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[00:00:00] Jenny: Hello, and welcome to the Stroke Aid podcast. I'm here today with Amanda Curry. She's a doctor of physical therapy, a certified oncologist specialist. And today we are going to be talking about overcoming shame. Amanda has a fierce commitment to supporting those who struggle with feeling like They are too much and tired of living in shame and denial of their true essence.

[00:00:24] Jenny: She walked the path of rigid minded overachiever for the better part of two decades and had all the degrees and awards to show for it. She was shining on the outside while slowly rotting within. That statement, there has to be more, pivoted her focus from self hope Help books and cognitive behavior therapy suit to somatic healing there.

[00:00:47] Jenny: She found the root of what had kept her stuff overwhelmed and lacking contentment. And that was shame. I'm excited for her to share her story, her journey, and how she's overcome all of that. And today she's going to be inspiring you to look within take ownership of your life. We're going to be breaking down how to take care of yourself, your spouse, your family.

[00:01:06] Jenny: And employer, and you are going to really enjoy this podcast, Amanda. Thanks so much for joining me. I'm excited for this conversation.

[00:01:13] Amanda: Yeah, buckle up. We got a lot to cover today.

[00:01:16] Jenny: Yes, we do. So first and foremost, before we get started, I would love for you to share with our listeners. What season of life are you in? Are you married? Are you divorced?

[00:01:24] Jenny: Do you have children? Where do you live? And what inspired you to come on and share your story today? I

[00:01:29] Amanda: That, that first question, that's a, that's a little bit of a loaded statement. Um, because, uh, the season of fall is quite crunchy for me, um, as, uh, recovering type a. Tight ass like the, the, it's not summer, it's not winter is, is quite crunchy for me, but to actually ask the question that you're asking is, um, I am married, I've been married for, wow, um, this December, 17 years, 17 years, 16 years.

[00:01:57] Amanda: Don't tell my husband. Um, we have two kids, uh, Kennedy and Christopher. Um, they are both in school, uh, school age kiddos. Um, I was reminded recently as I was doing a launch and connecting with a lot of moms that I felt like energetically I was still in that age of like two and five, but I'm not, my kids are older.

[00:02:16] Amanda: And so I had to, Remind myself of like, Oh my God, like you're out of that season in definitely a different season. But, um, yeah, and I am, uh, still a part time contract physical therapist in the oncology space, um, pediatric oncology space. And I also now have the opportunity and the privilege to bring out more somatic work for overwhelmed moms, um, and be able to support them in the things that I was going through and still at times go through.

[00:02:45] Jenny: think it's so important. I own a child based business, so I come in contact with a lot of moms and then dads that are playing the roles of moms because the mom is wanting to, you know, be career focused and the dad is taking care of all the other things. Um, but it's so, so important. So many of them feel overwhelmed.

[00:03:00] Jenny: They feel stuck or they're not really knowing what is the next step and where to go, or they're just lacking passion and fulfillment because they want to do so much more, but they feel tied. I was having a conversation with someone. We're listening to a podcast earlier and it was all about mom's feel that they shouldn't be any happier than their child.

[00:03:21] Jenny: So if their kid is really sad, the moms feel like they should feel sad for that kid and a lot of mindset shifts here. So I'm really excited about a lot of mom friends that listen to the show. So I'm excited for you to share your wisdom with them and inspire them to take ownership and get out of this overwhelming stuck feeling.

[00:03:38] Jenny: So, um, I always love to talk about a little bit about the love languages before we get started, because I think it's super important when it comes to relationships, especially with those in our life. Have you been exposed to the love languages before?

[00:03:51] Amanda: I have in the past.

[00:03:52] Jenny: Okay. And how did you come about with the love languages?

[00:03:54] Jenny: How did you discover

[00:03:55] Amanda: Oh, I think it was like a traditional I'm in partnership. So I should read this book.

[00:04:00] Jenny: Okay. And what's your love language?

[00:04:02] Amanda: Um, I would say that it's shifted over the years. Um, acts of service tended to, to have always been my, um, you know, my, my main source of feeling safe and supported. Um, I think that that probably was always heightened, um, as I became a mom because it's even that much more pivotal to get those, um, times of support from our partner.

[00:04:27] Amanda: Um, and definitely not physical touch. Spending time is like depends. I'm learning to be more, feel more safe with that, feel more grounded with that. That's definitely my husband's love language. Um, so it's, I feel like that there's always been this predominance to acts of service. Like, can people say nice things about me and with words of affirmation?

[00:04:49] Amanda: Like, okay, that's fine. It really depends on who it is. Um, if it's someone that I really, really, it's either unexpected, or I really think highly of them, that would obviously Add more weight. Um, you know, but I know for the most part, like my friends and my partner love me. And really, I know what they know about me.

[00:05:07] Amanda: And so for them to say those things are like, thank you for that acknowledgement and let's go get the dishes done.

[00:05:13] Jenny: Yeah, exactly. That's exactly. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. I think it's just important because some people haven't been exposed to them. So to kind of give them a glimpse of that before we start talking about all the other things I think is important. So, uh, talk to us about your journey and how pivotal your health and your mindset and all that were to you changing your life and getting you to where you are today.

[00:05:33] Amanda: Yeah. Um, I'm feeling pulled intuitively, um, which is something that I consistently have to, uh, honor as part of my integration process and my healing to bring up Something called the five personality patterns, uh, Steven Kessler, he's an incredible author, um, adapted this work from William Reinhick from like the 1900s or something like that.

