How Dr. Ryan Alimo of Opal.Ai Is Helping People Create Floor Plans Instantly Using Their Cell Phones

[00:00:00] Ned: My

[00:00:05] Ryan: friends, Ryan Carnahan. Ryan, what is up? Bro, I'm super psyched to see you. Uh,

[00:00:11] Ned: it's a dream. This is, I'm, I'm living a dream. I'm grateful. I just being here with you, I'm already emotional. There's nothing more powerful than understanding your impact as a father, as a husband, as a man, and understanding how to leverage whatever it is in your life to share that impact with everybody and teach others to do the same thing.

[00:00:37] Ned: That's the key. That's the key to, to be a man who can teach that to his wife, to his kids, and to other men. Mm. So dudes.

[00:00:48] Ryan: As you're, you're like, well, you just hit play. We just started talking. So how is it possible that there, like, I got chills right now. How is there this. Sense already of this mastermind, this two guys coming together and this feeling of something deeper than, than just regular surface level.

[00:01:04] Ryan: And here's the thing, uh, we prayed right before we jumped on and, and we prayed like this surrendering of, Hey, we're kids at a playground, help us just show up and have fun and be ourselves. And, and as soon as that was done, it was like we both were a little bit different in the moment of, Hey, we're showing up to this with a different intention.

[00:01:21] Ryan: This is not about our ego, which I'm sure at some point will probably come out as we're working on that, you know, but, but it's about to due to au who are working to be authentic and, and show up, um, just as, as who we were designed to be. So, I've never asked this question. I'm gonna ask it right now. Just to kick us off, if you had to get one word tattooed on your forehead, well, just one word, what word would you get tattooed on your forehead and why?

[00:01:46] Ned: That's a good one. One word. One word. That's it. Okay.

[00:01:53] Ned: Unwavering. Mm. Why? Because failure's. Okay. Because I am my response to failure. I, I am, I'm already him. And so as long as I, like you mentioned, God, so let's, in your prayer before this, and I, you said, God, you are the best father. Mm-hmm. That was so rad. And I'm like, hell yeah. Why I am, everything started ticking right When he said that, why is he the best father?

[00:02:24] Ned: Mm. Because he can cut right to the chase. He is, he is pure authenticity. Authenticity is love. He has his code, his creed, whatever he believe listening to this, it doesn't matter. Okay? It is there, it is the line in the sand. And so it is what he can lean into and judge everything off of. And so in, in, I, as a man, my whole pursuit of my life is to become that.

[00:02:53] Ned: Mm-hmm. Is define that whatever that line is in the sand, whatever values those are, so I no longer question myself when I make decisions. And I no, no longer doubt myself when people doubt me. Mm-hmm. I don't doubt myself when I, when I don't meet my expectations, when I fail, I realize that it's just another opportunity to learn and I show up again just as excited because I know where I'm going and I can never get there.

[00:03:22] Ned: So

[00:03:23] Ryan: this unwavering, the only way that you can wear that on your forehead is if you know who

[00:03:27] Ned: you are. Yes. I, yes. Or not even know who you are because you, you, the more, well we gotta get into how, in my eyes, but the more authentic you become, the more you know who you are. Right. And so you don't know who you are ever because there's always a new layer that you're gonna.

[00:03:45] Ned: So it's your pursuit of authenticity, your pursuit to being that man is the unwavering

[00:03:52] Ryan: ness. Right. And could you also say that, um, authenticity is the same as as identity then the pursuit of identity?

[00:04:01] Ned: Yeah. I would say authenticity is the absence of fear. The ab and, and the ability to sit in any, maybe it's not the absence of fear, it's despite the fear of discomfort, you sit in it no matter what.

[00:04:17] Ned: Yeah. And, and be able to stand by your values no matter what. And I'm not saying to be an asshole or to even, I'm not, it's not even, this actually is different than forcing your values on other people. Like I'm right. No, no, no, no, no, no. This allows you as a father and a husband to sit and not have to defend yourself.

[00:04:37] Ned: And so you, because you don't have to take any energy in your relationship with your wife and your children. You don't have to defend yourself anymore. Verbally or even in your mind, like, I, I resentment. Oh, she, she's mad at me. I do everything she wants. Right. Whatever. Okay. No, no, no. You can actually empathize for the first time in your marriage or with your children when you finally don't have to defend yourself because you can just be you and you, you, you don't have to focus on you.

[00:05:06] Ned: It's all about them. So you go, man, she's angry, he's hurt. I wonder why. And

[00:05:14] Ryan: then you can, because you're not becoming offended by it. Yeah. You're not offended. You don't. So then, you know, as we talk about my values or, or I'm just being me, the authentic, it has to be paired with love. Right. And love for, for those like, and that means like wanting the best for those around us.

[00:05:31] Ryan: Cuz sometimes it's just like, I could be a total dick, be like, I'm just being me. Yes. You know? That's more of a hiding behind,

[00:05:38] Ned: uh, something. Yes. Okay. So true. Authenticity is selfless not about you. So if you're authentic and you're like, look at me, you're ha that's defending yourself. Yeah. You know, this is just the way I am.

[00:05:50] Ned: And you don't understand if they have a motion attached to it, you're being selfish. Ah, that's good. It is. It doesn't matter how they feel or they respond. And I will empathize. I love them regardless, because I can love them, because I love myself. That's good. That's good. I'm crazy. I know I say some wacko shit.

[00:06:10] Ned: I, I, no, we're

[00:06:11] Ryan: gonna get into it. Okay. So unwavering. All right, here we go. I'm gonna blast you with a few questions. How old do you find yourself today?

[00:06:21] Ned: I'm young man. I'm 35, but I'm, I'm a wise 21 year old, just wise

[00:06:29] Ryan: bro. So, what do you mean when you say you're

[00:06:31] Ned: wise? Oh, I'm ancient. But I am, I have the health and the energy of a young man, but I have the wisdom of an, uh, ancient, like, I don't know, seer or some shit. You know, like, think about it. Okay, this is really fun.

[00:06:47] Ned: I know I don't mean to hijack, but what is our process as a man? Okay? What is the, what is a creature that is completely inauthentic? Now, people could argue with me because they wear their emotions on their sleeve, but a baby doesn't even know what the hell they are. They're just wham, wham, wham, me, me, me, gimme food, food, food.

[00:07:08] Ned: And then you compare that to the wise old man, dude, he can sit in discomfort. He knows exactly what he stands for. He has all of the experience of his whole life, and he can just give that wisdom away. Yeah. And so I want to have the energy of a youthful man, strong, healthy, but I want to be ancient in my wisdom and my knowledge and my reflection, and.

[00:07:35] Ned: There's my answer to

[00:07:36] Ryan: that. So what's your answer on what wisdom is?

[00:07:41] Ned: Okay. So I have a, I, okay. I love this. Wisdom is actually an ability, it is not nuggets. Okay. Because here's I, we love, we love, we love to regurgitate wisdom. Yeah. Oh, we love it. You love to listen to Jocko. You love to even read the scriptures, bro, you love it.

[00:08:03] Ned: Doesn't matter. You love to post quotes and share it, and you just get a little, like dopamine squirt from, from just sharing something wise. Okay? Wisdom. You create it. Wisdom I, I get a quote every single day. If you go to my Instagram world's greatest hype man, I post a money quote every day, and it is straight from the universe to my heart.

