Why Men Quit: The Hidden Battle in Your Head with Steve Lutsk

[00:00:00] Hector: So what's going on, I hope this episode finds you well, and I hope this episode leaves you better than when you found you. Today's episode is with Steve Lux, and he is called dad bot Steve, right? And what I love about him is that he's the antithesis of the dad bot. I mean, the guy's ripped, he's shredded and, we talked about how and why.

[00:00:52] Hector: you could be too. So a, it's a really good conversation and he has some great, advice and insights on how we can create the new modern dad, Bob. So enough of me, y'all let's get into today's episode with Steve Boots.

[00:01:08] Hector: Steve, welcome to the modern masculinity podcast. Thanks for being here. My man,

[00:01:12] Steve: Thanks for having me, Hector. This is awesome, man.

[00:01:15] Hector: take us into your world though, because we bring on guys here who, at least from the outside, people look at it and, hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram, shredded body, like Steve must have it all. And, and, and in doing these conversations, we realized that the work is never done.

[00:01:30] Hector: And, every day there's, new challenges as a man to kind of grow through and, evolve with. So take us into your world, what sort of challenges are you still encountering, today, whether it be as a, dad, a guy, a business owner, you know, what does that look like?

[00:01:46] Steve: Yeah. So thank you so much. I appreciate that. It's been a crazy journey over the last couple of years. And I will say this, if, five years ago, you'd told me that I would now have a big social media presence and pretty successful business and threw some numbers at me. I'd be like, Oh my God, once I have that, I'll be so happy.

[00:02:04] Steve: But here's the thing. what got me to where I am today is the thing that I still struggle with. And that is. Never being fully satisfied with where you get to this place mentally where you think, yeah, once I hit this number or achieve this and the work will be done and I'll be totally satisfied and I'll totally be happy.

[00:02:23] Steve: but that's not the case. So that's not to say I'm not happy with where I'm at. I love where I'm at. I'm grateful for it every single day. I got my gratitude journal right here. We could dive into that a little bit later, but I think, one of the things that served me the most is that weird ability to never be satisfied and always be striving for more.

[00:02:42] Steve: So I'm not sure if that answers your question because I went on kind of a long response, but

[00:02:48] Hector: It's a tough challenge that I've heard people say, you know, they don't want to lose their edge that part of this drive, which is built from a place of lack that they're afraid that if they work through that, if they work through whatever those, internal battles are, that they're all of a sudden going to be Not as motivated.

[00:03:08] Hector: They're not going to be as driven or they're not going to be as whatever. Is that something that you've had to kind of wrestle with? Or do you find yourself trying to navigate that sort of mental battle if you will?

[00:03:18] Steve: Yeah, I totally understand what you're saying, and I think what you're trying to say is like, once you reach a certain place, you're like, all right, I did it. I don't have to wake up early anymore, or I don't have to push myself anymore, or I don't have to work out as hard anymore. But that's really not the case.

[00:03:32] Steve: That hasn't been an issue for me just because I feel horrible if I'm sitting on the couch. Doing nothing. I can't play video games during the day. I can't watch TV during the day. I'm never satisfied with, you know, you reach a certain level of strength or body fat and you're like, all right, this is it. I just have to maintain it.

[00:03:51] Steve: I think one of my strengths that it didn't come overnight is that I do have that. Ability. And I think it's a great ability for a lot of guys to develop, to never be fully satisfied where you are. So, although, used to have to wake up at 5 00 AM out of necessity, because I was training people really early in the morning and if I didn't wake up, I wouldn't get paid, but at that same time, that same quality, you know, helped me build a business and all the things that come with that.

[00:04:19] Steve: Even when I went fully online and I didn't necessarily have to wake up at five in the morning anymore, I still force myself to wake up early because if I'm sleeping until eight o'clock every single morning, I'm going to feel like a bum. I would rather force those, kind of disciplinary measures on myself just because I feel better.

[00:04:38] Steve: Overall, feel like crap. If I don't do that, I think a lot of guys will experience the same thing. If they force themselves to do kind of hard things, whether they need to or not, you're just going to be more satisfied. And, it can help your mental health. And there's so many other benefits that come along with forcing yourself to do difficult things when you don't necessarily have to do that.

[00:04:58] Hector: For sure. I deal with that every morning when I take a cold shower. we have a cold Plunge sort of thing in, in one of the, bathrooms here, but it's just, another day for another thing where I'm a little upset with how much ice that requires. So until then, I'm sticking with showers.

[00:05:14] Hector: And for now, the water's cold enough for it to make a difference. We'll see how long that last year in Southern California. But to your point, what you're saying is that there's that mental battle that there's that moment where the water's on and it's running and you've got to like, yeah. You got to get in.

[00:05:28] Hector: And the, space between there, I found that internal battle and the ability to win that, that right there translates to the rest of the day. It really carries on, to the rest of, everything that I'm doing.

[00:05:41] Steve: A hundred percent. There's this misconception that. At some point, it's going to be easy, but it's never easy. And there's always going to be those voices in your head that tell you, yeah, man, just, just stay comfortable. It's not that bad where you're at. Like, what is really the worst thing that's going to happen if you don't jump into that, cold shower?

[00:05:58] Steve: And the answer is nothing. That's not going to, is going to happen if you don't get into the cold plunge or the cold shower or wake up as soon as that alarm goes off. But over time, you're going to be. Developing kind of mental weaknesses and you're going to stay comfortable and you're going to stay stagnant.

