What If You Finally Became Who You Were Meant to Be?

LuRae [00:00:00] Welcome to And Then I Did This. Prepare to be inspired as we celebrate the unique journeys of individuals who've had the courage to break free and live life on their own terms. Their lives prove that you truly can be free to live your best and most authentic life.

Erica Let's get to it

LuRae Welcome to the show.

LuRae Today, I have a special guest, Erica Gifford Mills. She's an award winning speaker, author, leadership coach, and a passionate mental health advocate for suicide prevention and military and veteran mental health. As a founder of Balanced Symmetry and the International Women Speakers Summit, she helps individuals and organizations lead from within, challenging stigma and elevating voices through the power of radical authenticity.

LuRae Her energy is equal parts grounded wisdom, fierce advocacy, humor, and lots of heart. Erica, welcome [00:01:00] to the show.

Erica Thank you so much for having me.

LuRae This is gonna be so much fun. I would love for you to start and kind of share with people your journey of how, as you've experienced so many things in life, which is what has made you such a sage, and would be great for you to share kind of how you got where you are and, and able to do the things you're doing today.

Erica Yeah, absolutely. So as you said, I'm a speaker, author, leadership coach, mental health advocate, but really more than any of those titles, I'm someone who has lived through enough life to know that strength isn't about pretending that you're okay. It's about learning how to stay rooted while life tries to shake you apart.

Erica and I think my journey's never been lin- linear, right? I've worked in government leadership, corporate leadership, built businesses, written books, spoke on stages,advocated for mental health and suicide prevention, and most recently stepped into a space I [00:02:00] never imagined, even that of a pageantry, and that's because the mission became bigger than my comfort zone.

Erica And a huge part of my advocacy comes from my personal loss of my son, Connor. So that grief changed me permanently, a- as the l- loss of a loved one always will, but especially a loss of a child. but it also clarified my purpose. I realized that we whisper the words mental health and suicide when we should be talking about them as openly as physical health.

Erica So now every, yeah, everything I do, whether it's leadership training, coaching, speaking, or International Women Speakers Summit, centers around helping people be seen, heard, supported, and empowered.

LuRae Oh, which is so, I mean, so needed. I mean, we say the words authenticity, and they kind of roll off our, tongue so easily, but it's like, being brave enough and o- open enough to allow someone to be seen.

LuRae And like you [00:03:00] said, if, if someone's, someone's quiet, I, I always say people will say with their actions what they won't say with their words, which means we have to be aware and awake and not on autopilot and acknowledge what's going on around us with the people that are close in our lives.

Erica Yeah.

Erica I like to say rooted leadership is about growing from within to lead with strength, and that applies professionally, personally, emotionally, really everywhere. And honestly, I'm still growing too, and I think we always do. my favorite expression people will say to anyone, not just me, like, "Oh, you've changed," and my response is, "I sure the heck hope so."

Erica I hope I'm not the same person I was when I was 20, 25, 30, 40, 50. I hope I'm a different person because that means I'm growing, I'm evolving, to what's happening around me.

LuRae Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. What would you say were the things that were your stepping stones [00:04:00] out of... You've done so many, obviously, professional things that you've done in your life.

LuRae Could that stepping stone from that into other things that were your purpose that you're meant to be doing on this planet, what were some... Yeah.

Erica I really think that there comes a moment when you realize you can either keep performing the life everyone expects from you, or you can finally build the life that aligns with who you actually are.

Erica that, that takes some inner work, right? It takes, self-assessment, self evaluation, because we need to understand what are our beliefs, what are our values? And for a long time, I was successful on paper, right? I... There was something that my dad, right before he passed, ha- asked me. he said, "Do you like what you do?"

Erica And my response was, "I'm good at it." And he said, that's not what I asked you. I asked do you love what you do?" And that kind of made me think, right? I, [00:05:00] yeah, I'm capable, I'm responsible, I'm accomplished. But internally, I knew there was a deeper calling toward impact, advocacy, creating spaces where people could stop pretending that they were fine.

Erica At that point, 'cause this was back in 2013, at that point I didn't know what it was, right? And it took many years to f- to really realize. So that turning point for me was life is incredibly fragile, and silence is dangerous. So we have to stop asking ourself what's safe, and start asking what matters, and I think that's what changes everything.