[00:08:25] Ned: Mm. So what do I do? I do. I live in such a way that I demand wisdom from the universe. I do not read Socrates. I do not read Plato. I do not listen to Jocko. I do not listen to Goggins. I am Jocko. I am Goggins. I am Socrates. I am Plato. I have just as much right as Moses, right? For my family. Mm. And so I show up every morning and what meaning I create.

[00:08:56] Ned: So wisdom. Then I, I got a quote. Okay? I got a bunch of 'em because they're daily and they're money. But wisdom, I, okay wisdom. How did I put this the other day? We love regurgitating wisdom, right? Yeah. Just in, in, in blanket or her base list quotes and phrases empty cuz there's lack action. So wisdom is activated through action and taught through results.

[00:09:27] Ned: Oh

[00:09:27] Ryan: my gosh, bro. Say it again. Wisdom

[00:09:31] Ned: is activated through action and taught through results. This is why you have to have the results. This is why you have to live it, because if not, you're just regurgitating selfishly. Mm-hmm. Is not for anybody else.

[00:09:49] Ryan: So wisdom is, is a, is is a gaining of understanding of life for the sake of others.

[00:09:57] Ned: Yeah. Always. For the sake of others. It must be shared.

[00:09:59] Ryan: It must be shared. Uh, but then also is there a posture of, I don't know everything.

[00:10:07] Ned: Yes. But just like I can't be completely authentic. Yeah. I'm in the pursuit of knowing everything.

[00:10:13] Ryan: So that means that you're still coachable, learnable, or teachable.

[00:10:17] Ned: Yeah.

[00:10:17] Ned: 100% teachable. You're the most coachable because you don't, you realize you don't know shit, but because you don't know shit, you know everything. Yeah. Cuz you can just

[00:10:24] Ryan: learn everything. Dude, I love this statement, dude. I have just as much right as Moses for the sake of my family, right? Uh, that's freaking beautiful.

[00:10:34] Ryan: Okay, what was your quote today? That you put world's greatest hype man. Okay,

[00:10:38] Ned: so here we go. Let me, I got,

[00:10:41] Ryan: I'll just, so if you're not following Ryan on Instagram, this is what you're missing out on. This is what you missed out on on June 23rd, 2023. There we go.

[00:10:50] Ned: So sorry. Give me, gimme a moment. And

[00:10:57] Ned: I'm very slow with technology even though I do this. Okay. Oh, wow. Are you ready? Yeah, baby, hit me. The average man seeks pleasure, regurgitating wisdom from shared quotes, ideas, and phrases, while the wise man selflessly, selflessly embodies it through self-restraint, sacrifice, and service. Let's fucking go.

[00:11:22] Ryan: Let's go. Mic drop, baby. Right. It's aligned. It's in tune.

[00:11:28] Ned: Yeah. You guys want, I can share a couple. Just want me to drop some every day. I got some nuggets, dude. Should I, should I just share a couple

[00:11:35] Ryan: here? No. Yeah. Do it. Do it. Okay. Let's see. Let's see what we

[00:11:38] Ned: got here. Um, the path to authenticity.

[00:11:43] Ned: Authenticity, and the path to empathy are one and the same. Um, these are all just in the last couple days. The only obstacle line between you and a fulfilling life is your unwillingness to confront your weakness. Mm. I'll give you my favorite one I got this week, and then I'll, I'll shut up here. Let's see.

[00:12:09] Ned: Oh, this is it. This is my I, oh man. When I got this one the other morning, check this out. You better as a father right now, you're setting limitations on your impact, your wife and children. And the impact your family has on the world. Listen to this and in your career, everywhere. Listen to this. I couldn't believe it when God gave me this one.

[00:12:30] Ned: He said, there are only two obstacles that inhibit unlimited success. Our ability to sit in discomfort and limiting beliefs. Mm. Eliminate the ladder. And the only skill required to unlock achievement is endurance. Let's fucking go. Let's go baby

[00:12:52] Ryan: bro. Beautiful. We can just end the podcast there. Thank you for your time.

[00:12:57] Ryan: It was awesome to connect, dude. Ryan Superhuman father. Hey bro. Dude, let's just keep rolling. Yeah. How many, how many years you've been married?

[00:13:07] Ned: Think I'm gonna get in trouble. 2011. There you go. You guys do the math.

[00:13:11] Ryan: Okay. 2011, how many kiddos do you guys got? Got three kids.

[00:13:15] Ned: What are their ages? I have a seven year old daughter who's my homie.

[00:13:19] Ned: Love it. Seven year, like she is the best skate with her. I have a five-year-old son and a two yearold son. I am the most successful as a father with my daughter. Hmm. Um, in the sense that she was my first and also like a girl. And I'm like, Hey, the wife's hard for girls. And so I gotta prep her. And it's model myself talk.

[00:13:39] Ned: And my boys like they're boys. They'll be awesome dude. Shield, outwork those kids, those two boys. So I got some leveling up to do on that aspect of my life. We're working on it.

[00:13:48] Ryan: Love it. And then, uh, where do you guys live? What, what part of the

[00:13:52] Ned: world? Just moved to Oceanside, California from Carlsbad, California, which, uh, you know, they're real close.

[00:13:58] Ned: San

[00:13:59] Ryan: Diego. Yeah. Beautiful. And then what do you do for a living? So we know Superhuman Fathers, maybe it's, maybe it's that full time. What I, I love and hate this question because it makes us size each other up, but the reason to ask the question is to help dudes understand that it doesn't matter if I make, you know, 25 grand a year or 25 million a year when I have a seven Yearold daughter.

[00:14:18] Ryan: I have a seven year old daughter. Must show up. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, exactly. So what do you do

[00:14:22] Ned: for a living history? Historically, I was a teacher. Spanish, what did you teach? Spanish World's best Spanish teacher, too. I crushed it. Love it. Then we transitioned into this, and now I'm president, head coach of Superhuman Fathers, where we just become authentic men.

[00:14:41] Ryan: Mm. I remember. The first time my, my initial call when I joined Superhuman Fathers was with you? Yeah. I took my family to Universal Studios. We were in Los Angeles, so we live in Hawaii. We were in Los Angeles, we were at this Airbnb and I had an early morning call set up with you and I was sitting in this Airbnb, in this game room in like somewhere in LA and I was just sitting at this counter and it was an hour conversation.

[00:15:10] Ryan: I have five pages of notes from that conversation. Cuz you were so on fire. I mean, obviously guys listening to Ryan already, you're like, dang, you know, like this Spanish teacher is unloading nuggets of, and I

[00:15:27] Ned: was fat and I was sad actually, so

[00:15:31] Ryan: this was, this was story, this was a year

[00:15:34] Ned: ago. Yeah. Yeah. So I was, had already had my, I think you, my transformation, my chance.

[00:15:39] Ned: I was sitting in my car. I remember our conversation. So what's

[00:15:43] Ryan: changed for you? So superhuman. So this is kind of cool. So, right, so you and your brother essentially started Superhuman Fathers? Uh, uh, I have him on podcast episode 180 8. Watch. That was in 2021.

