The 3-Part Masculine Blueprint That Fixes Most Relationships with GS Youngblood

GS [00:00:00] Masculinity is about - being grounded as your foundation, leading others, and making them feel safe. That's it. That's what a man does in this world, and I think you can apply that to almost all the good things and roles that men play in the world.

Speaker Welcome to the Modern Masculinity Podcast, where we delve into the depths of what it means to be a man in today's world, and we explore the real life challenges and triumphs that you and I face every single day. My name is Hector Sanya Steon, and I come with no answers, only questions for some of the most wise, insightful, and grounded men that I know.

Speaker So get settled in. You're listening to modern masculinity.

Hector GS, welcome back to the Modern Masculinity Podcast. It is an honor to have you back on the show.

GS Hey, thank you, Hector. Thanks for having me back.

Hector Take us back into your world. You know, I would encourage the guys to go back [00:01:00] and listen to that first episode with you, but how have things changed and evolved over the last couple of years?

Hector And, and again, I'll sort of pose it to you, sort of what we talked about before the recording. How have things... You know, what's still the same over that time?

GS Well, my thesis is still the same as represented by the masculine blueprint. , I just say, "Hey, man, most relationships can be improved if you do three things.

GS One is you get grounded, two is you lead more in the relationship, and three is you build more emotional connection and safety with your feminine partner." Like, I still maintain if you do those three things, number one, you'll be occurring in the world as more of a masculine man, and your relationship is going to get a lot better.

GS It's amazing how many relationship problems are rooted in a lack of your leadership, of you really resting in, that masculine core. So th- that's the part that hasn't changed, and my belief in that as a formula is just as strong as it ever was. And, , "The Masculine in a Relationship," [00:02:00] obviously you know that's , my first book.

GS We've, we're coming up on 100,000 copies here being sold, and so it's been a real, treat to watch the message get out there to a lot more guys. So that's the part that's stayed the same. I think the part I won't say changing, but I'll just say evolving and growing, is my own personal awareness of the effects of your trauma, and particularly your early trauma, on how you show up in your present-day life as an adult.

GS And it's amazing , how often the young version of us shows up into a relational situation rather than the fully formed adult male. And then that's where all the dysfunction comes from. That's where the defensiveness comes from, and the resentment that you won't speak, and the unspoken needs.

GS And all of these things, they were strategies that your younger self could survive childhood. They don't work as an adult, though. And I think that's the part that I've delved in the most, and I think since the last time I talked, I wrapped up a two-year [00:03:00] training, trauma training that I went through, andthat helped amplify my awareness of the effects of trauma.

GS So I think that's a big thing that men really need to understand about themselves.

Hector What are some of the symptoms, if you will, and I would imagine that the disconnected symptoms. I, I think about, like, these, Well, I don't know, remember the, the medical show, right? It was the, the doctor who walked around with a cane.

Hector There's listeners who are shouting it at the, you know, speaker right now as they're talking about it. But it was always like this roundabout thing that sort of, you know, he identified a symptom that was seemingly unrelated, and then there was another symptom that was again seemingly unrelated and, you know, 45 minutes in, you connect all the dots and, you know, here's the answer and, you know, it's all...

Hector How didn't we not notice this at the beginning? Are there sort of things that are popping up in guys' lives that they may not realize are sort of connected to this trauma and they're sort of writing it off as something else or not recognizing , what the source is?

GS Yeah. Imagine you're [00:04:00] a guy that feels like his woman kind of is bossy and, and just kind of pushes him around a little bit and, and s- she, it's like she sets the agenda.

GS a lot of guys will say that's, "She's just an overbearing bitch." That's the story and the projection that a lot of guys come up with. And in a lot of cases, the fact is that there, there's a vacuum that the man leaves and there,, he leaves a vacuum of leadership. He leaves a vacuum of where his own needs should plug into the equation.

GS And a lot of guys, they have difficulty speaking their needs, and they don't know why, because , they want , their needs to be met, and so you would naturally think that they want to speak them. But in many of these guys, what happened was when they tried to express or assert themselves , or state their needs as a young child, they were basically swept aside.

GS So you see it all the time. There's like even a, the most innocuous of examples, you go to the, I don't know, the grocery store and there's some [00:05:00] like three-year-old kid who wants to go down the aisle and the mom's like, "No, we gotta go check out," and the kid just loses it. And then mom or dad just, you know, grabs her and says, "No, we're going this way."

GS Now, sh- should they indulge the child? No, that's not what I'm talking about. But what you're seeing is the pathways of like, I'm having a need, whether it's valid or not is beside the point, but I'm having a need and my parents just steamroll me and say, "No, we're not doing anything that you need.

