Fitness: Why Martial Arts Are Important for a Man’s Development with Paul Tokgozoglu

[00:00:00] Hector: Paul T, thank you for joining the Modern Masculinity Show, man. How are you?

[00:00:04] Paul: I'm great, man. Thanks for having me,

[00:00:07] Hector: Yeah, this is fun. We've had a number of conversations and they tend to get Deeper and deeper over the times, I think started off talking about, digital marketing and such. And now we're here talking about God knows what, but take me into your world.

[00:00:21] Hector: I mentioned in the intro a little bit about what you do and your background and stuff, but we just spent some time hanging out. On your awesome property and you've responsible for a family. You're got a partner. you've got plenty on your plate.

[00:00:33] Hector: what's real or pressure for you right now?

[00:00:36] Paul: man. That's a great question. I feel like these days I'm really focused on the jujitsu outlet message, trying to make martial arts more accessible for people in the world. And right now, really passionate about teaching out of my location here. in Houston, Missouri, and always just trying to get better.

[00:00:55] Paul: That's been a big part of my life lately. I just did competed at the ADCC trials this last weekend. Unfortunately, it didn't go my way, but that happens a lot in combat sports. But that's been a big part of my life lately is just trying to get better as an athlete, as a teacher, like you mentioned, as a parent, as a partner trying to weave all these things together and just be the best version of myself.

[00:01:19] Paul: And I know that's* * almost a cliche thing to say, but I've found that there's a lot of happiness and a lot of fulfillment that comes in the pursuit of trying to perfect yourself and trying to not settle. For anything in the human experience and just trying to be the best that you can possibly be.

[00:01:37] Hector: Yeah. What was that like? Because we got a chance to go out and train a little bit and I'm nowhere near your league. Soyou're not getting much of a fight from me. But then even in the gym that we're training at, most of the guys, it seemed That you are either comparable with or better to better than all of a sudden you go into a competition where there's like literal, trained killers And then you have an experience that, you said, doesn't go your way.

[00:02:00] Hector: Like what was that like? was that, easy and, Oh, you're already back onto the next one. Or was that a journey or, take us into that though.

[00:02:09] Paul: Man, losing sucks, especially when it's something that you train really hard for and you really care about. Like I've always wanted to compete at the ADCC trials. This was my first time doing it for people who don't follow Brazilian jujitsu or submission grappling. It's basically the qualifiers for the world championships.

[00:02:25] Paul: So if you win at the ADCC trials. Then you're able to go on to the 80 CC world championships, which is going to be in Vegas next year. So there's two chances to qualify for people who live in North America. There's the East coast trials and the West coast trials. This one that I did this last weekend was the East coast, the West coast will be next year.

[00:02:44] Paul: this was my one of two chances to try to qualify for the world championships, which is really every athlete's dream in Brazilian jujitsu is to try to go. I competed on the biggest stage and dude, it was crazy to realize the skill level of Brazilian jiu jitsu these days and just seeing the martial arts ability that was on display and man, like you said, was a whole room of train killers.

[00:03:08] Paul: And it was crazy to think that I was on the bottom of the totem pole is really what it felt like. Even though I've been training for 13 years and I've really dedicated myself to this, it's crazy to then go and meet people who are Beyond your skillset. But for me, it really motivated me and showed me what's possible.

[00:03:27] Paul: And yeah, I'm going to be doing another tournament here in the next couple of weeks, and I'm looking at competing in the open tournament in Austin. Down in December. I'm looking to just try to get right back into it, man, but really sucked to be honest with you,

[00:03:41] Paul: I try not to get depressed, but I could have gotten depressed for very easily because again, it didn't go my way. it's a single elimination event. So when you lose in the beginning period there, it really sucks. Cause then you don't get to go on, you only have that one match.

[00:03:57] Paul: I didn't do as well as I had hoped and I did. I wasn't able to, wasn't able to showcase a lot of the skills that I know that I have. And there's a lot of bittersweetness that comes in that, but there's a lot of lessons too. So what I've been focused on is just realizing that one of my goals has been to try to surround myself with the best possible people that I possibly can.

[00:04:19] Paul: And especially when you're talking about martial arts, you have to find training partners that are better than you or tougher than you, or you have to find people who are better than you for you to level up. And I feel like I've always been searching for that room. Like, where's the most dangerous.