[00:15:56] Ned: If you think I'm inspiring, go listen to my brother.

[00:15:59] Ned: Watch

[00:15:59] Ryan: out. These guys that power, power duo to you. And, and, and the thing is, is it's, I don't wanna say that you're not special. That's not what I want to say. No, but what I, but what I want to say is in a sense, like you guys are special because, You are not putting yourself as a guru at the leadership of this, this massive movement you guys are building.

[00:16:25] Ryan: You are creating leaders instead of creating followers. We're in it with you. And that's huge. You know, people hit me up, why'd you do Superhuman Fathers? You look great. Whatever. Like, you could find all this shit online. You could, will you do it? Will you follow through Will? Maybe. Maybe. But the difference that I feel as a man, and you could ask me about this later in the, the conversation.

[00:16:49] Ryan: It's, dude, it's night and day. What's changed for me in my life? Okay. Unless you have something you wanna say about that, I'm gonna ask you some questions and then we can get it back. Oh, I, we'll just go.

[00:16:58] Ned: Just if you're, yeah, just,

[00:16:59] Ryan: just go for it. So check it. When did you, I'm gonna rip out a couple things.

[00:17:03] Ryan: When did you embrace fatherhood? So you have a seven year-old, so you became a father seven years ago. You heard you were gonna be a father around eight years ago. When did you embrace the idea that fatherhood

[00:17:14] Ned: mattered? I, okay. I've, I've always been a loving human, very empathetic. Um, I could smile through anything.

[00:17:26] Ned: Okay. Just like the pain. You just sit there with a smile. Um, and so I was actually relatively available as a father even before my daughter came. I was, I was fired up excited, but I was not as consistent. So meaning I was manipulated by my circumstance. Mm. Or my emotions. And I'm not saying I'm a guru, bro.

[00:17:52] Ned: Like we all deal with this. We all have a threshold, which, you know, we have to catch ourselves. But I've really improved on this aspect of my life where I'm the same human that shows up all the time and that, and proactively searching for opportunities to model my self, talk to my children. And that's what I want them to be able to do, is I want them to, I, I speak if you, if we look at specifically what I would do proactively as a father other than being present, um, and we can talk what that means too.

[00:18:27] Ned: But I want my children to hear how I think when chaos arrives. Mm. So I speak it out loud or I teach it with stories.

[00:18:38] Ryan: Gimme an example.

[00:18:40] Ned: Okay. Well, they hear it a lot while I'm coaching, so it's kind of cheating, right? Because they're always around me when I'm doing my calls with everybody. But, um, I will explain what happened.

[00:18:53] Ned: I'll connect with them. And instead of just being like, Hey, what happened today? I'll tell them what happened in my day, right? This came up. What do you, what do you think I should have done? How do you think I felt? How did I react? Right? And then I make up stories. At nighttime, and I need to be better. See, when I say this, look at me talking like, gonna do, do this is with my girl.

[00:19:17] Ned: Okay? Yep. I need to improve with my boys. I do. There's just more of 'em. And I'm, I'm, I, you know, I, I need to figure this out because my daughter got this nugget and it's changed. Her self talks is savage. She'll correct me seven, you know, but I would, I'd create stories with little creatures and characters and dude, I did it the other day.

[00:19:35] Ned: If you guys chat, G P t I said, Hey, I need this moral or virtue taught in this story, make it about, uh, a horse. And on a rainy day going up a muddy hill against bigger horses. And it wrote this crazy awesome story, this five minutes. And my daughter loved it, and we got to talk about it. So, you know, sometimes it's hard to think one up and now we have all this technology.

[00:19:54] Ned: I'll do it for you. That's right. But so obviously that we, we always talk about, we ask questions. I also read books where, um, smaller, like Lord of the Rings, Okay. I'm gonna go into, I can't help it. I'm a talker. Are you ready for this? I'm ready. Go baby. So we love Lord of the Rings cuz they're tiny little hobbits, you know, Frodo's the tiny, weak one and he saves the world.

[00:20:19] Ned: And so it's very fun to, because what is ca, what is the world trying to do to you? Wants you to feel small. Mm. Right. When we, when we fail, when chaos arrives, it makes us feel like we're too small to handle it. And so as a child, if you can come out of life as a child already be like, I am small, but I'll freaking own, doesn't matter.

[00:20:40] Ned: Right? Um, you, you create this, this mindset where they just keep learning, they keep pushing. Now on nerd side of Lord of the Rings, dude, if you're listening to this, stop trying to be the main character in your family. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Stop you. Be the gandolph to your little hobbits. Okay. Be the side character now.

[00:21:14] Ned: Now after that tangent, what else you got for me?

[00:21:18] Ryan: So you read your daughter right now? Um, I just had her little realization that I've been focused too much on my teenagers and missing out that my 10 year old is still 10. Uh, because I've really like, been focused at Brooklyn's leaving soon. She's 17 and so I've been trying to like ride bikes with Stella a little bit more often.

[00:21:35] Ryan: And then we just started reading Divergent. Okay. So it's about this badass chick. Yeah. And the movies are Love it. Great. So her and I read a chapter night, so dudes listen to this, like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you have, if you tell me I have no time and no money, wake them up. Well, you can go buy a $10 book and you can read for 10 minutes.

[00:21:55] Ryan: Stella and I literally read for 10 minutes. Like last night she's watching a show. I'm like, Hey, shut it off. Come on, lay in my bed for a minute and we'll read. And I, and I read to her, it takes 10 minutes to read a chapter. And that's, if I do that over the course of a month, I read her a whole book. We spent all that time together and it wasn't like I needed, you know, two hours or 250 bucks to go do something.

[00:22:16] Ryan: And so Ryan is sharing the same thing. Is, is this is a simple way to connect and find a great story that teaches something. And you could ask a question after, right? But then when you're reading it, here's the key, when they ask you a question, cause I did this the other night and kind of failed. I was trying to get it done and she asked me, well, what does this mean?

[00:22:35] Ryan: And I'm like, I'm trying to explain to her. And in, in my explain, I'm like, dude, you're getting frustrated because she asked you a question about the book. You're not present right now. You're just trying to get this done. Yeah. And so it's, it's really important to, to be present. So with that being said, you had a point you wanted to make about presence.

[00:22:51] Ryan: Why don't you share that?

[00:22:52] Ned: Well, just that you create it. So, and you answered it right there. You, you, you just, you, I don't have to say anything because what, it's so funny. Superhuman Fathers is blowing up and I, I'm this like, we're, we're crushing. We, uh, we are creating leaders upon leaders upon leaders that hold each other accountable.

[00:23:10] Ned: Kyle and I could die and this movement would continue and it would just, it'll, it's going to change the world. We already know. We are. It's already set in motion. However many years down the line, if you, if you're not in Superhuman Fathers, would you just come, just finally admit it. And we, we have, we stole all your excuses, so just come, we'll teach you.

[00:23:28] Ned: Um, but when, when it, that's happening and I find myself. Because we're growing so much. I'm like, oh yeah, but I gotta, I gotta get this guy and I gotta, I gotta help him. And, and they're my, they're my five-year-old. Cuz my daughter, she's crushing, we're connecting. We need to, but my, my five-year-old's like, where's dad?