[00:05:55] Amanda: But what's very interesting about the five personality patterns is it's interesting that you bring up the love languages because though the five personality patterns deal a lot with how people respond in the, um, times and states of stress that they experience, Whether that be actual just day to day stress or big T trauma, whatever it may be, um, knowing what helps those individuals and their patterns feel safe and how they are best supported in getting back into presence is really what I feel like my love language is.

[00:06:30] Amanda: So when I'm in pattern and I am stressed and I turn to the rigid pattern or the aggressive pattern, I think my biggest love language is my husband. Being able to understand my pattern, see that I am purely in my pattern, and know what I need to feel safe, and gifting me that. And so I know that that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the love languages, but I felt like I would be remiss without, you know, mentioning that that is, That's what really calls to me is him understanding that I'm in pattern and giving me or supporting me in the thing that I need.

[00:07:01] Amanda: So anyways, apart from that, um, yeah, my journey really did for the most part, um, since I was like a teenager, deal more with personnel development. Self help, the cognitive space, the thinking, the doing the, um, really what I came to know it to be is like this grinding your way to happiness. That's what I now kind of attribute some mindset to be, um, and I am really good again, in my rigid pattern of following instructions, following, um, not a recipe, actually, that's very interesting, but any other directions, um, and.

[00:07:39] Amanda: Really just doing it to its best or even making it better. And so I was stuck, confused, frustrated, disconnected, um, in my early thirties. Even in my late twenties to like this notion that I'm doing all the things I'm doing it exactly as these authors, podcasters, therapists, guides, friends are telling me to do it.

[00:08:05] Amanda: And I'm coming back to square one at least once a week, once every other week, once a month. And it was these cyclical patterns that I just really would, I was sick of them. Like, and I had so much shame and so much guilt and so much self judgment that I wasn't getting it right. And And so it was this. I also am one that's not going to ever give up.

[00:08:29] Amanda: Right. That's not part of my DNA. It's one of my gifts. And so I just kept heating this into it. Intuition this, this voice that was saying there is something else out there. Amanda, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Use the tools that you have right now. And something is going to come to you and whether it's, you believe in God, spirit, the universe, like your own, you know, ancestral guides, whatever it is, there was something that was calling me to just keep going.

[00:08:54] Amanda: And I did that until the somatic work that was so transformational for me. And that I now bring out into the world literally fell in my lap in the form of walking down the street, scrolling through a CrossFit podcast list of all places and finding my now mentor. That had been on this podcast platform speaking about nothing about carb cycling and protein weight management and, you know, barbell cycling and what the best kettlebells were.

[00:09:25] Amanda: It was about mother and father learning how your parents shaped who you are today. And I was floored because, again, I have a punch card for therapy. Like, I am in the, I am like the clear pass, uh, the TSA pre check of therapy. Like, I've been there. And no one had ever, we talked about, like, what was it like to experience your mom in certain ways, or like, tell me about that time.

[00:09:52] Amanda: But no one had ever put it in this light. And I was just so Profoundly, I think pissed at first. I was like, where's this been? And then, of course, that turned into intrigue, which then turned into action. And so that's really what brought me to the season and the journey of the last 5 to 60 years.

[00:10:10] Jenny: Awesome. Is that when you were introduced to the breath work or that was something different that you were introduced to?

[00:10:15] Amanda: Yeah, that was, yeah, that was part of that journey is that part of the work part of the program that I committed to part of the retreats that I was a part of had breath work included. And when you go to those things and commit to those things, you don't really say like, Nah, I'm not going to do that.

[00:10:28] Amanda: So you do what any person that follows instructions does and you do the breath work. And I was so just blown away by how much was able to come through from those sessions along with the somatic inner child work that I was experiencing.

[00:10:43] Jenny: I love that. So I do want to talk a little bit about that breath work because I was introduced to breath work, um, a few years ago and then I was going to do the cold plunges and they have you do a lot of breath work before you go into the cold plunge and things like that. And some of the stuff that I learned, um, at the cold plunge place, I started doing at night time before I went to bed and I was having such amazing sleep where I would actually Sleep all night.

[00:11:04] Jenny: I wouldn't be waking up at two or three or four in the morning, thinking about all of the things on my to do list or all the things that I was failing at or all the things I needed to do or didn't do and all of those things. And, you know, when they talk about meditation, it's about a little bit about breathing.

[00:11:17] Jenny: And I feel that they don't teach this early enough. And children to understand how to process those emotions, and then the parents aren't necessarily knowing to do this either. It's where they can just like, breathe together. So can you give us a little bit of information of maybe some things that we can do on a daily basis or how to incorporate this breath work or how to get excited about it?

[00:11:36] Jenny: But that's what we'll see in

[00:11:47] Amanda: um, I, you brought up so much and just that question, which I love. And I, no, no, no. I think that really to start first and foremost is that we are in a time frame in our culture where we have a generation of parents and just people, even if you're not a parent, um, Learning so much about themselves while also having to simultaneously do that with their Children and it really goes a lot of times unnoticed of how difficult that is and I think we could get into so many conversations about how, you know, generations before us, yeah, parenting may not have felt as hard, but we've invited in the complexity and the depth.

[00:12:27] Amanda: And so with that, there's, you know, a lot of tools that are beneficial and downright required to navigate the journey. And so yes, um, emotional regulation, emotional nervous system support, breathwork, it's things that we fold into our parenting. Um, and it has been really beneficial for ourselves and for our kids because both of our kids, uh, I would say generally speaking are neurodivergent and, um, they are ones that Even as neurotypical children would benefit from being able to utilize tools that, um, identify sensation and emotion in the body and be able to process that because that's really the, the, the world in which we're, we're living in is stuck in a lack of processing.