[00:04:33] Paul: room that I can put myself in, that I can start to get better and start to improve at a faster rate. And this past weekend, I really felt like I found that room. And it was this room full of all these savages who obviously most of them were a lot better than me. And it just felt really good to finally find that.

[00:04:52] Paul: of where I needed to be. So I'm excited to keep competing and get out there again and just try to, be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. That's what it's all about.

[00:05:01] Hector: Yeah, I think it's interesting that the guys and I came up much more of an let's call it a traditional. Athletic environment, which was, baseball, football and basketball. And, I think I did one year of karate or maybe even it was like one, not even a year. If I had talked to my mom, she was like you did the free trial and then you didn't want to go back.

[00:05:20] Hector: so for me, I had a kind of a different experience, but I think that there's always This sizing up that I think isn't inherent for guys, but it seems to be, happening more and more with women as well, but that there's measuring stick, maybe it's ancestral or archaic or whatever, but that there is a lot of worth that guys can, or they can derive a lot of their worth from these competitions.

[00:05:47] Hector: And I think that Perhaps the important part of the conversation is that maybe that when that's not there anymore because they get injured or their career is over or whatever, or they are, you said, they had an experience where their expectations weren't the same.

[00:06:01] Hector: I think that Dealing with that next step, not enough got that's part is not talked about enough, right? Or the, no one really thinks about that part. They're just like, Oh, you move on, buck up, go on to the next one type thing.

[00:06:17] Paul: Yeah, exactly. you're right. It's a measuring stick. Of sorts. And I think that it's important to not put a lot of emotion into it. That's really what I've just been trying to think about is, not really trying to put a lot of judgment on anything, just trying to take a very logical based approach.

[00:06:34] Paul: Cause I watched some of the footage and really I only made two or three big mistakes. But those two or three big mistakes cost you the whole match, right? Cost you everything. But if you look at it from a logical perspective, you can say, okay, it's not that I'm a failure that I failed at. I did fail at this specific thing, but it's because of a very logical thing.

[00:06:53] Paul: You can point to it and say, oh, it's, I did these three things wrong. If I work on them next time, I'll get better. And again, you're always competing against yourself. It's not so much that you went and you lost to someone. That sucks, but it's all about just understanding that I'm competing with me.

[00:07:10] Paul: I'm competing with the version of myself that existed in the past. And I know that I've gotten a lot better and I know that I've kept at it. And kept going despite adversity and all this kind of stuff. So it's just all about leaning into that process. I think more and more. And that helps for sure.

[00:07:28] Paul: Helps you bounce back faster.

[00:07:29] Hector: The growth mindset it's become more prevalent today, but I remember the first time reading a mindset by Carol Dweck. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but it's a fantastic, like foundational book for me because looked around and I saw other people, especially in the athletic world, making judgments based on outcomes.

[00:07:52] Hector: In the sense of they said,I came up in. Team sports. So there was the better part of the team. And then the people who weren't, there was the first string and then there was the third string. And what it seemed was that if you were a third stringer, that was your cast.

[00:08:06] Hector: It was a cast like system in the sense of very rarely did a third string or move up to first string and vice versa, but in individual sports and in life, I think it seems to be more apparent, Or it seems to be more necessary or I don't know maybe that's there too, because you're in that room, I think it could be very easily easy to say this guy is just.

[00:08:28] Hector: that much better than me and then to leave it at that, right? Which is, it's not what you were doing when you said that you were watching tape and reviewing and all that sorts.

[00:08:37] Paul: Yeah, exactly. you got to keep pushing forward,

[00:08:39] Hector: I think you've really gotten behind this jujitsu thing. And I think that it's I don't want to say it like that. I don't want to minimize it by saying that, but the reason I, did say it was like that is it just being jujitsu. It's more than just, A sport.

[00:08:51] Hector: It's more than just a martial art. It's more than, you really see a lot of benefits, a lot of advantages. There's a lot of things that kind of come from it. So when you look at jujitsu, what are the more than that things that you think it encompasses?

[00:09:06] Paul: I think that it's almost an allegory for all of life. I was talking yesterday with a guy named Andrew tacked on my podcast. He's one of the best Jiu Jitsu guys in the world. And we were talking about how it's almost like Jiu Jitsu or a martial arts practice trains you to become more spiritual or more aware or more.

[00:09:26] Paul: conscious kind of tap into this other side of your brain. So it's almost like by engaging in this sort of something that really is a simulated murder game. If you think about it's like this weird assassin game that we're playing whenever we're doing Brazilian jujitsu or judo or one of these combat martial arts, but it unlocks.