[00:23:47] Ned: And I'm trying to be superhuman father here. I'm like the coach, you know, it's so funny. And so your your po uh, podcast. I interviewed, uh, Ned, you guys, and maybe we could give you the, give you, I dunno if you're gonna share that interview or not

[00:24:01] Ryan: Ned, but I'm gonna share some nuggets from it. Yeah. But it's so

[00:24:03] Ned: powerful.

[00:24:04] Ned: You reminded me of things that I need to do in documenting my time and making sure that I have time allocated to creating presence. Yeah. Because that was my superpower before I got really busy, you know, I was like, oh, there's new weight. I've added some weight to the squat rack, you know, so, I think the

[00:24:25] Ryan: words you created, men, you were designed to create.

[00:24:28] Ryan: And I know like in this moment of we can get weird about it, but when you become a father, you don't really feel like you have that much. Like, okay, cool, we had sex and then you grew a human for nine months and then you push it outta your body. Like the most magical, barbaric moment ever. But I just stand there and then you feed the baby with your body.

[00:24:48] Ryan: It's like such a gnarly rite of passage for a woman. But for a man, we don't really connect that we were part of creating this. And then men, our job in our home is to create. Security, safety, protection. And I'm not talking. I got an AR man, and I could fight like radical. Dude, I love that. You gotta protect your family from your selfish ass.

[00:25:14] Ryan: Yes. Freaking self. Yes. And from the, the, the world that's trying to make your family feel small and not be creative and not be connected, that's your job, dude. It's your job starts that baby comes out. Like you have to create the space for that. And that's what I think dad's roles is to create space so that your kid can be unwavering.

[00:25:39] Ryan: Create space for your kid to fail, create space for your kid to experience life, create connection. Like it's the most beautiful, fun, incredible opportunity. And a lot of us are just, here's what I realized, bro, with Superhuman Fathers. I, I think when we talk about masculinity and people are like throwing around this toxic bullshit masculinity, we do have men who are angry and resentful on one side, and then we have men on the other side that are passive.

[00:26:07] Ryan: So if we look at a lot of homes, we have these two sides, right? Which these guys are creating havoc and chaos. Yeah. But what I realized, dude, there's a third one. I'm sure there's more, but I'm the third one. And a year ago before I joined Superhuman Fathers, I thought I'd arrived. Yep. The third one is the dude who thinks he arrived because he's comparing himself to the neighbor who's kind of a shitty husband and a shitty dad.

[00:26:34] Ryan: So then I'm like, dude, I'm caressing it. I'm killing it. I'm amazing, I'm comfortable, boom. Lost my ability to really be present in life. Um, and dude, superhuman Fathers unlocked that for me.

[00:26:48] Ned: Money, dude. Well, and listen. Listen. Rebell and create, right? Oh yeah. Dude, Rebell, and look at that name. Rebel is actually the restraint.

[00:26:57] Ned: You cannot recreate unless you have restraint in your passions and your selfishness and your desires. You must be able to sit in discomfort. I say suffer actually. You must be able to suffer infinitely for your family so you can create or serve infinitely. That

[00:27:20] Ryan: dude, we want that, like as men, I want to go to battle, but we don't look at our marriages or our children as a battle feel in a positive way.

[00:27:29] Ryan: Like if, if, if, you know, like I love the scene in Captain America where the little scrawny ass dude jumps on the grenade, right? There's this moment, it's kind of like this fake, they throw a fake grenade out and he jumps on it. It's to show who's, who's the most willing to suffer for the men around him. We all want to be that guy, right?

[00:27:45] Ryan: And we'd all say, dude, I'd jump in front of a bullet for you, but would you jump in front of a dagger every day for 50 years with your wife? Mm-hmm. Would you, you know, that's a lot of deaths, bro. Every day. Would you do it for your kids?

[00:28:01] Ned: Yeah. And if you, I mean, this is the cliche part. It's like, well, will you live for them?

[00:28:07] Ned: Yeah. But I have exactly, I ha I have an angle for this though, because why do we have to make it life or death? Why can't we do a sport, check this out? Mm-hmm. My opponent is my best friend. Juujitsu, man, I'm on the juujitsu mat. This guy's trying to choke my ass out. And guess what? Sometimes he does. And after I give a big hug like, you got me bro, you're never gonna get me like that again.

[00:28:29] Ned: Yeah. And then you push him too. And so you can have a relationship with your wife like that. You can have a relationship with your

[00:28:36] Ryan: children like that. What if we were to lean on that dude? What if we were to look at that, our relationship with our wife like that? Like the world would look different.

[00:28:44] Ned: Dude, watch.

[00:28:46] Ned: Because she tapped you out. You got me. You got me. I broke you called me out. You made, you helped me realize. And how

[00:28:53] Ryan: freeing is that? Dude, I wish I would do that in the moment when I'm being a dick, instead of shutting down or being like, whatever. I'm right. You're

[00:29:00] Ned: wrong. Who quits? Juujitsu. Who quits? The guys that come in after a few weeks think they earned something.

[00:29:05] Ned: Think, oh, I should, I shouldn't be getting tapped anymore. Dude. You need to, if failure should not be avoided failure, you should hunt for failure every single day. You invite it into your life. Yeah. Cause that is, you are your response to failure. Yep. And if you don't do this, then you just said it. You just said it.

[00:29:24] Ned: You were the man who thought he'd arrived. What you forgot was how to overcome failure or practice the

[00:29:29] Ryan: skill or to allow failure in my life. Like I, I didn't allow a next level of failure.

[00:29:35] Ned: If you don't, then you forget how to overcome it, and it'll surprise you and it will break you. But if you invite it every day, it's a skill in, in of itself, and your kids are gonna fail, and you're gonna be like, they're gonna be like, dad, you didn't fail today.

[00:29:47] Ned: You won't even be able, okay, we're just gonna go here. Im just, I'm, I am just going here. I'm taking this right now with this. Okay? Here's the deal, because I can never be worthy, okay? Because I can never be perfect. I have unlimited potential. I'm already perfect. I'm already worthy. This was massive to me.

[00:30:11] Ned: Some of you guys are Christians too. Some of you guys are living your life thinking, am I worthy for heaven? Am I worthy enough? Am I good enough? Am I obedient enough? Okay. Think about how selfish that thought is. Mm-hmm. Think about how much time, how much energy you, you're already worthy, bro. You need to take all that energy, which finally I figured out this is my life's pursuit, is I take this energy that I was using selfishly and I turn it towards my family, to the men I lead to make them understand, help them understand that they're already worthy.

[00:30:44] Ned: Now, will they believe me now? That's only if I'm living aligned, if I'm authentic, if I'm a savage, if I get after it, they won't. But because if not, it'll just be that regurgitated wisdom we talked about. Yeah. Yeah. I want my 14 year old daughter when she really screws up, maybe she gets pregnant, I don't know, and she comes up to me and she's broken.

[00:31:17] Ned: She looks at me and I, dad, I really screwed up, and I can just. Look at her and say, you're worthy, and she believes me. Maybe why would I, the stakes are too high. Why? Why would I risk that you risk it? Because you don't think you're worthy right now. You gotta figure that out for yourself first. That's your first step.