[00:06:16] Steve: And if you're comfortable where you are, that's, fine, but. You need to have those physical and mental challenges. If you want to get out of your current situation,

[00:06:25] Hector: Yeah, especially for guys right now, where so much of the, you look at, some of the statistics or some of the things that are coming out and guys are lacking purpose, they're doing things with their lives and their health a rate that just screams.

[00:06:40] Hector: it just shows lack preparedness, A lack of having any expectation of what life is actually going to be like and that being totally shattered then just resorting to, porn or weed or video games or just checking out completely and just deciding to leave the earth because they didn't have.

[00:06:56] Hector: They don't have what you're talking about, which is this ability to, push through these hard things. And I've seen that like small, the small stuff really does parlay itself into, into bigger and bigger stuff. I think out there right now is that, and I don't know who's listening to it, but it seems like articles are being written, but there's this attack on like fitness that like all of a sudden fitness is for, fitness is, Conservative or fitness is there's like one side of the aisle, like you just, there's these crazy kinds of ideas out there. And it concerns me because for people who are not as conscious, perhaps they're just listening to that stuff and they're just kind of getting swept up with whatever mainstream media is saying.

[00:07:37] Hector: And, it seems really dangerous, frankly,

[00:07:40] Steve: people will do mental gymnastics to try to convince themselves of a lot of crazy things that are objectively not true. How can exercising what, when I don't understand, I've heard the equating exercise to right wing. Politics or some weird thing like that, or, white supremacy, if you like working out, I don't know what type of weird leaps you have to make to get to there.

[00:08:06] Steve: And I think the problem is that there are too many people out there affirming it and people start believing it and, you know, working out. Is tough. So if you can attach it to an ideology that you don't believe in, or you don't agree with, that's totally fine. If you don't agree with that ideology, but if you use your ideology to get yourself out of exercise, because exercise tough and that is tough and that's how you justify it, then the only one you're hurting yourself is yourself and your health, and possibly family and your loved ones, if you don't take Care of your body, because you've convinced yourself that there's some weird, uh, political association that's tied to getting bigger muscles or, just overall being healthier and putting in the work required to get there.

[00:08:55] Steve: It's. It's absolutely insane. I've heard that. I don't know what to make of it. it's nuts. And the sad thing is there are people out there that actually believe it and they're not working out because of it, or they're using it as a justification to not work out. It's nuts.

[00:09:10] Hector: right? you know, your dad bought Steve. And so they have this whole, I mean, there's a whole name for guys just kind of letting themselves go. And, and of course, I know that there are perhaps some like physiological reasons on why guys may decide to store more belly fat, you know, after the kid comes around because of sleep and whatever, whatever.

[00:09:29] Hector: But also I've seen so many guys and women too, who become that dad or mom and they never quite bounce back. They blame the kids. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the parent go. Oh, what happened? Well, I had kids. That's the reason that you're out of shape 25 years later.

[00:09:44] Hector: What do you mean? But, but it's become socially acceptable to say things like that.

[00:09:51] Steve: Yeah. I mean, there's the body positivity movement which is very, very harmful in a lot of ways. just to clarify, I don't think body shaming is, great. I don't think you should make fun of. Someone for being overweight or anything like that. And I think anyone should be proud of where they currently are.

[00:10:08] Steve: But I also think they should be striving for something better. And as for the kids excuse, what I say to that, and it comes up all the time is, all right, yeah, you have two kids. It's tough. Well, there's someone out there that has more kids than you who works longer hours than you, who doesn't have access to as much equipment as you do, who doesn't have access to, type of food that you have that is getting it done and they're not complaining.

[00:10:36] Steve: And they probably love it. so what's your excuse? They're able to get it done. Why can't you get it done? What are you not willing to give up? And how much longer are you willing to be married to your BS excuse? Can we swear on here?

[00:10:50] Hector: Yeah, of course. Yeah, we're all guys here.

[00:10:52] Steve: There's a lot of bullshit excuses that when you really test them out, they're not gonna pass validity of, what's actually holding you back.

[00:11:00] Steve: So yeah, people love being married to their excuses and keep them comfortable.

[00:11:05] Hector: Well, and I can have empathy because I look back and after I had My first two kids, there was a moment where I looked in the mirror and I go, Whoa, like, Whoa, like I didn't recognize the person that was in the mirror anymore. And then you go back and you look at pictures. And I was like, was my face really that fat?

[00:11:25] Hector: because it happens, it's not like a death by a thousand cuts, but it's like, fat by a thousand burgers maybe, or like, it's this slow, slow process that because you're there every day, you don't seem to notice it. And it's only when you look at it next to some sort of, contrast, right, of, time that, becomes evident.

[00:11:43] Hector: And so I guess I say that because for me, I was thankful that, When, everything shut down around the pandemic, like I, saw that as like, that's when I looked in the mirror that happened to be during that moment. I was like, I've got all this time. let me start working out on this.

[00:11:56] Hector: But also there was wake up moment that was necessary that perhaps, isn't happening for guys or isn't getting through all the way for them to see a need to, wake up.

[00:12:07] Steve: Yeah, well, I think pandemic was an interesting thing because guys kind of went in either direction. saw it as an opportunity. They, all right. I got a lot of time. have a lot of extra time. I'm working from home. can either make a huge change and kind of go down the self improvement rabbit hole.