[00:09:45] Paul: Feminine side of us, which is odd. So it's almost like it allows this warrior mentality to come out and have its day in the sun, but then afterwards, You're in a more relaxed state of mind, so it's almost like a direct way that you can turn on that masculine energy And then, by doing it, you can also turn on That feminine energy that exists inside of all of us.

[00:10:08] Paul: So it's really becomes this allegory of life. It becomes something where you can learn patience. You can learn self discipline. You can learn about how to have a healthy lifestyle. You can learn about how to be humble. For example, because you get humbled whenever you're doing a martial arts practice, just constantly, especially something like jujitsu.

[00:10:26] Paul: That's what happened to me this last weekend. Like I got humbled yet again. And it's just like this constant thing. It's always happening. You're always being humbled. And I think that it makes you curious about life. And it makes you curious about the kind of other aspects of life, because you start to realize just how much you don't know, and then you become more receptive.

[00:10:47] Paul: You become more receptive to information from a mentor or a friend or something like that, because martial arts training teaches you how to be coachable, teaches you how to be coached, teaches you how to look out for other people, like it trains you and all these other. things that happen in life. I feel like that's the more allegorical way.

[00:11:05] Paul: But then if you also look at the science behind intense physical training like jujitsu or mixed martial arts or something like that there's a lot of science that shows just what all this stuff does for our brain. It increases dopamine production. It increases serotonin production in men. It helps stimulate testosterone, which is something that a lot of men are lacking these days.

[00:11:26] Paul: And it also stimulates the vagus nerve, which is part of your nervous system that connects all the organs in your body together. So training in a martial art activates all the systems of your body, just like entering into a really intense CrossFit workout might do or something like that.

[00:11:43] Paul: But one of the benefits of martial arts is that it also introduces you to a community, introduces you to other people. And also it's stimulates the production of oxytocin in your body through the skin on skin contact that happens between people when you're engaging in martial arts. So you're literally like stimulating all of these productive, positive hormones in your body.

[00:12:05] Paul: It's a lot of times a lot of the same stuff that people are getting prescribed pharmaceutical drugs to treat and to try to. All of that stuff gets stimulated whenever you go and have an intense workout. But if you do something like CrossFit, you're not going to necessarily get that same oxytocin benefit that you get from Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or Judo because you don't have that skin on skin contact with another human being.

[00:12:27] Paul: There's something that gets stimulated in our bodies whenever that's happening. So Jitsu outlet movement to spread martial arts across the world and make it more accessible. Is because of all of this, it's got all of these kind of spiritual and like esoteric benefits to it, but then it also has some very practical stuff.

[00:12:50] Paul: Like it stimulates all these different chemicals in your brain, stimulates the best parts of your body. And obviously it keeps you in shape, right? Like it burns calories like nothing else helps you improve your muscle get stronger and all this good stuff. So there's just so many benefits for it, man.

[00:13:06] Paul: It's something everyone should try.

[00:13:07] Hector: We talk a lot about the challenges that guys are going through with regards to mental health and, one of them is this domestic violence abuse, like there's this whole, there's all that is spilling out. I think during the pandemic, especially and during lockdowns and even the fallout afterwards, like the domestic abuse rates, which is through the roof.

[00:13:31] Hector: And I think that not enough guys have this outlet to be able to exhaust that. That pent up energy or frustration or anger. And I had a recent experience. I'll be a totally different, but I was talking to a good friend or actually a guest at the show. And Dr. Kelly Flanagan, he was talking about how the anger and the frustration that was coming out at a certain person was probably not caused by that person, that our reaction to that is really just a response and that it usually goes back to.

[00:14:08] Hector: Something prior and so I guess the reason I say that is that there's so many times I got to imagine because I've seen myself do it where guys are freaking out on their kids or their partner or, their employees or whatever and lashing out, not realizing that they have all this.

[00:14:23] Hector: extra pent up energy that they haven't exhausted and their body is freaking out. And so they're freaking out on everything and anything around them. And what I found is that a, some of the guys that we were rolling with at the gym that you train with in Springfield are like some of the nicest, coolest guys.

[00:14:38] Hector: And it's because, they're exhausting all that extra energy, but then the mental health benefits of that, when you take that home, just. Just spread to everyone that you are, leading, essentially.