GS We're going here." And they impose their will on you. Now, part of that is parenting, but what happens is unfortunately the child learns over time that they can protest all they want and their needs won't be met. They'll just be steamrolled. And so you fast-forward for very strange reasons, a guy like that will often choose a woman , who's very strong-willed.

GS But he's learned that speaking his needs doesn't go anywhere. Nobody's gonna listen to him, so he just stays quiet. They do it her way, and he's secretly resentful. And then when you're resentful, all kinds of bad things kind of come [00:06:00] out of that. And so that's an example where even the, even just little micro traumas, I think the grocery store being one example Can lead to a, a man having some dysfunctional behaviors.

GS In this case, not stating his basic needs about what he wants to do or how he wants to do it. Doesn't mean he's gonna get it his way all the time, but if he's not speaking his needs, I can guarantee you he'll never get his way, and then he'll have this mopey-ass story that his wife never listens to him, and then he just seethes in resentment.

GS And, and, you know, most guys know once you get to the resentment phase, it... There's few things more corrosive than resentment in a relationship. So anyway, that's my example to answer your question, Hector.

Hector I'm only speaking from experience, but it seems like the further you get into it, the harder it takes to get out of it.

Hector That it's really about, you know, setting some expectations. And I'm sure there are some ways, and if you do know the ways to sort of walk that back, I would love , to sort of hear that. But I, I remember that I fell exactly into that camp, and I've probably shared a lot about it on our first [00:07:00] conversation.

Hector But I'm, curious, is there ways... Maybe that is a good question. Like, is there ways to sort of walk it back if a guy's listening to this and goes like, "Oh, shit," like, "that's, that's sort of me." Is that sort of a process, or is that sort of a lost cause?

GS And when you say walk it back, I, I think what you mean is, like, how do I do things a different way in my adult life?

Hector Yeah. , I remember in my relationship, it was always deferment. , Where do you want to go? I was that kid that would throw a fuss and, , I love my mom. I love her to death, but, you know, it was her way or the highway. And my, my ex, you know, was much of the same way, so it's like...

Hector And, and I think that, you know, if you think it's worth it to go into some of the reasoning and , the psychology I would imagine behind that. But, , , for me, I, I always wonder, you know, looking back, hindsight, you know, was definitely not 20/20 in this regard. But is there a way to, to fix it once you're sort of in it, or do you have to catch it at the beginning in order to make these things work?

GS Yeah. I, w- Before I answer your question, though, I will say, isn't it interesting that you had a mother that was [00:08:00] strong-willed and then you ended up with a partner that was the same way? And what often happens, I don't think we really know why this happens, but I'll, I'll give my best guess. We often pick the person that makes us go have to deal with our unfi- unfinished business from childhood.

GS It's crazy how often it works and how , your two respective wounds can just fit together in a way that is so dysfunctional, and it's like, "How did I end up with this person?" But more than likely , it was this universal tendency you just unconsciously find the person that's gonna force you to deal with your un- unprocessed childhood trauma or break.

GS You'll either process through or you guys will break, and then the universe will find you somebody else who can help you do that. It's kind of sadistic , of the universe, but it seems to always work that way. But to answer your question, no, no, we're not stuck. You can work on your trauma, and even without going to, say, a psychologist and working it out at, [00:09:00] in a therapeutic way, you can just start , by having more awareness.

GS Where am I dysfunctional, and what's the part of me , that's not a- acting like my wisest, most mature adult? You know, what's the part of me that still feels helpless in an equation where I'm not actually helpless? These guys who complain about having, , a wife that steamrolls them, often they're actually...

GS They have the ability to stand up for themselves and, and assert their needs and their opinions and their viewpoints. They just don't because they have that childhood feeling of helplessness. , It's very common and they don't even know it. So I'm encouraging the listeners, it's like the places where you feel maybe most challenged and kind of pushed around by life or your partner, delve into like, is there an underlying sense of helplessness that, that came from when you were a child and you were one down to your parents, there was a power differential.

GS How has that kind of come forward and now you're playing out that same dynamic in your [00:10:00] adult relationship with your woman, where you again feel one down. But you wouldn't, ever know it consciously until you really start to look for it. So I'd say where are you men, where are you not speaking your needs?

GS And this, Hector, this ties into the masculine blueprint in the provide structure, which is the second element because it talks about leadership. And you cannot be a leader in anything unless you have your own inner clarity about what you want, what you need, what your boundaries are, what the moment calls for, , what's the best thing for the greater good , for the universe or the, your world, or even just you and your partner.

GS Like having clarity about what the right thing to do is and what's possible, that is all what a man needs to be a leader, and that's the same dynamic inside when you're needing to speak your needs. , You have awareness of what your needs are, and you know that they matter. That's the other piece of this.