[00:12:25] Steve: Or I could just say, you know, fuck it and drink more than I've ever drank before, eat like crap. Yeah. Be depressed, be lazy, watch six hours of Netflix every single day and let my body go to shit. But then there were all these other guys that said, all right, I'm going to start doing, I'm going to wake up early.

[00:12:42] Steve: I have so much time. I have no excuse. I'm going to get my body moving every single day. Maybe you don't have access to a full gym, but maybe you got some dumbbells lying around or got internet. So you're going to do some body weight, follow along workouts and you're going to start preparing your own food.

[00:12:57] Steve: Because You have no, no excuse for that. You know, you can prep your food every single week. You got nothing but time. And the guys who did that were able to get it done. So there were these two different paths that guys took. Fortunately, went down self improvement rabbit hole. I started doing a whole bunch of other things.

[00:13:13] Steve: A lot of other people did, but sadly, so many guys, I think the average weight gain I heard it was something nuts or something like. Over 20 pounds, 30 pounds, something like that, that people put on and guys are still recovering. And I still hear from guys every single week that are like, yeah, I was doing okay.

[00:13:29] Steve: Then Jim shut down and I put on 20 pounds. I've been trying to lose. That's an unfortunate situation that a lot of guys are still trying to recover from.

[00:13:37] Hector: Yeah. Cause I would imagine that. Without a big event like that, what else is waking guys up or maybe the better question is what is preventing guys from kind of having that, that epiphany? you know, it seems like just by working out, like all of a sudden you put yourself in the top 20%.

[00:13:55] Hector: You separate yourself from all the other guys, just because you work out and that all of a sudden is the exception. And I'm, curious if you've seen trends or if you've seen common things that are keeping guys stuck in that place.

[00:14:09] Steve: Yeah. It's different for everybody. It's different for everybody. I forget the exact quote. I wrote about it recently, but people will not change until they get so uncomfortable that something forces them. To change, that's going to be different for everybody. Sometimes it'll be a look in the mirror where you're like, Oh man, I got.

[00:14:25] Steve: I got man boobs or I got this role. Other times it'll be something really, really serious, like a diagnosis of type two diabetes or, a heart attack or worse. Sometimes it all depends on what is going to be that big moment for you. It's a kind of a sliding scale. Some people, it can be like, Oh man.

[00:14:43] Steve: I had abs now they're not there. Maybe they didn't get the 30 percent body fat, but now they're at 17 percent body fat where there used to be in like 12 or 13. That'll be a big enough change. And then other guys will be like, it'll take some horrible, horrible news from the doctor to get them to change.

[00:14:59] Steve: And it's different for everybody, but there is some point, there is some moment for every guy that will get them to change and then some guys it's. It's more serious than others.

[00:15:10] Hector: Yeah. And then looking back at my own journey, the wake up moment was just the beginning, it was the beginning. And I don't know if that was the hard work, but were so many other things that had to, let's call it fall into place. And I think when a lot of people think about working out or getting in shape, they're like, well, let me just figure out what workout I'm going to do.

[00:15:28] Hector: And I said, well, that's part of it. But then where are you going to do the workout? How are you going to find the time? Who's going to watch the kids? Like, there's all these other kind of decisions that need to be made and all these other, the restructuring of life that needs to happen in order to allow that.

[00:15:41] Hector: Even for me, I had to feel okay exercising and taking some time away from it. Quote unquote being present with the kids or being available to go, for the longest time, I would not go work out at a gym because I'm like, what if the kids wake up and they wake up their mom and it's like, well, they fucking wake up and they wake up their mom.

[00:16:00] Hector: But like, you're, you know what I mean? The, I was letting that fear or something like that prevent me from going and working out. And instead, you know, just going a wall, I'll not work out. so there's other decisions and life things that I think also come into play that perhaps people are giving them credence, but maybe not.

[00:16:18] Steve: Yeah. So it's interesting. You said that. And a lot of guys will think that the reason they're not in shape is because yeah, you don't have the perfect workout program, but a reason why a lot of the guys fail come January 1st is this is kind of how I designed my coaching program. They'll try to change too many habits at once.

[00:16:36] Steve: It's not just about the workouts. It's about planning the week. It's about. Maybe giving something else up that's taking up that time. It's about making sure you get to the grocery store so that you have healthy food instead of you're relying on, Postmates all the time. So it's not just working out.

[00:16:55] Steve: Isn't just one habit. It's a collection of a whole bunch of other habits in the brain. As we know, does not like to take on new habits that loves being comfortable. And that's that there's that word again. So the reason why so many guys fail on January 1st, New Year's resolution time is they go from maybe not working out or barely working out, eating a typical American diet.

[00:17:18] Steve: in and out burger three, three nights a week, not really prioritizing their sleep, drinking like a fish. All of a sudden they try to change literally close to a hundred habits. You know, all of those little habits contain micro habits. And when you try to change too much at once, you may be able to last three days, five days, Two weeks.

[00:17:37] Steve: That's why gyms are so packed on January 2nd and empty by January 30th. So you have to take a slow and steady approach. Just start with the workouts when it comes to the workout aspect. Don't worry about finding the perfect workout. Just get your body moving three times a week. Get sweaty. Don't worry about finding the perfect program.

[00:17:59] Steve: When it comes to diet, just focus on. Adding some more protein. Don't try to eliminate all the junk. Don't say I'm giving up sugar. I'm giving up all this. I'm going dry. Just focus on adding more protein. Just focus on committing to a bedtime, etc. The more basic you can keep it at the beginning to keep it to build that strong foundation, the more likely you're going to be to succeed long term.