[00:14:51] Paul: Yeah, exactly. It's becomes this sort of a wavelength that can radiate out from the human being and ultimately throughout a whole community. If you get a significant amount of people training. There's a book called the Maharishi effect, which studied the effects of group meditation on large cities.

[00:15:08] Paul: And what they found was basically that if there was a large amount of The percentage of the population engaged in meditation together that it actually correlated with a decrease in crime across the whole city and that whatever the meditation would stop because I guess what they would do is they would organize these big meditation events where like hundreds of people were meditating together for a long period of time and then during that period of however long the event was, maybe a weekend or so, crime would decrease significantly across the whole city.

[00:15:42] Paul: And then the very next weekend, whenever these people would not be there, it would go back to how it was. And there's the whole book is about. People doing these sorts of studies over many decades over a long period of time, and it's a very fascinating concept. But really, what they were trying to show is that we're all connected together as a human organism, and that if you can get a certain percentage the human organism to all focus in on this one thing together, that it does have an effect on the collective around it through this sort of a wavelength.

[00:16:16] Paul: Perhaps this is something that's talked about a lot in hermetic philosophy is this idea of us all being a vibratory being of sorts that projects this vibration out from us at all times. Whether you believe in that or not, I feel like you've got to agree that if a lot of people start doing something within a society, it's going to have a effect on the society as a whole.

[00:16:38] Hector: Yeah, so many rabbit holes that you opened up there.

[00:16:42] Paul: I'm here. to help me

[00:16:43] Hector: the idea of, just restricting this to guys though, right? You also talked about that, the camaraderie that happens with it. And it's funny that you brought in the idea of. the skin to skin contact, right?

[00:16:55] Hector: And kind of the oxytocin because people always like my wife is like, Oh, that's so disgusting. Like you're rubbing, on men, you guys are just rubbing on each other. You're getting your sweat all each other. And I'm like, Yeah, I guess I don't know. You get over it eventually. But on the other side of it is like, there's actually real, scientific benefits.

[00:17:11] Hector: When you talk about in the parenting space, they talk about the importance of skin to skin and all that's very real. And so it's just, grown men and women doing it now. But I think that community effect can't be overstated either, because I hear, I see that with so many guys who, are friends with the guys that they train with.

[00:17:31] Hector: And that is missing from so many guys lives these days.

[00:17:34] Paul: done almost 100 episodes now of the jiu jitsu outlet podcast where I talked to martial artists and ask them about how jiu jitsu and martial arts has helped their life off the mats. And the two biggest things that people say, number one is confidence and number two is the community. Like bar none. I'd say 98 percent of people that I've asked, they say one of those two things.

[00:17:57] Paul: thing. And a lot of times the two actually work together because the community gives you confidence and helps you to become that person. So by being a part of the community and by engaging with other people, especially for men, women to as well. But just I think there's something that happens, especially with men, where especially a younger guy who comes in and gets validated by older guys.

[00:18:22] Paul: That is a very confident Producing a thing. So that seems to be something that a lot of guys talk about on the show is not just so much the magic of fighting each other, but rather being validated by the other people in the group who are maybe more experienced than them. Whenever that happens, there's a big boost in confidence.

[00:18:41] Paul: That seems to happen, which I mean, it makes a lot of sense, right? If you think about evolution, if you think about how our brains were grown up to be over millions of years, that makes a lot of sense, right? You get that validation from the tribe and in a martial arts room, it can feel very real because it is real.

[00:18:59] Paul: It's a real thing. Whenever you start to get better and you start to get you feel the respect that you get. If that makes sense, because once you stick around in a martial arts room, even if it's longer than just a couple of classes, right? Cause so many people drop out after just one or two classes.

[00:19:15] Paul: So if you're one of the people who sticks around and keep showing up, you get a lot of respect out of that. It doesn't even take that long is what I'm saying. It's not like you need to master jujitsu and then you get accepted. No, if you just stick around for a week or two, you're going to start getting respect from the people in that room because they know that not a lot of people stick around for longer than.

[00:19:35] Paul: Two weeks, honestly. So the people that do, they get a lot of respect. And then that gives them a big boost in confidence, which again, leads to a boost in testosterone, leads to a boost in dopamine. All these different things are happening scientifically behind the scenes. Yeah,

[00:19:53] Hector: it's also interesting that guys like jujitsu specifically It's an intellectual endeavor just as much as it is the physical one. And I've seen, for me, the challenge with running, for instance, is perhaps there are levels to running and you can do 1.