GS It's like, guys, you gotta have an inner belief that your needs do matter, and just because she [00:11:00] tells you, you know, she tries to steamroll you, doesn't mean your needs don't matter, and you gotta always remember that. This is the out offshoot of the leadership, , topic that we've talked about previously, but now we're going into maybe a broader manifestation of that relative to your trauma

Hector I saw it in, you know, in a business sense and then sort of reared its head in, I guess, in the relationship sense in that, in that , you can try and, personal development and grow your way and read another book, you know, and add another...

Hector Try and sh- skill up , and , what seems to be, at least in my experience, is that you hit a certain ceiling that, , tends to come up , when these things like, you know, that, that are traumatic aren't, aren't dealt with or you're talking about, you know, this trauma is not dealt with and, and it seems to repeat itself in all these different forms.

Hector And so, , you know, a, a lot of, , guys I would imagine are saying like, "Oh, that's not for me." And then if we go back in their life, they could sort of trace all of the different places where this sort of thing kept popping up over and over and over again.

GS Yeah, well, it's [00:12:00] true. We have patterns. , We think it's just the s- the details of this situation and these circumstances, but these are relational patterns that we play out over and over, and then we do our little part of the dance, and she does her little part of the dance with hers, and then we have this little same dance that we do over and over and over until somebody just decides to step forward in, in what I like to refer to as emotional leadership and say, "Wait a minute.

GS We're doing our same old dance again. Let's do something different." You know? And that can look like a lot of different things. Maybe it's just taking a pause for a minute. It's like, "Let's just not go down the drain. Let's pause for five minutes and come back to this." Or like, "Let's take turns." Like, "Sweetie, I, you know, obviously I've got complaints, you've got 'em, but it seems like we're just talking at the same time.

GS Why don't you just go first? Go... You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pause on, on kind of my pain. Why don't you just go first?" So that's, those are some examples of ways to do [00:13:00] something different, and so that's what I want guys to do is have that emotional leadership to break these dysfunctional relationship patterns that we find ourselves falling into.

Hector You know, one of the interesting things is sort of as I look at, you know, social media as this, , really, I look at it as like a caricature of what reality is, you know, just because it's, it's not, it is, is far from reality. But I think it does sort of tell a story or, or it starts to hint at things, and there's this, this meme or this maxim that's, that's out there that, you know, guys are, you know, all, all, all g- all the guys are incels and that, you know, they're...

Hector If you look at the statistics on the amount of men that aren't having, you know, I think it's everybody, you know, the young people who aren't having sex and the ones that are single and, and all these sort of things just sort of pointing to relationship, , I don't know what the word is, , crisis maybe is sort of the, the biggest thing, right?

Hector You know, birth rates, oh, yada, yada, yada. And, and I, and I th- I look at guys and it, and it seems like from the [00:14:00] perspective of guys, like it seems like a lot of them have thrown up their hands And I don't know if that's your read on it as well, but it seems like a lot of them would just rather, you know, play video games or tune out or, you know, pl- play with an AI robot or OnlyFans or all, all these sort of things that, that don't deal or don't include t- doing what you talked about and dealing with their trauma and, and all this sort of stuff.

Hector , Is that a similar sentiment that you're sort of feeling or that you s- you see? And, and, and if not, I'm curious, you know, what, what space the guys are staying in and the mindsets that they're having that are, that are sort of keeping them away from, from that general, you know, societal pull that seems to be out there.

GS Well, you hit it on the head. You didn't say it with these words, but it's like, damn, relationship is hard. And so it's so much easier to lose yourself, as you said, in video games or social media or [00:15:00] pot. I think that's a lot of guys kinda just kind of zone out with, with cannabis., And you know, woe is us for the birth rates of, of the world, , because they're only gonna get worse because the people are escaping what you're talking about.

GS And so we, we just wanna give up and because relationship is so hard. this is what I'm trying to give to guys as an unlock for the... It's a cheat code for relationship. And, and when you start to see these dynamics of both masculine, feminine, and also of around emotional connection or lack thereof, when you start to see the dynamics, you're like a lot of my clients, this is where they usually get to.

GS They're like, "Oh, okay. I had no idea that that was hurting her in the way that it does." , So I, what I would say, guys, is just like you master a video game or you master a skill and the new biohacking thing that you read about and all these things, you can master the dynamics of relationship. Now, maybe master's a strong word, but you can get a hell of a lot better once you know what those [00:16:00] dynamics are.

GS So I really encourage guys, like master the dynamics of relationship, just like you try to do the, the dynamics of your body with all the biohacking that you do and the s- the creatine that you take or the fasting that you do and all these things that you, you think will bring you happiness. Well, I can tell you what's gonna bring you happiness.