[00:18:21] Steve: So you've got to start small. And sometimes it's tough because Like I said, you get that life event that makes you want to make a huge change. So you want to make all these million changes to your habits, but you're actually doing yourself a disservice by trying to change too much at once. If you want us to see long term, start off really, really slow.

[00:18:39] Steve: Don't move on to the next habit until you have that. Absolutely nailed that.

[00:18:43] Hector: Yeah, it's a really good point that the consistency, right? It's it's the compounding effect that we're really trying to establish because over the last, say, four years, I could take a snapshot and there would be progress there. But that progress, you're not seeing the progress its entirety, because if you fall off the wagon, then that progress sort kind of goes away. Goes away. And so it's like there's power in the consistency and there's power in staying on the wagon. Or if you fall off getting back on as quickly as you can. I was just chatting with a guy at Jiu Jitsu the other day and he was saying how he trains, you know, four or five times a week. And I was like, I, tried to do that at one point, my body was just breaking down so much that I had to shift a little bit.

[00:19:23] Hector: And as much as I enjoy training Jiu Jitsu five days a week, I'm going to train Jiu Jitsu three days a week and I'm gonna go lift. Two to three days a week instead, and it may not be as quote unquote, like fun per se in the moment, but sustainability, I've I've been able to train much longer.

[00:19:39] Hector: My body's feeling better, like having broke down. And so these decisions that actually allow consistency, I think it's hard to do it from the outset, it's hard to know those types of things unless you're going through it and kind of making decisions along the way.

[00:19:55] Steve: Yeah. A hundred percent. Well, you'd rather train jujitsu three times a week for 10 years, 20 years, then Go five times a week, six times a week for six months, and then be so burnt out that you never want to want to do it again. So, got to find what works for you based on your schedule, based on how your body recovers and a couple of other factors.

[00:20:16] Steve: And, once you get that nailed down, it's a process, it's not going to happen overnight, then you're going to be setting yourself up. So much better long term.

[00:20:24] Hector: exercise is a big part of it. How much, you know, if you were to, if you were to draw the pie of things that matter, generally, I've heard, Exercise, nutrition and sleep, right? That's the kind of the three big slices. Are there any other slices that you would add into there? And then, how is that pie divvied up?

[00:20:42] Steve: it's tough. Everything is pretty important. You need recovery, you need proper nutrition, you need workouts, everything is, is, you have to have some element of, being dialed in. So, working out, you want to make sure that you're, you have a pretty balanced program that's focusing on strength, mobility.

[00:21:00] Steve: You want to have a little cardiovascular. Component to that, anywhere from two to four days a week is going to be fine for most guys and getting in like a good step count, things like that. Make sure you're getting some type of movement every single day. Nutrition aspect, you know, you don't want to be eating junk food all the time.

[00:21:17] Steve: You want to. The 80 20 rule is going to apply there 80 percent of the time you want to be focusing on minimally processed foods, high protein, lots of fruits and vegetables, the boring stuff, nothing gimmicky, nothing that's, gonna be considered a quick fix, nothing too extreme. And then the sleep, yeah, seven, eight hours a night, if you're able to do that phenomenal, be consistent with your.

[00:21:38] Steve: Your bedtime and wake up time. That's going to be the best way to get that handled. And then other things you want to take a look at stress is a huge one. Stress is literally murdering guys. So if you're not doing some type of active stress relief, either through the exercise itself or doing some type of breathing exercise, or even just.

[00:21:58] Steve: Or you're watching TV at night, doing some type of light stretching or, or foam rolling to get out of that fight or flight mode and into that parasympathetic mode that we do not spend enough time in, anymore, that's going to be super helpful and other things that will contribute to mental health where we're on our phones way too much.

[00:22:16] Steve: We're responding way too much to notification. So putting your phone on do not disturb mode or airplane mode at night is going to be huge. Guys are drinking too much. I don't know if that we consider that nutrition, but alcohol has got a, free pass. There's really no benefits to that. So little bit more water.

[00:22:33] Steve: That's going to be beneficial. I could talk about this for. A long time, but I think those are the most basic things, the things that I cover most in my program, obviously there's, diet and exercise, but stress, sleep, hydration, just, making sure that you have, balanced. Personal relationships also super important.

[00:22:52] Steve: That doesn't get factored in enough. If you watch something like that blue zone documentary that was on Netflix, they're talking about some of the people that live the longest and are the healthiest have really, really strong relationships and a sense of community. So it doesn't matter if you're super fit, super jacked, if you're a loner and you're just sitting in house all day with no personal connection, that's not good for you either.

[00:23:13] Steve: So all of these things factor in, and it's not just diet. And exercise and sleep, those are kind of the backbone of it. But there are a few other things that are very, very important. Like the things that I just mentioned.

[00:23:25] Hector: Yeah. Stress is huge, especially for guys you know, they carry so much. And, for a lot of guys, they're on the lower end of the emotional. mastery sort of scale. with that, I think causes a need to be able to have a space to, process and work through those motions because otherwise they end up getting dumped on our families or our partners, or they end up coming out in these strange ways.

[00:23:51] Hector: right when our kids were like three and four, had some serious sleep deprivation issues, just because. kids are up and just like, you know, prolong and we had to back, back the whole thing.

[00:24:03] Steve: What came behind that was this realization that I have a ton of repressed, undealt with anger. That there was just so much anger because I was always the just be nice, be kind, be respectful. Don't ever. And what it turned into is it turned into letting everybody step all over me doing things for others, being a people pleaser, not having any boundaries and then welling up all of that anger inside.