[00:20:11] Hector: 0 but I don't just want to keep running farther. That doesn't seem. a good way evolve even in weightlifting, like there's a certain level of evolution that can occur, but at a certain point you're capped by. How much you eat or you have it like certain kinds of almost natural ceilings, if you will, but with jujitsu, that's not really the case.

[00:20:34] Hector: it really is this rabbit hole and this, well that just keeps going and going. And I don't know who it's attributed to, but one of the, the legends of jujitsu, said something to the effect of, jiu jitsu is I do this and you do that and I do this and you do that forever, like something like that.

[00:20:50] Hector: And that in the same way you can keep learning essentially forever. I think that's really attractive to, guys who don't just, you know, who don't want to be this brute grunt kind of thing, or this bodybuilder type Like grunt that, make it stigmatized on online.

[00:21:12] Paul: attracts the nerd assassins, the nerdy kid who was into video games who maybe didn't get along with other people for whatever reason and felt awkward his whole life. That was definitely me. And a lot of people like that end up in jujitsu. I think especially with video gamers. Because the leveling up process is very similar to getting your next stripe or getting your next belt or doing a tournament or something like that.

[00:21:37] Paul: But really we're all just a bunch of like dopamine addicts is really what it is. Cause that's what's happening in a video game is your dopamine processors are firing like crazy. Same thing happens on the Jiu Jitsu mats. it's almost like we're these evolutionary beings. Have you heard of Alex Sharpen?

[00:21:51] Paul: Do you know who that is?

[00:21:53] Hector: He's the guy that always wears the,

[00:21:54] Hector: the orange glasses, right?

[00:21:56] Paul: Yup. He really helped me a lot when I was first starting out as an entrepreneur. And he's got this theory of the evolutionary hunter. And what Alex believes is that people like us who are drawn to be the entrepreneurs and drawn to be maybe professional athletes or the, like the high performance.

[00:22:14] Paul: dope, like the dopamine rushers, like I was just describing. He thinks that we're like the genetic descendants of the people who used to be the hunters inside of the tribe or the protectors of the tribe or the warrior class of the ancient tribe. And he thinks that people like us don't really have a place in the modern world because in the modern world there is a place in the military or professional athleticism.

[00:22:39] Paul: And that's about it. But a lot of us end up being entrepreneurs, And that's what Alex believes as well. A lot of us end up becoming business folk because you get that same sort of rush and you get that same sort of almost instinctual nature where you're on the hunt is what it feels like, especially if you're fielding a lot of sales calls, you're hunting like that's what it's always talked about.

[00:23:01] Paul: so I don't know, I feel like that theory makes a lot of sense. it's something that gave me a lot of clarity on me on myself, whether it's 100 percent true or not, but it really gave me a good framework to work within and also helped me see that there's a lot of other people out there who are just like me dealing with the same sort of stuff.

[00:23:17] Paul: Okay.

[00:23:17] Hector: I'm always a big believer in playing to our, genetics. I think part of the reason that we. That I started the show was because I realized that there was some initially dispositions, but then those dispositions led to programming, or, some people might call them mindsets that at least initially early on in my life led to success.

[00:23:42] Hector: But then there was a series of moments and events and experiences that made me realize that the programming that I had was not allowing me to thrive in this next stage in this next evolution. And so I'm curious if that kind of resonates and what I might liken it to is that there's One of our guests Stephen arms, he talks a lot about the rights of passage.

[00:24:04] Hector: And actually, I think we talked about this on our, when we came out to your property, but he talks about these stages of manhood and how, initially you move out of your parents house and you're on your own and that's the first stage. And then you get a partner and that's. Now you're responsible for your partner.

[00:24:18] Hector: That's the second stage. And then it's a family and, these layers on and maybe it's a dog or whatever it is. But are there all these layers of or stages of manhood a neat stage? There's a different level of responsibility. There's a different level of skills

[00:24:34] Hector: there's a different range that's necessary, right? When you're in your twenties, you, I just have to focus on yourself. All of a sudden you're in your thirties and you've got, all these other beings essentially that you're responsible for. It requires a different approach. Are there similarities to that in Jiu Jitsu and like the, do you see that evolution kind of coming up?

[00:24:55] Paul: Yeah, 100%. I feel like again, it's an allegory for life because you're totally right. You have to think about things differently at every stage. And lot of times the moves that will work on a white belt or a brand new person won't work on someone who's more experienced because they've seen that set up before.