GS It's either gonna fix your shitty relationship or, or develop a new one that's awesome if you're single.

Hector When you say it like that, to me it seems like, oh, well, you know, fitness, and maybe that's 'cause I've, I've spent way an obscene amount of, you know, t- YouTube time and, and research in- instead of trying to f- you know, figure out how, , to overcomplicate, you know, health and fitness and nutrition and stuff, and realize that it's, it's really come back to like, you know, eating less and moving more and, and sleeping, you know, well.

Hector , But I, but perhaps- Guys haven't come to, to what that is for relationships. You know, what are the calories in, calories out sort of stuff for relationships, you know? I think guys love [00:17:00] macros 'cause it's like, you know, it's sort of black and white, right? It's like, you know, do this, not that. Like, you know, eat this, not that.

Hector You know, caveman good. Like, it, it's very sort of simple. And, and have you found a way to view relationships in a, in a similar regard?

GS Absolutely, and it's called the masculine blueprint, and I, I'm gonna phrase it just like you did with the caveman. All right, caveman, get more grounded. Don't be reactive and defensive.

GS Lead more rather than just being a lazy abdicator of any kind of opinion and, and directionality. And build emotional connection rather than just relating to her intellectually. If you do those three things, if you get grounded, if you lead more in the relationship, and if you build connection and safety, guarantee your relationship's gonna get better.

GS I mean, barring other factors. We're talking about like the 80%. Guarantee your relationship will get better. It's really... It's pretty straightforward. It's not easy. [00:18:00] Nobody's gonna say that, but, it's pretty straightforward to lay out. And then you want me to go-- Why don't I go into just a couple of cuts about how to do each of those so it doesn't just feel like a vague platitude.

GS So get grounded. This is an easy one. You need to, to have a daily embodiment practice, and you know, you and I talked about this last time, Hector. You gotta have a daily practice that grounds your nervous system. And so 15, 20 minutes a day, that's all you need, and you're gonna start each day with just a little bit of, of ground- more groundedness in your nervous system, a little bit slower and more intentional as you move through your day.

GS That's gonna make it a lot easier when somebody comes at you with some dissatisfaction, like your woman. If she's dissatisfied, you're not gonna be like, "Oh, no, no, you don't understand. But, but, but, but," you know, where you just go into this defensiveness and try to explain it away. You won't need to. Your nervous system is grounded enough that you can be like, "Oh, okay.

GS I, I didn't realize I was hurting you in that way. Let's, [00:19:00] let's talk about it," rather than being so scared of getting blamed. , How do you d- how do you lead more? Oh, this is really easy. It's like in the logistical domain of life, which is sort of the day-to-day, lead more, have more opinions, take the lead on things, take charge of things.

GS Daily things like where are we going on vacation or how, how are we doing our budget in this family and, and our spending? What do we do for recreation? How do we do home maintenance? How do we, invest our money? Like all these things. How do we raise the kids and discipline the kids and educate the kids?

GS All of these things are areas where a lot of guys will abdicate and be like, "Well, whatever you want, babe. I mean, , it's fine." And she's like, "Okay, well there I go again. Now I have to do all the thinking." And make all the decisions. That's such a burden for the feminine is have to do all the thinking and the decision-making.

GS So have opinions, present opinions, be open to her opinions, and then do the work to mash all that into some directionality about what's gonna happen next so we [00:20:00] move the ball forward. That's how you lead more. And then build emotional connection. There's lots of ways to do it. One of those is actually be...

GS Show more of yourself. Like, a lot of guys are like, "I'm fine." You know? "Are you-- How you feeling, honey?" And, and your answer is like, "I'm fine. Yeah, everything's good. I'm not, I'm not upset." When in actuality, he's got all kinds of emotional experiences going on inside. So showing more of yourself is one way to build connection.

GS Being more open and validating her pain is the h- is the big way to build emotional connection. When she feels safe to be a little messy with her expression and you don't get knocked off, off your center at the littlest thing that she says that might be a little crazy sounding. If you can not get knocked off by that, then she's gonna feel safe to express, know that you can hold it, know that you can provide her some containment, and then it can just...

GS Then it can pass. That, that kind of that flare up inside of her that seems a little crazy to you can kinda get expressed and then dissipate. When she feels safe to do that with [00:21:00] you, she feels connected to you. So those are all some pretty concrete ways that you can, , you can live this blu- this three-part blueprint that I talk about a lot.

Hector What I really enjoy about what you said is that absolutely in relationship, but even for guys who are listening who are not in a relationship currently with a significant other or, you know, situationships or I don't, I don't even know. Like it's, it's a, like what- whatever the kids call these, you know, the, these words here.