[00:31:45] Ned: Brothers.

[00:31:46] Ryan: Now, what I love is the, the figure it out yourself. I, I, I think there comes a point where you just surrender to it being

[00:31:56] Ned: true. 100%. Yes.

[00:32:01] Ryan: And it's a decision, so it's still a decision you have to make. You just have to surrender. Be like, dude, I've been trying and I give up. But by giving up, I'm accepting that this is true, and now I'm gonna operate in the fact that it's true.

[00:32:17] Ryan: That doesn't mean I'm perfect. That doesn't mean that I don't still fall and mess up. But now when I fall and I mess up, It doesn't define me any longer.

[00:32:26] Ned: Boom. I'm defined by how I respond. Stop worrying about the correct decision. Yeah, make a decision and then deal with the consequences. In line with your values, you are your response to your decisions.

[00:32:41] Ned: Okay, now, Chad Henkel, I've been dropping his, his quote, A guy in superhuman father got, yeah, superhuman father. He's down a hundred pounds. I'm Savage. Love this guy. He's a, hang on, hang on,

[00:32:54] Ryan: hang on. Okay, down, down. How

[00:32:57] Ned: much? Like a hundred pounds or something? I don't know. So over a hundred pounds. So,

[00:33:01] Ryan: so guys like that should give you chills.

[00:33:04] Ryan: Like, bro, if you're a buck 50 right now, buck 75, we're talking about a dude who's down a hundred pounds, bro.

[00:33:11] Ned: Lost you. Two thirds of you.

[00:33:14] Ryan: Yeah. Okay. So, so I just don't wanna miss that. Like, oh yeah, he dropped whatever. Like I had to get, I had to drop like, 13, 14 pounds to get shredded where I wanted to be.

[00:33:25] Ryan: Go on a hundred pound, it's

[00:33:26] Ned: gone. Well, and he's, he's turning into a philosopher. That's what you have to do to be able to accomplish something like this. And that's what everybody, every man and Superhuman Fathers becomes a philosopher. This is what you do. That's what you do. You become a philosopher. In other words, you create that wisdom for you and your family.

[00:33:43] Ned: Now, he told me a quote of discipline, I have a quote for discipline too, but he added to it and he goes, cuz I always say perfection. You actually, the pursuit of perfection is make you, makes you perfect. This is what I've said in the, you know, past. He crushed it. He's like, he got me, gave me a way better piece.

[00:33:58] Ned: He goes, discipline is the pursuit of perfection with course correction. Mm. The pursuit of perfection with course correction. And I don't know how Christian based your listeners are, and I'm not even super, super fathers, is not like all, all Christian. But, but this, there's some symbolism in here because some of you, when I say you, you know you're already worthy.

[00:34:21] Ned: Well, no, I have to do this. Some of you religious, you know, I, I gotta do this and this and this. I gotta get baptized. Whatever. Like, you already start like pushing against you. Shut up. Stop it and listen. Okay? Obedience. Obedience. Why are you obedient? Is it because you earn shit? No. That's not why you're obedient.

[00:34:37] Ned: That is not why you're Christian theology. You're obedient because it connects you with God. You have a spirit to be with you, right? What does the spirit remind you of? Christ Sacrifice. Mm. What is Christ

[00:34:51] Ryan: sacrifice for? So that you don't have to be

[00:34:54] Ned: perfect, idiot. Do you understand? So when you're obedient, what it teaches you, when you're obedient, you remember that you can be, you can mess up.

[00:35:06] Ned: That's what obedience does for you. It reminds you that it's okay to make a mistake when you are not obedient or not pursuing perfection, as Chad Henkel says, right? You go into the shame cave because you don't have that meaning attached to it. Mm. And you feel like, oh, I can't be forgiven of this. I'm so terrible.

[00:35:23] Ned: I've never, I'm so different. I'm so unique in my, my tortured state. You're not unique at all. This is just the resistance because you're not connected, because you're not pursuing anything. You're just there.

[00:35:35] Ryan: Mm-hmm. Bro, check this out. I got chills thinking about this. So I heard this guy speak recently and then I'm listening to his book with my team.

[00:35:42] Ryan: It's called The Men We Need by a Guy named Brant Hansen. I wanna read it. That sounds awesome. And dude, He unlocked something for me, bro, because we all, like, all we have is words to describe something. And if, if you say obedient, and you know, my childhood was like my dad screaming, be obedient, which is the case and beat me, right?

[00:36:02] Ryan: We have different terminology, but he said what God is looking for is for loyalty and dude, so, so like when you say obedient and I'm with you, dude, I, I'm with you. Like obedient is, obedient is important. Uh, but I, I like tying the word loyalty to it at this like, seriously in the last two, three weeks because as a man, loyalty is like, it's deeper than obedience because I know.

[00:36:28] Ryan: I know that I'm gonna offend you, Ryan. I know that I'm gonna, so like say I'm a loyal friend. Does that mean I'm a perfect friend? No way. Like I'm gonna end up pissing you off. We're gonna end up being mad at each other a couple days or whatever. And then I'm gonna come back and be like, dude, that was super whack.

[00:36:42] Ryan: I'm so sorry. That's more like the relationship with God. When you talk about loyalty, dude, that's the relationship. It's not about perfection. It's about I am ride or die, bro. I'm not perfect,

[00:36:54] Ned: but I'm ride or die with you. It's relationship with your wife.

[00:36:57] Ryan: Ugh dude. And here's something that's my mentor taught me recently, dude, cuz it's like I've been digging into my marriage, is to step back when I'm offended by her and step back and think, does she want the best for me?

[00:37:12] Ryan: And go, yeah, dude. Yeah. She wants the best for me. So why are you holding onto like the way she rolled her eyes or some bullshit that I'm mad about if you know she's loyal. Like I, no dude, to my core, she's loyal, so I can't hang on to those little moments of offending because they don't matter. That's me wanting her to be obedient and perform for me, which is me ruling through a power in a way that's not appropriate in my

[00:37:38] Ned: home.

[00:37:39] Ned: 100%. Oh dude,

[00:37:41] Ryan: we could go for hours, bro. Okay.

[00:37:43] Ned: Okay. Check

[00:37:44] Ryan: this out. Yeah. Who's easy? A couple things I wanna ask you. Okay. Tell me, you went from Pizza Boy to Savage Hype man. Mm-hmm. Tell me your personal transformation and then since you, you know, coached me through mine, if you want to ask me a couple of questions, by all means, but this is really about you.

[00:38:03] Ryan: Sure.

[00:38:03] Ned: Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. And it's gonna be similar. Um, cuz what, what, what really happened to me is I understand. I understand who I am. How did I get there? Okay,

[00:38:13] Ryan: so tell me pizza, boy, boy. Before and then hype man. Now.

[00:38:16] Ned: Yeah, sure. All right. Pizza boy. So what's with pizza? I already kind of talked about this.

[00:38:22] Ned: I am manipulate, manipulated, right? I am. My actions, my choices day by day, moment by moment are manipulated by my emotion, right? Am I angry Dad today? Am I depressed? Dad? Am I, uh, super passionate Dad? Like, it doesn't matter. My kids dunno what happened. I can't be consistent. Now this what, this affects everywhere.