[00:13:13] Amanda: Like we're just stuffing, avoiding, leaving, dissociating. We're doing all the things. And so, um, there are over 200 types of breathwork and every person will be in alignment and their body will respond to different types of breathwork. Um, I don't traditionally ever use, um, cold plunge with breathwork, but there's nothing wrong with that, right?

[00:13:33] Amanda: It just doesn't call to me. I will do plunges. And then I will do breath work, but I don't typically do both of them. Right. And so I think what's so fun about this is that again, this is when I celebrate, there is no right and wrong. So you get to dabble, you get to, you know, create whatever feels good for you.

[00:13:49] Amanda: I generally, um, I've certified as, um, a level one breath work, um, facilitator through the David Elliot method, which is like more of a heart opening, two part pranayama type breath. But in the spaces that I hold. Uh, in person and virtually, I also dabble in triangle breathing, box breathing, ocean breathing, breath holds.

[00:14:10] Amanda: So it's one of those things where Some types of breath will be really helpful in down regulating you and getting you from a place of I'm about to snap right now to I can coherently like see straight now and I'm not going to flip out on everyone. Some breath work can be utilized to I'm in this really collapsed state and woe is me and everything is wrong and I can't do anything and I'm not capable.

[00:14:34] Amanda: And so you get to do more of an up regulatory breath to bring yourself back to tapping into that power, tapping into that space of. Your own abilities for me specifically, the breath that we did at these retreats was a wide range of them. I mean, it was like Wim Hof breath of fire was everything. And I think that that was great because I got exposed to it all and it really doesn't matter what you choose.

[00:15:01] Amanda: It's are you getting the benefits emotionally and energetically out of it? Right? Right? So this unlocked an entire. Part of me that was able to express emotionally in a way that I had never been able to do before. And so much of beyond right now has been focused on stillness and meditation. And let's be honest, no one can just sit down and be still.

[00:15:27] Amanda: They just can't like even monks learn. And even on my journey of where I'm sitting at right now, five years later, six years later, it is still difficult and edgy for me to sit still. And to just do like a silent meditation. So I think that the other component and the power of breath work is that it's giving your mind something to do until you allow your body to take over and take you where you need to go.

[00:15:53] Amanda: And so all that to say that I encourage every person, whether you are a parent or not in partnership, partnership or not, just start dabbling in breathwork circles in person, the pause app, um, insight timer. I mean, just start noticing. Where there's opportunities available that you can take advantage of.

[00:16:13] Amanda: And then, yeah, you can also, you know, seek out some information on, you know, I have tension headaches. What should I do? I have trouble expressing myself. What breathwork should I do? I just feel anxious all the time. What should I do? And there are some ways that you can guide people in that. But ultimately it's, it's, there is power in trusting your intuition of what feels supportive for you in where you're at in your breathwork journey.

[00:16:43] Jenny: As well for people and when I'm thinking of you as things that you're talking about, like, oh, my gosh, I need to send this to my team. We have a slack channel within our organization. We have an inspire channel and I'm thinking, oh, I should put this in the inspire channels to help people as well. So, um, so.

[00:16:58] Jenny: When you decided to make your health and your journey, like your priority, what was the mindset shift or when did that happen? Because I feel like it does take a mindset shift for you to say, Hey, I'm going to make my healing journey the priority and nothing else is going to matter so that you can be a better person for yourself and for others for you.

[00:17:17] Jenny: Was there a pivotal moment or were you

[00:17:20] Amanda: Oh, I mean, I was tired of myself long before I found this modality. So my mind ship, I was, I was ready. I was primed. I just needed the tool. And so for me, I mean, honestly, since I can remember, like I did, mindset was not my issue because mindset is what allowed me to grind to the spaces of success that I had reached.

[00:17:43] Amanda: Mindset had allowed me to put on the happy face and to appear as though everything was good. I was like a mindset guru. I could convince myself of anything because the alternative was to fall apart. And I'd watched that happen in my family. And I was, I was not going to be that. And so if anything, if I were to take this question and answer it in the way that you're asking, but from a different lens, what was the shift in my journey is surrendering, surrendering to the lack of control. Surrendering to the healing that was possible when I would just get out of my own way and a lot of that surrendering had everything to do with safety. I didn't feel safe to feel the things that I was feeling because the belief was is that if I fully felt them the way that the facilitators wanted me to, it would break me. And then I would go into the collapse state and then I would be of no use to anyone. I wouldn't be a parent, couldn't be a partner. So it was in surrendering to, um, the lack of safety that I felt and that I got to cultivate and surrendering in that this is outside of my control. Ultimately, like I said yes to it.

[00:18:59] Amanda: But other than that, that's it, you know, and that was really the genesis for change because I arrived in that virtual space. At the beginning of Covid and was like, I'm gonna do this, my hyper-masculine stuff. Like I got this. Like, just tell me what to do. And it was in the first couple calls that like the co-facilitator and my mentor that were like, yeah, you, you can't do this the way that you've done everything else in your life.

[00:19:26] Amanda: Like, good for you. We see that you're very capable. This is different. So you can either hop on the train or you can run behind it. But one is going to tire you out much more than the other. And so I was like, okay,

[00:19:45] Jenny: yeah.

[00:19:46] Amanda: okay, you know, um, so yeah, I would say that that was really the shift.