Hector That it-- wherever is a guy, is in terms of, their relationship status, , now that I'm thinking about it, it's kind of like our Notion board. We've got a, a series of colors of statuses. It used to just be back in the Facebook, it was like, single or in a relationship and then like, you know, there was a, it's complicated thing was, was on the side there, but now there's, you know, a much more variety of relationship statuses.

Hector My point being regardless, you can work on those wherever you're at in that, that those three things , can really help you. You can s- help, and I'm sure help to move you along that [00:22:00] spectrum where, if you are a guy who is single and looking to be, in a more committed relationship or you're in, relationships that are very sort of superficial and, not lasting or you're not finding that sort of whatever it is that you're wanting, that, working on these three things can improve the relationship no matter where it's at.

GS Yeah. Can you clarify the question for me?

Hector No, I mean, there's no real question there. , I love that you brought that up because, for me, I'm so far from being in a committed relationship right now, or even it being on my mind necessarily as something that I'm actively seeking because I, I, we mentioned before the call, you know, it's a season of life where I sort of deprioritize that.

Hector And I think about, like, s- almost thankfully so I would say, a mutual contact, Preston Smiles, he, he talked about him doing like, a, I don't know what he called it. It was like a, a detox of feminine energy, right? Where he was just in his own sort of, , zone and space.

Hector And , I've sort of taken that approach just so I can focus on the kids and the business and, righting sort of the ship and all that sort of stuff. Because since I was, [00:23:00] like, six years old, it was just like, how do I fuck something, was, like, my main driving force in life, right?

Hector It was like, oh, get good at sports? Like, great, can do that. R- get a good business? All key, check all the boxes. And so for once it was like, let's put that on the back burner. But all that to say that, , even in my current position, working on those three things is gonna move me closer towards, getting back to a place where the right sort of partner is going to be there and, and willing.

GS , , I get a question a lot of, like, h- how does this apply to people that are dating? And I say, "Oh my God, are you kidding me?" It just, it applies perfectly. Now, there's different levels of the depth, , 'cause you don't tend to have those longstanding patterns. But, you know, the... Here's the thing. Women can feel you when you're grounded.

GS It's in the way that you speak. It's in, like... It's in the how big is the gap between when she says something and when you. And if , you're kind of that guy that just jumps in really quickly and you, talk fast, you don't feel as grounded as somebody that is a little bit slower, a little bit more considered.[00:24:00]

GS And, , that's what the embodiment work, the,, the respond versus react of the blueprint, that's where it can really come in because you can walk-- Literally in the first four seconds of meeting a woman on a first date, you can establish what her view of you is by simply, you see her, she's sitting down as you enter the coffee shop or whatever it is, and you lock eyes with her.

GS Take a breath. You don't just immediately go over, but you take a breath, and then you take a very choiceful step towards her, and you walk towards her. And, I don't know if you're a hugger or a shaker, but, , , if you're a handshaker or, , you just, it's like you just...

GS There you go. You just put your hand out very slowly, and it's like, "Yeah, I'm Hector. It's good to meet you, Danielle." And it's just like the energy with which you do that, , she will have a read on you within five seconds. I said four, but I'm gonna extend it to five Five seconds she will have a feel.

GS Now, you can do a lot to change that view [00:25:00] either way. You... It's pretty easy to ruin it by being silly and stupid on the date, but you've already established where the starting point is simply through your energy. So everything that I teach around respond versus react and getting grounded applies not only in the dating life, but in the first, even the, as early as the first five seconds of when you meet a new woman.

GS , The second element is provide structure, which is about leadership. Yeah, you text her, you're calling whatever the, method is, and it's like, "Hey, I'd love to take you out. How about Thursday, 7:00? There's a great bar that I know. There's a great this, there's a great that." Whatever it is, just have some clarity about what you like, and you might fold in her opinions, maybe ask her, but - otherwise you just kinda handle it and you show that, that quality of directional energy, as I call it.

GS You can show that simply in even before you met her, you can start to show that quality. And then, in the, in for, create safety, which is building emotional [00:26:00] connection, like having good skills of curiosity is a powerful,, powerful, way to build connection with your wife, and it's a powerful, powerful connection to or way to build connection with somebody you've just met.

GS Because most guys go on dates and they don't ask any questions, unfortunately. Sometimes women do it too. But if you show up and you have a re- a really well-developed sense of curiosity and you know how to hear, like you know how to really get her world in a very deep way, she's gonna walk away from the date...

GS , you don't have to necessarily be like 6'3" and good-looking. If you're just tall enough and good-looking enough, she's gonna walk away from that date of like, "Wow, I don't know what it was, but I just felt like really seen by this guy." And the feminine really loves to be seen, so your ability to have top quality curiosity skills, is a powerful tool that you can use in dating.

