, there's nothing wrong. The God, the love, the morphogenetic field which is in creation doesn't, doesn't allow itself to go into what we call chaos. Love is subdued to its orders. So that means that if something is disharmonious inside the field, perhaps there is a compensation mechanism.

[00:26:40] Tiziano: That doesn't mean that a person who is gay, lesbian, LGBT or this and that is wrong. They perhaps deal with a compensation mechanism in their family. They acknowledge somebody who was excluded, who's the opposite sex. They have been too much in the sphere of influence of their mother, so they miss the masculinity and they become what we call homosexual.

[00:27:00] Tiziano: So there's a lot of ways that I can see that and I can unfold it and I can unpack it very clearly. But what I want to, put my, my mind is. Why you pursue something traditional because it works best. This is not about my personal ideology. Actor is what I have observed through family constellation.

[00:27:21] Tiziano: When the men serve the woman, the family works better when the woman. Allow herself to be led, and the woman follow the man, the family works better. How do I know that actor? By looking at children. I do a lot of family therapy, couple therapy, thousands, thousands of people these days. A lot of people come with family in my studio.

[00:27:46] Tiziano: I tell you something very simple. I see how the children behave when they come in the studio. If they, the children sit legs crossed, like little soldier, and they listen to what I say, the playful they play that I put inside the room. I acknowledge one thing. The father is in command. In that family, the father is the leader.

[00:28:07] Tiziano: If the mother step in the role of the father. There's one things that I see right away in the room. The children are naughty. They don't sit down. They move everywhere. They don't follow leadership because the father is not in leadership. And sometimes, and when they get older, these children, they get angry at their mother.

[00:28:27] Tiziano: Why? Because children get loyal to the parent that is Let's say the better parent, the one that is more ahead, closer to them, but they unconsciously, hidden, identify themselves with the hidden one. The parent was hidden. So you told me that your mother was ahead of you, was ahead of your father. Yes, you are loyal to her, but unconsciously, you identify yourself with the weaker one to bring balance.

[00:28:56] Tiziano: You cannot escape law in existence, actor, in this field. 50 percent you are your mother, 50 percent you are your father, and you cannot escape that. If your mother step into 75%, children get angry. And they will compensate those 25 percent by acknowledging their father somehow. Through their behavior, through dangerous behavior, alcoholism, drug, anything that acknowledge who is missing, their father.

[00:29:25] Hector: How might those play out for people? Because I'm, certain that that most of our listeners are having these dynamics playing out in their, in their lives, but I would imagine that most of them are not privy or conscious or aware of these sort of things because I can imagine everyone saying, yeah, that's not me.

[00:29:43] Hector: And it was only when my relationship, when I was in that point of desperation that I said, okay, maybe there is something to this. Maybe there is something going on that that needs to be worked through. Are there other signs or are there other, you know, points along the desperation spectrum that might, show that some of these dynamics, have room to be worked through?

[00:30:04] Tiziano: Alcoholism, drug addiction, missing purpose, missing joy. People who are sad are distant from their father. When the father is home, there's joy at home. It's a joyful family. Children are joyful and the mothers can relax. When the father is not home, there's a lot of sadness. Women cannot relax. Because they need to be always on edge.

[00:30:30] Tiziano: There's no providing. Alcoholism, smoking, drug addiction, looks towards the father. What is drug addiction? What is smoking? What is alcoholism? They acknowledge the father who they are missing. They are all, every addiction is a cord that connects you to the father. This is why we have a lot of alcoholism, addiction, missing purpose, procrastination.

[00:30:56] Tiziano: Those are all dynamic that looks towards the father. When a man is close to their father, doesn't need alcohol, he's joyful. When a man is close to their father, doesn't need drug, doesn't need to waste their time because they have a purpose. They look forward to wake up the morning after and fulfill their purpose.

[00:31:14] Tiziano: Just as I woke up this morning, super excited to speak with you because this is part of my service. This is part of my purpose. Procrastination. Procrastination is a man missing in direction. I don't have direction. I don't know where to go. Who is my direction? My father. So those are all little sign actor that tells us there's a father missing.