[00:19:51] Jenny: and then I'm assuming at that point there came like fear you were scared and probably there were a lot of questions of failing. So it seems like you're like, go get her type a. So, like, when you were going through those emotions and you're going to those feelings, can you share what that was like?

[00:20:05] Jenny: Because I just feel like if people are going to do that, they're going to go through those emotions and they need to know kind of what to expect. But then. I want you to share like all the positive things that came from surrendering.

[00:20:13] Amanda: Yeah, yeah. So I think first and foremost, because again, if you, if you take my invitation earlier in the show and listen or watch or not watch, listen or read the five personality patterns, you'll find that those that run the rigid pattern, we don't trust a lot of people, like hardly anybody. Um, cause we can just do it ourselves.

[00:20:34] Amanda: And so I think that a gift of being able to trust those two facilitators really allowed me to, even in my fear and even in being scared, I trusted what they were telling me. I trusted that like, if you surrender and open up your arms and just fall off the cliff, it's going to be real scary, but you're going to come out the other side.

[00:20:56] Amanda: And I, that again, re entered this, I'm going to put one foot in front of the other. I'm going to put one foot in front of the other. Uh, because it was a collapsing to, to everything that I knew and my inner child was just scared shitless. And so I think that really early on, because those 90 days, I mean, I tell my mentor now, like you melted my face off.

[00:21:19] Amanda: Like I didn't know what up from down was. And I think what really the, the biggest gift and the success that I felt in that first 90 days is that every time that the waves hit and every time that I felt like I was like. In a tsunami, I shouldn't be using these terms with you in the hurricane season that we're at.

[00:21:38] Amanda: I apologize. That was very ill put. But like when, when all of it started to fall apart every single time I would like have it be over, I would, you know, dust myself off, you know, For verbally. And I would be like, I'm still standing. And so I think that it was really giving my body data that, like, you have the capacity to hold this. You've always had the capacity to hold this. You just didn't know it. And so that was what spurred me on further is. You know, I, I knew that there was going to be changes that were beneficial.

[00:22:17] Amanda: I knew that I was going to be able to start connecting to myself and connecting to my partner and being less reactive to my kids. But I just didn't know what that would cost, like what would be the in between. And so I think that the success was is not that it was easier than I thought, but I was more resilient than I ever thought.

[00:22:32] Amanda: Imagined that I would be and that people were all around me, that virtual group. I think we had like 30 people in that virtual group. It was wild. And everybody was experiencing the same thing. We were all in the trenches together. Just like this. What is this? You know? And so there was that community piece of permission of you.

[00:22:51] Amanda: You get to receive this and you get to be messy in this.

[00:22:56] Jenny: I think that's so powerful, especially if being in a safe space, but being vulnerable as well. And then just like you're discovering how powerful you really, really are. And you weren't actually living at your full potential when you were just having that mindset that you can do anything and you're going to live in that masculine.

[00:23:13] Jenny: So. Speaking of that masculine, do you feel like you're more in touch with your feminine side now through this

[00:23:19] Amanda: Like what I'm wearing. This is just like wild. Like just, it's, it's wild. Um, I just filmed a real upstairs, uh, where I was dancing. Like the, would I, when people meet me, do they think like, Ooh, yeah. Like I feel the feminine from her. No, not usually, but my range of who I am now, now includes more of that feminine.

[00:23:40] Amanda: There is that softness, first and foremost, in my self talk and how I speak to myself. I speak to myself as if I am a little six year old girl. Um, in, in spaces and ways that people were probably like, if they heard it out loud, they'd be like, Ooh, that's interesting. That's kind of odd. But it is what, that's the softening that happened internally before it, um, occurred externally.

[00:24:03] Amanda: And so, um, Yeah. I mean, I was brought up and embraced that, you know, the hyper masculine and the hyper independent is the way of success. And so, yeah, that's, that's what I embraced. And I've got, I've gotten to unpack that and be able to experience all the fruits of being able to access all parts of me now, instead of just the ones that by society have been deemed.

[00:24:26] Jenny: Right. 100%. I'm completely with you. I was very masculine. I was known as like the bulldog. You know, I'm very much a soft person now and just how I communicate and how I talk and how I am with my husband is much different too. So I want to transition into the spouse side of things because as you're leaning more into your feminine side and not so much your masculine side, I want to know how that, um, changed your relationship with your partner and you guys have been married for 17 years.

[00:24:54] Jenny: So can you talk through that with us?

[00:24:57] Amanda: Yeah. Well, I'll say first and foremost, um, my husband is incredible and he saw this version of me before I ever saw it or knew it to be possible, which is why I think he stuck around because it wasn't until probably three years into this chapter of my journey that he was able to feel safe enough to say, Hey, Amanda.

[00:25:19] Amanda: Um, I feel like I need to share this, but like the first 10 years of our marriage were, were pretty terrible for me. Like they weren't a fun time for me. And as much as he, and I get emotional about that, just hearing it, it's not from a place of hurt. It's actually really proud that like he now feels safe enough, uh, with me to share those parts.

[00:25:41] Amanda: Of his experience because for so long it was the Amanda show and it was like, how do we keep her like calm and happy and content and la la la, you know? And so for him and for us to have that renewed intimacy. Of him also being able to share all parts of himself is first of all, it's hot. Second of all, um, it's something that you, you just, it is that extraordinary that I have always desired.

[00:26:06] Amanda: Um, because I don't think that we're placed on this planet to just be able to get by with not getting divorced and having a, you know, decent communication skills. Like I really do desire. And I think that there is still so much room for both of us to be in that. Radical, authentic intimacy that often we hear these high level speakers talk about and that we read in these books.