GS And by the way, this is, that's one of the modules in our boot camp. Our 12-week boot camp is curiosity, because it's a skill you can learn. Anyway, so that's [00:27:00] my, , long way of saying the , blueprint absolutely applies to the, those who are dating, and I tried to give some examples of how.

Hector , When I was g- coming of age when I was growing up, Jesus, I feel so old saying that, but I'm getting there to that point where it was a different time.

Hector The pickup artist sort of phenomenon , was happening. I think "The Game" was written, what, in 2000, late, mid-2000s, something like that. I don- I could be wrong on that. But I r- I remember a bunch of guys sort of reading this and, , the pickup sort of scene and all of these tactics, , were sort of becoming popularized.

Hector , And what's really interesting is that , not that you're , like you're bringing, like I think some of those tactics have merit if they, if, they have the integrity that you're talking about and they sort of have, the mindset and the philosophies and the values that , you're talking about in terms of, because I think it was sort of a bastardized version , of some of these things.

Hector , And the reason I started bringing it up today is, or now is that today you have, kids who are watching some of these [00:28:00] streamers who have, . , It's like it's not pickup , in the same way that it was with me, but they're talking about taking, different supplements or kids getting on steroids or like there's just, there's people who are, doing all of these tactics to get girls or to be more attractive or whatever, when, you know, really it's a- at the root of anything that works is sort of what you're talking about, which is the, , this blueprint.

GS It obviously it helps to be good looking and tall and all these things, but you don't have to be. I can tell you that the num- the number one aphrodisiac for most women, it's not all, some of them are more shallow, but is your energy when you can just walk in and say, "Hi, I'm Hector." And she can just feel you grounded to the earth, fully here, fully present.

GS Just three words: "Hi, I'm Hector." That can be more powerful than, many of the other elements that come to play. Again, it's not the only [00:29:00] one, but guys, you don't need to peacock, you don't need to looks max, you don't need, you don't need to throw negs. Fucking be grounded. Show up just totally grounded in your energy.

GS Very choiceful, very chosen in how you speak and move through space and gesture. That is what is gonna turn her on.

Hector I think , it's , wise words. , I'm curious more about this blueprint because, I would imagine that it's more than just sort of a , 10-minute, , thing.

Hector So because... Is or is it that, is, have we covered it? Are there depths to, to sort of doing this? And is it that the, , it's more in the modalities? I'm curious, , you know, when someone thinks about this blueprint, do they sort of have enough to, to go out and run with it or are there more things that you think, , guys should know about, , executing that?

GS , There's an infinite set of permutations of how the blueprint manifests. I have an idea. Why don't you tell me a challenge that you had in relationship, and then we'll just, we'll examine it. What was a [00:30:00] dynamic that was challenging for you and your ex?

Hector Yeah, I think we, we had sort of brought it up, which is I thought I had sort of optimized for, not having conflict.

Hector I thought if we're not fighting, , if I'm agreeable, and basically I, I would optimize for agreeableness, right? And sort of just , whatever she wanted, and because that was sort of easier. So it was whatever she wanted to eat, whatever she wanted to do. If she wanted to.., And it got to the point where she was, , I'm thinking back on it and it's sort of silly.

Hector She was, like, leaving and staying out for the weekend or s- staying out for the night and, , it was like, I think under most circumstances, most guys would've been like, "Bro, you were cool with that? Like, you were o- you were okay with, her, , just going out and then not - not coming home while you stay at home and watch the kids?"

Hector And it has nothing to do with the kids, but it's just like, I look back on it and it was a... it would've saved me from so much, grief , and [00:31:00] all of the sort of, things that sort of happened if I would've just been willing to sort of stand up for myself, for.. And speak to my own needs.

Hector And so, you, you sort of nailed it on the head there.

GS Yeah. There's two elements I'm hearing in your share. One is boundaries. Like, "Hey, you know what? That's not okay." And you could've gone down that road if you'd really had more agency. But there's a deeper cut at that. There's the behavior and being like, "That's either okay or that's not okay," that's one level.

GS But if you go deeper into... So that's boundaries, but if you go deeper into another cut, down to the level of emotional leadership. Emotional leadership would've looked like, you know, "Hey, s- you know, I s- I know that you have been, going out lately and not coming home till 2:00 AM. And, , for me, that really speaks to a real fracture in our relationship, and we need to look at that fracture together.

GS Would you be willing to do that with me?" And, , are you... Yes? Okay, [00:32:00] great. And, it seems like maybe you're, looking for something outside the relationship, whether that's just fun or, , somebody to, who's just to hear you. But there's some dissatisfaction in you. , , I wanna know more because I haven't been curious about your experience so far in this relationship.