[00:38:48] Ned: Not just, but, but guess what? Guess where I could be the same all the time at work. You see, I had the ability, I just didn't have the, the meaning. I was think I was selfish. I was thinking that my, my home was a place of rest. I was thinking it was a place for me. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, you're home. Just like standard operating procedures at work, right?

[00:39:14] Ned: Yep. You gotta have, we, we, okay, this is how I put this. Like you guys have the craziest jobs. Okay. Success, there's sales standard operating procedures and sales. If you do some emergency medicine or something or, or you're a soldier. Crazy stress. Psycho stress, and you handle that shit, okay, handle it. We got, you don't even have to think about it.

[00:39:36] Ned: Cuz you train so hard and so standard. It's like, oh, chaos is here, A bomb was dropped, there's a fire, whatever, sales. Oh, I'm gonna lose a sale. Initiate. Standard operating procedure. Right? Okay, well guess what? You get home and you're like, I'm just gonna wing this shit. Yeah. What? Oh my god. Damn. You're talking about your marriage that you, you, you, you committed to that you're gonna do this for

[00:40:02] Ryan: the next 70 years, bro.

[00:40:04] Ryan: When you signed up at your job, you didn't sign some shit saying, I'm gonna work here till I die. Yeah. Right. I'm gonna make a vow to you. Yet we show up there with such intention. Yeah, right. Dude, we are so stupid, bro.

[00:40:16] Ned: We, we really, and it's because it's, and it's because a lot of times when you get married in a relationship, there's a little bit of selfishness, which is okay in the, in the, in the in at first.

[00:40:26] Ned: But to grow in a relationship, it's the opposite. To grow in yourself, it's the opposite. So here's your values. Yeah. If you can't find your values, if you don't know, when I say values, if you're like, what are those? Okay, you, you, it's because you are unable to be uncomfortable. You cannot find your values unless you can sit in discomfort.

[00:40:48] Ned: That is it. That is the only thing. So, I know I'm skipping some stuff in my philosophy, cuz I can go for hours on this, but, but really you need to become the man that I need to. Here it is. I'm, I'm doing okay. We'll just skip until this angle here. All right. So who was I before? Superhuman Fathers? I didn't understand what discipline is.

[00:41:17] Ned: I didn't understand what confidence is, and I didn't understand how to attach meaning to the darkness of my life. I didn't, under I, it was all I felt that the pain in my life was in vain, that it happened to me. So here's a quote I got from the university. You ready for this quote? Here we go. Hit me. Boom.

[00:41:35] Ned: If wisdom is the pursuit, then experience bad or good, right? Doesn't exist anymore. Experience past, present, and future goes from happening to you, to happening for you. Mm-hmm. And so I was not in this, this state, I was not in this position. So what, what? I was not able to leverage my trauma, my pain, my affliction.

[00:42:01] Ned: I couldn't attach meaning to it because it was in vain. There was, it was just, just happened. Oh, it happened to me. Where, where I went. Okay. So I, I was selfish in that, in that, in that pain. You might be there right now. You might be there. You don't understand me. My relationship with wife, if your wife sucks, it's your fault.

[00:42:14] Ned: Straight up. Okay? Um, same thing. Relationship with your kids suck. It's your fault. I don't care how old they are. It, this all is lack of standard operating procedure. And you can implement. And if you're 10 years deep into debt and you go a couple months being a better husband, like you're still in debt.

[00:42:33] Ned: Mm-hmm. Dude. Okay. I know I'm all over the place, dude. No, you, you can guide me back in. I know where I'm going, but you open your mouth. Go for it. What you got? What

[00:42:41] Ryan: you got? No, I, I just really want to lean into this because as you know, like you have hundreds of men coming to Superhuman Fathers and we're drawn to the six pack.

[00:42:50] Ryan: We're drawn to, you know, I talk about fatherhood, we're drawn to this, but when you get men in a room and open them up, what's the very first thing they start to open up and talk about? It's their marriages, you know, it's like we want that. We want a great love in our life, but we don't really know. And I think you, you, you said it a moment ago, you're like, we get married out of selfishness, which is probably true whether I'm 21 or 30 getting married.

[00:43:13] Ryan: But I kind of think that's the point. Now, you might be going, my marriage is actually toxic. Maybe 1%, maybe I got, I got something. Okay. Go, go. You well just, you jump in,

[00:43:24] Ned: baby. A marriage is a birth, you're born into selfishness. Mm. As a child, as a baby, the baby's the most selfish creature in the world. Yeah.

[00:43:35] Ned: It's like, no, there's no negative connotation with that, but it's like, I need me, me, me. Mm-hmm. I only can think of emotion in my life. So it's just another, it's a rebirth. You're reborn into marriage and you have to learn again. And I

[00:43:47] Ryan: think that's the point of it. Oh, I think the point is, is, is, is more how do you become a better human by joining forces with this other human who is actually half you and supposed to be totally different, think different, act different, feel different.

[00:44:02] Ryan: It's supposed to be, because without that person, you are half a human. You are half as impactful as you could be because you don't have ha you don't have the, that feminine side and you need that. And so I think the point of marriage is for you to learn to become one, for you to learn to die to yourself.

[00:44:20] Ryan: Um, I think it's the most beautiful thing, but I do think like jumping, jumping into human treatment fathers and gaining control of your own comfort will allow you to enter into that. So maybe talk about that, because I think marriages are improved in such an incredible way when a dude's pursuing a six pack.

[00:44:35] Ryan: It's hilarious. Like so quick. The six pack doesn't matter anymore.

[00:44:39] Ned: Yeah. So it will, you just said it because, so, okay. Going back to that wise man, right? I wanna become the ancient mm-hmm. Wise man. And I wanna be youthful in my energy, in my marriage, but I need to be wise like an old man. Okay. Now this com What, what did I, what did I lack?

[00:44:57] Ned: I lacked discipline or the understanding of discipline, the understanding of confidence, and this inability to sit in the discomfort of my past trauma and not make it about me. So I, I'll cover how I fix those. In, in right now. It, I'm going, this will be transfor transformative for you right now if you listen to this.

[00:45:15] Ned: So listen up. Okay. Number one, I'm doing squats. And I get this, this all came like one day too. I, it was moneyed. I'm doing squats and I get this definition of discipline, and it says, discipline is the ability to suffer. Now, I will explain the ability to be uncomfortable. It doesn't count till you don't want to.

[00:45:44] Ned: So the resistance, the adversary, Satan, the bad guy, don't care what you call it, right? It's, it's always attacking, it's always wants you to be the average father. In fact, it will manipulate you through emotion. But here's the kicker. We always only associate negative emotions with it. Dude, that asshole will get you motivated just to take that shit away.

[00:46:14] Ned: He's a jerk man. He's very manipulative. So if passions dictate your actions, you're not disciplined. If you want to do something that is not discipline, I'm not saying it's bad, but that discipline has not been initiated. Discipline is when you initiate your system when you don't want to. Okay. Which means the ability to suffer.

[00:46:33] Ned: I know I'm wordy. We're continuing on. How is that related to confidence? Well, Discipline is the currency of confidence. Hence why Pizza Boy can lead men such as yourself and all these just savages. Guys, I've retired Navy Seals on the program. There are freaking a hundred Oh guys with a hundred million dollars.