[00:26:31] Amanda: Like, I think that that's possible for ordinary people like myself. Um, and so it's, it has been transformational and I feel like he's been able to take up more space in the world, um, which based on his pattern is what he needs and what's a huge healing gift for him. And so, um, Yeah, I mean, I can't talk enough about how it's changed who we are, um, and how we interact with each other and how we parent our kids and how they experience us together.

[00:26:57] Jenny: Yeah. So I have goosebumps and you may not be able to see this, but I have tears in my eyes, um, just cause I can share this with you. And I love that you're being so vulnerable. And I love that you shared that part by your husband. Um, my husband and I were the same thing. I was like, it was the Jenny show.

[00:27:10] Jenny: It was all about me constantly. And I had no idea. My husband had all of these thoughts and wanted to say all these things. And I would just never listen. It was so So wanting to become, you know, the best businesswoman and I wanted all the awards and like, I was like literally trying to be all these things to everybody else, except to the person that I married.

[00:27:29] Jenny: And, um, you know, we had a debacle within our organ, within our marriage and almost divorced as well. And we were able to come back together. And I think it's a lot of, it has to do with number one, we took ownership of where we played a part in those. But at the same time, I feel like it is me leaning into that feminine side and me being more compassionate and me being more of a listener and wanting to hear what my husband had to say and like, allow him to be that man.

[00:27:56] Jenny: I don't need to be the most independent person. Like he had said to me one time, he's like, I want you to need me. My response to him was, I don't need you. I love you. I'm with you, but I don't need you. And that was really, really hurtful for him. And I didn't understand that until later. And, um, our relationship has completely changed as well.

[00:28:12] Jenny: We make our marriage a priority and we listen, and I'm just seeing a lot of synergy, uh, between you and your husband and my husband

[00:28:18] Amanda: yeah, we should start a club together. You could be the president. I'll be your vice president.

[00:28:23] Jenny: it's just, it's just really beautiful because, you know, we almost, you know, got divorced and I'm so glad that we decided to do the work on ourselves. And a lot of the healing training that I went through was, Me not pointing fingers at what he did. It was about looking at myself and taking ownership. And me fixing me, I didn't even know who I was at that point.

[00:28:41] Jenny: You know, I didn't know how I was being portrayed. I didn't, I was just like, I'm going to rock this company. I'm going to rock all these things. And in a day I was hitting rock bottom and I didn't even know it. Um, but people could see it around me. Like I had a mentor. Who met me twice, basically could tell you my whole life story.

[00:29:00] Jenny: He didn't even know much about me. Um, so, and it's beautiful when you can bring that relationship back and they have a voice and that we can validate their feelings because I feel like that's where the real great growth comes between a marriage and a relationship and so much love as well. So thank you for opening up and sharing that.

[00:29:20] Jenny: I really, really, um, really appreciate that. And I do have any words or advice for anyone that's in a relationship that kind of is In that same sense that we were in, that maybe you could encourage them.

[00:29:31] Amanda: Um, two things are coming to mind. Um, obviously go read the book, but he actually came out with, um, he, Stephen Kessler came out with a second book on relationships and it's, They're both good. I think that the, the, the second book on relationships is more taking the personality patterns and giving some examples of how they match up and how you can trigger your own, uh, partner's personality pattern to come out.

[00:29:54] Amanda: So I think it's really great. He also has a ton of resources on his website that are free too. But the biggest things are, I remember a time after church before we even had kids and I remember screaming at my husband in the car like, I just want you to leave. Like, why don't you just step up? And I think that what I realized in hindsight is that everything that I wanted for my husband, I was already taking up too much, too much space for him to do that.

[00:30:15] Amanda: And so it's like, again, I know that this can be perceived in a way that it's like, Oh, the, the wife or the, the, the mom or the woman has to. To do it all still first, but there is power in you being able to, to look really lovingly, um, and gently at where you may be taking up the space or creating the thing, um, or inhibiting the thing that you actually really, really want.

[00:30:45] Amanda: Um, I also truly believe that. Um, and this is not a knock on guys, but like they need specifics. They are not as intuitive as we are. They do not have the gifts that we are, we have. And so being able to give them specifics, give them a way to win with you is incredibly, uh, empowering both for yourself, but also for them because they want to win with you, like most grounded.

[00:31:12] Amanda: Men are, that's in their DNA to provide, and whether that's provide a paycheck or provide a home or provide emotional space, they may not have been taught that just like you may not have learned how to surrender, right? Because your mom did it all. And so that self reflection is something that I would really honestly, um, encourage anybody to be a part of, but also just to continue on that.

[00:31:35] Amanda: Like you go first, you do your own work, you be the light and you forget if. If that is something that he's interested in or not, because I have a lot of women that are like, well, what if your husband like, isn't into what you're into? Okay, go first. You're doing it for yourself. So, um, yeah, that's, that's what I would probably share.

[00:31:53] Amanda: Um, that's on my heart right now, at least.

[00:31:55] Jenny: I love that. Thank you for sharing that. I'm like thinking about several women that are going to be affording this podcast too, as well, because they, they do like, they run everything where they don't allow their husbands to partake or do things. And it's like, they treat their husbands like one of the kids.

[00:32:10] Jenny: And I feel like that's really damaging to their psyche, but then their egos as well. And, um, they're damaging the relationship more than I think they realize or understand when they think they're trying to help it. Um, But I do think leaning into the feminine side has been really beneficial and can be beneficial for people.