[00:24:32] Hector: And what was interesting was that a lot of the thing that helped me kind of work through that was, exercise. I got a punching bag, I started, really going hard with kettlebells, and starting to realize that the physical sort of release of that, like, without that, I was way short, like, I'm short naturally, I'm five, six, but I was way temperamentally shorter, you know, it just, I didn't have it.

[00:24:53] Hector: And I'm not sure we've talked about it on the show, but I'm not sure that guys are kind of also seeing the mental health aspects. It's not just going to make you look good, but literally you will feel better.

[00:25:08] Steve: what got me kind of hooked. started exercising. I thought it was going to be one thing at the time I was, I was in college. My dating life sucked and I was like, all right, these guys that are working out, they seem to get. More girls doing something right. So I'm going to give it a try.

[00:25:23] Steve: I used to make fun of guys that worked out and I was like, I'm willing to try anything at this point. can't get a girl for the life of me. So I started, started exercising and really, I don't want to say instantaneously, but within six months, the biggest changes that I noticed. started getting triceps and started getting pecs for the first time, but that paled in comparison to the changes that were happening inside of my brain.

[00:25:47] Steve: I felt like I was transforming into a superhero. I started carrying myself different. I started getting so much more confident. I started getting dates. I got, a serious girlfriend for the first time. So I don't even think guys know what they're missing. They think they're going to be the same exact guy with maybe Bigger deltoids, but the changes that happen inside of your brain.

[00:26:08] Steve: That's why it's so easy for me to promote fitness and sell my program. Cause I know. You're at this place in your life right now, you are going to feel so much better. And I'm begging you to change your life so that you feel as good as I feel on a day to day basis. So yeah, there's so many other benefits that guys don't even, they can't even fathom what they're missing.

[00:26:29] Steve: They think it's a physical thing. And yeah, the physical thing is awesome. It's great. You know, seeing a picture of yourself on the beach or in the gym and being like, Oh, I'm looking pretty good right there. But. Like I said, how awesome you feel, you literally feel like you've leveled up in a video game to the next stage.

[00:26:46] Steve: you've made it to boss level. And oh my God, I want more guys to be able to experience that. It will literally change your life.

[00:26:53] Hector: Yeah, so much of what I dealt with was this, I felt out of integrity with myself so much that, by not keeping my boundaries, by not standing up for myself, by not speaking my mind, all these things kind of created this place where I essentially didn't respect myself. I didn't respect my own word and what the gym became or working out lifting.

[00:27:16] Hector: It became this opportunity for me to do what I said I was going to do, even though it was going to be hard, even though I didn't want to do it, even though it may be painful, strenuous, whatever it is, it was this opportunity to do that. And then when you do that on a daily basis, All of a sudden you start respecting yourself more.

[00:27:33] Hector: like, you just, you feel in integrity and then pair that with, some bigger delts, pair that with, losing, some waistline, like, you pair all those stuff together with the confidence, like, everything starts to come together and, that's why I see.

[00:27:47] Hector: Nutrition and fitness, as this kind of keystone habit that whenever things start to break down in my life, I'm just like, go back to that, Get my sleep, drink some water, exercise, do some breath work. And it's like, usually when I do that. I'm now starting from a place of like, now I can have some room, some room to breathe.

[00:28:05] Steve: Yeah. I mean, well, you said something really important. you don't respect yourself, how can you expect other people to respect you? And if you go through a life of people disrespecting you, I mean, you're not going to be walking around like a badass, like John Wick and being like, Oh, he disrespects me.

[00:28:21] Steve: I'm going to show him and be kind of, I don't know. Lone wolf type guy. Now not going to go well. It's going to affect you in, in the workspace. It's going to affect you in your, personal life and your social life. But by simply doing things that you say that you're going to do, you do it to make a to do list, whether whatever it has on it, it could be work related stuff.

[00:28:41] Steve: It could be go to the gym. It could be all kinds of things. There's nothing better than making a to do list, a tough to do list, getting it all done and sitting back at the end of the day and being like, damn, I did it. Now I'm going to add something else to that to do list. And as that to do list gets bigger and you start accomplishing more things, it's snowballs into, something bigger.

[00:29:00] Steve: And before you know it, you got Mount Everest in front of you that you've built up. And it's a pretty awesome feeling. And I think more guys need to realize that this is under their control and, that they have more power. And they're giving themselves credit, credit for, I mean, it's tough for easy.

[00:29:16] Steve: Everybody would be super jacked and lean and shredded, but you're capable of much more than our guys are capable of much more than they give themselves credit for.

[00:29:25] Hector: that are as jacked as dad bod Steve. I'm curious when guys hear about your program and obviously the results. go on your page. I mean, you can see it like you're helping a ton of guys who need it, but with regards to not necessarily the mechanics of it, but how it works or how it's structured or how you've structured, what are guys most surprised by?

[00:29:47] Hector: Or are there things that they're like, well, I didn't, think that would be a part of it, or I didn't realize that this small. seemingly insignificant thing would be such a big lever. Like other things that guys are taken aback by after going through the program.

[00:30:02] Steve: I like to think so. and I've had people comment that if you think going to join my program and I'm just going to give you some kick ass workouts, which you will get. Or in like some custom macros, which you will get, then I'll be the first to say, you don't need me. If that's all you need, you do not need me.