[00:25:13] Paul: So you almost have to think along the lines of okay,because then you get into this kind of higher level of the game where you start to think about faking Like you're doing something, which is that higher level where you start to think, okay, I know that he knows that I could throw up an arm bar from the guard, for instance.

[00:25:30] Paul: So I might fake that I'm going to throw up an arm bar from the guard which I know is going to get him to respond. like this. And then when he responds like that, I'm going to do this. So you start to set up these sort of setups, right? These little traps where you know that the other person is probably going to react a certain way.

[00:25:48] Paul: So you're going to capitalize on that reaction, not necessarily that you're expecting that you're going to get the thing that you were going for. And that's just one example of how the game changes. as you get older, right? Or as you progress. And I feel like the same thing can happen in business to where it's like you always have to be learning about a new technology or a new advantage that you might be able to get in the marketplace.

[00:26:12] Paul: Or maybe there's some competitor out there who's done something really innovative and you've got to educate yourself on what they're doing, There's all these different levels that come, but at the end of the day, I think that the thing that they also have in common. Is that the fundamentals are super important and at all the different levels like in the martial arts, especially jujitsu, you have to always be iron focused on your fundamentals like this past weekend.

[00:26:37] Paul: One of the reasons that I lost the match was because my weight was a little bit too far forward and he was able to sweep me over and get on top. It, threw my balance off. I wasn't able to do the game that I wanted to play simply because I had my weight a little too far forward.

[00:26:53] Paul: So I got a little too emotional. I got a little too overexcited and I neglected one of the fundamentals. And it's the same thing in business, right? If you get stressed out, you get angry, or if you get too anxious or too emotional, you might neglect some of the fundamentals. You might forget to follow up with someone, or you might forget to be on time for your sales call or something like that.

[00:27:17] Paul: you might neglect these fundamentals it happens as soon as stress gets introduced, whether it's in a Jiu Jitsu tournament or running your business. it's all the same. So I really feel like these different disciplines like the martial arts, they prepare you for life, especially if you're an entrepreneur.

[00:27:34] Hector: Yeah, there was a moment when this gets up on video, they'll see the studio behind you, but there was a moment where. We were training with one of your students and he's probably about, I don't know, 50, 100 pounds more than me. And I'm scrambling and I'm scrambling and I'm scrambling and I'm like, fuck, like this feels like life.

[00:27:51] Hector: And what was interesting is like, when I stopped to think and I just stopped and I got stopped, stuck thinking and stopped moving. That's when he capitalized. That's when he got on top of me and, ended up suffocating me with his belly and his biceps is what did it like in the moment I'm seeing like, oh, this is where it would happen.

[00:28:08] Hector: Like in a life experience when you're scrambling and you're scrambling and things are getting to like tough, because there was a moment where I was like, don't give up. Don't give up shit. Yeah. You like, like you give in. And I think that, I know that there are that guys are having those experiences where it just, it feels so hard and it feels like one thing after the other.

[00:28:30] Hector: And it just keeps pressing and tighten. And what we what we came to was that if you are prepared in those moments and you know what to do, or at least for me, when I knew when you like, Oh, all you had to do was just push on his armpit. And I was like, ah, that's what I was searching for in that moment.

[00:28:49] Hector: Had I just known that simple thing I could have direct that's where I would have, focused. And so it's the preparation and kind of the forethought and all that stuff coming into play. But just yeah. I don't know, what are, like, what are your thoughts on the you're calling it the allegory or the relationship between those moments when, You feeling press and you're feeling defeated and then, overcoming or whatever that other side is.

[00:29:16] Paul: Yeah, I put a lot of thought into this actually, because I feel like all of life boils down to those moments. If you think about it think about hypothetically, if you were a wrestler in the Olympics, your entire life, you train for this one moment, or maybe you're a gymnast could be another, example, you're a gymnast in the Olympics, your entire life, you've trained for this, since you could walk, your parents have been training you for this hours and hours of you hitting double legs and single legs, or you working on your cartwheel or backflip or whatever.

[00:29:50] Paul: And then suddenly you're in front of the whole world and everything is on you and you've got three minutes to perform there's only going to be one moment that you're going to actually really shine, If you think about again, like wrestling, that there's going to be one moment in the whole match.

[00:30:07] Paul: that you can shoot for that double leg or that single leg and try to get the take down where you're going to score and get your points and when the tournament or whatever, or if you're doing your gymnastics, there's only going to be that like brief second that you hit that beautiful freaking thing, right?