[00:46:56] Ned: It doesn't matter. Pizza boy's coach. Message here is, if I can do this, you can too. Mm-hmm. But their discipline is a currency of confidence. I need to know what confidence is. Then I never, I've never heard this definition of confidence anywhere else, although I, there's nothing new under the sun. Universal truths from the universe, from God.

[00:47:12] Ned: You ready? Yes. Says Confidence is the earned ability. Okay. Earned due to my discipline, my ability to suffer, my ability to sit in discomfort. Yeah. Okay. Confidence is the earned ability due to my discipline to connect with my values and my conscience, my code, my creed, amidst chaos.

[00:47:41] Ned: Now, why would I say that? Let's name some things that are chaotic in your life. Maybe it's a relationship with your wife. Maybe it is, right? Been there, right? Guru. I'm not a guru, bro. Okay, so let's see. She comes up to counsel you as they put it right, and you start to defend yourself. Why would you bring that up?

[00:48:06] Ned: I do this and this and this and this and this. You know, it has nothing to do with she's bringing up, but you just have to like talk about where you're good. That's exactly where the resistance wants you, by the way, and your strengths. Mm. It's you. He does. He wants you to ignore your weakness cuz there's no growth in strengths.

[00:48:22] Ned: There's only growth in weakness, so, okay. What's happening is you are not a confident man. You, you, you don't have anywhere to lean on. You don't know if you're right or wrong. This is why you act this way. So then what do you do? You're like, I don't like it when she comes up to me to counsel me, so I'm just gonna do everything she wants.

[00:48:40] Ned: And then you become bitch and you just do everything

[00:48:43] Ryan: she wants and then she doesn't respect you, bro, nor does she

[00:48:46] Ned: respect you. But then she's still angry and you're like, I do everything you want, Gloria. You still angry. And then you begin to resent your wife. Mm. If you resent your wife, you are a bitch.

[00:48:58] Ned: Cause you're afraid to do the work. Mm. Now that could be divorce, fine if values, if I don't care or, or more likely. You need to learn to accept her for everything she is like you promised with her resistance. Yeah. Her values, her pain. So what man can do this, and I'll finish this thought and then we'll continue into the darkness, okay.

[00:49:21] Ned: What man can do this? The confident man, the man who can connect to his values and his codes. So the con or the man who, who's now confident, the wife comes up, she's counseling him cuz she's the opponent. She's the juju. She's challenging you just like she's supposed to, she wants you to rise. This is her job.

[00:49:38] Ned: We're such, we are so soft. We're big ass men. Our tiny little wives come up to us and they have to hold their tongue to protect us. Oh my God. They've learned

[00:49:48] Ryan: to ah, like think about they have to hold their tongue. Yeah. My wife won't say shit to me because she knows I'm gonna What?

[00:49:57] Ned: What you say that? Yes.

[00:49:59] Ned: Imagine. Imagine how they look at you. Oh my God. Now here's the confident man. Okay. Who we're all pursuing. Yeah. I, you know, I try to stay away from the bitch line as possible. Okay. But, but dude, it happens bro. It's okay. She comes up and you go. Okay. Values, conscience, creed, where are you? I've earned you. Mm.

[00:50:24] Ned: Is she right? And then they'll usually say, yes, you're an asshole. At least mind you, they usually say, yes she is. But sometimes they don't. Sometimes they say, oh no, you're, you're fine bro. You're killing it. Now here's the thing, do I need to let her know? No. Why? Because the weak man, the man who lacks confidence is seeking for external validation.

[00:50:52] Ned: Yeah. Right. From his wife. Well, the confident man, all the validation comes from his code, his creed, cuz he's a savage. So the first time in my marriage, the first time in your marriage, when you can do this, you can empathize. Yeah. You can go, oh, I'm just gonna let her be angry as a gift. I'm not gonna resent it.

[00:51:14] Ned: She's allowed to feel her feelings. Maybe I'm gonna try to, I wonder what it's like being married to me.

[00:51:23] Ryan: Hard. Hard, right? I know that for, for me. Like I know. Yes, I know it is. I know it is. Uh, I know that was a lot. No, but I, I need to, I need to just pause and I need to share this real quick. You know, I've been in Superhuman Fathers a year and I'm sitting here. Time has just stopped to exist and I'm just on fire going, man.

[00:51:42] Ryan: I just feel like it's just another day. And what I'm realizing is like this isn't just another Zoom call that you and I are on. Um, So dudes, if you're listening to this right now and you're like, oh my gosh, this is fire. I wish I could raise my hand and ask a question. You can, like literally, superhuman Fathers has like five Zoom calls a week.

[00:52:04] Ryan: When you're in there, you could jump in and out of 'em, and the conversations are exactly like this. But you get to raise your hand and ask a question. You get to post your fricking macros and people either say, good job, or, Hey, where the hell have you been the last couple days? Where's the goals you're gonna hit?

[00:52:19] Ryan: Like, man, you need that. You need a tribe that's aligned with your values. You need a tribe that's calling you to be the man you were created to be. And what's beautiful, really when I think about Superhuman Fathers as a tribe, is it's not just this. Show up and, and like, okay, this is our Zoom call. And it's so structured.

[00:52:38] Ryan: No, it's that we're a tribe who goes and sits around a fire. Ryan brings something, I bring something. Yes, you would bring something. And here's the thing about a tribe is it's a give and take. And if you're not in a tribe, you are not giving your gift to some man who needs it. There's some man who's desperate in his marriage, who's desperate for his kids, and you aren't speaking into his life because you're not letting someone else speak into yours.

[00:53:04] Ryan: That's a tribe, dude. You have something

[00:53:06] Ned: to give. This is so beautiful, Ned. And you know, I've talked, we talked about, this is so cool because we talked about modeling self-talk for our children. Mm. What is it? What happens when you come to Superhuman Fathers? What are we really the true leaders learning to do?

[00:53:21] Ned: When, when you message me with an issue, I don't counsel you in the sense that I give you what you need to do. I actually put myself in your shoes and I model my self talk. Mm. And so this is what you, this is why you're stuck. Okay. And now let's, we'll go to the darkness, cuz this fits into what you just said right now.

[00:53:42] Ned: Okay. The resistance, the adversary, I call 'em the fake self. Actually, I, I should, I need to write a book on this shit. But the fake self. Okay. He will drag you into the darkness if you can. Deep And maybe you're there right now. Could be with an addiction, could be pornography. Oh, no. Right. It doesn't matter.

[00:54:04] Ned: Could be. I don't care what it is. It could be trauma. I, it does not matter what the chaos or trauma is. I don't care if it's random. That's easiest to deal with. Okay. Self caused. Ooh, that's a hard one. Or forced upon you by somebody else. See there's, this guy's been molested in Superhuman Fathers. They're crushing it.

[00:54:23] Ryan: Yeah. Okay. And they're openly talk. It's been a safe place to bring what dude? If you're not in a tribe, that means you are holding something in the dark, so you can't be let go. Right? If you go find, you can find the workouts, you can find the marriage advice, you can find all that shit online. Find your information.