[00:30:16] Steve: go on Google, go on YouTube, get that stuff for free. There are awesome workouts out there. You can get all the nutrition info you need in a, book. I don't have anything magical in that regard, but when they first joined my program, the first exercises I have them do are our mindset exercises. And I make them do kind of an uncomfortable deep dive to figure out what they're.

[00:30:35] Steve: Real pain points are at this point. And on top of that, once they hit their pain points, that's a really big, exciting goals. have you ever seen someone do that exercise and come back with something that they didn't expect? You know, I think so many of us like, Oh, we want, we want to lose weight. Cause we want to look better in the mirror. And then we get down to it and it's like, Oh, it's actually this other thing.

[00:30:56] Hector: does that happen? Or that happened for you?

[00:30:59] Steve: All the time. we call that peeling away the layers of the onion. every guy right away, they're like, I just want to lose a little bit more weight. All right, peel back. How much weight do you want to lose? 30 pounds. Why do you want to lose 30 pounds? I want to feel a little bit better. Why do you want to feel better?

[00:31:13] Steve: Well, cause I feel like shit. Why do you feel like shit? All right. Well, listen, my girl left me. I'm blah, blah, blah. I got this. The health reason, my dad died of a heart attack when he was in his fifties. I don't want the same thing to happen to me. I don't want to, I don't want to die early for my kids. I don't want to have to go on another vacation where I'm afraid to take my shirt off.

[00:31:35] Steve: So yeah, it all always starts off surface level. And then when you make them do a deep dive, which is super uncomfortable, they start feeling pain. And you know, it's not to make guys feel like crap about themselves, but it's about to make them. See the reality of where they actually are when they've had this messaging of dad, bonds are funny.

[00:31:54] Steve: Let's put dad bought on a t shirt and you can buy it at target and wear it on your next vacation and throw on your board shorts and people point and laugh and you're laughing with them. But when you see the real consequences of that, I mean, we have that surface level motivation.

[00:32:08] Steve: Sometimes if you just want to get a six pack, you've got no reason behind it. You're going to quit as soon as it gets hard. But when you realize your life is dependent on getting in shape, you're going to be a lot more likely to follow through. And then on top of that, you have to set some really clear targets, kind of, sort of want to get in shape exactly where do you want to get to.

[00:32:26] Steve: What per body fat percentage? What do you want your arms to look like? What do you want your shoulders to look like? What do you want your legs to look like? What is the piece of clothing that you can't wear anymore? That has been in the closet for years or that suit that you got 11 years ago, that wouldn't fit you, but you paid a lot of money for it.

[00:32:42] Steve: How much would it mean to you if you were to get back into it? All those things will really, really keep. Keep you going. And then on top of that, like I mentioned before, it's the planning of the week. So one of the big things is, all right, it's Sunday. What days and times are you working out? Workouts aren't just going to happen.

[00:32:59] Steve: I'm going to work out three times this week. Well, you're going to get to the next Sunday night and be like, oh wow, I worked out one and a half times and I don't know what happened. Maybe this coming week. No, it's because you didn't plan accordingly. Why do you eat like crap? I didn't really have time.

[00:33:12] Steve: No, it's cause he didn't make an appointment to go to the grocery store, do some basic meal prep and make sure that you had food available because you knew your schedule was going to be tough mom. So mentioned before, I take a full holistic approach that goes way beyond just giving some, some workouts and some custom macros.

[00:33:29] Steve: We take a mindset approach. We take a planning approach, goal setting. Sleep recovery, prehab exercises, these other things that it's basically my goal to kind of undersell and over deliver. And I've been pretty good at giving guys that experience based on guys who sign up and then they want to re sign up and then they're referring their friends and telling them about me.

[00:33:52] Hector: Yeah. And what about it seems like there's some habits in here. Maybe that's the answer to it because you said there's mindset work, there's planning and

[00:34:00] Steve: Oh, yeah.

[00:34:01] Hector: and then sort of daily execution. Right? Are there any other habits that you think about or any other things that the guys are forming?

[00:34:08] Hector: that kind of allow for them to succeed in the long term with a program like this?

[00:34:13] Steve: Yeah. Well, the first thing that sticks to my mind is in the workout side of things, a lot of guys will come in and they have no idea how to track their progress. They've never really implemented progressive overload, meaning from workout to workout, you're either adding more weight to the exercise or more reps to the, same weight.

[00:34:32] Steve: we use an app and when you kind of gamify it, it's almost like going for a new high score every single time. And I was very lucky very early on in my exercise career. If you want to call it that I figured out, all right, I can do, I just started off by doing pushups for like the first three, four months or so.

[00:34:49] Steve: I was too afraid to go to the gym. I do pushups. And I said, all right, I did 12 yesterday. I'm going to get that 13th one today. And I'd go and I'd get to rep number 10. I'd be like, this is really tough. This is really where I want to quit. But you squeeze out that 11th, that 12th, you start doubting yourself and you go and you force yourself and you work harder than you've ever worked to get that 13th.

[00:35:10] Steve: You're like, all right, I did one more. And next thing you know, a few weeks go by and you're doing 25 pushups. Whereas you started off being able to do. Nine. And you're like, all right, now I'm going to add a second set, start tracking that six months go by. And, the numbers have gone up on the paper and then that's when you look in the mirror and really start to see, the muscle gain.