LuRae Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, it, it takes me back to y- 2010, literally, like this was maybe even '20... Yeah, I think it was 2010, and I had, b- gone to a coaching program. It was Coaching for Transformation Open House, and got paired with the s- founder of the program, and the, the icebreaker [00:06:00] question was, "If you could do anything with your life and you knew you wouldn't fail, what would you do and why?"

LuRae And I couldn't even answer the question. I paused, and what just rolled out of my m- tongue was, how long do you continue doing something that's sedating your soul? And then I had tears running down my cheeks, and I knew before I left that building, I knew that night, it was a Friday night, I vividly will always remember it, knew that I had to do the program one way or the other.

LuRae But I was working as a managing director by day, and then going through the coaching program for nine months, by one night a week and then every weekend, for the next several months. So yeah, it's those kinds of questions. So what steps did you take once you had that realization?

Erica Well, I think first, when you realize that purpose will keep calling you until you answer it, right?

Erica Th- it's kind of like a telemarketer or, maybe bill [00:07:00] collectors, right? It doesn't matter how much, th- they're going to keep calling and keep calling. And purpose is a lot like that. So it was, really the courage, I wouldn't say courage, because courage isn't always confidence.

Erica Sometimes courage is exhaustion or grief. Sometimes it's realizing you physically cannot continue living disconnected from your purpose. And so, I really what it was is I stopped waiting to be ready. I stopped waiting to feel fearless, because fearless doesn't mean without fear. I decided that mission mattered more than the fear.

Erica And so I just, I did it. I jumped in before I was ready, because you're g- you're, you're going to fail, right? We're human. We fail. But to me, it's not a failure if I learn something from it. I learn what not to do. I learned what to do. I learned what works, and I'm still learning. So it's realizing that it's okay, you're gonna fail.

Erica But if you learn from it, [00:08:00] it's something. So it's, that's really taking that first step was the first step was

LuRae It, it's so funny because I will often think when I hear someone say that, or I read it somewhere where, like the, the first, your first, podcast will suck. Your first attempt at working out at the gym will su- your first workout will suck.

LuRae And I, I literally think back to us all being babies, and when we think of the bravery and courage that we had to try to stand up the first time and try to walk the first time, like if we would've given up because, "Oh, I'm gonna look..." We didn't care what we looked like. We just wanted to walk. We just wanted to get either to the toy or to the thing on the other side of the room, So when you, you think of, that is like, that's like my true test of wow, none of us gave up as babies, so why would we give up as grownups? W- and just be brave and take the step, and just know, just like you said, we're not gonna be perfect the first time. It, we'll just [00:09:00] learn from it, and look at it as lessons and don't give up.

LuRae Don't give up. That's the big thing. Never give up.

Erica Never give up. Yeah.

LuRae Right. So you, you were in corporate roles, and then you stepped out of that, so what things were you drawn to initially, or maybe you were still in corporate roles and then started some things anyway?

Erica I think, I always like to help people.

Erica I used to coach girls' volleyball, at the rec level, the club level, high school level, middle school level, and I saw the lack of confidence, especially the younger girls would have, and it wasn't the skills. So I started doing something with them before we even learned a skill. We worked on self confidence.

Erica Because what I was realizing is they were afraid because, "Everybody's gonna be staring at me. Everyone's gonna... We're on the court and everyone's staring at me." And I'm like, "No, they're [00:10:00] not. they're staring at the ball. They're following the ball." I said, "And there's 12 people on the court, right?

Erica Six on each side. They're following the play." Sometimes they don't even realize who's hitting the ball if they, if it's not their child, right? they don't even know who it is sometimes because you're moving all over the place. So I started working on confidence, self-esteem, and once I saw that they became more positive about themselves, more positive about being seen, the skills were easy then because then they had that, they had that, self-worth.

Erica And I mean, it's just like the various things I've faced, right? the challenges or obstacles that I've faced. you've got the grief, the self-doubt, the burnout, the reinvention. my favorite is being underestimated, And those are the biggest challenges that a lot of times we face at any age.