[00:31:36] Tiziano: For women, which sign are anger and tired? They're constantly angry, constantly tired when the man doesn't step up. They are constantly angry, constantly tired because they are fulfilling the duty of the woman and also fulfilling the duty of the man. So you see in a lot of couple, most of couple break up because the woman is angry and the woman is tired because she needs to be the mother.

[00:32:04] Tiziano: She needs to be the partner. She needs to be there. The decent that she gets angry.

[00:32:08] Hector: Part of the challenge that we experienced was that I thought that that's what I was supposed to do. And it was also because I was just following the models that I had. But it was like, oh, you want to make the decisions you want like she unconsciously or consciously didn't allow me to to lead.

[00:32:26] Hector: But also I submitted in that way and deferred that leadership and said, Okay, you, you make decisions, you lead, I'll, I'll support from, from this sort of role and that didn't work either.

[00:32:42] Tiziano: know because it's a disorder in the system. But let me, let me guide you very simply in that he doesn't trust you. And you don't trust yourself because she doesn't trust you either. And that's what your mother did with perhaps your father. She didn't trust him, and he doesn't trust himself either because she doesn't trust him.

[00:33:03] Tiziano: So at the end of the day, you surrender to what is. But what is is not harmony, it is disharmony. And you acknowledge that the relationship after a long time, let me give you a very simple thing, Hector, just to, to, to tell you how you acknowledge how, harmonious relationship is. I always ask the couple, how is your sexuality? When sexuality flows properly, when the man is aroused to bite a woman and the woman wants Is her man to, to bite her, to serve her in the sexual way, she's really up to it. That means that the soul are speaking in harmony. Why? Because sex is the most intimate and vulnerable expression, relationship between two souls.

[00:33:50] Tiziano: Sexuality is the most vulnerable connection. You are connected forever, even when you have one night stand with somebody. Because morphogenetically, we're using one another. That is why I always say to people, make sure to don't have sex with somebody. Who you don't want to be alike, who you don't respect, because once you have sex with somebody you don't respect and you don't want to be alike, you are fused forever.

[00:34:16] Tiziano: Your memories, one another, you're exchanging memories, you're exchanging codes. There is an exchange in the sexual expression. When you enter a woman, you exchange one another. So you don't want to have sex with somebody who you don't respect and you don't want to be alike. It's part of my book, actually.

[00:34:36] Hector: Tell me more about that because on the surface, I've, I've learned to just acknowledge that there's way more to, to life than, you know, what can be measured or seen or weighed and stuff like that. But when someone is going, Kizana, that's bullshit. What are you talking about here? How, like, how has that either played out?

[00:34:54] Hector: How have you seen that play? Like, how, how can you, can you bring some more concreteness, for the guy who's, who's pretty skeptical and just, you know, wants to go out and have fun.

[00:35:03] Tiziano: Yeah, let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. I always say to every couple, it's very simple. When you break up with your partner, you start to feel when your partner is seeing somebody else. You have this feeling, this gut feeling fuck, my partner, my ex partner, she sees somebody else. He sees somebody else.

[00:35:21] Tiziano: Why do you think is that? Because you are connected. Once you have sex with one another, you are connected. Even in one night stand, you always have that thought that imprinting in you of the other person. Obviously, Hector, let's not talk baloney. If you have one night stand, your connection with this person would be perhaps a little, a little, this much.

[00:35:46] Tiziano: But if you have, Years and years of sex and relationship. You are connected to this person for years and years. I still feel my ex expired two years ago when she got engaged with somebody else. Funnily enough, we start to message at the time. I messaged her, Hey, how's it going? Because I felt that connection where of course I did because we are connected to a morphogenetic level.

[00:36:08] Tiziano: We are fused to one another and this is not changing. And I say to everybody, Tested it in yourself. Please don't trust my words, but if you break up with your partner, see if you don't feel perhaps one day, Oh, I should call maybe this girl. I shouldn't call maybe this. Why? Because you feel something.