[00:30:23] Paul: That ends up on the highlight reels, or you hit your beautiful, like crazy backflip thing that you can do, but it only lasts for two seconds, maybe of your whole life, really. But it's almost like that two second moment is what defines everything. So that's what ends up in the highlight reels.

[00:30:40] Paul: Or that's what they put on the highlight clip when they're making some highlight reel video of you later. do. You know what I'm saying? Like, That's what the news is showing. They show you hitting that big move that you got. But it all comes from a lifetime of preparation.

[00:30:55] Paul: That prepares you for that one little opportunity. And then if you think about that in business, it's the same thing. It's the same exact thing. You prepare for your entire career, and then suddenly you're at this mastermind, and you've got this opportunity to talk to some dude that you just met, and you realize oh, holy crap, this could be the biggest joint venture of my whole career.

[00:31:17] Paul: Whatever I say next in this conversation could change the course of my whole life. Or something like that, you're like, okay, you wouldn't be there. If you had not prepared your entire life, but then it does come down to that one moment and that's what I've been thinking about a lot.

[00:31:32] Paul: It's like you literally prepare your entire lifetime for something. And then, yes, it does come down to one little three second period this last weekend came down to one minute. Yeah. match that lasts for six minutes. And the match went for two. I think like about two minutes and then I ended up getting submitted.

[00:31:49] Paul: So it's like I've been training my whole career for this moment and then it's over two minutes, But those two minutes define me. If I had done better I could be experiencing a different life right now, but I'm not, and that's okay. And that's the journey.

[00:32:04] Paul: It's like you get there, you have that experience. It goes however it's going to go, but it changes the course of your life, how you react in that moment or how you react to whatever comes after that moment as well. Because it's not saying that there's never going to be another moment but there might not be.

[00:32:22] Paul: I think it was what I'm trying to say there very well could not be. And you can go back and keep trying if you fail in that moment, but there's always that chance that maybe you could not. So I feel like we have to always be very present for those moments, if that makes sense.

[00:32:37] Paul: It reminds me of that. I think it was in the Fast and the Furious, and I only saw like the first, I don't know, five or six of them. I didn't see the rest of But one of the early ones, it was like something to the effect of you just focus on, the next quarter mile that's in front of you.

[00:32:51] Hector: that, I think, is what you're hearkening to, is that We're constantly in this moment. And as I'm just reflecting on my own self, I realized that there have been times where I have not been present to that moment, let opportunities slip by. If not just for the fact that I was not being diligent in my integrity, like with myself, right? With doing the things that I said I was going to do that.

[00:33:13] Hector: Nobody else knows that I didn't do them. Nobody knows. I missed that meditation. Nobody knows. I got up later than I wanted to. nobody knows all those things except me. But at the same regard, that preparation I, has impacts. And I think that's what you're saying, too, is that there was also everything counts to,

[00:33:31] Paul: everything counts.

[00:33:33] Hector: Let's talk a little bit about the show and more importantly, talk to me about what you've built on on your land there, because I got a chance to go out and experience it, but it was an experience. Which is cool. And go back as far back as you think is necessary to share what you're up to and doing what you did to outlet out on your property,

[00:33:54] Paul: Well, I was born in 1991 in Bloomington, Indiana. No, I'm just kidding. A couple years ago, we moved out here to the middle of nowhere, Missouri, to try to get closer to nature. And we live in the forest next to a river. I don't know if you can see too much, but I've got some of the windows open, but maybe you can see some trees back there.

[00:34:12] Paul: But we got this giant warehouse on the property where I've got my little recording office, but we've also got a bunch of mats back here and we've opened a jujitsu academy and been training people for the last couple of months. But there's also a tiny house. that we built on the property, which is like right here.

[00:34:28] Paul: If you were to take this wall out, the tiny house would be like right over here. we've been hosting people for visits like yourself just introducing them to nature and giving them an opportunity to train in the martial arts at the same time. And the reason that I feel like that's really important is to really set your mind again into that.

[00:34:45] Paul: masculine and the feminine state, right? So you get to have that outlet for physical aggression and you get to come in and experience the martial arts. And if you've been training before, then that's great. We can hit some stuff that's a little bit more advanced and we can do some more sparring.

[00:35:00] Paul: Or if you're new, you're going to experience just learning some of the basic fundamental stuff. So whether people are advanced or beginners, it doesn't matter. Everyone's welcome out here. And really, it's just all about again, giving you a way to experience that physical outlet and then also go jump in the river afterwards, go for a walk in the forest, make a fire, eat some good food and get into that more parasynthetic state, so to speak, where you can relax, you can recover and you can really start to have some clarity.