Erica and I think caring leadership while carrying humanity [00:11:00] is so important. and then I think the other thing, big thing, that sometimes you see in being drawn to is boundaries. I realized that I moved my boundaries all the time. I was a people pleaser. I was, I always suffered from the Superwoman syndrome, and I realized I could be Wonder Woman without falling to, into the Superwoman syndrome, right?

Erica 'Cause, Wonder Woman is a state of mind. And so we need to learn boundaries, we need to communicate boundaries, we need to understand when sometimes boundaries might ne- might need to be changed, because your boundaries will change over, over time. And I think as women, especially women who serve others, we're often cau- often taught that our values come from how much we sacrifice, and I had to unlearn that.

LuRae Yeah, absolutely. [00:12:00] Oh, there's so, so much w- so much wisdom in that. I, going back to the, your c- the coaching piece that you mentioned about people being, and, and the girls being self-conscious of, "Everybody's looking at me." people in their adulthood are still holding back from doing things because what I- I'll say, "What if the LinkedIn post looks bad?

LuRae What if I don't look good at, in the presentation? What if I speak up in the meeting and I'm not sounding smart?" Or, and people are so self-focused and not realizing the person on each side of them and around that table or in that same room, they're all thinking the same thing, "I wanna... I'm worried about looking good," or, "I'm looking...

LuRae I wanna make sure I don't look..." Whatever fearful way they have about, about looking. We just don't, we don't outgrow it, we just overcome it, right?

Erica No. Or, well, also, and, and it's what have we been [00:13:00] taught, right? it, and we were j- at a conference together, right? At a summit together, and I always say visibility.

Erica We were taught many... I shouldn't say we. I'll, I'll make this an I statement. Sometimes I was taught that visibility equals ego, equals vanity, and so if we speak up, we're bringing attention to ourselves. And, which is funny, is because I didn't learn that from, from my parents. I just somewhere, society along the way, right?

Erica Whereas m- my father always said, "You f- you say whatever you wanna say, and you speak up if you got something to say." And which was, was wonderful, especially, he had seven daughters,he always was pushing us to say, don't you, don't let people tell you what to do. you don't back down.

Erica you be respectful, of course, but you, you don't back down." But somewhere along the lines, so s- a- along the lines, society we shrunk, and we allowed it because [00:14:00] we did it, right? So I think that is, when we can stop- Saying visibility equals vanity. We can stop judging. one of the biggest things I've learned is stop asking permission to become who I already knew I was meant to be, and don't worry about what other people think about you.

Erica What other people think about you is none of your business. That's their perspective. it sounds a little cliché, but be you, do you for you. I mean, you, y- 'cause if you're not, you're gonna be unhappy, and if you're unhappy, you're gonna become resentful of people, when it's actually you're the one who's stopping yours- you from doing it.

Erica And, and you deserve a seat at the table, and if you can't get a seat at the table, then go find your own table and start building it from there.

LuRae I'll say bring your own chair.

Erica Yeah, bring your own chair. Like I said. Yes, yes. Yeah, you did.

LuRae Yep. Yes. and it, I mean, it's, it's so true because w- [00:15:00] I hear people sometimes s- who have even said, "Oh, I was gonna write a book about this topic," or, "I was gonna do this thing, but somebody else has already done it," or whatever that story in their head is, and no one has your voice.

LuRae Imagine if you had not stepped into your power to do all the amazing things that you're doing. just imagine, and so many people b- stay small for fear of, oh, someone else has already wr- no one else will write a book in the same perspective as, as we will have, even though it can be the s- the, there are only so many principles and b- foundational things in life, but how we communicate, express it, and share it with the world is different.

LuRae So anybody out there thinking, "Oh, I'm, I'm not gonna do that because someone else has done it," go for it. Don't, don't hold yourself back, right? Yeah.

Erica Yeah. Well, and, and, and I n- my mission keeps me grounded, and I know why I do what I do. There are still people out there who are th- who think,

[00:16:00] "Oh, she's using her child's death as a platform."

Erica And sometimes I w- I go, "Well, actually I am, but it's not my platform. I'm using it because we need to have conversations." And every time I can help somebody else not go through what I went through- that is something, right? Any, every time someone tells me that they feel seen and heard, empowered, understood, or inspired to finally ask for help, it reminds me that I am doing the right thing.