[00:32:29] Jenny: So, um, okay. So let's talk a little bit about employer. Cause I think that's super, super important. Um, I'm an employer as well. I've got 30 individuals that work with me at my company and I would love to know what your thought process is when it comes to whether it's, you know, the validation for the inner child, the gifts, the abilities, um, Talk to us about that and how it lines with like your healing,

[00:32:53] Amanda: Um, so up until June of 20, we're in 20, 24, 20, 23. Um, I was full time, um, at a very distinguished, uh, cancer research hospital in the town that I live in. And, um, I think that as I started my journey, I started to realize where people were also in pattern and I got to have a lot more empathy for people that were in pattern and I got to see a lot of limiting beliefs play out where people were playing small because of what they learned and you know, this is anecdotal stuff that like, you know, you know a lot about your coworkers, but now you get to see their I'm Their behaviors and their thoughts from a different lens, which was really cool to see.

[00:33:38] Amanda: Um, and I think that there was this time and place where, um, at least stepping away from the full time work that I was doing, I knew that there was this, um, feeling called for more, um, and feeling called for something that, that didn't allow for both to be. And I remember my, my previous boss. She. Will hold a special place in my heart because she also kind of knew before I knew, and she was like, you know, we had multiple conversations about what this would look like and me putting in to potentially be part time and how, you know, they may not approve that and all the things and, um, she sat without judgment, more with almost encouragement.

[00:34:20] Amanda: Um, and, and even when she delivered the news of, um, yeah, that request for part time has been declined. Um, All of these conversations can go away and life can go back to where they, where it went, even in her offering, she said, I know what your answer is, though, and I think that for making pivotal switches like that is hard enough in and of itself, and I was really, I think, because of all the work that I had done prior to making that decision, it felt very useful for me, but she could have made that so difficult, and she could have let like her ego get in the way, and she could have, um, let a variety of things get hamper just the safe, open, accepting space that she provided.

[00:35:06] Amanda: And I am really, really grateful for how she showed up in those moments, uh, because I felt really supported. And I felt like She was just giving me permission to follow my intuition and my heart, even though that seemed really radical and crazy at that time. Um, and then transitioning into the, what I'm a part of now, again, there's been only more heightening of being able to see people's patterns, being able to see how leadership can, uh, be viewed in certain lights, but also be conducted in certain ways based on.

[00:35:43] Amanda: What we learned from mom and dad and what we feel like we know to be true. And so it's been so fascinating to kind of, especially as a part timer that like comes in and out to be this, like, kind of not glue, but like kind of float around and be able to give people different perspectives and offer up questions that allow hopefully for there to be as much cohesion and connection as possible instead of just, um, operating day to day with these people that you spend so much time with from a place of wounding.

[00:36:12] Amanda: And so. I feel like the gifts of this work and of my journey, I've been able to impart. On the different spaces that I'm a part of without being like, I'm an inner child coach. Can we talk about that? You know, like it doesn't have to be that. Right. And I offer that to a lot of my clients too, is like, how can you fold into this work into your day to day?

[00:36:33] Amanda: Like, it doesn't have to be an hour of like, I'm going to call plunge and breath work and journal. Like, how can you take breaths when you're in the supermarket and there's two lanes open and the self checkout is, you know, a mile long. So, um, Yeah, that's really the biggest takeaways that I've, I've been able to see and glean from my journey and from, you know, business corporate.

[00:36:53] Amanda: Nine to five.

[00:36:54] Jenny: So if we do have someone that's listening today and they're wanting to kind of lean into their own journey and pivot and do a career change or kind of do a career chain, what would you encourage them to say? Or how would you encourage them to structure that meeting or that request to their employer?

[00:37:12] Jenny: So they can get the results they want it.

[00:37:14] Amanda: Yeah, so I don't think that it's gonna, whatever you do, it's not predicated on, I'm going to do this, this and this, so I get the results that I want. It's really about all of the work that you do beforehand, before you make that request, because just to dive really, really briefly into mother and father learning, so, If mother is the extension, extension of self of yourself, then your ability to com do and undergo, you know, re-parenting of those mothering parts of you to be with the limiting beliefs that mom imparted, instilled, bestowed to you.

[00:37:50] Amanda: Um. That is going to enable you to be in full acceptance of like, this is my yes, this is my no, this is my boundary, this is my new calling, this is my pivot, this is whatever, so like accepting whatever feels true within your system or what you feel called to do or a change or a need, whatever it is, your ability to hold that within yourself without shame or judgment or needing to Change or fix.

[00:38:13] Amanda: It is numero uno and a lot of people get to that space and it's beautiful, but we also live in a world where you have to go out into the world. And so then the father learning piece of that is how you respond, react, show up in the world. And so if you feel really, really sure of where you're at and you trust your intuition, but you are scared shitless to put that out into the world or make that request or say the thing, there's a disconnect there.

[00:38:40] Amanda: And so there's the opportunity to look at what are the limiting beliefs, dad, father, whoever, um, not whoever, but like whatever you called him, um, what did you learn from him? And my biggest advice is to really, even on a superficial level, look into those things. Before coming to X, Y, or Z situation or person and making any change.

[00:39:08] Amanda: I mean, you can do it. It's probably gonna feel real crunchy, which is fine. But I think to really fully prepare your nervous system for that, so that you can not get hijacked and feel like, Oh, yeah, you know what? I am really silly for wanting this. Like, my gosh, like the, the The health insurance at my husband's job is like quadruple what it is at this, you know, this was so silly.