[00:36:26] Tiziano: There's an inner sensor that tells you, Oh, something is going on there. Of course it does because you are connected.

[00:36:34] Hector: Yeah. And thanks for opening up that can of worms there, Tiziana. you.but you know, you can't run away from the truth. The, the other side of it that that's really interesting, is managing the nervous system. I think that's something that you talk about. Quite a bit too. And that, was a sign for me that something was off when my nervous system started flaring up, when the reaction to certain events seem to be larger than, than what they should be.

[00:37:01] Hector: I'm like, there's something else going on here. how much of, your work is in kind of just managing Your own kind of personal energies and anxieties or emotions and such.

[00:37:13] Tiziano: This is a powerful question, Hector, and I always tell to people, my body gives me sign. And obviously seven years I do what I do. I do every day. I start to learn about the science. So when somebody comes to me and tell me, I have anxiety. One of my first question is who died into your family system, perhaps out of a car accident, perhaps of a tragedy.

[00:37:34] Tiziano: Why? Because people, perhaps they drive in a car and they tell me, Tizia, I feel anxious when I drive a car. So of course they carry the memory of something happening in that car. So their nervous system does them, Hey, For example, actor, pay attention because your grandfather died while you were driving. So while he was driving, so you perceive anxiety when you're driving.

[00:37:56] Tiziano: Of course, that memory is within you. Most of the time actor, when there are extreme reaction out of anger, extreme sadness, extreme guilt, it's not always only our anger, our guilt, our sadness. It is something that we carry from our system of belonging. So when something is extreme, it is not only our Our own, but it is carried down.

[00:38:21] Tiziano: Perhaps a woman, she react extremely angry towards a man for a simple gesture that maybe was a distraction on this and that. Because that distraction caused her grandmother to lose her partner. So that's something they carry on from their system. Our, Our body is a perfect machine, Hector. It carries the memory, it carries the imprinting.

[00:38:45] Tiziano: They tell us when something is off. Sometimes we perceive the most basic emotion in life, Hector, which is guilt and anger. Anger is when we give in too much. Guilt is when we take in too much. So, the compensation mechanism. Anger tells us, hey, stop giving, and guilt says to us, stop taking and give back.

[00:39:06] Tiziano: So, they are the scale of balance between the most basic exchange in life factor, which is giving and taking. Simple. Very simple, basic law of life.

[00:39:18] Hector: Yeah. It's, it's really interesting. The, you know, a big journey for me has been being willing to, essentially set boundaries for myself. Right. And not, not be a pushover. And, and part of that was integrating that anger, not pushing it away, not, thinking that it was bad or that it didn't come from, but realizing, well, why am I angry?

[00:39:41] Hector: And, and, and, you know, acknowledging that. And, and so much has, has changed,. Since that part, you mentioned you know, the family systems, what remind me of the name of, of, of the term that you use

[00:39:52] Tiziano: Yeah, a family, a family, a family constellation

[00:39:55] Hector: family constellation. So is there a, is there a blueprint? I mean, we don't, we don't have a whole lot of time left, but is there sort of some general steps or if someone is trying to see kind of the, the lay of the land on how to start working through some of these what does that kind of entail?

[00:40:14] Tiziano: The first step, actor is to open up to vulnerability. What does it mean? Is my life perfect or I pretend to be perfect? Or I pretend my life is perfect. To be good, but it's not actually, so the more we are able to become vulnerable and humble into our knowledge, what is, and don't act like actors. Oh, you know, my life is perfect.

[00:40:36] Tiziano: Well, why are you here then? If your life is perfect, don't waste your time. Don't waste my ticket. I'm also expensive. So that's the first thing that when we acknowledge that something is not working good, you are in good spot, brother. You are in a spot of growth. I'm a family constellator since seven years.

[00:40:53] Tiziano: I've helped thousands and thousands of people, couple, and this and that, but I'm the first one to acknowledge something is not working. I need help. So this is the first step. The second step is to see how our parents are doing in life. My mother is happy. My father is happy. I was their relationship. So I can see where I am at because of course, most of the time I step in a divorce because I look towards my mom and my dad, they divorced too, or they stood together even if they wanted to divorce.