[00:35:29] Steve: So, yeah, guys will be like, yeah, I followed a program, but I've never, never tracked before. I've never done the same exact, 4 workouts for a 6 week period before and tried to just improve within those same workouts. They'll go from a background where they're just doing hip classes or other stuff that gets the body moving, not inherently bad, but you're not really tracking, you're not really improving.

[00:35:50] Steve: So just teaching basic, basic progressive overload and seeing the success guys. get from following that and making those small improvements from workout to workout, then, they get the next series of workouts and improving on those. And then four months goes by six months go by and they're like, Oh, wow.

[00:36:06] Steve: I'm really transforming just because I've never, never tracked before. So yeah, the basic progressive overload tracking, the more you can track, the more you can improve. And sadly, even active guys. A lot of 'em aren't tracking. And, you go to a, a local gym, is that correct?

[00:36:21] Hector: Yes.

[00:36:22] Steve: Do you see guys there that have been there for maybe several years and they kind of look exactly the same?

[00:36:26] Steve: Sometimes even worse,

[00:36:28] Hector: Right. Yeah. All the time.

[00:36:30] Steve: because most of the time they finished their set and that they have no idea how many reps they did, how many reps they did the week before. And they'll go, they'll put in a little bit effort, but they're never pushing themselves because they're not tracking and that could be the difference between long term success and either long term stagnation or, decline, even

[00:36:46] Hector: Yeah. So fascinating. never really appreciated the fact that when I started playing freshman, high school football, the guy who designed those workouts with us was like a former Olympic weightlifting coach. And so I'm just doing the sets and we're kind of programming the way that he's programming him, but not realizing that, Not everyone knows how to do a hang clean or a hang snatch or like, you know, those types of things.

[00:37:11] Hector: and so I guess I have to bring myself back to like, The basics matter to, are there any, Exercises specifically like for a dad bod. Like is there, you know, obviously I don't know that one exercise is going to like be a cure all. But if there are exercises that maybe guys are not doing as much as they should be, maybe they're not in vogue or they're not sexy or maybe they're not manly or I don't know what it is.

[00:37:38] Hector: But are there are there exercises that you think guys could probably benefit from doing more?

[00:37:43] Steve: more aqua aerobics. No, I'm just kidding. I don't have any type of weird gimmicky thing here. It's, the basics, for your legs, you need to have. Uh, a couple of squat variations. I'm not really a fan of heavy barbell squats for guys over And there's not a good risk to reward ratio there, but whether it's a goblet squat or some type of lunge variation, single leg squat variation, those are all great.

[00:38:07] Steve: Need a hinge variation, not a fan of, barbell deadlifts from the floor. Once again, can be tough on the lower back, not a good risk to reward ratio. So you can do some type of glute bridge or a single leg deadlift. So those are the leg exercises you want to have covered. And then upper body, you want to do some type of dress, horizontal press.

[00:38:27] Steve: You want to do some type of vertical press, not a fan of really pressing directly over the head. So I like a bench at like a 75 degree angle or so. So we get horizontal. Vertical pushing. And then when you have the pulling, we want some type of pull down or pull up, no pulling the weight downward. And then we want some type of row variation.

[00:38:45] Steve: So, and then on top of that core work, heavy carries a little bit of cardio. The basics, man. So if you have those movement patterns down, got a couple of exercises that you like for each one of those movement patterns, and you are consistently improving while adding in some cardio, then you're going to be pretty well

[00:39:02] Hector: Yeah, that's great. That's really awesome. I like the tip about not going straight up right over your shoulders. I've been doing presses like that kind of military press style, and it's just I have a fucked up shoulder because I broke my collarbone when I was 12.

[00:39:14] Hector: And so there's just some muscles and nerves that are getting Get twisted around in there, and that is particularly sticky. So that's good to know. I thought I was just being a little wimp. what about nutrition? Are there? I don't like to call them hacks, But are there ways? That people can get more bang for their buck or efficiencies that guys might find, you know, one thing that I've, become a fan of is like intermittent fasting or, Oh, mad.

[00:39:40] Hector: One meal a day been something that on non lifting days try and do. But are there any when it comes to nutrition? Are there any tips or techniques that you like to give out or that you find yourself giving out often?

[00:39:52] Steve: Yeah. So the good news with nutrition is there's a lot that you can do, you can have a lot of flexibility. there are a couple of rules that are kind of easiest to follow. I work with a lot of, busy professionals that aren't willing or able do the food scale thing where you're tracking every single calorie, every single gram of protein, things like that.

[00:40:09] Steve: So a couple of basic rules, I'm a big fan of fasting just because it helps control calories without having to meticulously track your food. With an app, if you say, all right, I'm not gonna eat breakfast and then hard cut off after dinner. I'm not going to have those cookies after dinner that are, they're holding me back.

[00:40:25] Steve: That can be great. and what they found is that the benefits beyond fasting don't really go beyond just kind of controlling calories. But that being said, it's a great, easy way to control calories. Another thing I like to say is use the great grandparent rule. If your great grandparents didn't recognize it.

[00:40:40] Steve: No pop tarts, most of the cereals you see most of crap in the middle of the grocery store. If they don't recognize it or wouldn't have recognized it. You don't want the majority of your calories to come from the stick to the outer perimeter of the grocery store, your lean proteins, fruits, vegetables, whole grains.

[00:40:58] Steve: That's where you want to get 80 percent of your calories from. Try to get protein with every single meal. That's going to be a big one. The big three, and you know, they're not fancy, they're not sexy, but if you follow those rules and you follow them to the letter, that's going to solve most of your problems, because you're not eating garbage, you're not eating all hours of the day, snacking late at night, eating

[00:41:21] Steve: a

[00:41:21] Steve: donut first thing in the morning.