[00:54:41] Ryan: You can find it online, but if you are not taking what you are hiding in the dark and putting it out in the light, and then have someone, I go, yeah, me too. Yeah, that sucks. Yes. Yeah, I hear you. Yeah. Dang. But you still have what it takes, like you have to bring what's in the dark to the light so that you can become the manual it's designed to be, because those things don't define you and, and a lot of things, bro, you could rewrite the story, right, because maybe something happened to you and you've been telling you yourself a story about that for 10, 15, 20, 30 years.

[00:55:16] Ryan: If you, we can go back to that story and we could say, Hey, let's put yourself back in. What happened? Now let's rewrite the meaning of that for your freaking life.

[00:55:24] Ned: Yes. Okay. And how do you rewrite the meaning? So, I've gone back in time to all my trauma and I choked all that shit out. Mm. I don't even think about it anymore.

[00:55:32] Ned: Now check this. How, okay, then now you're gonna hear my life's quest. This is really what's changed from Pizza Boy to Superhuman Father's coach. Okay? All right. This is, but really? Okay. And I did, I lost 50 pounds. I'm shredded and like it's legit. I live my hardass life. I outdo you in everything. If you're listening to this, I'm more tired, I'm more patient, I'm more hungry.

[00:55:54] Ned: I'm more sore. It doesn't, I, I, and I, I invite you to come do that to me, right? That's what we do in our, our, our, our group. Now, but here's the thing. So you're in the darkness. You've been pulled down there, your eyes are covered. The resistance has got you tied down, okay? He's gotta hold you because if you, if you slip a little bit out of his grip, you're gonna be able to pull that his hand off your eyes.

[00:56:20] Ned: And you're gonna look around where you thought you were alone in the dark, and there's millions of men down there. Mm. And so you're gonna be like, holy shit, I'm not alone down here. Wake up. And you realize that if nothing is in vain, there might be aspects of your life that are so dark. I, I, I can't go that I haven't been that deep.

[00:56:44] Ned: I need you. Yes. The men down there need you. It is your, it is your, it's a calling, bro. What you've, what's held you back this whole time is actually the key. Kind of like you just talked about, Ned, to come or go be in a safe place where you can finally be authentic. Share that with somebody and they go, I'm down here too, bro.

[00:57:04] Ned: I didn't know you were down here with me. Let's climb out together. And so what the meaning is this is my, this is what my. My question of life, we're going back to Lord of the Rings more door. We're going, okay, I got, I'm a little tiny ho, but I got my ring. Okay, whatever. I leverage. What makes men inspiring is not their achievement.

[00:57:29] Ned: It's not their accolades. It's not their financial success. None of that. Nope, not results. What makes a man inspiring is his trauma, his tragedy, his chaos, his pain, his failure. Why? Because that's what connects us as brothers. What separates us is how we respond to it. And so when that moment comes, when I recognize my darkness, or it could be a a gnarly event, I don't know.

[00:57:59] Ned: Doesn't matter. Lose my family in a car accident, it doesn't matter. I want to have prepared myself to such an extent that I. Can think or I think instead of taking any time for myself, I think of every other man that's sitting in that same position, and I serve them by robbing them of their excuses. Mm. I serve them by still living in line with my values and showing them the men they can be with amidst to chaos.

[00:58:30] Ned: I model for them. And so it doesn't, inconvenience does not exist. Inconvenience is an opportunity to inspire. Plain and simple. Beautiful.

[00:58:45] Ned: And so who, what man, what man do you need to become to do this? Here's another phrase I got in the squat rack as we probably wrap this up. I don't know. I can go forever, but this same day that I got the discipline and confidence definition, I got this nugget. The longer a man can suffer, the longer he can go without thinking selfishly.

[00:59:06] Ned: Mm. I need to become, or we need to become a father, a husband, a brother, a tribe member that can suffer infinitely so we can serve our wife and children, our brothers infinitely, because we never have to think selfishly.

[00:59:30] Ned: Mm-hmm. Your trauma is your calling going back to Christian theology. It is just a splinter of a cross. Brother. You are not called, you are not co-heirs with Christ in his salvation. No. Mm. You are co-heirs in the suffering, my friend. Yes. If you, and it doesn't matter if it's self, cause if you fucked up, guess what?

[00:59:54] Ned: You said, I'm in this with you. That's what you did. You just accepted a piece of the cross and you said he gave it to you and said, okay, welcome. Let's go save together. You are a proxy savior. This is the meaning that is attached to darkness. It's for everybody else. Dude,

[01:00:12] Ryan: what's so funny is you think life is gonna get easier, and that means you're seeking comfort.

[01:00:19] Ryan: Yes. But then you

[01:00:20] Ned: feel like it should always be the worst

[01:00:22] Ryan: leg, Dave. Yeah. But then you feel like you, you, you don't have meaning. You're like, man, I could golf whenever I want and I could drink whatever I want, and I could eat whatever I want. And they're miserable, offing themselves. Right. But if I'm, if I'm entering into my marriage, if I'm entering into fatherhood, if I'm entering into a tribe, if I'm entering into the day and, and I'm embracing that I'm a partner in suffering, then I lay my head down feeling like I contributed.

[01:00:49] Ryan: I had purpose, I mattered. I made a difference. I entered in, I was connected.

[01:00:55] Ned: And what does that go back to? I. The statement that I can never be worthy, so I am worthy. Mm-hmm. I can't be perfect. So I have unlimited potential. I can't be completely authentic. So I have un uh, unlimited authenticity. I can discover your marriage is never perfect.

[01:01:13] Ned: It can, it has unlimited growth. Ha. Think about that for a moment. Yeah. Your marriage has unlimited growth. I am just discovering this. I am such a baby. I sound like a guru. I got some nuggets, dude. I just, the, the, the, the universe or God has given this to me because I had experienced some darkness and major selfishness.

[01:01:39] Ned: That's all. And I'm trying to repair and improve that. And I love my wife and I love my children, but I was a weak, weak man for a long time. Mm-hmm. Ever again, the stakes are too high.

[01:01:54] Ryan: You know why you can say never again is because you've surrounded yourself with people who will not

[01:01:59] Ned: allow it. Let's go.

[01:02:01] Ned: And if you brothers,

[01:02:02] Ryan: and if you are just driving in your car by yourself and you're accountable to your podcast and yeah, you're accountable. Regurgitated wisdom. Yeah. And I'm being, by all means, listen to this, but don't listen to it and just try to manage and discipline yourself by yourself. Dude, go find a tribe, Ryan, bro.

[01:02:21] Ryan: I, I mean, dude. Talking to you, connecting with you. I'm inspired. Uh, keep doing what you're doing, bro. Keep entering in, keep being vulnerable, open, honest, surrendering to who you are, surrendering to the tribe leading other men dying daily for your wife, for your kids. Thank you for the work you do. Thank you for inspiring us.

[01:02:43] Ryan: Any, any last comments, bro, as we wrap this up.

[01:02:47] Ned: Yes, you're worthy and you have as much right to obliterate the resistance as any other man, and to show up and be the man you've always wanted to be in the present moment. You, I don't care how deep you are, you're worthy to that, right? Mm-hmm. Come and get it.

[01:03:12] Ryan: Oh, come and get it, bro. I love you. Thank you. Until

[01:03:16] Ned: next time. Let's go.