GS So I'm really open to hearing what's, kind of been going on for you that has you wanna really run solo." Like, you're-- That's emotional leadership where you're identifying there's a fracture here. Let's quit hiding it. Let's quit ignoring the pink elephant in the room and just speak what is obviously true, that we have a fracture here.

GS And br- and I want us to put it on the table and look at it together, 'cause it's been in the shadows and that's not good enough for me anymore. Would you be willing to join me in that, babe? And more than likely the woman's gonna be like: "You're fucking right. I wanna talk about it. - I've been trying to tell you for a decade, and you have not been listening to me."

GS You know, like it, it often goes that route, which is exactly what you [00:33:00] want. You wanna get it on the table. And so that is emotional leadership, and that's how it, you know, your scenario ties back to the blueprint, both through the boundaries kind of through line as well as the emotional leadership through line.

Hector Yeah. I think I told you the last time, I was like: "Man, I wish I had found your book,", "I wish I'd found your book before." And it's, and it's interesting because I look back on those times and, you know, I can sort of trace it through my Kindle and mostly my Audible sort of library where, you know, looking back there's, there's a ton of, early on, a ton of business stuff and then a ton of health stuff, and then the kids came along and there was a ton of parenting stuff.

Hector And then I looked and it was like there was one relation... It was like one sex book, like at the end that like tried to fix it 'cause like I was like, you know, that, that was the bi- that was the thing that I needed to fix. And hopefully w- wherever guys are listening to this, that , they take the, , the wisdom and, sort of the wake-up call that, that I think that there's always room to improve in those three things [00:34:00] that you talked about, that we can always turn up the nozzle there and provide more structure, more safety, more leadership, regardless of sort of where we're at or how we feel in each of those levels currently.

GS Yeah. I'm picking up on one word that you just used, which was wake-up call. Most guys come to me w- after... I, I won't say when it's too late, but I'll say they, they often come to me late in the game when it's much harder to remediate the situation. And so if men, if you're feeling a lot of friction in the relationship and you're feeling her contempt, you're feeling your own resentment, you've obviously-- Not obviously.

GS Often you've tried to smash those things down and not listen to them, but I want you to listen to them. I want you to, to acknowledge when you're kind of in a rough, shitty situation relationally and say to yourself: "I don't wanna live like this." I have, several clients who are, whoo, , we've tried everything , with their situation, but their women are tough [00:35:00] and pissed and abusive.

GS And so I do have a small segment of clients where, it's time to end that relationship. So I'm not saying that you should wake up and end your relationship. What I'm saying is that you should wake up to the brokenness of the relationship and then really find ways and resources to do things differently.

GS And for the guys that wonder, "Should I keep at this?" You know, if you're really living the blueprint for a good six months, like really bringing it in your home life, and she's still where she is, then it may be time to look at this relationship in a different light. And maybe it's time. Maybe it's time to end it.

GS It's no longer working for you. I said that to a guy today. I said, "Your life is too short for you to be tolerating what you're going through. Her trauma is driving this. It's not you. She tries to blame you, but it's not you. It's her trauma, and she's refusing to go take care of it. You can't solve her trauma [00:36:00] for us, for her."

GS We wanna wake guys up. , There's possibilities of beyond what you're doing now, there's possibilities to do things different and, and fix it, and there's possibilities to go find something else that might be a better fit.

Hector Yeah. I think that's important for guys to hear too.

Hector I know for me, I was willing to put up with so much of it 'cause of the abandonment issues and all, you know, I think mostly that, right? But, but again, my unwillingness to deal with my own trauma, where if I would've gone back and, and realized that, oh, that I'm just protecting this, you know, th- this boy that, you know, the, the, the man can, y- should, you know...

Hector It's not the same, it's not the same person, you know? Or I'm, I'm, I'm not the same person. We are, , I don't know, you probably have better words to put to that, but I think that y- like you said, we are reacting and responding like we are that little boy, , you know, when we're living in a man's body.

GS We wanna live out of our wise adult.

GS We really do. , And we think we do, but we end up not, you know? And wh- when the relational [00:37:00] situation gets really rough, we end up n- just kinda playing out the script of our wounding, you know? And it's not a, it's not a grown fucking man who's choiceful, and that's what we want. We wanna be grown men who are choiceful in how we show up in, in relationship, in work, in, our community, in all of these places.

GS But most importantly, in relationship.

Hector Yeah. , You do some fun stuff., If I'm not mistaken, I think you guys, you bring guys together and you are, sort of working with them , in some cool sort of containers. I'd love for you to share sort of, , give a little, , sneak peek or s- a little, a little taste of, of what sort of goes on there and what guys can expect from, coming, and experiencing that.

GS Yeah. I've got a, I've got an online program and I've got a live program. And the online program is my boot camp, and we do four a year. , They always sell out. They have for years. , 12 men. And it's an online experience, and I take you through real depth of [00:38:00] practices, that, that help you embody the blueprint more.