[00:41:24] Hector: are you a fan of these? Like, it seems like on Instagram, gotten into like the algorithm where they'll just put protein in anything, or they'll just put like cottage cheese, or like, like in anything and just call it like protein, mac and cheese, protein, whatever, you know, and it's, I love me some cottage cheese.

[00:41:39] Hector: And I love me some, you know, Greek yogurt and stuff. do you think of that sort of thing?

[00:41:44] Steve: I don't think there's enough of it because I love cottage cheese and I love Greek yogurt

[00:41:49] Hector: I'm glad

[00:41:50] Steve: the best snacks. I am a fan of the adding the protein to stuff. I add protein to my oats as my first meal. I tried the cottage cheese mac and cheese and I was like, this better not ruin cottage cheese for me because I like cottage cheese.

[00:42:04] Steve: And I was like, Oh man, you add this. It's cottage cheese to the bonza mac and cheese, and it's actually good. And you can get anyone and your family to eat it. You can add some Buffalo sauce. It is a great time. If you are trying to look for a low calorie, high protein recipes, because every single time I open up Instagram, they're a couple great accounts.

[00:42:25] Steve: I'm like, Oh, I'm going to try that. It's easy. Five ingredients. You can make it in 20 minutes. I'm a big fan of all that stuff.

[00:42:31] Hector: I'm so glad you said that. I thought you were going to go the totally opposite direction. So, I'm gonna indulge more of those. one of my staples at the grocery store that I buy that I'm glad almost every grocery store has now is fah jay. I think it's how you say it.

[00:42:43] Steve: Yeah.

[00:42:43] Hector: Uh, Faya, I love me some, I think it's Faya, right?

[00:42:47] Hector: Faya is how you say it. to the person who is, going in expecting it to be a sweet treat, they're going to be severely disappointed. But the macros on that thing is just like, there's nothing better.

[00:42:57] Steve: So one of my favorite snacks is you take one of those fires, get the nonfat version, throw a scoop of your favorite protein powder in there, give it a hard mix and it gives it the consistency and flavor of, pudding. So you can get a kick ass 45 grams of protein, 200 calories. protein pudding and don't feel guilty about having it.

[00:43:18] Hector: I do add a little bit of guilt in there because I've squirt a little Hershey syrup in there. ,

[00:43:22] Steve: That's fine.

[00:43:24] Hector: That's only because saw Alex Ramosi do that. And I said, you know what? If he's doing it, I'm going to, I'm going to follow suit.

[00:43:29] Steve: the recipe he did where he added Hershey syrup to just a giant container of egg whites?

[00:43:35] Hector: yes, I have friends who, also recommend that. I have not gotten there quite yet.

[00:43:39] Steve: Haven't tried that one. I saw him make it. Then I saw someone test it and try it. And they're like, actually, this isn't that bad. So

[00:43:46] Hector: I have

[00:43:47] Hector: a buddy, Nate Palmer, who I actually connect you with. he's a great guy. He hosts low carb hustle podcast. on his Instagram does like daily raw egg, he has like daily raw egg content for the longest time. He would, Drink raw eggs, out of a glass for everyone to vomit at on his story.

[00:44:04] Hector: But he's recently started doing some of the egg white sort of carton stuff and kind of adding chocolate milk and two. So anyways, we'll link all that up

[00:44:11] Steve: Yeah, I'd love to meet him.

[00:44:12] Hector: one last question for you before we get out of here, though, if people want to get more connected with you, find out about your programs, things that, you're involved with.

[00:44:19] Hector: Where's the best place to go?

[00:44:20] Steve: Yeah, on Instagram, you can find me. I'm dadbod underscore Steve. You can connect with me there, give me a follow. I'd really appreciate that. I post almost every single day. And then I also have a free fast start guide. Maybe you're not ready to join my VIP program, anything like that. Go ahead to go to goodbyedadbod.

[00:44:40] Steve: com and I'll send you my free fast start guide. It will definitely get you started.

[00:44:45] Hector: deal. We'll link all that up in the show notes as well. Steve, my last question for you is in your opinion, what is the definition of modern masculinity?

[00:44:53] Steve: Yeah. Great question. we can do a whole other hour on this, but I think more guys need to recognize that no one is going to save you. You are responsible for yourself and it may seem kind of intimidating, but once you accept that and realize that you have a lot more power than you give yourself credit for, you're going to feel a lot better.

[00:45:15] Steve: You're going to get a lot more done. That doesn't matter who is in office. Local government, national government, you are going to make the biggest factor in your own life. If you have people depending on you, you don't want to have to worry about, you know, someone being elected, that's going to change things.

[00:45:32] Steve: You are the only one who could change things for yourself and the people around you. So. read Jocko's book, Extreme Ownership. I think that's a great example of, some great words to live by. Start taking more responsibility for your own life instead of relying on others. And that's about as masculine as you get my man.

[00:45:50] Hector: I love it. Steve, this has been a pleasure. To have you on fellows. I want to thank each of you for sticking with us today. We're always grateful to hang out with you. We'd be forever appreciative of a rating or review wherever you get your podcasts. And if you know a guy who needs to hear this, hit that share button, send them a message.

[00:46:09] Hector: Let them know you were thinking about them. as always, we appreciate you being part of the tribe. We'll see on the next one later. Y'all.