Erica And any of the naysayers or the, people who think el- otherwise, again, not my business. Y- think what you wanna think.

LuRae Yes. Because I think life is happening for us, not to us. And for you, like, everyone hasn't ha- you know, fortunately, unfortunately, that has not experienced what you experienced to be able to even have the [00:17:00] perspective to speak out the way that you do.

LuRae No one is going to have your voice and way of seeing what needs, what the gaps are in the world that you're able to shine a light on that were just being ignored Or maybe just n- not being touched on in a way that was w- as effective as your approach to bringing light to something that, to your point, has been, "Oh, don't talk about that," or, that's negative."

LuRae No, that's life. that's what happens when things happen in life, and we have to be equipped and able to deal with it. who better to be able to speak to it than someone like you?

Erica Well, and you mentioned it earlier, it's that authenticity. I'd like to stay deeply connected to authenticity, because I don't wanna, I don't wanna build a brand, build a business, bui- build a movement or advocacy work that looks successful but feels empty.

Erica I want that alignment, right? I [00:18:00] want something that is that human leadership. It's not the performative leadership that, "Oh, this is what people expect. This is what peop- people think we should do." The should've, would've, could'ves, right?

LuRae Exactly. Yeah, and doing it, like, doing it for the right reasons.

LuRae I mean, that's... So talk a little bit about the, the International Women's Speakers Summit and, and what you're doing with that, because I just experienced that, and it was incredible. The experience, the women, the, just the exposure, the, the support, the camaraderie. Just talk about what, how you even got to the place of doing that, and I know it's just, was the inaugural one, so.

Erica It was the inaugural one, and honestly, IWSS, or International Women's Speaker Summit, it was birthed, in January 2026, so just, what, five and a half, six months ago. and the first summit was May 16th, and I see a lot of people who are trying to break into, like, the speaking, [00:19:00] career or even just to do it to, to get them- get information out.

Erica And I saw a lot of the pay-to-plays, and I also saw that speakers didn't have what they needed to, to get paid speaking engagements. and a lot of times people just weren't ready. they needed a chance, right? So, I c- I created it where we have a six weeks of- Woman I- of Influence Accelerator. and then the day is the summit, so essentially it was like 9:00 to 3:00 where we had, new speakers come on up and tell their stories.

Erica And there was professional photography, there was professional videography. So at the end, when we are all finished, we can put together a speaker reel for them, and sizzle reels. Now that the- now they can have pictures, sizzle reels, speaker reel on their website, be able to send it out when they apply for speaking engagements.

Erica And then the evening, was all about recognition and fun. So [00:20:00] I, I say the accelerator prepared them, the summit elevated them, and then the evening red carpet dinner was honoring and celebrating them. And I, yes, it's a one-day event, but it's not a one-day event, because they get the training upfront. And the whole idea, not just for the speakers, but for those who attended, is that they build a community with true connection, not speed dating networking, right?

Erica actual connections and collaboration. And the most wonderful thing is, this happened two weeks ago or so, and we had a virtual happy hour with some of the speakers and the attendees, this last Wednesday, and it was so great because they're still connecting, they're still collaborating, and that's what I wanted.

Erica I wanted them to have a ripple effect, right? So, being able to make the connections and help one another. and so, like, if you're climbing up that

[00:21:00] ladder and you're getting to the top, you're reaching down and pulling somebody else back up with you, so that we can all succeed toge- together, right?

Erica That collaboration over competition.

LuRae Yeah. I, it, I mean, it's, so good and so beautiful, and then, and it's even, it's continuing one on one also with, people, because we ca- we cross paths with people we wouldn't normally meet. And to spend that kind of condensed time, you get an opportunity to have multiple interactions with so many different women.

LuRae And then as people are sharing their stories on the stage, I mean, it was... it just gave you insight that you may not have had a chance to hear every conversation, but it was enough that you could see where they had grown from and where they were blooming into, and it was so powerful to see.

Erica and that is, this creating IW- IWSS is a perfect example of how you talk about, living life on your own terms, because it, doing this allowed me to stop

[00:22:00] shrinking. Because when you live according to everyone else's expectations, you spend so much energy managing perception, but when you start living aligned with your purpose, you expand.