[00:39:27] Amanda: Like, I don't even know what I was thinking. It's wild so that you don't get hijacked in the energy and the needs and the expectations and the beliefs of others. You have to be really, really solid within yourself and with how you're showing up in the world. And so, you know, There's not necessarily this, like, hey, do this, this, and this, and you'll be good.

[00:39:46] Amanda: But anything that keeps coming up to you that you just can't turn off, it's a thing to explore and to get curious about and to really see how much safety you can cultivate around that idea or that notion or that change and then get curious about, like, what's it like to share this with somebody? And maybe it's practicing like I'm going to say it to my husband first and then I'm going to say it to a trusted friend and then maybe I have a coworker that I trust that I can share it with and practice with and maybe then I can take Tell my boss, but for me, the goal is to be able to move in the world and in your inner world with little to no activation.

[00:40:26] Amanda: So again, old me mindset me, I'll go have the conversation, but I will be terrified to do it. And that's not really a life worth living for me. Like I don't want to be doing great things, but feeling terrible doing them. Right. And so that's where I really call, especially business professionals that I support of like, It doesn't have to be that hard.

[00:40:45] Amanda: Like, you don't have to be crumbling inside saying, I think that we should be able to get an extra 15 minute break. Or I don't think that the way that we're scheduling holiday pay is, or holiday pay, holiday coverage is equitable. Like whatever it is. Um, and so that's really what I invite people into is can we make this as smooth and supportive as possible?

[00:41:06] Jenny: Yeah. I love that. You're sharing that. Okay. So I have to ask you another question as well, because I hear you saying the word pattern. I hear the word limiting beliefs. And what are some things that parents may be saying to their children? That can be considered a limiting belief that they maybe don't realize it's eliminating belief

[00:41:24] Amanda: Oh my Lord. Like, how long do you have? Right? Like, can we start another podcast for this? Um, there's so, there's so many. And what I will say to this, um, I'll give some examples, but what I will say to this, and I did a reel on this a little while back, is that what I love about parents, but what I just think is just so cute about parents, is that we think that what we say is Is the end all be all, but if you, and I do this with my daughter, like I am continually invited into being consistent in my energy and my words is when she comes out in a hot mess express outfit.

[00:42:01] Amanda: And I say, that's cute. She doesn't receive. That's cute. She receives the energy of like, wait a second. She just said that that was that cute, but that feels. That feels different. It feels different. And she's doing this on a subconscious level. It's this deep subconscious stuff. She's well, she's seven now, but like, especially zero to seven where they are sponges and they are just like data driven individuals that are just taking in, uh, bits and pieces of, of learning and behavior.

[00:42:27] Amanda: And so, I think first and foremost is like, a lot of times we can not say the thing or, you know, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, but your energy is everything. I, um, I never heard my mom say the word like, Oh, Amanda, the other shoe's going to drop. I go, Amanda, don't get your hopes up.

[00:42:48] Amanda: That could fall apart. But I was kind of interviewing her as I was starting this journey and asking her some questions that I didn't have the answers to because we had never discussed them. Um, And one of the things she said unprompted was like, well, you know, I mean, your grandma Helen, she used to say all the time to me, Mary Ellen, don't get your hopes up.

[00:43:07] Amanda: She's going to drop, she's going to drop. And I was like, I'm sorry. Excuse me. What did you say? She was like, yeah, she said all the time. And I was like, I literally have had that phrase in my mind for my entire life as I can as soon as I can remember. And so that's what I'm talking about is that there are lots of limiting beliefs that we probably say to our kids, but more than anything, a lot of times it's what we believe about and what we, um, are not saying.

[00:43:33] Amanda: That is really impactful for them. Because same thing is, is like, if you are telling your kids, go out for that team, like you can do that. And you, and the energy is aligned, right? The energy is aligned in like the belief of you can do anything and you're so strong. And like, you can, like, I just can't wait to see you just like blah, blah, blah.

[00:43:52] Amanda: If you yourself are not doing things that are scary and that are big and that are challenging, Your kids are going to have this disconnect of like, well, you said that I could do everything, but you're not doing everything that you want to do. So like, wait a second, am I missing something? And it becomes these like limiting beliefs or this like energetic pull to wait, am I supposed to trust what's being said?

[00:44:19] Amanda: Because there's something else that's popping up in my system. And so yeah, I believe for the most part parents are not out there being like, you are Are trash. You're a burden. You're too much. But like things like, are you really crying about this again? Or like, you're so slow or like, you know that everybody's not going to wait for you if you take that long or like, you got to make sure that this looks good.

[00:44:45] Amanda: Like you don't want to, you don't want to like be embarrassed. Like you, this has to look good. You have to have this done. Like, oh my gosh, what are people going to think your food is all over your homework. I mean, there's, there's this little bitty like microaggressions, these,

[00:44:57] Jenny: dig

[00:44:58] Amanda: Yeah. And it's, it's out of a place of love.

[00:45:00] Amanda: Don't get me wrong. Like I see, say some of these things too, or I think them, you know, I am not fallible by any means or infallible by any means, but it's, it's when you. Notice that you're like, Oh, this is based on what other people think right now. This is what I'm saying is when we really start to have that conscious parenting come online where we're like, wait, what do I really feel that is true?

[00:45:23] Amanda: Or what do I want to impart on my kids as truth? You can take as long as you want. World is not going to end, you know, going to inconvenience me, but it's not going to end.