[00:41:23] Tiziano: So the first thing is to acknowledge, look at my parents, look at my, how they brought me up, let's say, you know, how, how was my upbringing? ,the next thing's,after is to find, when we are ready to the, for the medicine, the doctor is coming. The doctor means a family constellation therapist, Reiki, meditation, whatever you want to go into it.

[00:41:41] Tiziano: You are drawn towards somebody. When you are drawn towards somebody, don't doubt yourself. It could cost 100, 200, 300 bucks, whatever, but that person has something for you that will give you back that investment 10 times. So don't shy away from the call of your soul and thoughts and emotion. I feel drawn to that person.

[00:42:01] Tiziano: I don't know that actor very well, but I feel drawn to go towards him. Why? Because that person has something for us, a gift for us. That person has morphogenetically evolved where we meant to go.

[00:42:14] Hector: You talk about the generational sort of stuff, is it a well that keeps going? Or is there a place where we can finally go? Okay, Tiziana, I'm, I'm done. I cleaned everything up, you know, I'm ready to go. Or is it a just kind of a journey? A well that that keeps going,

[00:42:30] Tiziano: It is a journey that keeps going, but there is a point after when you set, when you realize you are in harmony. For example, at the moment, I feel really good in my life. I make good money. I have, The life that I wanted, the, what I'm missing is a partner who supports this. That means that there's some little work more to do that, but it was my mom, that was my relationship because there was my dad.

[00:42:53] Tiziano: Everything is amazing. My dad is purpose. You know, I'm well set in life. I make good money. I serve many people. I keep employing people. I keep, you know, I'm smashing it with my business. So my father's side, my business side, my purpose side is on top. Perhaps I miss a little bit that was my mom because I miss her.

[00:43:09] Tiziano: a stable relationship. So I'm working into that. I'm working into that. I'm willing to, you know, put myself out there and speak it out loud, even in the podcast, because despite I've helped tens and tens of couples to get married, I still have some issue myself. So that's okay. That's what my family has given me.

[00:43:28] Tiziano: And I always say to people, don't feel to give up on nothing. The more difficult is the system and the more extraordinary the life of the individual. I say that one more time. The more difficult is the system, the family in which you belong, and the more extraordinary is the life of the individual, your life.

[00:43:46] Hector: meaning that the more challenging the circumstances, kind of the, greater the output on the other side, the greater the potential, perhaps.

[00:43:54] Tiziano: Yes, brother. Yes, I had my life crazy. You know, like you probably listen to some of my experience. I've been in the craziest experience ever. Like we could speak for hours in that. And I will say my life will go on Netflix as a movie and I guarantee you it will. And why? Because my system was difficult.

[00:44:12] Tiziano: My father grew up without a father. And without a brother, without a man in the system, my mother, she's a rebel. So there's a lot of bumpy experience, but there's also a lot of ups. You know, like I, I, I became this person who I am able to help thousands of people travel worldwide. Beautiful. My life is, I have beautiful women.

[00:44:33] Tiziano: So there's a lot of, you know, down and a lot of ups. So extraordinary life.

[00:44:37] Hector: Yeah. and you made it really simple. And you said, if, if like your business and your career, your, your mission is off, maybe there's something there with your dad. And if your relationships, if there's something that you're seeking or yearning, perhaps you look into your, you know, look to your mom.

[00:44:51] Hector: Cause for me, I'm in a, yeah, I guess in a similar situation, business is humming along, but you know, the, the relationship You know, it kind of ran its course and now there's some, I don't know, feeling lost or whatever it may be, but, but it's interesting that now I can go, okay, well, instead of going and seeking validation or seeking attention or affection or whatever, you know, trying to replace and fill that hole instead, I could say, okay, let me repair and actually know the place to repair

[00:45:23] Tiziano: That's a surface response. When people go and try to fill the void, they are never able to touch rock bottom. But actually, when they touch rock bottom, that's when they can boom, go up again. So when they allow themselves to go inside that sadness, they are actually able to do something good about it. When they try to fill the void with superficial stuff, they just postpone it.