Erica Y- you expand differently, and you become more creative, more courageous, more fulfilled, and more free. And, people said, "It's ambitious. You're just starting this. Nobody knows who you are. You're having it in a different state than, than you live." but seeing women take the stage and own their voices, and then the women in the audience encouraging them, clapping for them, having hugs.

Erica You don't even know these people, and they're hugging. That visible space, it was worth every terrifying moment of putting it together because it was so rewarding

LuRae And so many people traveled, I mean, like from across the country. I mean, I've got, now friends over on the East Coast that I didn't even know in different states now.

Erica Yeah, Alaska. We had, somebody from Alaska. Yeah We had,Morocco

[00:23:00] originally. somebody who just moved, I wanna say she was from Turkey, just moved to Arizona. lots of people from the East Coast. It was in Arizona, a lot of people from the East Coast, Texas, Florida. It- California ... it was amazing.

LuRae Yeah.

Erica Yeah. already working on, on 2027, so watch out. Year two, probably February 20th of 2027. Don't quote me on the date yet, but that's when I'm looking at.

LuRae yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I totally relate with that. I feel to a certain extent because it was 2015 that I, I stepped out from my corporate role and just had this like aha moment where I walked from the bathroom back to my office and said, "When's my sentence gonna be up?"

LuRae No one does something forever. Because I was so unhappy, I was, I was on external purposes,looking... looked successful and had, the title and the money and all that, but it was not fulfilling, in- internally. And so at the point that I did launch You Can Be Free, I mean, I feel to a certain extent I've become

[00:24:00] more irreverent, politically irreverent over time, and to get the responses from people...

LuRae I mean, they had, there was one gentleman I know that I've... A couple times he's commented on, people trying to figure out, "How do I transition out of something that I'm not happy with?" And, he says, "It's a catch 22. It's a catch 22." And I was like, tell... in the comments I'm just like, "Tell me more.

LuRae What, what are you m- what are you seeing as a catch 22?" And so, it's just, it's stepping out into whatever that thing... I was able to give him some, some, some help. Like, stay in track A while you're pursuing track B, and then once you're ready you can step out into your next thing. Because people get stuck and they, they don't know how to step out authentically into what they're really meant to be doing, So what other... I know you've just, like I said, you've done so many things. Talk a little bit about the book writing and becoming an author and what that has been for you, and how you started down [00:25:00] that path.

Erica Yeah, I, I never wanted to be an author. I actually... And I never had an intent to write a book, and now I've got, what, three books and probably 10 collaboration books.

Erica I journaled, right? I wrote for me. and it was very healing, writing into words different things I'd been through and, and learned from. And I realized, well, there were so many th- so, so much things I knew but I wasn't doing, right? It's do as I say, not as I do. but I realized I need this.

Erica I'm sure there's somebody else out there who needs this, might be able to learn from it so they don't make the same mistakes as I've made. Hey, let's put it out there. and I, I really just enjoyed it. I mean, it's, it was fun for me,which is kind of funny because that's, I never would have thought I wanted to be an author.

Erica And but it's, it's very therapeutic, and you meet some amazing people.

[00:26:00] authors are creative, and I never thought I was creative. I have a very artistic family. They're really good at, painting, jewelry-making,what's that? not up, recycling. Upcycling. like they, they can sew. They can quilt.

Erica I mean, all this kind of stuff, and I'm like, "Nope, I have no patience for that. I am not an arts and craft person." And then they're, and then they one time told me, "But well, you are creative. You're, you're a writer." And I went, I go, "Oh, I, I guess I never really thought of that. I, I guess, yeah." But the other people I meet, the other authors I meet- They're so great, and they wanna hear your story, and they like to learn from other people.

Erica So that's just how I started. I just started writing for myself, and I thought this might be useful for somebody else.

LuRae Oh, so good. So good. Now, you've just been recognized in our, I wanna say a cover girl. For recognized [00:27:00] in, on, as an inaugural ma- magazine also. Talk about that a little bit.

Erica Oh, yes. So I was nominated by somebody t- as a woman of impact, and I...