GS And so we just started our, our latest one in April, and we'll start the next one in August. So, guys who are interested, they can just check out my website. , The fun stuff is when we get together live. We do it once a year in Mexico, and,, it's really powerful work. We're now doing couples, and so we, we actually separate the couples for two days , and the guys work with me, the women work with Lee and the, my team of female coaches.

GS And then we do some really powerful work about deeply embodying the blueprint at a, at a really powerful physical, energetic level. And then we, on Th- on Sunday, we bring the women and men together, and we do some really great practices and, you know, it's just, it ends up people feel really served by this.

GS And we've, really reignited a few, several relationships that were... This was like their last gasp to try to fix something , and lo and behold, we were able to reignite a, flame between two people. So it's fun. It's really rewarding [00:39:00] work and we get edgy.

GS I'm teaching you to be able to walk up to, like, one of my female coaches who are-- they're all tall and pretty and sharp , as a tack, and to be able to approach and, like, bring it, bring a little darkness, a little command, , a little sensuality,, a little bit of verbalization.

GS And, so we build that ability to do that, so then they can, be with their wife or girlfriend and be able to bring a little bit of that, that playful, dark edge into their, romantic life or into their sexual life. And, so it ends up being great. , I really love doing those events.

GS Well, the next one is, , in February in Sayulita, Mexico.

Hector Yeah, I would imagine that getting both, people there and sort of working through that things can be some really huge unlocks. 'Cause it's great when a guy goes away for a week or a weekend or whatever, and he d- has these great breakthroughs, and then he tries to come home and implement and integrate it with his partner, and she's like, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Hector You, you get the-

GS You hit it on the head, and that's [00:40:00] what-- actually, Lee talked me into it. Lee is my girlfriend, , who co-teaches with me. She's like... Well, she basically said exactly what you said. And so she convinced me to turn this from a dude's workshop into a couple's workshop. And, her wisdom was, correct because we're having more impact because we're working with, both.

GS 'Cause yeah, well, you get it.

Hector Yeah. Yeah., , It does take two to tango, for sure. and I think that, like, throughout all of this, I think that- Relationships are perhaps some of the most worthwhile, things when I look at, young people and how a lot of them have given up and they're, you know, there's this, mindset of, "I'll just have an AI girlfriend and I'll just, pay for a, silicone thing."

Hector And then you, , it, you can see it going down a very weird hole where people just give up on the idea of relationships with another human being when, despite that it's been, it's c- caused the, the most pain in my life that it's like, yeah, it still seems [00:41:00] worthwhile, and significant.

GS Yeah. It's got the, the high- the highest of highs and the lowest of lows for sure. I agree with you.

Hector GS, I got two questions for you as we sort of wrap up and get out of here. The first one is, where can people find out about , the experiences about Mexico, about , the group programs, you mentioned on your website.

Hector I'd love for you to just share for people who are driving or listening, as well.

GS Yeah. Well, if you don't know my work, just the, your first stop needs to be Amazon. Just get the book, "The Masculine in Relationship." It's 300 pages, but it's an easy read and you can get , the philosophies behind this.

GS If you want to go further, if you want to go deeper, go to gsyoungblood.com and look at my bootcamp, so /bootcamp or /workshop, and take a look at the offerings and see if any of those speak to you, because that's how you can really go deeper is when you work live with me. Reading a book, it can wake you up, but it can't create that really deep, lasting change by itself, and so that's why I always encourage the, [00:42:00] the live work for men.

GS That's the best way to, to engage with me. And if you're not ready yet and you just kind of wanna hear me talk about things, you can go to YouTube or Instagram and you can search for me. It's pretty easy. And I just, you know, you'll hear me do videos that talk about lots of different topics, and you can get some value out of that.

Hector Amazing. And we'll link all that up for you in the show notes. last question to you, GS, and I asked you this last time, but I'll ask you again, and maybe it's changed, maybe it's the same. , But in your opinion, what is the definition of modern masculinity?

GS I, I hate to, you know, sound like a broken record, but, , the blueprint is my definition of modern masculinity. This is a question that men grapple with, like what does it mean to be a man? And obviously, you know there's different voices out there, some healthy, some unhealthy, if you ask me. So I tried to really distill it down into its most basic qualities that had nothing about power over somebody else, but more [00:43:00] about what you cultivate inside.

GS And if that creates power for you in the world, , then that's just a natural outcome of it. So the blueprint is masculinity. Masculinity is about - being grounded as your foundation, leading others, and making them feel safe. That's it. That's what a man does in this world, and I think you can apply that to almost all the good things and roles that men play in the world. [00:44:00]