[00:45:35] Jenny: right? Well, thank you for sharing all that. I think it's super super helpful we've got a lot of moms that listen and Do I think it's really really important to like a lot of their their own images of themselves, too I know someone that has really bad depression Poor image and they have a beautiful daughter, but she doesn't feel beautiful at all.

[00:45:50] Jenny: And now she doesn't eat snaps and doesn't eat all these things. Like she's so worried about her weight and she's in high school. And I was like, and I just feel like she's so struggling personally with herself because her mentor, her person, her, you know, Parent is, has that poor mindset too, or it's like impacting how she feels about herself.

[00:46:13] Jenny: And I just feel like if the parent were really, really positive and felt good about themselves, they would be making their child feel really, really good about themselves.

[00:46:22] Amanda: Yeah. They're, they're a mirror to the things that you have to heal within yourself and it's your responsibility. So often it's easy for us to fixate on what's going on with our kids instead of doing our own work. Me being annoyed at my kids, like keep yelling at each other every single morning. I can choose to focus on that or I can choose to focus on the reactivity within myself.

[00:46:42] Amanda: Because they are linked and there is a correlation and so I think a lot of parents, especially moms, love mom, but like a lot of moms want to project their worry onto their kids because it's too hard, too painful, too scary, too confusing to look at their own self and be like, Oh, Yeah, I haven't looked at that.

[00:47:03] Amanda: I haven't processed that. And that's the invitation. I don't know when this will be, this podcast will be released, but we're, I'm helping with, um, anxious generation around cell phone use and something that the parents don't know is that they think that they're coming to like, talk about cell phone usage and how to change it.

[00:47:18] Amanda: Part of what we're talking about is like, Why do you use your cell phone all the time? Why are you so fearful to let your kids out of your sight with your cell phone or without a cell phone? So it's a lot of, it's going to be a lot of redirection to like self, which is going to be interesting.

[00:47:30] Jenny: Yeah. Well send me that information. This will drop probably In the new year, January or so, so, um, if you have anything, definitely send it, I'll put it in our email last and all that. So, I mean, it's been phenomenal. I've really enjoyed our conversation. Uh, my last question is, if there was anything that someone could implement today, after hearing your story or knowing your experience and listening to the struggles, then.

[00:47:52] Jenny: Also how you've overcame so much and how happy you are and how you were able to rebuild your marriage and you have a really great relationship with your children and you're relearning the past and you're tuning into the inner child out of all those things. Is there something that you would love for our listeners to implement or take with them today?

[00:48:10] Amanda: Trust your intuition. Bar none. It will never lead you astray. And a lot of people again, rigid pattern as, um, you read the book, um, typically cut off by your heart and your intuition, the more that I have been able to harness the power of connecting with my intuition and trusting that and again, your intuition is a formulation of spirit, God, whatever you believe as well.

[00:48:33] Amanda: But I think that the more that we can get curious about that, yeah. That is the gateway to what we want out of our life, what there is to heal, the things that we need to say, and for women, especially, we have been robbed of owning our intuition and using that as a really, really powerful force because we are inundated with culture of what we should do.

[00:48:57] Amanda: You should work out like this, you should use these products, you should cut your hair this certain way, you shouldn't do this after this certain age. And so we have. really passively given our power away and looked, continue to look externally of what it is that I need to be, to be accepted and loved and a woman and desired and whatever.

[00:49:18] Amanda: And really. That can look very different than what you're being fed. And so you'll never know that until you get really curious about tapping into your intuition and tapping into like your truest authentic self.

[00:49:29] Jenny: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I'm totally with you on that. All right. So if anybody wants to connect with you, which I'm sure many people do, how do they connect, how they learn about the breath work, how do they get into your world? How do they get into, um, work to work with you?

[00:49:43] Amanda: Yeah. So I am most active on Instagram. You know, I could have a really fancy website, which may come in the future, who knows, but everything that you would ever want to know or be able to check out or have questions about will be on Instagram. So I am the somatic DPT. So as a physical therapist, our credentials are DPT, D as in David, P as in Paul, T as in Tom.

[00:50:05] Amanda: And you can find me there. I have a whole host of, I mean, I think like over 700 different pieces of content that are up, um, links to my link tree. Um, I do an in person breath work and virtual breath work once a month. Um, I also facilitate one on one, um, work for somatic inner child healing, both for men and female.

[00:50:27] Amanda: I mean, like you'll go onto my page and you're like, this is for moms. But I. Very regularly, we'll have at least one, if not two, um, men on my, um, roster of people that I'm supporting. So those are the best ways. Uh, I love to reach out or have people reach out in the DM. So I'm, I am open and accessible. In fact, if you follow me, you're going to get a message from me because I message every new follower.

[00:50:49] Amanda: Um, and that's really the best place

[00:50:51] Jenny: I love that. And remind me where you're located.

[00:50:54] Amanda: I'm in Memphis, Tennessee, West Tennessee.

[00:50:56] Jenny: That's awesome. Okay, cool. That way they've, they live in the area. They can come do the in person one with you as well. I'll make sure to follow you too. Well, thank you so much for your time. Once again, if you are tuning into this podcast, If you could think about five people that could benefit from Amanda's story and what she's sharing with us today, I want to highly encourage you to forward this podcast to five of your friends.

[00:51:16] Jenny: You never know who you can impact and who needs to hear what she has to say. Thank you again for tuning in. Amanda, thank you so much for joining me. I greatly appreciate it.

[00:51:24] Amanda: Yeah. Thank you for putting this out in the world. Such a gift. Thank you.