[00:35:33] Paul: And that's really what we're trying to give people out here. Hector is like reset. Where they can get some clarity on their vision, they can start to piece together what's important to them in life, and they could really have some time to reflect and get some energy back. What was your experience like when you came out here?

[00:35:49] Paul: Did you feel more relaxed going back to California?

[00:35:52] Hector: let me answer what you were talking about before. And in the sense of clarity that's it, that's exactly what I took away from it was that. There were, some fires that we had the stars. You could actually see them. It was just incredible.

[00:36:05] Hector: what I came away from it with was a deeper knowing of what was important to me. And a deeper sense of what and who I was because that's been a big journey. I've talked a lot about on the show is rediscovering or maybe even not rediscovering, but really discovering who I am and what I want and not what other people wanted for me and thinking that I wanted that.

[00:36:32] Hector: so that was a big thing, in the stillness that you get from being the clarity that you get from, being away from all of the, Noise and all of the whatever, just having, your own space is huge. perhaps the trauma that we shaked off in that river, which was seemed to get colder as the days went by.

[00:36:52] Hector: But those are some of the things that I took away from it. And it was an experiential kind of thing, right? It wasn't just a, go sit on the beach and relax, which are, I think are great. But I knew that for me, I went in expecting to do some internal work just because my life is just in an interesting stage.

[00:37:11] Hector: it really created A space for that to emerge for sure.

[00:37:15] Paul: I'm glad that you had that experience. That's really the intent, man, is to give people that experience and to give them some space. Cause man, it's hard to get out of the city sometimes. And it seems to always be expanding all this light, all this noise that humans create. So it's good to get out to the woods.

[00:37:33] Hector: , tHere's something to that. On the woo level, on the scientific level,I'm getting hit right now with, I don't know, eight, nine different Wi Fi's, from all different areas that it's just out there. There was like, you had your Starlink, so you still were connected enough, but there's something to.

[00:37:48] Hector: That and being away from everybody else's chaos. And it was interesting. It was like, I was even telling you. I felt myself fighting the natural urge to go into the chaos and to start scrolling and check the feed and do all these things. And it was like, you don't need to, the birds are chirping, the stars are glistening.

[00:38:08] Hector: So yeah, there was definitely that experience though of having to detach from the old programming. This is up and running. People want to go, what's the best way to do that?

[00:38:17] Paul: I'm going to be setting up a website here soon, which will probably just be linked through jujitsuoutlet. com. So you can go to jujitsuoutlet. com to learn more, or If you can't find that information there, if you're listening to this and I haven't made that website yet, just DM me on Instagram or Facebook, Instagram on Jiu Jitsu outlet and on Facebook, just look up Paul Tokuzola or Jiu Jitsu outlet, either one will work, but just send us a message, get in touch and say that you want to come out and stay and have the Jiu Jitsu outlet experience.

[00:38:45] Paul: We're out here in Houston, Missouri, so you'd fly into Springfield and we pick you up at the airport. And bring you down for a little retreat.

[00:38:53] Hector: we're in the works for a modern masculinity summit out in in Houston, Missouri. Things are in the works. But would be cool for you guys to go out there and experience it. I also think that it's a great place to take your son or your dad or both, the tiny home.

[00:39:11] Hector: What's really cool is it's not very big, which is nice. Because it's a sweet little kind of tucked away, but it can fit three adults and sleep three adults comfortably. And it's a really cool place to, take a, Some people who are comfortable with each other, right?

[00:39:25] Hector: And comfortable showering together. So I think a really good opportunity for that too.

[00:39:28] Paul: Yeah, man. Dude, thanks so much for having me on. I would really love to have anyone that, you know, out there, man, out here.

[00:39:35] Hector: Paul, this has been so fun. We'll link up all of the stuff in and all the links in the show notes. You can check that out as well. We appreciate you being here and sticking with us throughout this episode. If you got some value out of today we'd appreciate and love a rating or review wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:39:52] Hector: If you know a guy who needs to hear this, or maybe he's looking for a reason to get into a martial art or being considering jujitsu send him this episode and let's let's grow the tribe together. And as always, we appreciate you being part of the family and the tribe. We'll see on the next one.

[00:40:07] Hector: Later, y'all.