Erica This magazine wa- is a national magazine. it's a very first issue called Women of Impact, and it was a bunch of photographers throughout the country who came together to say, "Let's take pictures and recognize women who are making an impact." And I was nominated, and I had a, photographer reach out to me saying, "Hey, you were nominated for this.

Erica Are you interested in doing it?" And I'm like, "What?" Well, so we did a bunch of different pictures, a, a bunch of different, like, little photo shoots. and then th- they all submit their articles and their photogra- photography. Well, their photogra

Erica the ph- my, photographer, her name's Sherry Birchler, she submitted... And I didn't even know what she submitted, [00:28:00] 'cause I hadn't even seen it yet. she submitted, we did this big parachute dress, in front of the Milwaukee Art Museum. It's a big Calatrava, beautiful, ar- architecture, and it made the cover.

Erica So I was on the cover of this magazine. and then I had a article about being a woman of impact. Actually, it was funny, I just got it. I was gone, and I just got it in, in the mail when I, when I got home from the event. So what's really neat is that when I got it, I was like There it is. And it's...

Erica So yeah, it's the inaugural issue, volume one 2026, and the stories, it's featuring stories of remarkable women from across the United States, and it's honoring women who lead, serve, and elevate. And these women, unbelievable. Some of the things that are in here, it's... I'm like, "Okay, I've gotta get in contact with this person.

Erica She's amazing." s- [00:29:00] so it's, it's nice because now I can connect with all these women and, learn from them.

LuRae Well, and see, and that's a perfect example of stepping out and putting yourself out with faith and belief, and the universe rises up to support you, and fans the flame of what you're doing.

LuRae So it's like you weren't seeking out that opportunity. That opportunity lined up with your essence and what you're doing in the world. It was like a beacon, and you didn't even know it was happening in the background. So, or I shouldn't say in the background, but you put that out and then attracted that opportunity.

LuRae That's another one of the key things, I think, encouraging people who are listening to this, be brave, step out. I mean, that's how I, I shared at the summit how I met the senior communications director for the United Nations volunteering at Adweek. who would have thought? I mean, I was in the orientation with young, early career professionals, people just starting out and, we were all learning [00:30:00] what our role was gonna be during the week and, and it was like the most...

LuRae I mean, it was the craziest thing, 'cause I, I went with a VIP invitation to a Snoop Dogg event, all, all the way to meeting the senior communications director for the United Nations and everything in between. It was just... And m- met Megyn Kelly. I mean, it was just a wild opportunity, but I just volunteered my time.

LuRae And just as you're, doing so many things where you're putting out good energy, just good support to humanity, and all the good things that, that we need in the world right now so much more than ever. So what would you say are like parting words of encouragement to people listening who are feeling they're stuck, and they know they're meant to do something more?

Erica I would say you don't have to have the entire roadmap to take the first step. most people wait for that certainty before they move. I mean, I, I did. but g- growth rarely happens inside that certainty, and you're allowed to evolve. You're [00:31:00] allowed to outgrow versions of yourself. And stop asking, "What if I fail?"

Erica Because the life you want often exists on the other side of the conversation that you're afraid to have, or the boundary that you're afraid to set, or the risk that you're afraid to take. So if you start asking yourself, "What if I finally become who I was meant to be?" And then understand that authenticity is not selfish, and choosing yourself is not selfish.

LuRae So beautiful. So beautiful, and so true. Arika, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm gonna put all of the links to everything so people can get in touch with you, and, and I also wanna just put in a little plug for you on LinkedIn. You put out such great con- content and information. There was information on speaking, like tips from your, all of your experience, and just great advice to, in a, just succinct format.

LuRae So find [00:32:00] her on LinkedIn. I'll put her LinkedIn link in the bi- in below in the show notes, and definitely go follow her and engage with some of her content. So Arika, thank you so much.

Erica Thank you for having me. Always a pleasure. And that's a wrap

LuRae on another episode of And Then I Did This, celebrating the lives of those who've walked away from the beaten path to pursue work and a life that nourishes their soul.

LuRae If you're feeling inspired and ready to explore your own path to freedom, check out youcanbefree.life where you'll find resources and support to help you break free and live life on your own terms. See you next time.