[00:45:47] Tiziano: They're just postponing their upgrade. They're just postponing the love of their life. They're just postponing the relationship. Flourish and make them happy in full. That's it. That's it.

[00:45:56] Hector: Tiziana that I, I could go on about my own situation and stuff for hours, but, and I, for the listeners sake, I won't do that, but is there anything else that we, Haven't talked about today that you feel is kind of important and relevant to the conversation.

[00:46:10] Tiziano: Trust your father. Many people don't trust their father. They see them little. They see them weak because maybe they make less money than them. Maybe they like successful than men. My father owns a newspaper shop, very humble man. But you know what actor is a giant. He never judges people.

[00:46:31] Tiziano: He serves people from morning to evening, selling newspaper, but actually he gives love to everybody. Everybody goes there, they love him. It's 40 years they're in the same place and everybody goes there just to spend a few words with him. He's extremely empathetic. And I am extremely empathetic. Just like my father.

[00:46:50] Tiziano: Absence of judgment. I have been in horrible situation. I've been in jail in criminality and this and that. And I've also have been personal trainer of rich and famous here in Sydney. And I don't judge either. I can serve people who are coming out of jail. I can serve people who are multimillionaire.

[00:47:06] Tiziano: I'm absent of judgment for me. There's no right and wrong. I have place for everybody. Who did I take those? Wealth, those gifts from my father, even if financially, perhaps I make more money than him. I always ask an advice to him. Every time I need to do an interview, I need to do a podcast. I need to do something big.

[00:47:27] Tiziano: I always listen to the few words he tells me. And he always tells me, Tizzi, share your extraordinary life. That's what he always say to me, that's your gift, and I always listen to him. He always tell me, Tizzi, also make sure of the look, you always be magnetic also because you look, you have a good, you are a good looking guy, and I always listen to whatever he says.

[00:47:48] Tiziano: Even if he's as stupid as this, make sure you look presentable. I listen to him. And some people would disregard that, they would say, yeah dad, I know, I know. I don't know. I know. I, I respect that. Everything that he tells me after I'm like a little soldier in front of him and my life. I promise you go straight forward 200 kilometers like in a Ferrari.

[00:48:11] Hector: Yeah, I needed to hear that for sure. Tiziano, I'm, I'm honored. I'm, I'm grateful, humbled, really, that you would spend some time with us and the community here. If people want to go and find out more about you, your work, get deeper in your world, where's the best place to do that?

[00:48:26] Tiziano: So, social media is the best place. IG Instagram, which is, at Tiziano underscores Guerso, or Tiziano, no, Tiziano underscores Guerso, that's right. So you can find me easily because I'm also a verified account and there's a lot of thousands of followers. So you find me easily. also my website, www.

[00:48:45] Tiziano: tizianosguerso. com. We record a lot of podcasts, a lot of interview, even on TV, even on other, on other languages, translating our languages. So. If people want to know more about me, www. tizianoswares. com And I look forward to serve you guys, to serve you. And thank you, Hector. Thank you, thank

[00:49:03] Hector: We'll, yeah, we'll definitely link that up. I got one more question for you. in your opinion, Tiziano, what is the definition of modern masculinity?

[00:49:10] Tiziano: man is back home. The father is back home. The father was missing. He went to war. He went to deal with whatever the world was calling him to do. But now he's back home. That is modern masculinity. And you women can trust us again.

[00:49:26] Hector: That's so beautiful. And, I, I agree. I believe that too. Fellas, , I'm honored and humbled that you would be with us today as well. If you, Stuck with us. We would be forever grateful for a rating or review wherever you get your podcast. And if you know a guy who needs to hear this or even anybody who needs, I mean, this conversation is great for anybody, hit that share button, send them a message, let them know you thought it might help.

[00:49:47] Hector: And, as always keep coming back, go get connected with Tiziano on Instagram. It's a great follow. We'll see on the next one later.